


someone else's arms

by ndnickerson



Series: someone else's arms [1]
Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Anxiety, Blackouts, Confrontations, Dancing, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Flirting, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Jealousy, Love, Love Triangles, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Married Sex, Morning Sickness, Mutual Masturbation, Newborn Children, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy Scares, Pregnancy Tests, Protectiveness, Romance, Roses, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Slow Dancing, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, Valentine's Day, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:51:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 121,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Ned's junior year at Emerson, Nancy finds herself at a crossroads as she begins to plan the next step in her life—but the best-laid plans often go awry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written in response to a specific prompt, and the premise and certain plot elements might not work for some readers. The version of Frank Hardy in this story is like a worst-case one, and if you're fond of him, you would likely call his behavior here out of character. The story also includes (offscreen) assault. Please read responsibly.

Ned's junior year at Emerson started out the same as the others had: parties, expensive trips to the bookstore, and a farewell that left Nancy warm and preoccupied during half of her drive back to River Heights. The other half, she spent not daydreaming about the next time she would see her longtime boyfriend, but when her next case might come.

Her impatience didn't last long. Two weeks later she was on her way to Washington state, on the trail of a jewel thief. It was only after she had touched down at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport that she found out the Hardy brothers were also in town.

She decided Ned didn't need to know; his jealousy always reared its suspicious head whenever she spent any real time around Frank. Sure, she and Frank were attracted to each other; sure, whenever she was around Frank, she couldn't truthfully deny it. When she saw Frank at the hotel, when he and his brother Joe came by to pick her up so they could discuss their cases, she couldn't help it; she melted a little, smiling at him, and he grinned back.

As it turned out, the Hardys were investigating threats that had been made against their friend Tyrone Warrick. Nancy volunteered her assistance when she could; since Bess and George had been unable to accompany her on the trip, she appreciated their offer to help her in return.

Nancy couldn't keep Frank's presence to herself for long, though. The second night of her trip, Ned called her, and she mentioned that she had run into the Hardys when she accidentally said "him."

"Why am I not surprised," Ned said, but she didn't hear the same rancor in his voice that she usually did.

"I had no idea they were here," she told him, her voice low in apology. "Not until I had already touched down."

"But that wouldn't have stopped you from going," Ned replied, and she heard him sigh a little, the springs creaking as he relaxed. "And it's all right, Nan. Really, it is."

"Oh?" She couldn't deny that he sounded sincere, even if he didn't exactly sound happy.

"I trust you," he said. "You're my girlfriend, and I trust you. I'm also going to hope that if they help you out on the case, you'll be home soon... maybe in time for the holiday."

"We'll see. Study hard, all right? I love you."

"I love you, Nan."

Ned had found it, she realized as she hung up the phone. He had found the way to stop the argument before it began. And if he didn't trust her, after all, what was the point of their relationship?

The guilt faded some when she saw Frank; it was hard to keep her distance from him, after all, especially when they were working together, and it was so easy for her to just fall back into the same light teasing and flirting, the same ease and familiarity. One night Nancy volunteered to help out with the stakeout on a suspect's home, and Frank stayed with her while Joe worked on flushing the person out. It was really a two-person job, and Nancy felt like a third wheel, but she couldn't deny the appeal of spending time with Frank.

After they had talked about potential future victims of the jewel thief, and Frank offered to help her interview museum curators about possible security gaps that might give the thief a tempting target, an easy silence fell between them. Nancy kept her gaze locked on the house they had under surveillance, scanning the yard and the homes around it, waiting for some sign.

"You know, it's pretty nice around here," Frank commented, and Nancy's heart skipped a beat when she felt his fingertips brush against her hand. "If you like rain, anyway."

"I don't mind the rain. It can be kind of romantic."

"Yeah," Frank murmured, and when she realized he was close to her, she turned and saw him leaning toward her.

The kisses they shared were slow and sweet, but as she broke off the second one, her lashes drifted down. "I'm sorry," he murmured, as she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I shouldn't have..."

She shook her head. "Ned," she whispered, and then she looked up at Frank, but the usual remorse she saw in his eyes wasn't nearly so intense. He was looking at her mouth, and when he reached toward her cheek, she made a soft noise.

"I—I need to take a walk," she murmured, and when she opened the car door, Frank didn't stop her. She zipped up her coat and slipped her hands into her pockets, a fine mist settling like a halo on her reddish-gold hair. Her cell phone was like a leaden weight in her pocket.

Ned had said he trusted her. She had betrayed him.

For a moment or two, her thoughts were swirling, her cheek warm with guilt. Ned would be so disappointed; she couldn't even count on all her fingers the number of times she had confessed her minor sins to him, the number of stolen kisses and embraces she and Frank had shared. She had been surprised when Ned said he trusted her. Even then, she had thought that this might happen.

But it was wrong. Wasn't it?

She considered. What she felt was guilt, not relief or pleasure. She was anticipating telling Ned. She was going to return home to him, as she always did.

If she truly felt guilty, if she felt that acting on her attraction to Frank was wrong, why didn't she stop it? Why hadn't she turned away when he had been leaning toward her? It certainly hadn't been just because she had wanted to save his feelings, although that had been part of it. But she had already thought something like this might happen. She hadn't done anything to prevent it; she had known that being on the stakeout with him made an encounter even more likely.

Though she and Frank had shared a dozen kisses, that was as far as they had gone. And every time, when she had pulled away from him, her thoughts had been of Ned. She had never even considered telling Ned that she needed to take a break from their relationship to sort out her feelings for Frank.

If what she felt for Frank was wrong, if being with him the way she had been was wrong, then she owed it to herself, to Frank, and to Ned to put a stop to it. It hurt all three of them to keep dancing around the confrontation, the way they were. And if she kept playing with fire the way she was, if she couldn't resist the attraction between them, then she owed it to herself and Ned and Frank to give that relationship a chance, once and for all. Maybe she only wanted what she couldn't have, and she and Frank would be bored with each other in a few weeks or a month, and she would have given up an amazing relationship in pursuit of a phantom. Maybe Frank felt the same way, and that was why they were in Seattle together—and why they would, at the end of the day, return to Callie and Ned, the way they always had.

Her thoughts were still in turmoil when she glanced up—and caught sight of the suspect she and Frank had been trying to find.

The clarity she felt cut through everything, and she was relieved to be sure of what she should do. She called out to the other woman, then broke into a run when the suspect did. She tackled her, questioning her about the threatening notes until Frank and Joe showed up.

In comparison to everything else, mysteries were easy. Track down the clues, question the suspects, find evidence, confront the likely culprit. She loved it. Maybe she didn't have other parts of her life figured out, but in the euphoria of a case, that didn't seem to matter so much.

But Nancy was twenty years old. Her peers were settling down and finding careers, forming lasting relationships, earning degrees. Sometimes her cases felt like an exhilarating, temporary distraction, a high she always chased but only caught so briefly. She was always waiting for the next one. She wasn't happy until she was chasing a feeling that was so fleeting that she was never fully satisfied.

And if she decided to pursue a relationship with Frank, would it be the same? He was so alluring because he could never truly be hers, because the attraction to him was forbidden. Maybe she and Frank would be incredible together, but they already were; she loved working with him, and she would love it even if they were married to other people, even if she had felt no attraction to Frank. If she could be with him, their relationship wouldn't be like the one she had with Ned. Ned, the man of her dreams, who was home waiting for her return, who had supported and loved her for so long. It felt shabby, to repay him the way she was.

She didn't find another chance to talk to Frank alone, in the chaos of the end of their respective cases, and she was happy to have the time to sort through her thoughts and make a decision. A part of her wanted to just leave it alone. She had never been comfortable sharing her emotions, and talking about something that had been reduced to a few murmured phrases and burning glances felt like exposing a part of herself no one else had ever really seen, at least not anyone other than Ned.

The Hardys' flight was leaving first, and once they were through security, Joe left them at the departure gate to find a soda. Nancy was already feeling anxious enough—Ned was going to be picking her up at the airport so they could at least spend a little time together, and she knew their talk wasn't going to be easy—and when Frank turned to her, his eyes dark and serious, her stomach flipped.

"Frank... this isn't fair," she told him. "What we've been doing. We've been dancing around this... this _thing_ between us, for years. I think if it was meant to happen, it would have happened by now."

"But you're with Ned, and I'm with Callie..."

Nancy nodded. "And what we have is perfect," she told him with a small smile. "We have adventure and excitement, and it's great. And then we go home, to where they're waiting for us. Every time." She shrugged. "And if that's all this is, I think that—well, that acting on our feelings, as much as we might both want to... it's like we're just getting our toes wet." She sighed, frowning, not sure if he understood. "If you and I wanted to be in the water, we would be."

Frank cleared his throat. "But if you feel that way, shouldn't we..." He made a small, almost shrugging gesture. "Shouldn't we maybe try?"

She sighed. It was already hard enough to talk about it, and seeing the fragile hope in his eyes made her feel all the worse. "It's too late," she told him. "If we really wanted to be together, we would be; we would have chosen each other by now. But this is puppy love; it's this... this attraction between us, that's only strong enough to pull us together when we're working on a case. You really want to be with Callie, and so you are. I want to be with Ned, and when my plane lands, he'll be the guy waiting for me. We're just hurting ourselves and each other when we pretend there could be anything more."

"But..."

Nancy shook her head. "You know it's true," she said, and she tried to make her voice gentle. "I'm sorry, I really am. So let's just put this behind us and be friends, all right?" She smiled at him, willing him to stay calm, to agree with her.

Frank glanced down, and then looked directly into her eyes. "Is that what you want, Nancy? Really? Because I... well, I think until now I've just... I didn't want to upset you, or..."

He glanced over for a second, and Nancy knew Joe was coming back. "You were afraid to take the leap," she filled in, twisting her hands in her lap. "And so was I. I think we were too afraid to test this."

Then Joe rejoined them, and he immediately struck up a bright, cheerful conversation that effectively masked the temporary stilted silence between Nancy and Frank. They didn't find another chance to speak to each other alone, but Frank kept gazing at her, his expression miserable but otherwise unreadable. Once the flight attendant announced that the plane was boarding and asked the passengers to line up, Nancy patted them both on their shoulders and wished them a safe flight, then departed for her own gate, looking back once.

She didn't need to. She knew she would see Frank looking at her, and she was right.

By the time her flight landed at O'Hare, Frank had left a voicemail on her phone, and seeing the notification made acid churn in her stomach. She had taken the time on the flight to think it over, and she believed she was right. No matter how many handsome, exciting guys she met on her cases, Nancy always returned to Ned. In the face of certain temptation, she returned to Ned—not because he was safe, or because she was afraid, but because in her heart of hearts, she knew he was the guy for her. In fact, when she thought back, she had been engaging in less and less of that flirtation with guys she met during her cases—and that made her guilt over those kisses she had shared with Frank all the more acute.

She was starting to think that she wasn't nearly as afraid of fully committing herself to Ned anymore. But there was only one way to test it.

Her stomach flipped again as she pressed the button to retrieve the message, as she began to stride through O'Hare toward the baggage carousel, toward where Ned was waiting for her. "Nancy," Frank sighed in his voicemail message, and Nancy closed her eyes for a few seconds, too exhausted to ignore any of what she was feeling, either good or bad. "I'm sorry, I had to wait until I—until I could talk. I just... I wish you'd told me about this sooner. I would've... I don't know. I just can't believe it's over, like that. I thought we'd have more time." He sighed again. "Call me, okay? Please. Because maybe we were just getting our toes wet, but I... I guess I thought eventually you'd want us to be more."

She drew the phone away from her ear and looked at it. The voice message was over. Then a text message from Ned flashed on her screen, responding to the one she had sent to let him know her flight had landed safely.

_See you in a few._

She sighed and slipped her phone into her purse again. She had time. But she would be seeing Ned soon...

And when she saw him, the smile on his face and the happiness in his dark eyes, she smiled back at him. He directed her away from the flow of traffic and then drew her into his arms, and she sighed as she buried her face against his shirt and breathed him in.

"I missed you."

"Missed you too," she murmured, and his chest was warm against hers, his embrace strong. "How long do we have? The next few days?"

"Yeah."

When they were in the car and heading toward River Heights and Mapleton, she filled him in about the case in broad strokes, but she decided to wait until he wasn't distracted by driving to tell him about her conversation with Frank. Ned suggested that they stop for ice cream in town, to take advantage of the last few warm days; once they had bought their scoops of mint chocolate chip and chocolate chip cookie dough, they strolled toward the park across the road. An empty bench stood at the edge of the trees, and they had to sweep away a drift of brilliant dead leaves before they could sit down.

"Ned... I think we need to talk."

Ned swallowed a spoonful of ice cream, keeping his gaze down as he dragged the spoon through the treat again. "Hmm."

"It's... good," she said. "Well, more good than bad."

"So my plan backfired, huh."

"Your plan?"

"I thought... well, I _hoped_. That something would change. But if I can't trust you, if we can't trust each other, what's the point of even being in a relationship? If we've agreed that we're exclusively dating..." He shrugged, then glanced down again.

"And we have," she said. "I know every now and then, we... well, more often I, let myself forget that. Frank and I were alone together, and we... we kissed, twice."

Ned was tensing as she spoke; she saw a flush rise in his cheeks at the end of it. The ice cream was ignored, half-eaten and melting in his hand.

"And then I thought about it, _really_ thought about it. I—am I upsetting you?"

He shrugged. "Keep going," he said, his voice only slightly tense.

"I asked myself why it kept happening," she told him, and took a deep breath. As anxious as she had been while talking to Frank about how she felt, she had never enjoyed confessing her infidelities to Ned, and her resolution wasn't helping as much as she had hoped it would.

"I thought about it for a long time, and I realized that if I wanted to leave you, Ned, I would have," she said. "But it's unfair to you, to keep behaving this way. That I knew as soon as Frank would be there that something was likely to happen... and when it did, I should have put a stop to it. Maybe he likes me, and maybe I like him; he and I have been friends for a long time, and I think it's always been there... but I also know that I might like him, but I _love_ you. With you, I'm... I'm not perfect, but I..."

He glanced up at her; his color was still a little high, but it had faded. "Who are you, when you're with me, that you aren't when we're apart?"

She blinked at him, and thought about it. He had never really seen her without him. The realization made her prickle with guilt and disappointment. When she was with Ned, she was fully in love with him; maybe sometimes they fought, but they were passionate with each other. She promised him her whole heart, told him that she loved him and him alone—and then they were back here again, and she was telling him that her love wasn't enough to keep her from acting on attraction to other men.

"Because I'm not different when we're apart," he told her. "Not really. What you see is what you get with me." He shrugged.

She felt a flush rise in her cheeks, and reached over to touch his hand. "And when you're not around me..."

"I think about you all the time," he told her. "I... sometimes I think I never stop. If I think a girl's starting to feel more for me than friendship, I remind her that I'm in a relationship, and if that doesn't stop her, then I stop hanging out with her. And yeah, maybe I didn't always, but the way I feel about you... I'd never risk it for some casual fling. I'm in this with you, until the end." The expression in his dark eyes made her heart skip a beat.

"So you want me to stop hanging out with him."

Ned shrugged. "He's your friend," he said. "I may have some respect for the guy—he's pretty good at his work, even if he's not the smartest detective I know." She had to smile when he tilted his head toward her slightly. "I'm not going to tell you who you can be friends with." He shook his head with a quiet snicker. "You know, I feel bad for the guy. I can't imagine how miserable I'd be, if I was only your friend..."

"And that's part of why I told him that we needed to go back to being friends... but..." She shook her head. "I didn't mean to hurt him, and I hope I didn't. It's just... he never looked at me and said, 'Hey, I really think we should date, to see where this goes,' and neither did I. Maybe we'd be over it right now if we had... but _I'm_ over it, Ned."

He raised his eyebrows slightly. "You are?"

She nodded. "It's not fair to you. I tell you that I love you, and then I... well, I know I used to be a lot worse about it, and that's what makes it even more terrible. That you trusted me and I betrayed it."

Ned put his ice cream down, then reached for her, stroking a loose strand of hair from her cheek. "Do you have feelings for him?"

She shrugged. "Not like what I have for you," she told him, looking into his eyes. "He and I are together in these exciting, dangerous situations, and there's something exhilarating about that... but I don't know who he is when he's relaxing... and you know what, Ned? When we're apart, I think about you. When I'm away from Frank? I don't think about him. Not really." She turned her head a little so she could kiss his hand, and he smiled. "Every now and then, he can turn my head... but he's never turned my heart away from loving you."

"So it kinda did work, huh?"

She smiled. "I guess so. And I... I'm in this with you until the end, too. You're an incredible guy. And seeing the way you look at me, the way you talk about me... it takes my breath away; it makes me afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"That I'll never be good enough for you." She shook her head a little.

"Nan..." He took her face in his hands and brushed his lips gently against hers. "Maybe what's between us isn't perfect, but it's amazing. I know that my being away at college has put a strain on us, and I hate that. I wish I could be with you all the time, if you wanted that. But don't for one second think that you're not good enough for me. You're an incredible person and I could never love you any less."

She gave him a small smile, searching his eyes. "Even after all I've put you through..."

"Through everything. For as long as I make you happy, Nan, let me. And please believe me when I say that I wouldn't mind if that were for the rest of our lives."

He brushed the tip of his nose against hers and she chuckled softly just before she kissed him again.

After that, it didn't seem so important to return Frank's call. Then a week had passed, another, and she didn't even remember that he had called her at all. Bess and George had started college and they accompanied Nancy to Emerson during their fall break, but Nancy's friends had projects to work on and she spent a lot of time with Ned. For the first time they shared a bed, even though they spent the entire night fully clothed and did nothing more serious than kiss each other for a while.

The winter that followed was the coldest in Nancy's memory. Between her cases she split her time seeing Ned and spending time with her friends and her father; twice, when she reached Emerson, furious winter storms kept her stranded at Ned's college until the roads were safe again. They stayed in the Omega Chi house together while the wind roared outside, leaving the structure creaking and groaning, blanketing the yard in alternating layers of soft snowdrift and glittering crusts of ice. Hail dented cars and sent tree limbs crashing onto lawns and roofs in Mapleton and River Heights and Emersonville. They hung out in the frat's common room and joked and watched TV with the guys, then went upstairs and spent the night in each other's arms.

Nancy had fallen in love with Ned the summer she was fifteen, but she hadn't known him then the way she learned him that winter. They had shared sweet kisses before, but when she actually made the effort, the more time she spent with him, the more time she _wanted_ to spend with him. Committing herself to Ned didn't chain her. She found that because she wasn't wasting any time wondering about their relationship, she had more time to enjoy it, to be with him.

She wanted to be with him, all the time, until it became impossible to remember what it had been like _before_ , until it was impossible to imagine stepping back. Staying in his arms felt safe and _right_ , so much that when she was at home in her own bed, she longed to feel his embrace again. She knew that Ned wanted to be with her, and slowly she let him show her. She blushed in the dark, her lashes low when he gently slipped her shirt off and pulled her tight against him. She kissed his adam's apple and the hollow at the base of his throat and felt him breathe against her, and felt like she was falling, like there was nothing holding her back.

But she was still anxious, and whenever she shook her head, whenever she told him breathlessly that she needed to slow down, he always did. Every time he did, she loved him more. She woke safe in his arms the mornings after, feeling his breath against her hair and his chest against her back, in the t-shirt and underwear she had worn to bed.

She had shared so many kisses, so many flirtations with other men, but when she began to imagine what it might be like to make love for the first time, it was Ned she imagined as her partner; it was Ned whose bed she had shared during that freezing winter. When she went on cases, she realized that she was doing what Ned had told her: when she thought a guy might be developing a crush on her, when she sensed that someone might be getting too close, she told them about her situation and then did all she could to keep out of their way.

And she felt nothing for them. She carried that love she had found for Ned with her, and it was so big, so _much_ , that he had claimed all of her heart. She felt no doubt, no fear. She just wanted to be with him again.

She came up with the idea during her visit near midterms. She helped Ned study for his upcoming tests, visited the girls at the Theta house, and hung out with Howie, Paul, Maury, and Mike when Ned was in class. "We're going to make you an honorary brother, if you don't watch out," Maury joked with her, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Howie shook his head with a grin. "Nah. He'll be president next year, and you'll be the queen," he told Nancy. "At this rate, you'll be here for all the dances, too."

"Not to mention Ned's been in such a great mood since you've been visiting so much," Mike added, and gave her a smile. Nancy had been relieved when Mike had been accepting of her, that the terrible events two years earlier hadn't spoiled her relationship with Ned's best friend.

Four of them were playing a video-game tag tournament when Ned returned from class and found them in the common room. Paul was sitting that round out as Nancy, Mike, Howie, and Maury raced on split screens, but as soon as Nancy heard the door close behind Ned, she was too distracted to pay attention to the game, and her car swung off the course.

"Hey baby."

"Hey," Nancy said happily, and Paul dove for the controller she abandoned. She went to Ned and he wrapped her in his arms with a long, happy sigh, kissing the crown of her head.

"There's my girl." She smiled as he kissed her temple. "Be careful or I'll get used to this."

"See?" Howie chuckled, and Nancy had to laugh.

That night, there was no question, no anxiety about it; they brushed their teeth and prepared for bed, and it was a given that she would spend the night in his room, in his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, happy and safe and warm.

"You think you'll be able to hang out with me over spring break?"

"Oh, definitely," she told him. "Maybe by then it'll be warm again."

"I hope so. Maybe we could get away together? Especially if you're on a case."

She shifted her weight, pushing herself up to look into his eyes. "Even if we're not on a case, let's get away together," she told him. "Just the two of us."

"And when we do, you'll find a mystery," he told her, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face, but he was smiling.

"Maybe," she said, smiling too. "Either way, I'll be glad to spend the time with you."

Soon after, he drew her shirt off, then moved her so she was sprawled over him in her panties. They kissed until she was flushed and tingling, and he stroked her spine, her hair, rubbing gentle circles over her ass.

She broke their kiss with a soft pop and looked down at him, at the obvious desire in his dark eyes, at the love and tenderness, and felt the same in answer. She wouldn't be losing anything with him or to him. They would just be expressing the same love they felt for each other, and that idea didn't terrify her the way their intimacy had at first.

_Spring break,_ she decided. She would think it through, and she wouldn't tell him, just so he didn't get his hopes up. And once they were on their vacation, if he felt the same way she did, they could make love for the first time. Slowly and tenderly and sweetly.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you," he murmured, his hands at her waist. "You're everything to me, Nan."

That night she stripped off her bra and they stroked and kissed each other, and she couldn't believe how amazing it felt when her bare nipples brushed against his warm, solid chest. They were almost naked together, but they stayed on their sides, their lips meeting and parting in a hundred kisses; when he guided her knee up to rest against his hip and her legs were half-open, her heart started beating so fast. His warm hand rested against the curve of her waist and hip, just over her panties, but he didn't try to take them off her, and she was both disappointed and relieved.

Then he rolled onto her and she drew a startled breath, her eyes wide as she gazed up at him. Her throat was tight, and she couldn't move.

"Sorry," he murmured, moving off her, and she slumped to the mattress; she hadn't realized how tense she was. She hadn't even said anything to him. "I'm sorry, Nan. Are you okay?"

She nodded, sweeping her hair out of her face. "I guess I just freaked out a little," she said, and gave him a small smile. "Sorry."

"It's all right. We can go to sleep."

"Is that okay?"

"If that's what you want."

His voice was gentle, and she tugged her shirt back on as he moved to turn off the lamp, then cuddled against him. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead, and she murmured happily when he began to stroke her hair.

"You like that, huh."

"Mmm-hmm." She moaned quietly when his fingertips moved against her scalp. "Oh, that's so good..."

He kissed the crown of her head. "Sleep," he whispered. "We have some more time. Get some rest."

His fingertips slowed, then drifted down the line of her jaw; she missed their warmth when he drew them away from her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"About what?"

"That I freaked out."

"Honey, it's all right, really. I'm just sorry that I made you nervous. I didn't mean to."

"I know."

"I've just... spending all this time with you... I've loved it. I'd hate to do anything that made you not want to hang out with me."

"I've loved it too. And it's all right. I'm not upset, so don't worry about it." She kissed his chest, stroking his side. "I just need to take it slow."

"So..." He released a soft sigh. "So maybe we could try that again sometime?"

She smiled. "Yeah. But you need to get some sleep. Plenty of rest so you do well on your midterms."

"Oh, all right," he pretended to groan, and then they both laughed.

In the small, dim hours, Nancy rose and went to the bathroom, leaving Ned asleep in his bed; downstairs she heard the low indecipherable drone of the television set in the common room, the clink of glass in the kitchen. Even so, all the guys knew her, and she knew them; she didn't feel afraid as she went down the hall to Ned's room again, then slipped out of her shorts and back into his arms.

The wind was howling again, but the sun had come out during the day, and the snow was starting to melt. The dim light through the shaded windows cast the room in a muddy gray-blue, and Nancy looked at her boyfriend's sleeping face, the shadow of his eyelashes and the stubble lining his jaw. He made a soft noise and his brow furrowed, as though he could feel her gaze; she smiled and nestled against his chest and he relaxed with a sigh.

She wanted to be with him. And she had begun considering what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, because she couldn't support herself taking on cases for no pay. She had done so much that it was hard to decide what to pursue: a career in law enforcement, in some kind of legal capacity, or indulging her sense of adventure by studying archaeology or anthropology. Ned had been impressed when one of his fellow Omega Chi brothers had gone to Hong Kong to teach English for a school year and had come back telling them that it was the best decision he had made. No matter what she wanted to do, though, she thought she would likely need a bachelor's degree.

Ned would be graduating the next school year. But she was considering attending as a freshman, and then transferring to a college in Chicago once Ned moved back to the city—assuming that he did. She just loved being near him so much, and spending an entire school year at Emerson with him...

She realized that, even a year ago, she would have immediately protested the idea, the thought of being stifled and bound by a rigorous schedule and the curtailing of her freedom. But she wasn't truly free; she was living at home with her father, who was supporting her. Without the credit cards and allowance he provided, she couldn't even afford to put gas in her Mustang or to buy a hotel room or a plane ticket.

Filling out the application had been easy, and finding references even easier. She was still working on her essay, though. She had a feeling that all she would need to do was ask Dean Jarvis nicely, and he would do what he could to find her a place in the freshman class—especially knowing that she would be happy to help him in any way she could.

"What would you do if I were here all the time?"

She asked the question when they were in the Omega Chi kitchen the following night, making grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon and canned tomato soup, a fitting dinner for a cold day. They were alone, at least for a few minutes; the guys came through every now and then, checking the refrigerator for beer or canned soda or snacks.

Ned smiled in response. "It's not nice to tease," he told her, and kissed her cheek before returning his attention to the skillet. After all the teasing he had endured over his cooking skills a few summers earlier, he did his best to prove himself every time he cooked anything.

"No, really," she said, stirring the soup before she glanced back up at him. He looked so handsome in his henley shirt and burgundy button-down, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his eyes alight. "I mean, would you... like that?"

"You're joking, right," he said, his voice flat. "Babe, I love when you visit. I'd be over the moon if you were here more often. I mean, maybe my studying would suffer..."

She shook her head firmly. "That would be a condition," she told him. "That we'd have study dates and you'd keep your grades up. You know, hypothetically."

"'Hypothetically,'" Ned repeated, then snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her side to his so he could kiss her temple. "It really isn't nice to get my hopes up. So I'm going to put this little talk out of my head unless you tell me that it might be going somewhere... non-hypothetical."

She shrugged, turning wide, innocent eyes up at him. "Fair enough."

Ned groaned. "Nan—"

"Boy, that smells great," Howie said as he came into the kitchen. "Grilled cheese? Mmmm. I'm about ready for a second dinner."

Paul came in behind him. "And I bet you guys didn't make enough to share."

A group of the guys settled for ordering delivery cheesesticks, which they claimed would be nowhere near as good, and Nancy and Ned hung out in the common room as they ate their dinner with the guys around, cracking jokes and groaning about upcoming assignments. Mindy and Trish visited from Theta Pi and gave Nancy knowing grins when they saw her; none of them had looked down on her for staying with Ned, and in fact most of them had been surprised it hadn't happened earlier.

It could be like this. Nancy looked around at the warm, comfortable, if somewhat shabbily-decorated room, and imagined it. The guys here were Ned's closest friends, and because she was his girlfriend, they accepted her too. If he were president of the frat, he'd be granted more privileges, but she couldn't imagine that his status would be significantly different, just that it might put a few more demands on his time.

And they could be together. They loved each other, and she knew he really would be overjoyed to be with her all the time.

He wasn't different without her. And now she could say proudly that she wasn't different without him, either—just that she missed him, and couldn't wait to be with him again.

That night, their last night together, Ned sat at his desk and Nancy sat on his bed in her pajamas, her laptop in front of her. She was considering what to put in her application essay, but she also couldn't concentrate. _I'd love to be a Wildcat because it will give me the opportunity to be near the man I love. I love the campus and most of the teachers I've met here, and I can't imagine anywhere I'd rather be. Please take me. I don't know what I'll do if I can't go to this school._

She wrinkled her nose, and when Ned chuckled, she glanced up to see him looking at her. "Sorry. You looked cute."

She wrinkled her nose again, then yawned. "I'm making no progress at all," she sighed. "Are you finished with your homework yet?"

"Mmm. Much as I'd love to be in bed with you, it'll probably be another hour or so. It's okay if you go to sleep."

"As long as you wake me up when you come to bed," she told him.

"Of course."

She didn't want to miss any of her last few hours with him, but she was tired; it felt like she had just closed her eyes when she opened them to find that the room was dark, all was quiet downstairs, and Ned was moving into the bed beside her. She turned over and saw that two hours had passed.

"Mmm," she groaned, clumsily turning into his arms. Then she released a happy sigh. "My personal electric blanket," she mumbled.

"Yeah," he sighed, kissing the crown of her head. "Go back to sleep, honey."

And though they did sleep, when she woke again a few hours later to feel him stroking his hand against her back, she blinked and then reached for the hem of her shirt, stripping it off. She nuzzled against him and he rained soft kisses against her cheeks and chin, down her neck, against her shoulders. When his tongue dipped into the hollow between her collarbones, his hands at her waist, she shivered, feeling suddenly tender between her legs.

Then he made a soft noise and she wrapped her arms around him, his knee sliding between hers as they tangled together. He pulled the covers over them and she willed her heart to slow as he stroked her back, as she slowly began to fall asleep again.

She was due to leave when he left for class in the morning, and once they were both dressed and ready to go, he took her bags out to her car for her. "Are you sure you don't want to stay another day?" he asked, as she closed the trunk.

"Of course I do," she told him, and walked back toward the frat with him to spend a last few minutes together. "And another day, and another. But I told Dad I'd come home to see him before he leaves for Tokyo, and you have studying to do and tests to take." She swung their joined hands in a little arc. "But after that you'll have your break and we'll be able to see each other again. And at least if I go home now, you won't be sick of me by then."

"I'll never be sick of you," he told her. "Nan, I love you. And this summer, maybe I'll be able to get a more flexible schedule with the insurance company so I can spend more time with you on your cases. If... if you want me to."

"I'd love that," she told him. When they walked back in, the warmth inside the fraternity house prickled against her cold cheeks, but she turned to him and wrapped him in a long, hard hug. "And I love you, Ned. I'm going to miss you so much."

"And I'll miss you every minute we're apart." He stroked his hand over her hair, then leaned down to give her a sweet kiss. "Be safe, okay? I can't wait until spring break."

She kissed him again, too. "Make sure you study extra-hard, and I'll try to make it a vacation to remember."

His dark eyes were alight when she looked into them. "Now that sounds interesting," he said with a smile. "Text me when you make it home, okay?"

She nodded, and when his lips touched hers again, she felt a sudden clawing of anxiety, as though it was the last kiss they would ever share. She clung to him, tears pricking at her eyes, and told herself she was being ridiculous, but she held onto him as long as she could.

"I love you," she whispered against his lips, and he stroked her cheek, searching her eyes when they parted.

"I love you too, Nan," he murmured. "Forever."


	2. Chapter 2

Even though the snow was melting, the weather was still bitterly cold; when the invitation came for Nancy to investigate a case of sabotage at an independent theme park in Florida, she decided to go. The Hardys were already nearby, working on another case involving a missing person, and Nancy decided it would be a good opportunity to clear the air. She and Frank hadn't really talked since their last case together.

"I suppose I should be glad I was able to see you as long as I have," her father commented with a smile when she told him. "I knew you'd be heading back to Emerson or off on another case sometime soon. Speaking of..."

"The application's in the mail," she told him with a nod. "Thanks for giving me the money for it, Dad."

"No problem, sweetheart. And I'm sure you'll get in. I am kind of sad you didn't pick a place closer to home."

Nancy shrugged a little, reaching for a slice of buttered toast. "If I do get in, it'll only be for a year."

"Then I'll do my best to convince Ned that he definitely needs to find a nice well-paying job in Chicago," her father said with a nod. "You've been spending a lot of time at Emerson lately, it seems."

"Yeah." She glanced at her plate, then up at her father again. "I guess all the time we'd spent apart just kind of caught up to me. I've really missed him."

"Are you two becoming more serious?"

She nodded and hoped she wasn't obviously blushing. "He loves me so much, Dad," she said, and looked down at her plate. "So much I was afraid of it for a while, but he's always been very respectful of me. He's a good guy."

"I know." Her father was smiling when she looked up at him again. "But are you happy, honey? Is this what you want?"

She nodded again, swallowing the anxiety she could feel. "He told me that for as long as we're happy, he wants to be with me," she said. "And I'm so happy with him, Dad. I can't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else."

Her father patted her hand. "Then I'm happy for you," he said. "I think you two have really matured and been good for each other while you've been dating. And if my instincts are right, I have a feeling that once he's graduated Emerson, he just might want to make your relationship... more permanent." He shook his head. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything..."

But she just grinned at him in response. "I hope so," she said. "I really do."

The night before she was supposed to leave for Florida, she called Ned. "I want you to know that I have a countdown to spring break on my phone," he told her. "I think it's the only thing getting me through this. And I wish I could take some time off and go to Florida with you... I'm sure it's nice and warm down there."

"I wish you could too," Nancy sighed, adjusting the blanket over her and snuggling into its warmth. "I think Frank would definitely get the message if he saw us together. As it is, I'll just make sure he understands that... well, that nothing's going to happen between us."

"Good." She heard the murmur of conversation behind him, then the sound of a door closing. "Now, just to make me feel better... are we talking about going somewhere warm for our vacation? Maybe involving bikinis?"

"Well, if that's what you want to wear," Nancy said, and giggled.

"They look much better on you," Ned told her. "You're so beautiful, Nan."

"And it's definitely been too long since I've seen your gorgeous body in swim trunks," she sighed.

"Mmm. Maybe we shouldn't talk about it. I'm about to lose my mind. It's so cold here. I miss you sleeping beside me. And just the thought of sunbathing and relaxing with you..."

"That does sound really nice," she said, and closed her eyes. She felt it on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She would just buy some protection and make sure they had it, and if things developed naturally, she would just let them progress. If she was okay with it, she would finally let him take her panties off, or maybe even take them off herself. Maybe. The thought made her both excited and anxious.

"Will we be able to share a room?"

Nancy knew her cheeks were flushed at the low tone of his voice, and she glanced at the door of her father's study, where he was working. "Sure," she replied, trying to keep her own voice neutral. "Why wouldn't we?"

Ned sighed in relief. "I just wanted to make sure you hadn't been too freaked out..."

She cast another glance at the study door, then rose and went to her room. "Ned, it's okay," she said, closing the door behind her. "Really. I just needed to go slower. And if we're together like that again..."

"Then we'll take it slow," he told her. "As slow as you need to, honey. I love you."

She felt a tingle all the way from her scalp, down her spine, to her toes. Remembering how it had been when they had been together made her feel a twinge between her thighs, too, a desire she had only ever felt with him. Again she thought about telling him, but she knew that no matter what, he would be gentle and sweet with her. He was still concerned about freaking her out, even now. "I love you too," she told him. "More than I could ever say."

\--

Frank had asked when her plane was touching down, and as the pilot announced their descent to the Miami airport, Nancy's stomach flipped. She was hoping that the case would be quick and relatively easy, and that above all, any conversations she had with Frank or his brother would be easy and not tense or awkward. She turned on her phone as soon as she had permission, and as soon as her phone connected to the tower, she heard a voicemail notification.

She grinned when she saw the name of the sender, and as she wrestled her carry-on out of the overhead luggage bin, she sandwiched the phone between her cheek and shoulder and listened to it ring on the other end.

"Nan! Landed and everything?" Bess asked happily.

"Yep. Just now, actually. What's up?"

"That audition I went on a few weeks ago? I got the part!" Bess's voice rose to an excited squeal at the end.

"Honey, that's incredible! I'm so happy for you!" Nancy said. "You're going to be amazing, I just know it. When's the play?"

"Um... I'll be sure to let you know. _And_ I'll get you front-row seats! If I can. You think Ned might want to come too? George is working on stage design so she'll definitely be there."

"Give me a date and I'll ask him. It's not going to be, like, two weeks from now, is it?"

"No, no. Oh my God no. I'd be freaking out. What's happening in two weeks? That's about the time we're on spring break, if you wanted to get together."

"Well, I would... but Ned and I are going away together."

"Ooooh," Bess said, and giggled. Her spirits were still high from her news. "Like _going away_ together?"

"Maybe. We'll see." The passengers began to file into the gate, and Nancy moved with them. "Look, I'll call you back, okay? I have to get to the hotel and find out about what's going on down here. Congratulations, Bess!"

"Thanks, hon! Oh my God, I'm so excited. And good luck on your case!"

Despite her nervousness, Nancy smiled as she ended the call and slotted her phone back into her purse. Bess and George had started at UIC in the fall, and they loved it. Transferring there for the rest of her degree definitely wouldn't be so bad, since her two other best friends would be there. Bess had found her home away from home in the drama program, and George was working on her occupational and physical therapy degree.

Sometimes she felt like she wasn't quite _normal_ , and then sometimes she knew she wasn't. She hadn't been ready for college right after high school. Bess and George had fallen head over heels in love with other people and had shared beds with their partners well before Nancy and Ned had. Nancy had been Ned's girlfriend for five years and they hadn't had sex; Nancy remembered that Bess had dated one guy for two weeks before she had gone to bed with him.

Hearing about their relationships hadn't made Nancy feel all that confident, either. Her best friends had called her crying after broken dates, misunderstandings, and fights; for a while it had seemed like growing up had to mean crying and drinking away problems and _drama_ , so much drama. The only drama in Nancy and Ned's relationship was what she brought to it, her flirtations with other guys, and Ned's frustration when she missed dates and reservations. In the past six months, everything hadn't quite been smooth as silk, but nearly so. She had never felt so in love with him.

Her father had been right. She and Ned had matured with each other, especially lately. He had become such a huge part of her life that she couldn't imagine being without him.

And then she came into the luggage pickup area and Frank was waiting for her, just the way he had a dozen times before. Alone.

When she realized Joe wasn't there to be a buffer, a frisson of anxiety went down Nancy's spine. She vaguely remembered the voicemail she hadn't answered, but what stuck out to her most was the way he had looked into her eyes when he had told her that he had been waiting on her, that he was interested in pursuing a relationship if she was.

She gave him a polite smile, hoping that he couldn't see the hot flush that had spread over her—not in arousal, but in nervousness. She would have done almost anything to head off another awkward conversation like the last one they had shared.

If she had said yes to that proposal, to pursuing a relationship with him... she couldn't even imagine how different things would be, and in all honesty, she didn't want to. She was happy with Ned. And finally committing herself to him had been one of the best decisions of her life. Not even seeing Frank again, not even a hundred more of those awkward conversations, could spoil that.

That made her feel better, and she patted Frank on the arm when she came close enough. "Hey Frank. Thanks for coming to get me; was Joe busy?"

"Yeah," he said. "I know you talked about getting your own car, so I had him drop me off. The GPS gets a little screwy down here, and it'll be easier if I show you where the hotel is."

"Oh," she said, and gave him a smile.

"It's really good to see you."

"It's good to see you too."

At least he waited until they were alone in the car to pick up the threads of that old conversation. At least that was a bit of a relief. "So you never really called me back," he said. "I thought about calling you again but I knew you were probably busy..."

Nancy didn't even realize her shoulders were hunching. "I have been busy," she said, keeping her tone light. "Sorry about that." She had to force the next words out; she didn't want to say them. "I guess I just thought that we'd said all we needed to say."

"But you didn't let me talk. You just—told me."

She sighed inside. "Okay," she said, working hard on not putting an edge on her voice. "What did you want to say?"

He took a deep breath, and she wondered if he had rehearsed what he was about to say to her. "Nan, we've been friends for a long time. Longer than we've been with Callie or Ned. When we're together, it's almost like we can read each other's minds, we're so in tune. I guess I didn't realize that my feelings for you were like that, that they were serious, until recently. Until you said something. I just always thought that... well, that it would happen when it was right. Because you and I... Nan, I honestly feel like we're meant to be together. Don't you feel that? The connection between us?"

Nancy crossed her arms. Her mounting anger was giving her the strength to say what her anxiety wouldn't. "And Callie? What is she, in this scenario?"

"She's a great girl. She's fun and smart and wonderful. And everything that's good about her... reminds me of you." He sighed. "Is that the way Ned is for you?"

" _No_ ," she said. "No. Ned isn't the guy I 'settled for' because I couldn't be with you, because I didn't have the guts to tell you that I wanted to be with you. Yeah, he's fun and smart and wonderful, but I love _him_. I love all that he is. I love who I am with him. And I—"

"So that's why we've been making out practically every time we saw each other?"

Nancy flushed. "I'm not proud of that, okay? You weren't the first guy I kissed while Ned and I have been dating. But you're the last. I'm committed to him now, and he is to me. I'm sorry that I... well, I guess I was leading you on."

"You weren't," Frank said, shaking his head as he turned and briefly caught her gaze. "You were just responding to what's between us. I believe that."

Nancy was unable to speak for a moment. His expression was so earnest, and she knew that before, it would have touched her and made her respond to him in kind. She burned in shame when she thought back to all the heartfelt talks they had shared... but one thing kept coming back to her.

"Frank... I'm not denying that you and I work well together. Incredibly well. But we're more than just our feelings. I'm with Ned, and every time—before, that's what we always said. That we couldn't, that we felt guilty. And that was just as much a response to what's between us."

"I broke up with Callie," Frank said, and Nancy couldn't breathe for a moment; she felt like her heart stopped, in one terrible wrench. "That's how serious I am about this. That's what you wanted, isn't it? Proof? I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to do that before now. That I couldn't show you."

Nancy felt like she might be in a nightmare. No matter how hard she fought, it was like being stuck in a finger trap. He heard what he wanted to hear; he twisted her words to suit what he believed. "It's too late," she tried, when she could speak again. "Frank, I'm sorry. I am. I thought you understood."

"I do," he said. "And this is sudden. You need time. That's all right."

When they pulled up at the hotel, he handed her the keys, and she couldn't believe how badly she wanted to get behind the wheel of the car and drive as far and as fast as she could; she couldn't believe the quivering in her belly. He was the same Frank she had always known; she had always felt safe around him. But now... now, she didn't know what to think.

Maybe _he_ was the one who needed time to adjust to the change in their relationship. After all, if he had really believed for so long that the two of them were meant to be together... he just needed time. She willed her flushed cheeks to cool as they went into the hotel together so she could check in and he could call Joe to pick him up. As the clerk told Nancy her room number, she flinched at the volume of the woman's voice, hunching over a little. She didn't want Frank to overhear.

_I'm being ridiculous_ , Nancy told herself. _It's Frank. We'll probably be in and out of each other's hotel rooms this entire trip. And it'll be fine._

Even so, before Nancy even called her contact on the case, she went to her room alone and bolted the door behind her and pulled out her phone. She saw a text from Ned, and she collapsed to the bed, letting out her breath in a trembling sigh.

"Hey babe," Ned answered her call, and she heard the smile in his voice.

"Ned," she sighed, and she was surprised to find that she was shaking a little, that her eyes were pricking. "Oh my God, it's so good to hear your voice."

"Rough flight?" Ned's voice was warm and sympathetic. "Or is something else going on?"

"The flight was fine. It's just... I got here and Frank picked me up and..." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I'm—I don't know. I told him last year, when we saw each other, that I just wanted to be friends with him. And it's like he's taken everything I said and just twisted it around and decided that I wanted him to 'prove his love' for me or something. It's... I don't know."

"You sound really upset. Can I do anything? Do you want me to call him?"

"No..." She sighed. "I don't think it'll help. In fact, for all I know, it would make things worse. I just... he told me that he broke up with Callie. For me."

Ned made a loud frustrated noise. "I wish to God I could ditch classes for the next few days," he told her. "As it is I'm tempted to do it anyway. I wish that at least Bess or George were down there with you. What are you going to do?"

"Well... I'm going to make contact with Nina and find out about this case, and solve it as fast as I can," she said. "I'll make sure Joe's around if I need to spend time with them. And then I'll come home and we'll go on our vacation, and by then, he'll understand that he doesn't have a chance with me." She wiped her eyes. "I don't want you to get behind in your classes, and Bess called me—she won that role in the play that she auditioned for, so she'll be busy with rehearsals and everything. I'll be all right."

"Well, if you need a knight in shining armor who can hop a redeye to Florida, I'm your man," Ned told her. "But I'm your man anyway, Nancy. I hate that he's upset you, and I'd love to talk to him in person. Make sure to get things through his thick skull."

Nancy chuckled, but it was humorless. "I'm sure you would," she said. "I love you, Ned."

"And I love you, Nancy. Call me when you can. I love hearing from you."

Once her investigation began, Nancy was relieved when Frank didn't question her insistence on doing a lot of the work herself; when she finally did admit that she needed some backup, she managed to talk Joe into being the one to provide it. In return he asked for help on their case, and she couldn't deny them that.

Nancy was pleasantly surprised when Joe asked about Ned, and she replied that he was doing great, that their relationship had never been better. Nancy didn't want to press, but when she brought up Callie's name a few minutes later, Joe frowned.

"She's a great girl. Lately, though, Frank's been... well, he keeps talking about 'the future,' our future, like we haven't been living it for the past few years." Joe took a sunflower seed out of the bag in his lap and absently cracked the shell between his teeth. "I don't know. You know they broke up, right?"

Nancy nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"It was rough, on both of them, I think," Joe said. "My girlfriend Vanessa is one of Callie's best friends."

Nancy just nodded again, pausing for a moment before she added, "So do you think they should have?"

"Of course not," Joe said. "But when Frank gets it in his head to do something, it's pretty hard to call him off. From the way he talked about you, when we were planning this trip..." Joe shook his head.

"What?"

"I don't know how, but I had the impression that you and Ned had broken up, or at least that you weren't happy together. But if you are, that's great. I'm glad for you."

Nancy relaxed a little. "Thanks, Joe. Same to you and Vanessa."

Joe chuckled. "You can bet she was jealous when she found out where we were going on this trip, although Frank is pretty much public enemy number one on her list right now. Chicks, right?" he shrugged, then winced.

"Hey, I feel the same way when someone dumps one of my friends."

"Speaking of, how's Bess doing?"

They were tangled in each other's cases, so much that Nancy was drawn into the anguish of theirs: the missing persons case led them to dilapidated neighborhoods and apartment buildings, talking to men and women with suspicious eyes who gave monosyllabic answers. They discovered another missing person along the way, and by the end of it, the three of them felt like they had come through something traumatic. Even though Nancy didn't want to shift Ned's attention from his studies, she made the time to call him at least once a day, even if they could only talk for a few minutes.

As soon as the missing young man had been found and returned to his tearfully grateful parents, Nancy was booking her flight home; the first one she could find was for the next morning, but the ticket agent she called said she would put Nancy on standby, and if anyone gave up a seat she would be called.

She couldn't wait to get back to Illinois. Even though her father was still on his business trip in Japan and Bess and George were still busy with their work, she was considering going to Emerson again. She missed Ned so much she could barely stand it, and she didn't think he would mind spending time with her before they left for their vacation trip.

She was in her hotel room packing when she heard a knock at the door. "Nan?"

The voice belonged to Frank, and Nancy's heart shrank in her. She clenched her fist and released it, then went to the door and opened it. "What's up, Frank?"

"Joe and I were about to head out. Patrick's friends are throwing a welcome-home party for him and we were invited, and I thought you might like to come along. Joe's still in the shower, though. You game?"

Nancy shrugged. "I thought I'd just rest tonight. My flight's tomorrow morning."

Frank glanced past her into her room; she felt her cheeks prickle a little as she realized he could see her bed. "Ahh, c'mon. You're just packing. We've had a really crappy time. At least we can unwind a little. Okay?"

Nancy didn't want to go, but she couldn't come up with a plausible excuse—and even if she did, she wasn't sure he would accept it. "So Joe's coming?"

Frank nodded. "We can take the same car; it's apparently at some big house on the beach. It'll be fun, Nan." He smiled at her.

"I don't know." She sighed. "Maybe just for a little while."

"Great!" His smile became a grin. "Maybe we'll be able to get a couple of dances in. Catch up a little. I feel like we've barely been able to talk on this trip."

Nancy had been glad for that, and when she sensed that he wanted to linger in her doorway or in her room, she flashed him a small smile. "Maybe," she said neutrally. "Well, let me get changed, then. Meet you in the lobby?"

"Sure thing."

As soon as she closed the door, she let out a long shivering sigh. Before she went to her luggage to find an appropriate outfit, though, she checked the phone book and plugged the numbers for a few cab companies into her phone. If Frank didn't leave when she wanted, she wanted another way out.

Twenty minutes later, Nancy was just fixing her lipstick when her cell phone rang. She scooped it up, then slid her feet into a pair of wedge sandals. "Hello?"

"Hey Nan! Good news. I'm like ninety-eight percent sure I can get you and Ned front-row seats. And I found out the date."

Nancy plugged it into her phone, then made sure she had her hotel passcard in her purse as she left her room. "That's great, Bess. I can't wait. I'm sure you're going to be amazing."

"Oooh, please. Pressure," Bess groaned. "Although I really hope I can do a good job. But I'm more excited to hear about this trip you have planned. Tell me all about it."

During her descent in the elevator, Nancy described the hotel where she had booked a room for their trip. Bess was especially intrigued to hear their room had a whirlpool tub and a balcony with a great view.

"Sounds like the perfect place for your first time," Bess commented, as Nancy crossed to the lobby. When she didn't see Frank or Joe, she went over to one of the couches and took a seat, glad that the brothers weren't nearby while she was talking to Bess about the trip. Even Bess's words alone made her blush a little. "So are you thinking about maybe taking the plunge? So to speak." Bess chuckled.

"I'm thinking about it," she admitted. When Bess began hooting with glee, Nancy shushed her. "I haven't told him anything about it, so just... keep that to yourself, okay?"

"Nan, sweetie, it's a good thing. I'm happy for you."

Nancy sighed, splaying her fingers in her knee and studying her nails. "I've just loved him for so long, you know? And it's scary and I'm still not totally sure, but I think I'm ready. It just seems right, finally."

"And that's how it should be," Bess told her. "Just take your time and it'll be okay. Have you two done anything close yet?"

"Not really," Nancy admitted. "But it's a big step, and I know he wants to..."

"Of course he does. He's a guy and you're a hot girl. A hot girl he _loves_ ," Bess hastened to add when Nancy began to protest. "Gotta admit, part of me thought you two would be likely to walk down the aisle first."

"And we might," Nancy said. "Not anytime soon, but to be his wife? I..." She sighed happily. "I'll be happy if it happens soon, or on our wedding night, to be honest."

"But it'd be a shame to waste a whirlpool tub," Bess chuckled. "Oooh. Our break is over in thirty seconds. I'll talk to you again soon, okay? Definitely call me before your trip and give me an update."

"Sure thing, Bess. Love you."

"Love you too, Nan. Wish me luck!"

"All the luck in the world, sweetheart."

Nancy hung up with a smile, then considered for a few seconds before she pulled up the screen to text Ned. _I'll be flying back tomorrow morning, or tonight if I'm lucky. Love you._

"Ready?"

Nancy started as she glanced up from her cell phone screen and saw Frank standing beside her. "Uh, yeah," she managed to say, standing up. "Joe ready?"

"Finally," Frank said, as Joe approached them. "All right. Let's do this."

Joe let out a little cheer as they headed out of the hotel, into the warm starlit night. Nancy tugged the hem of her flowered knee-length dress down, then smoothed her hair. She felt her phone vibrate in her purse as she slid into the backseat of the Hardys' rental.

_Love you too, Nan. Safe flight. I'm sure I'll dream of you tonight. :)_

Twenty minutes later Nancy knew she would have had trouble finding the house by herself, even if she had been paying excellent attention. It didn't help that Joe made a wrong turn or two. When they pulled up, every window in the house was ablaze with light, and the driveway and edge of the lawn were choked with cars. Joe maneuvered the rental into a tight empty space and they slid out of the car.

"Now this is my kind of party," Joe said approvingly.

People around their age were on the lawn and porch, in the house, on the back patio, spilling out down to the beach, laughing and drinking out of red plastic tumblers. The music was loud and spirits were high. Their friend had come back and they were all happy—and a cheer went up when the Hardys walked in.

Nancy was happy to leave them to their adoring crowd and slip out to the kitchen. She was feeling parched. A guy in a fraternity t-shirt was dipping tumblers of punch out of a massive cooler full of red liquid and fruit. "You want some, Red?" he asked, offering her one.

She shrugged and accepted it.

\--

Later, Nancy tried as hard as she could to remember what happened that night. Her memories up to the party were clear; even the ones early at the party were fairly clear, too. She tasted the alcohol in the punch immediately, but the fruit tasted good, and soon she had drained one tumbler, than another, in quick succession.

She remembered drinking with Frank out on the back patio, seeing the moon reflecting on the water and the glowing intensity on his face. "I'm so glad you came out with me tonight," he told her.

She shrugged and smiled. "It's fine," she told him.

"I've missed talking to you. Seeing you. Have you thought about what I said?"

"Frank," she groaned, and looked down at her drink. "I don't know what I can say to make you understand."

"Well, when I do this..." He reached for her hand and held it. "Don't you feel it?"

"Sure. You're holding my hand." She caught a slice of strawberry in her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully.

"Come on, Nancy. Please. Stop torturing me. I know you're nervous, but you don't have to hide it anymore."

She shook her head. "It's not okay..."

"I've loved you for so long, too."

She couldn't remember what she said after that. She remembered that the punch began to taste like just fruit; she couldn't feel the bite of the alcohol anymore. She remembered dancing in the living room to the music, tossing her hair, and then choking silently because she missed Ned more than she ever had before; it felt like a vast emptiness inside her and she wanted to be with him so much that if sheer will could have drawn him to her, it would have. She wanted to call him. She wanted to be with him.

She remembered someone telling her that she would feel better if she laid down.

And then there was nothing. As hard as she tried to remember, there was nothing, just darkness.

When she opened her eyes, she was on something soft. She was shuddering, nauseated; a sliver of light wavered across the dark room and she crawled out of bed as slowly as she could manage, staggering across the room. Her skin was clammy and cool.

She was naked. She was miserable.

_Naked._

The room swung and spun when she stepped into the pool of light and found herself in a bathroom; the stench of bile made her own gorge rise, and she sank to her knees in front of the toilet. She couldn't focus on anything, and the water and the smell of vomit—she emptied the contents of her stomach, heaving, tears streaking down her cheeks. She was shuddering violently at the cold of the tile against her legs.

She was still kneeling when her eyes opened again as she started awake; she had raked her hair back from her sweaty face, and the room was too bright, too fucking bright. She heard only muffled distant sounds but they seemed to echo and stab in her ears; her own breathing was too loud. Everything hurt. She coughed and suddenly she was throwing up again.

For a few moments after, she felt almost okay again—shaky, but better than she had, even though she was still shivering. The join of her thighs ached and she shifted her position with a moan.

Naked. Why was she naked? She didn't remember taking her dress off. She didn't remember much. Her panic was muted but thrumming, fluttering just beyond her wandering attention.

Once she felt a little steadier, she stretched up and flushed the toilet, then spent a few seconds trying to catch her breath and keep her gorge down. The tile under her knee felt slippery, and she gagged when she saw a towel streaked with vomit and crumpled near the tub. Someone had hastily cleaned up after someone else. Maybe she had. She couldn't remember. She couldn't...

She sat down on the toilet and cringed. She felt tender, and when she looked down at her thighs, she saw a tacky pinkish residue there.

Carefully she rested her head in her hands, taking deep breaths and trying to ignore the smell of vomit. She was still finding it almost impossible to focus on any one thing for long. When she realized she was starting to feel sick again, she reached for the tissue.

She saw blood on the tissue when she wiped between her legs.

_Period,_ she thought blankly. She latched onto that. But it—but it didn't...

She flushed the toilet again and fell to her knees, gasping for breath. She could feel a headache behind her eyes, sharp as an icepick; she was hot and cold at the same time and she was naked and she was panicking and—

Her period wasn't pinkish.

Another wave of tears blurred her eyes, and she moaned, but she couldn't stop herself from throwing up again, and her vomit was pink, bits of fruit, half-digested snacks, and—

_No_.

She didn't want to think about it. She wanted to believe she was just having a nightmare, that if she went to sleep she would wake up in her hotel room and everything would be all right...

Taking short, gasping breaths, she managed to pull herself to her feet and look at her tear-blurred reflection. Her mascara had run in trails down her cheeks, over her already-ruined makeup. She saw a large bruise just above her breast, one that she didn't remember.

_Bruise, or hickey?_

She whimpered as she found a washcloth, ran it under the water, and wiped her thighs. She hadn't had her period. The residue on her inner thighs wasn't menstrual blood.

"No," she whimpered. "Oh my God. Oh no."

Her stomach was roiling as she staggered toward the shower, turning the hot and cold knobs as hard as she could, and stepped under the spray, heaving with sobs. She found a bar of soap and scrubbed at her thighs with it, but all of her felt dirty, _all_ of her, and she rinsed her hair, scrubbed at her face, scrubbed the join of her thighs. She spat when she felt her gorge rising again, hoping to stave it off for a while.

It felt so close, so thin, like nothing was between her and it, but she was panicked and she _couldn't remember,_ couldn't remember how the hell she had ended up in the bed naked. She was trembling and sick again when she twisted the knobs to turn off the water and sat on the lip of the tub. She winced at the pressure against her bottom.

_What happened to me?_ She whimpered. Her eyes were already swollen and tender, and they stung when another wave of tears rose. Her nose was running.

_I have to get out of here. I have to get somewhere safe._

She found a clean towel under the sink and had to sit down while she dried herself off—moving around still made the room tilt drunkenly—and her mouth was sour and nasty and parched, her hair in damp locks as she slowly pushed the bathroom door open and looked into the bedroom. She held the towel around her, as little defense as it was, and her stomach turned as she saw the bed, the linens in disarray. A man's back was turned toward her; she saw dark hair.

Her dress had been tossed beside the bed. Her panties weren't there, though, and she finally found them at the foot of the bed, tangled in the sheets. She dressed quickly in the bathroom, or as quickly as she could while nauseated and aching, wiping off the ruined remains of her makeup. She considered trying to rinse her mouth out with mouthwash, but the thought of it made her stomach lurch unpleasantly again. She settled for a quick mouthful of water, and even that was nauseating.

Her sandals were on the carpet at the foot of the bed. It took her a few tries, but she slid her feet into them, then breathed as deeply as she dared, willing her equilibrium back. She had never felt so miserable after a night of drinking.

She opened the door to the hallway and the room was cast in dim golden light; she didn't see her purse anywhere obvious, but she didn't want to spend the time doing a thorough search unless she had to, not with that other person still in the bed. As though he sensed her thoughts, he turned onto his back, and she was able to see his face.

Frank. Barechested. Beside her in the bed.

Her lips parted and she forced herself to breathe, just breathe, to close the door and walk away like the floor hadn't just given way beneath her, like her heart wasn't broken.


	3. Chapter 3

Nancy didn't see a telephone in the kitchen, or even a phone book; she was blinking away tears, searching for her purse so she could call a cab, when two girls carrying their heels came downstairs. One had long tousled platinum-blonde hair and a burnished brown tan; the other girl had dark hair with pink streaks. Both of them were bleary-eyed and yawning.

"Uh..." Nancy's voice was rough and harsh against her throat; she tried to clear it and winced in pain. "I need to call a cab but I can't find my phone. Would one of you mind...?"

The dark-haired girl yawned again as she opened a purse and began to root around in it. Then Nancy's gaze caught on a square of pale gold wedged between the stereo and a line of cases. "Oh!" she said, and pulled out the small clutch purse she had carried there the night before. Her cell phone and lip gloss were still inside, along with the credit card she had hidden inside the cell phone case.

"Look, it'll take you an hour to get a cab out here," the blonde said. "You wanna ride? Where you goin?"

Nancy gave her the address of the hotel—she had it memorized, from navigating to and from it with her GPS all week—and the blonde and brunette exchanged a glance, then gestured for her to come with them. They both seemed delirious and exhausted, and after they navigated out of the neighborhood, the brunette insisted that they stop for Starbucks, or they would never make it back.

Nancy pulled out her phone and saw two message notifications. One was an hours-old notification telling her that a ticket had opened up for her on standby for a flight just after midnight. Nancy felt sick when she saw it. The other was a message from Ned.

_Since I didn't hear from you, I guess you didn't make it back last night. Safe flight, and let me know when you've landed. Love you._

Nancy's eyes flooded with tears, and she tried to choke back her sob, but she didn't quite succeed. She sniffled as another wave of tears slipped down her cheeks.

She ordered an iced coffee and a water when the brunette stopped at the drive-thru, but couldn't bear the thought of food, not yet. After she downed half the coffee she felt marginally better, and when she offered the girls money for giving her a ride, they refused. "Hope you feel better, hon," the brunette told her. "Take about four aspirin and try to get some rest. And drink lots of water."

Once she was in her room, Nancy pulled off her dress and panties, throwing them as far away from her as she could; she was in the shower a minute later. She just kept feeling _it,_ even if she couldn't remember it—someone else's hands on her skin, someone else's mouth against her flesh. She felt too shocked to cry; she felt numb and miserable and so terribly afraid, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't _remember_. The only thought she could focus on was the one she had had earlier: to find somewhere safe and stay there. The hotel wasn't safe. She wasn't going to be safe until she was back in Illinois, and even then...

She dressed and went to the airport, but the person who stood in line at the rental return counter, who passed through security and proceeded to the gate, wasn't her. She felt like some mechanical version of herself had taken over, and that version gave polite smiles to the security officers and other travelers around her, but the real her was scared and shrunk up tight and shivering in her head. She left the gate long enough to buy the largest container of water she could, and even though she had taken aspirin back at the hotel, choking the pills down had been a nightmare; she had almost coughed them up more than once. At the gate she found a seat where she had her back against the wall and a good line of sight, and huddled in the lined raincoat she had brought, shivering.

She had never felt more alone, more lost, in her entire life.

She didn't relax, she _couldn't_ relax, until the plane was in the air—and even then she found herself scrutinizing the passengers around her. The bumping and jostling at takeoff had her nauseated again, and she couldn't even bear the thought of water; even the bitter aftertaste of the aspirin had her almost gagging. Her head felt like a solid throbbing ache, tight and awful, and she would have begged for the pain medication to work if it would have actually worked.

Safe. She just wanted to be safe, and though that soreness between her thighs had faded to a dull ache, it was still a reminder, a terrible one.

Once the plane landed, Nancy collected her luggage; her heart was in her throat when she heard her phone ping with new voicemail. She didn't check her messages while she was on the shuttle out to the long-term parking; she kept her head down, occasionally looking up to steal glances at the faces around her, at the horizon to keep herself from throwing up again. She paid off her bill, found her car, and when she was wrestling her larger bag into the Mustang's trunk, she bumped her wrist and winced.

She saw a fingermark bruise there, faint and new. Then she whimpered without even realizing she was the one who had made the wounded sound.

_No._

_I have to get to Ned._

She could feel the panic roaring at the edge of her consciousness, but she couldn't allow herself to listen to it; if she did, she knew she would lose her mind. She checked her phone and found three messages waiting, two voicemails from Frank and a message from Joe. Joe's message was a text. _You okay? Did you catch your flight?_

She didn't want to hear from either of them again, and she hoped that if she sent Joe a brief text, that would stop the messages. _Yes. Back home. Sorry couldn't say goodbye._

She didn't respond to Frank's messages; she didn't listen to them. She couldn't.

When she was an hour down the road, another tumbler of iced coffee in the cupholder of her car, Nancy stopped in a city and went to a chain pharmacy store, hoping to find something that would help her headache. She was flushed one minute, freezing the next; she still felt clammy and sick, and she startled at almost every sound. The buzz of the lights overhead seemed to make her headache worse, and she walked to the back of the store, jittery and impatient to get to Emerson, but she was afraid that if she didn't feel better soon, she would just have to pull off somewhere and sleep until the pain had begun to pass.

Then she glanced up. She had come down the contraceptives aisle.

_What if he—what if I'm pregnant?_

The thought was terrible. Her eyes widened, and she wasn't sure how long she stared at a box of condoms without seeing them before she blushed and looked down. She couldn't believe that she had been considering buying some even a few days earlier; her mind shied away from it, skittering, choked with fear.

She couldn't remember seeing a torn condom wrapper in the trash or near the bed during her hasty exit, and that made her face fall, made her heart skip another anguished beat.

Walking up to the pharmacist's counter and asking for the morning-after pill, her eyes shimmering and her voice trembling faintly, was one of the hardest things she had ever done. She walked out of the store with another large bottle of water, another bottle of pain medication, and the contraceptive treatment in a white paper bag. She pulled her purse on top of it in the passenger seat, until she couldn't see any of the white paper, any bit of it. She was still shaking from throwing up in the restroom a few minutes earlier, and that awful longing, the hope that she would close her eyes and open them again and find that she had just had a terrible nightmare, returned in full force.

_And what will happen once I get there..._

She couldn't think about it. She couldn't.

Just under three hours later, Nancy parked her car beside the Omega Chi house. As soon as she turned the key in the ignition and the engine came to a stop, she drew a long breath and felt tears rise in her eyes. She had no idea how she had been able to make it without a total breakdown. Twice she had looked at the bottle of pain medication she had bought at the pharmacy and wondered, almost dreamily, what would happen if she could bring herself to swallow all of it. Though the sun was out, the temperature was cold, and she was in the middle of a sweating hot flash; the cold air felt good on her face, when she was finally able to bring herself to open her door and put her feet on the ground.

She was familiar enough with Ned's schedule to know that he was almost certainly still in class, and she wasn't sure what she would do while she waited for him. She had just brought herself to her feet and was taking deep breaths, hoping to settle her queasy stomach, when she heard someone call her name.

"Hey girl. Back so soon?"

She flinched; she couldn't help it. But when she turned, she saw Howie smiling at her, and she smiled back.

"Oh, Nan, you look rough. Bad day?"

"The trip was... well, wasn't so good," she told him. "It's good to see you, though."

He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a little hug. She tensed a little, but relaxed; Howie had always been nice to her. "You bring a suitcase?"

"Yeah," she said, opening the trunk. "And a carry-on—"

"Hey! Stewart!" Howie beckoned a blond guy who was on the front lawn over to Nancy's car. "Take Nancy's suitcase inside." To Nancy he said, "Freshman. Gotta use 'em while we have 'em." Then he grinned.

"Thanks, Howie. And thanks, uh—"

"Alex," the blond guy replied. "You're welcome."

"And just to prove I'm a gentleman..." Howie took Nancy's carry-on and started into the house. Nancy hastily shoved the pharmacy bag into her purse and followed, looking all around them, at the guys coming to and from the fraternity. "I was heading over to a review session, but I'll make sure you get inside okay. Look, we'll use the key and get you into Ned's room. You just take a nap and drink some water," he nodded approvingly at the enormous bottle in her hand, "maybe take some aspirin, and you'll be okay tomorrow."

Nancy nodded obediently as Howie went to the kitchen to grab the spare master key from its hiding place, then led her and Stewart upstairs. Ned had tossed the comforter back over his bed but it wasn't really made; she saw a stack of library books next to where his laptop would have been plugged in, and a pile of laundry that needed to be done. Otherwise his room wasn't too untidy.

Stewart gave her a little wave and Howie gave her another hug before he left. Nancy closed the door and felt her heart racing. She turned the lock on Ned's door, then staggered over to the bed and collapsed onto it, breathing shallowly.

During her entire journey back, she had been nervous that Frank was following her; even now, she was afraid of it. What had happened—it was so far outside what she had thought she knew about him that she just didn't know anymore.

_But you don't remember,_ a little voice in her head said. _For all you know, you encouraged it. Maybe you wanted it._

She had told herself months ago that it was unfair to keep hurting Ned. And there was no way he would believe her if she told him the truth. She wouldn't believe him, not if she knew he had been spending time with someone he had cheated with before. The story just didn't make any sense.

Her gaze was drawn to her purse. If he saw the emergency contraceptive, he would definitely ask her some questions, questions she couldn't easily answer.

She steeled herself and picked up the water bottle; when she pulled the paper bag out of her purse, she closed her eyes for a moment. Before she lost her nerve, she needed to take the medication.

Less than a day earlier, she had been happy. The person she had been felt so far away from her now. The disconnect was too wide.

She checked the hallway before she went to the bathroom; she couldn't get rid of the packaging in Ned's room without his seeing it. Her fingers were shaking when she tapped the pill into her palm, then looked down at it. Her throat clenched, and she had to breathe shallowly to keep herself from gagging; tears rose in her eyes.

She put the pill on her tongue and raised the bottle, but as soon as she took the sip of water and tried to swallow the pill, she immediately gagged, coughing, panicking. Her throat closed and she spat it out. The pill landed on the lip of the toilet, then bounced into the bowl.

"God," she whispered, blinking tears down her cheeks. After another breath she was emptying her stomach again; all that was in it was water and coffee that burned all the way back up, and she heaved and cried until she was empty. Even if she had managed to swallow the pill, it would have come back up.

She ran her hand through her hair, raking it back from her face. She was sweaty again, miserable; she felt dirty, like she was in a terrible dream and if she could find a way, she would wake herself up. She would wake in Ned's arms and there would be no night in Florida that she couldn't remember. She wouldn't be the girl hunched over a toilet, sobbing and aching, trying to convince herself that the thing that had happened to her couldn't have happened at all. Wouldn't have.

She rinsed her mouth out, but when she touched the doorknob to walk back to Ned's room, she flinched like the metal was hot beneath her fingertips. In her head she _knew_ that Frank almost certainly hadn't followed her. But it took her more than a few seconds to work up the courage to even open the door.

As soon as she was in Ned's room again, she closed the door and locked it, her fingers shaking again, but that still didn't feel like enough. She searched the room and settled on pushing the chest at the foot of his bed against the door. Then she found the best place to stay, where she could see the door and the window and where she could have her back against the wall, and slumped to the floor, her knees up and her arms wrapped around them, rocking gently. Her phone was on the other side of the room, and she heard it go off a few times, but she couldn't bring herself to move.

_I can't tell him._

_I can't keep this from him._

_But I can't tell him._

She buried her face against her knees and cried, digging her fingernails into the sides of her legs. She just wanted to feel something else than the bottomless aching misery inside her. She was terrified to remember, but it was more terrifying to search her memories and find only snatches, like watching a damaged movie. As though in an eyeblink she had gone from being outside on the patio with a drink in her hand, talking to Frank, to dancing in the living room—and there had been an _after_ and it was gone, everything was gone until she had opened her eyes to the blue before dawn, and the nightmare had only just begun.

_can't can't can't be true I don't remember it didn't happen it didn't it didn't it's not real it can't be real_

Footsteps on the stairs made her lift her head, and when they approached Ned's room, she tried to wipe her wet cheeks and sniffled. She heard a key in the door and her stomach tightened; the door only moved an inch before it struck the heavy chest.

"What—Nan? Are you here?"

Her throat was tight, and Ned pushed the chest aside with his foot, then forced his way into the room. Nancy was still curled up in a ball on the other side of his bed, and as soon as he saw her, his expression went from one of confusion to alarm.

"Honey? Nan, what's wrong, what's going on?" He rushed over to her and she broke down then, sobbing. He sank down and touched her arm, his dark eyes shining.

"I can't," she forced out, her voice shaking and broken. "I—can't—"

He moved onto his knees and held her upper arm, searching her face. "What is it, what do you need?" he said softly. "Baby, you're scaring me, just let me help..."

At his words she began to cry harder, so hard that soon her head was pounding. Ned moved beside her and slipped his arm around her shoulders, still making quiet soothing sounds.

It was lodged tight in her throat, and telling him would be irrevocable.

Ned's phone chirped, and Nancy tried to make herself calm down. He didn't answer it until it chirped again, and then he pulled it out and tapped a few buttons with his thumb. Then he brought the phone to his ear, and she heard the faint burr of a ringing phone under her gasping, hitched sobs. "Tell coach I had an emergency," he said, his voice tight. He hung up, still stroking her shoulder with his other hand.

"You—" Her breath hitched again. "I'm sorry—"

He shook his head. Then he began to shoulder his backpack off. When he put his arm around her again, she moved her face against his shoulder and breathed in, and then he was holding her and that trapped, scared feeling began to fade a little, because with him, she was safe.

_You thought Frank was safe._

She sniffled and brought her head up, and he reached up and wiped the tears from her cheek. "What do you need?" he said softly. "Do you need to talk, or are you too upset? I don't want to make you more upset."

Nancy accepted the tissue he found and handed her, wiping her running nose and wet cheeks. The tears wouldn't stop, though.

"Last night," she began, and her voice was shaking. She cleared her throat. "Last night Frank said he and Joe were going to a party and he invited me to go along. I hadn't hung out with him that much, and I was hoping that he... well, that he'd given up on me." She shrugged. "And I thought with Joe there I'd be okay. As soon as I walked in this guy handed me a cup of punch. I—I don't know what it was, I knew it was spiked, but it had fruit in it and it tasted good..."

"PJ," Ned said, and his voice had a little edge on it. "That shit's strong, Nan."

"I didn't know," she said, and sniffled.

"It's all right. Did you drink too much?"

She nodded. "I must've," she said. "The fruit was good... and I know I was drunk and oh God, I missed you so much. I remember talking to Frank... and he was talking about how he had feelings for me and I told him that I was with you."

Ned nodded, his gaze fixed on her face. Her stomach flipped. She was feeling sick again, and she wasn't sure if it was still the last of her hangover, or the prospect of telling Ned what had happened.

"I don't know what happened," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

She bowed her head. "I mean I can't remember," she whispered.

"You passed out?"

"I must have," she said. "There are gaps. Little flashes. Then nothing." She wiped her cheeks again, taking a deep breath. "I know it sounds... I know how it sounds."

"Blackout drunk," Ned said.

Nancy brought her head up, slowly so it wouldn't spin. "Hmm?"

"It's called blackout drunk. When you can't remember what happened, even though you might still have been awake."

"So it's happened to you?"

He shook his head. "No, thank God. But I've been around other guys when they were that far gone. They talk about it like a tape someone stopped and started again. The stuff that happened while the tape was 'stopped,' they can't remember at all."

"That's exactly how it is." She sighed.

"I'm sure you were scared..."

"I was... but, Ned... I woke up..." She began to cry again. "I woke up and I was naked and I don't know how—I don't know what happened—"

Her voice rose to a wail at the end, and Ned reached for her again, rubbing her shoulder. "Nan, I'm so sorry."

"My..." She sniffled, then looked up into his eyes. "Inside me hurt and there was blood and sticky stuff on my thighs..."

By the end of it she was sobbing and he kept his hand on her shoulder, though he stopped rubbing. His face turned white and he looked sick; then he flushed. "Was that asshole..."

"I was sick and when I came back—tried to find my clothes—he was in the bed... no shirt..." She choked up again. "And I don't _remember..._ "

He pulled his hand back and she looked up at him with her eyes swimming. He took a deep breath, but he looked like he was in pain as he said, "Nan, did you take a shower or wash off?"

She nodded. "Twice," she whispered. "I felt dirty... I still feel dirty."

"We..." He shook his head. "Nan, we should go file a police report."

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. "No—I don't know what happened, I can't... I don't know who..."

"I think you do know," he said, his voice quiet. "Who was responsible for this, I mean. If he was in bed with you—he probably did this."

She sniffled. "But I don't remember, and I... I'm so afraid that I... that he thought it was okay..."

He reached for her hand. "I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me," he told her. "I know you were drunk. I know how it can be, okay? And I'm not going to get mad at you. Did you have any intention of sleeping with him last night?"

She shook her head immediately, vehemently, even though the motion made her sick again. " _No_ ," she said. "I... I wanted to be with you. I didn't want to sleep with him. I wanted to sleep with you... and I thought that when we went away, over spring break..."

He paled again. "Oh God," he whispered.

"Yeah." She gave him a small, humorless tearstained smile. "I just didn't want to tell you yet."

He stroked the side of her hand with his thumb. "If you had no intention of sleeping with him, then it doesn't matter what he thought," Ned said.

"But I don't remember..."

"Nan, if you were blackout drunk, there's no way you could have given consent. No way. Whatever happened to you was rape. So put that out of your head right now."

"But, you said... if I intended..."

Ned shook his head. "You couldn't have said yes," he said. "Not really. Even if you went along with it, you were drunk. And if you'd been aware of what was going on—"

"I would have stopped him," she finished slowly, her gaze fixed on the foot of his bed as she realized. She absently touched her bruised wrist and winced.

Ned noticed it and turned her hand over. "Is this new?"

"Yeah," she whispered, looking into his eyes.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Ned, no," she murmured, and wiped her face again. "He was drunk too. Could it be the same with him? That he woke up and didn't know what had happened either? He—he called and left me messages, today, but I couldn't..."

"Well, if he was calling to apologize, then you have your answer," Ned said, his voice a little grim. "Do you want to listen to them?"

She shook her head. "I can't," she whispered. "Not now and maybe not ever again. I just... I feel like I'm in a nightmare."

"Do you want me to listen?"

She shrugged. Ned went to her purse and she just gazed at him as he found her phone. Her stomach ached, and her headache throbbed, but he was with her and he hadn't rejected her. He believed her. Despite everything.

_How did I get so lucky, to have him,_ she wondered. He had been there for her for so long... and she would have understood if he had thrown her out. It would have broken her heart, but she would have understood.

Ned's face was flushed when he finally put her phone down. "He doesn't apologize, but he does say that he missed you this morning and for you to call him. I'd be happy to call him—"

The tone in Ned's voice told her exactly what would happen during that conversation, and she shook her head. "I don't want to talk to him, and I appreciate it, but please don't. I just... I can't."

He came back over to her. "You look miserable. Have you taken anything? Are you..." He swallowed. "Are you still hurting, down there?"

She shrugged a little. "Not really," she whispered, flushing. "I've felt awful all day."

"Is it possible that... something ended up in your drink?"

Her eyes widened as she considered what he meant. "Not unless that entire cooler of punch was—drugged," she said. "I didn't let my cup out of my sight—or at least I don't remember that happening."

Ned relaxed a little. "Okay. Have you been able to keep anything down?"

She told him that she hadn't, and he had one of the newer brothers bring up a bowl of warmed chicken broth, saltine crackers, and Gatorade. He even cleared off his desk for her, so she could sit in his desk chair to eat. "Ned, I know I'm interrupting you," she said, shaking her head. "Did you have practice?"

"It's practice," he told her. "This is more important. And after you eat, if you're okay with it, we can go to the health center."

She had just swallowed a small bite of cracker, but her stomach flipped when she heard his words. "I don't know..."

"If it—if it was unprotected..." He swallowed hard.

Nancy crossed her arms over her belly, closing her eyes for a moment. "I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay," Ned said. His voice was quiet.

She imagined going, and felt sick all over again. Telling a nurse her story, maybe a doctor, maybe a policeman... and then what? She couldn't call something she didn't even remember an attack.

And, somehow, that made it worse. She didn't _know_. And the thought of talking to Frank or anyone else about it was beyond mortifying.

She spooned up as much of the broth as she could and ate a few crackers, then sat back with a trembling sigh. She had what she wanted; she had made it, and she was safe. She had no doubt in her mind now that Ned would protect her, especially if Frank did follow her. But it hadn't solved anything. She had been so focused on getting here and getting through her discussion with Ned that now she felt entirely lost.

"Are you okay, or do you want to rest for a little while? You can have my bed."

She shook her head. She didn't know how she would ever sleep again, but she was exhausted. "I can't sleep in your bed," she said, dry-washing her face with her palms. "I can't..."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's not... I know you wouldn't do anything. I know that. I just... I can't, not right now."

"Nan, I wouldn't... I know. I'm not going to do anything, I promise. I just want you to be safe."

She leaned down, her face against her knees, and felt herself start to cry again. She didn't know how she was going to be safe. She tried to imagine going over to Theta Pi and asking if she could share someone's room for the night, but the thought of being so far away from Ned for the night, exposed, vulnerable—but she couldn't sleep in the same bed with him, either. Not now, not yet. She still felt her throat tighten at the thought of taking more medication, at all of it...

Ned touched her back and she started, bringing her flushed, wet face up. He was kneeling in front of her. "Just relax, okay? I'm not going to do anything, I'm not going to make you do anything. If you don't want to sleep in here, it's all right. You can use the guest room downstairs. Shh."

"It would be okay?"

Ned nodded. "And no one in this house is going to lay a finger on you. You'll be safe here. Okay?"

The guest room was reserved for special visitors, downstairs away from the brothers' rooms. When she walked in, the room was as neat as a pin, with the bed made, the carpet clean, the furniture polished and gleaming. It even boasted a large sleek television set. Nancy had only even seen the room once before. "Are you sure it's okay if I stay in here?" she asked Ned, turning to him. "I mean..."

"It's for guests and you're a guest," he said. "And I want you to be comfortable. I get that you're probably freaked out right now. But I want you close... if that's okay."

She nodded. "Ned... you're being really amazing about this," she said. "Thank you."

He shrugged and gently touched her back. "I love you," he said. "And I want you to file a police report, but I understand if you don't—it's just that if it were up to me, I'd take him apart with my bare hands for doing this to you. I mean it. I have no respect for him at all now. And what happened is his fault, not yours. If he calls you again, I'd be glad to 'talk' to him."

Nancy shook her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Nan. And..." He sighed. "About spring break..."

She swallowed. "You probably don't want to go away with me now," she said, looking down at the floor.

"I thought _you_ might not," he returned, raising an eyebrow. "I'll go along with whatever you want to do. I know you were looking forward to it, but I know... this... might have changed your plans about what would happen."

She nodded, miserable, and when her eyes flooded with tears she took a step back into the room, so no one outside could see her when she was so upset. They would probably already be wondering why she would sleep downstairs if she and Ned had been sleeping in his bed before. She didn't want anyone to know. She just felt ashamed and hurt and afraid.

Ned took a step into the room, too. "Nan, it's all right."

She shook her head, crossing her arms. "Nothing's all right," she told him, her voice cracking as she tried to choke back another sob. "Nothing is. And there's nothing I can do. I want to just—I guess a part of me has already forgotten what happened last night but that doesn't change it. I wanted to share my first time with you and now... now it's—something ugly." She wiped her cheeks.

"Honey... if—whenever you decide, when you want that? It will be your first time. The first time you remember. The first time you get to share that with someone else." He took a step toward her. "The first time you made the choice."

"It's not fair," she whispered. "Ned, I wanted it to be you..."

"And when you're ready, it will be," he said, gazing into her eyes, his own dark and intense with emotion. "I want to take him apart with my bare hands for doing this to you. Because I felt how you were so tense and scared and unsure when we were together like that; I tried to be so careful with you because I never wanted to hurt you, and he _hurt you._ I don't care what excuse he has, or how he justifies it, because I know he'll try, and that a part of you will want to believe him. No matter what you did, you didn't deserve this. You are so..." She saw his adam's apple bob when he glanced down. "You're everything, Nan. No matter what. And it breaks my heart because if I—if I could've just found a way to be there with you, somehow, maybe..."

She reached for his hand. "No," she murmured. "Ned, I don't blame you for this. Not at all."

"And I don't blame you. All right? This wasn't your fault. And all we can do from here is just move forward."

She just gazed at him silently for a moment. "What did I do to deserve you," she whispered. "I thought you would... that you wouldn't be like this."

"How could something that wasn't your fault make me love you any less?"

Her heart skipped a beat when he gently cupped her cheek. Her eyes were stinging and puffy again; she knew she had to look awful. She hadn't realized how much she needed _this_ , needed him to be close to her. She had been so afraid that he would treat her like she was untouchable now.

Slowly, reluctantly, he dropped his hand. "You need to get some rest," he said. "You look exhausted. I'll be here if you need me, okay? Just call me."

She locked the bedroom door behind Ned once he left, then wedged a chair beneath the doorknob and went to take another shower in the guest bathroom. She was nervous and distracted the entire time; she was on the ground floor, and though the window was too small for an adult to climb through, she still didn't like the possible lack of privacy.

She still felt dirty. Even after she had washed and rinsed the sweat away and scrubbed her thighs again, she still felt unclean.

Going on like this felt impossible. She wasn't herself anymore. She didn't even fully know who she was, now. If she and Ned did go away together in a couple of weeks, their trip would be nothing like what she had imagined when she had been planning it. She had been timid and nervous about it before, even if she had become a little more comfortable with the idea—but now? To feel his weight pinning her down, to be helpless—

_I don't understand,_ she thought. _Why? Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong?_

She changed into flannel pants and an oversized shirt—she would need to do laundry tomorrow; she hadn't packed enough for an extended stay at Omega Chi, too—and curled up in a ball as soon as she slid between the sheets. The bed was comfortable, but she was afraid to lie down. Someone could come in through the window or the door. She was too vulnerable.

_For the rest of my life, for the rest of my damn life is it going to be like this? Afraid to be alone, afraid to be around other people, afraid of something I can't even remember..._

She cried and she was exhausted but she couldn't rest; she hugged her knees and her tears made damp patches in her flannel pants. Whenever she realized she was drifting off, she jerked to consciousness again, searching the room around her for intruders.

_Have to sleep. Have to sleep..._

The house had become quieter around her, and Nancy pulled a sweatshirt over her t-shirt before she went into the kitchen, cautiously. The light was still on but the room itself was empty. She heard the television in the common room, so quiet it was just a murmur. Her arms were crossed over her belly as she looked around, expecting to see Howie or Paul or Maury or Mike; she heard some distant sounds from the basement, where she knew the brothers kept a pool table and a refrigerator stocked with beer, among other things. But she saw a familiar blanket spread over the couch when she glanced into the common room. The one from Ned's bed. His dark head was pillowed against one arm of the couch.

"Ned?" she whispered, and he sat up, looking over at her.

"Nan? You okay?"

She shrugged, the heels of her hands tucked into the cuffs of her sweatshirt. "Couldn't sleep," she murmured. "Thought I might try a few more crackers. Why—why are you on the couch?"

"In case you needed me," he told her, and she looked down, sniffling. He had a warm comfortable bed upstairs. Instead he was bunked out on the couch, just so she would be safer.

They ended up on the couch together with a sleeve of crackers, and Ned brought the comforter up over her so she wouldn't get cold, then rested his arm around her shoulders when she sat down beside him. "So did anyone think it was weird that I'm..." She nodded in the direction of the guest bedroom.

"I told 'em you had the flu—and someone said they'd heard you throwing up earlier, so they bought it. I'll probably have to Lysol the room and the couch after this, but it's worth it."

When she had been throwing up the pill. Nancy looked down at the cracker she had been lifting to her mouth and sighed.

"Are you feeling better, though? If you want to eat..."

"My stomach isn't as upset," she murmured. "I can't sleep. I don't know what to do."

He rubbed her upper arm. "Well, let's just hang out until you feel sleepy," he said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know," she murmured. Then she rested her head on his shoulder.

A few minutes later, the movie playing on the television faded into a commercial break, and Nancy felt Ned relax a little. "Is it weird if I say that this is one of my favorite things to do with you?" he murmured. "To just hang out on the couch and relax? I love spending time with you, but sometimes I think about... about us having our own place, and relaxing like this after work..."

Nancy's eyes glazed with tears, and she choked back a sob. She had thought that future might be lost to her now. She had thought that maybe he would see her as damaged and broken, tainted. But he was treating her like she had been through a gut-wrenching case and she needed to unwind, not like she could never be who she was again.

"That would be nice," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

He kissed the top of her head. "Nan, baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he told her. "It'll get easier, I know it will, and I'd do anything to help you feel better. I love you."

"I love you," she whispered, her voice shaking, reaching up and wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

She didn't know how much later it was when she woke up; Ned was moving, and the credits were rolling on the screen. She had finally been able to fall asleep, even if it had only been for a little while. "Here," he said softly. "Let me help you back to bed."

Her stomach flipped once, but when Ned walked with her into the guest bedroom, she didn't feel afraid of him. In fact, she wished they were still cuddled together on the couch. "Ned, can you... can you stay in here with me until I fall asleep? Please?"

"Sure," he told her, and kissed her forehead. "Let me go get my stuff out of the living room. I'll be right back, okay?"

He left, and she crossed to the other side of the bed, stripping off the sweatshirt; she finally felt warm again. The sheets were cold, though, and Ned came back in with his backpack, the comforter and the pillow, which he left beside the door. He put his hand on the knob, then looked over at her. "I can leave this open..."

She shook her head. "No, it's okay," she told him. "You can close it."

Nancy considered as he closed the door. She was afraid she would panic if she and Ned were together the way they had been, the last time they had slept together in a bed.

"Is it okay if—if I'm under the sheet and you're on top of it?" she asked, gazing at him. "I'm sorry..."

"No, no, that's okay. Whatever makes you comfortable. Are you okay if I..."

He reached for the hem of his shirt, but it wasn't until she gave him a nod that he took it off. He stripped off his socks too as she slipped into the bed, and then he followed, making sure to slide under the comforter but not the sheet. She knew it was little protection, but that was okay.

"Here," he murmured, and she moved toward him, resting her head against his shoulder as he looped his arm around her. He gently stroked her back and she closed her eyes, trying to relax. "You're safe, Nan. You're safe with me. He won't ever touch you again. You're safe. Shh."

She swallowed. "Tell me how you see it," she whispered. "Living together."

"I know the first place I have will probably be small and not all that pretty, but it'll be mine," he said, his voice soft and lulling. "I'll invite you over and cook you dinner to impress you, and then one day... one day I'll work up the nerve to ask you to marry me, for real this time. Because I think your father would dismember me if we lived together and we weren't even engaged."

She couldn't help smiling, even though she could feel tears gathering beneath her lowered lashes.

"And when you wanted... maybe after we were engaged, maybe when you're in your wedding dress and I carry you over the threshold—it would be our place. And I'd make you breakfast and bring you flowers just because I thought you might like them. I would spend every minute we were together making sure you knew how much I love you. I love you so much and I—I know maybe I shouldn't have said all that..."

"No," she whispered, her voice faint with exhaustion. "You should have... I love you too. And I want to be with you too." She sniffled. "Please stay with me..."

"Sure," he whispered. "Shh. Sleep, Nan. You're safe, baby. I've got you."

And she slept cuddled up against him, their bodies separated by the sheet and their pajamas, and though her heart was broken, she finally felt like she could stop running.


	4. Chapter 4

Nancy never quite put it in words, but in her head, there was another version of herself. The other version had stopped herself at one cup of punch, and she had made it to the standby flight out of Florida on the night of the party. The other Nancy, when she packed for her spring break trip with Ned, filled her suitcase with short silky nightgowns, and included condoms too. The other Nancy, when she met Ned at O'Hare that spring morning, was a virgin looking forward to spending a very important vacation with her boyfriend.

But the real version of Nancy hadn't slept well since she had returned to River Heights, after spending three days with Ned at the Omega Chi house, slowly regaining her equilibrium after the terrible day of her arrival. She only slept well in her boyfriend's arms. And even though she sensed that he still wanted to take their relationship further, when she approached the airport that misty morning, she still wasn't totally sure whether she was ready.

Two weeks earlier, she had blinked herself awake in an unfamiliar bed, still drunk but somehow naked, blood between her thighs.

She tried her best to pretend that nothing had changed. She hadn't mentioned what had happened to her father or any of her closest friends. No one knew except Ned, and maybe Frank—but Nancy hadn't been able to find the nerve to talk to Frank; in fact, a few days earlier, she had taken the steps to block his number. She never wanted to speak to him again, because no matter what he said, it wouldn't change what had happened. If he remembered it, if he had been aware of what he was doing, then Ned was right and it had been rape; if he didn't remember, if he hadn't been in control either, then it was just as bad. Either way she could never trust him again. Either way, their friendship, their relationship, as they had known it was over.

And maybe that change had begun six months earlier, when Nancy had decided that she wanted to be with Ned, that she was going to end the flirtation she shared with Frank. Maybe the cost had always been cutting Frank out of her life. But she hadn't thought it would come to that.

It seemed foolish to worry about having sex with Ned when she had already lost her virginity, but he was right. Maybe it had happened physically, but psychologically, emotionally, she was still naive and afraid. She still didn't know what it would be like, how it would feel—or, worse, if being intimate with Ned might make her remember what had happened. She had done some research on blackout drinking, but everything she found told her that she likely would never remember the time she had lost.

Soon she would find out whether she had been accepted to Emerson or not. She hadn't been too worried about it before, but now, the thought of being so far away from Ned during his senior year... she hated sleeping without him beside her. She had been operating on such light, poor sleep for so long that she felt delirious with it.

She had packed a suitcase full of all the clothes she had imagined she might need, but only one lacy nightgown, and that she wasn't even sure if she would take out of her luggage. She stepped onto the curb at O'Hare and saw him waiting for her, and he came to her, wrapping her in a warm hug. "Hey Nan," he sighed.

"Hey," she whispered, lingering in his embrace for a long moment before she took a step back and looked at him. He looked tired too, but he had just been through a tough week full of projects and assignments. "You ready?"

He took her hand. "Yeah. Bright sun and warm beaches, here we come," he said with a smile.

She had planned their trip before her last case, and though she was pretty sure that Frank and Joe had been back in Bayport for weeks, she still felt a little nervous about their short layover in Miami before they boarded the flight to the Bahamas. The flight time wasn't that long, and she was grateful—her last flight between Chicago and Miami wasn't a pleasant memory, and at least this time she had Ned beside her.

She was a little disappointed that her period was supposed to start during the last two days of their trip, but she hadn't been able to schedule that; the next time she would have any extended time with Ned would be the summer, and that was too long to wait. And it wasn't like she and Ned couldn't walk along the beach, or eat at a nice restaurant, or take a tour in the islands instead of playing in the water during those last few days.

They flew away from the misty morning with its threat of rain, and after takeoff Ned wrapped his arm around her and she nestled against his shoulder, and soon they were both asleep. She hadn't realized how strange she felt around everyone else now, like she had some secret that they were sure to discover, like they would somehow put together the pieces: how skittish she had been since her return from Florida, her exhaustion and insomnia, her more-frequent showers. Some nights she didn't sleep at all; some nights she sat awake in her bed, afraid to put on pajamas, afraid to see Frank Hardy's name on her cell phone screen, afraid that she might blink and suddenly _hours_ would be gone again, excised cleanly from her memory.

She had respected Ned's need to keep his attention on his schoolwork, the papers he was writing, the review sessions he was attending—but when he had needed a break, he called her or sent her a message, and that was one of the few bright spots in her day. The sound of his voice across a telephone line or through her computer's speakers just made her longing for him all the sharper, all the worse.

Over the past two weeks, her father had been commenting about her attending Emerson as though it were a _fait accompli_ , and she had begun to consider it again. It was something to look forward to, and she had no doubt that if she did attend Emerson, she would be spending most of her time with or near Ned, and that he would keep her as safe as humanly possible. Everyone on campus knew she was his girlfriend. The guys at the Omega Chi house had been incredibly sweet to her when she had been "sick" with the "flu," too. Part of it, she was sure, had been thanks to Ned's almost-assured status of being their president the following year and their attempts to impress him. Even so, she had been grateful.

After their brief layover, once they were on their way to the Bahamas and out of Florida, excitement overpowered their exhaustion. "So what do you want to do first?" she asked. "Hit the beach?"

"Will you think there's something wrong with me if I say, eat a really delicious dinner and then sleep for twelve hours?" Ned smiled. "I feel like my batteries need a recharge, and you look like you could use it too." He reached up and gently brushed a stray hair from before her eyes. "Then tomorrow we can spend all day on the beach, soaking up the sun and playing in the water. If that's okay with you."

She gave him a small grin. "That sounds perfect," she admitted.

She wasn't afraid of the prospect of sharing a bed with him again. In fact, she was looking forward to it, even if all they did in that bed was sleep. The last night she had spent at Emerson, Ned had been under the covers with her, and they had slept the way they had before, her face pressed against his back, her front pressed against him and her legs tucked up behind his. She knew that he liked cuddling up behind her, but she was also afraid that if he did, and if he became aroused in the night, she might panic.

The atmosphere in the islands, even just in the airport, was more relaxed. After a day of hurrying, they took their time collecting their luggage and walking through the airport. They caught a somewhat battered taxi making a run from the airport to the resorts and listened to a group of guys sharing the ride who were about their own age making plans to hit the beach and the clubs; when they mentioned the fraternity they belonged to, Ned chuckled and leaned in to whisper into Nancy's ear, "Bunch of engineering nerds." The feel of his breath against her ear made Nancy shiver a little, and she reached for his hand to give it a squeeze.

When they checked in at the resort, while the clerk was finding their keys, he gestured at two pitchers nestled in a cooler near the front desk. "Feel free to enjoy some Bahama Mamas on the house," he told them with a smile. "The pitcher with the white lid is non-alcoholic."

Ned raised an eyebrow at Nancy, and she shrugged. "Non-alcoholic," she told him. She had been to the islands before, and she remembered that no one really cared how old the tourists were; as long as they looked old enough to drink, they were allowed.

He poured them each a drink—both from the non-alcoholic pitcher, she noticed—and handed her a plastic cup. She took a breath before her first sip and—

And the punch was fruity and red, just like the punch at the party, and her stomach clenched and she put the cup down on the counter, tears pricking in her eyes. She couldn't do it.

The clerk glanced up at her, a quizzical expression on his face. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah..."

"Still feeling a little queasy from the flight, honey?"

Nancy shot Ned a grateful smile for providing a plausible excuse. "Yeah, a little," she said. "You can have mine, if you want."

Ned drank her cup of the fruity drink after he finished his, and the clerk handed over their keys and a building map with a flourish. "The elevator bank is right around the corner; I can have the bellhop show you to your room..."

"No, it's all right," she told him with a small smile. "I'm sure we can find it. Thanks."

"Oh, and is there a restaurant you'd recommend within walking distance?" Ned put in.

After the clerk had recommended a few places, Nancy mentioned a very highly-rated restaurant she had heard about since her last visit. The clerk promised to call and make them a reservation for dinner near the end of their visit, and Ned took Nancy's hand as they walked to the elevator, to relax for a little while before they headed out to eat.

"You okay?" Ned murmured, once they were alone in the elevator car. "I noticed after I handed it to you that the drink looked a lot like PJ."

"Yeah. I'm okay." She shrugged, still keeping her gaze down. "It was nothing."

He gently squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to upset you."

She glanced up at him, a retort on her lips, but it died there. His brown eyes were sweet and sincere. "Thanks," she said softly.

Their room, once they reached it, was airy and spacious, and the balcony view was just as lovely as Nancy had wanted. The furnishings were a few years old and slightly out of style, but everything was clean and bright. She felt a flutter in her stomach when she saw the king-sized bed, freshly made with a spotless white comforter and waiting for them, and the whirlpool tub through the open bathroom door, but she gave her head a little shake and raised her suitcase so she could unpack her clothes. She hung up a dress made of thin coppery fabric and a few other more casual cotton dresses, then put her swimsuits in a drawer, too. She had brought plenty, along with cover-ups; she didn't want to have to wait for a suit to dry before she and Ned could go out again.

Ned opened the balcony door and stepped out, taking deep breaths. "Mmm. You made a great choice, Nan," he called back to her with a smile. "This view is spectacular."

She walked out too, and Ned slipped his arm over her shoulders, and she relaxed against him. "It really is nice," she murmured. "Just what you needed, huh, Nickerson?"

He dropped a kiss on the crown of her head. "I would have been happy no matter where we went," he told her. "As long as we were together."

She smiled, then stifled a large yawn. "Want to lie down for a little while?"

"Yeah."

Her stomach actually was a little unsteady still, and she wasn't quite ready to eat yet; she slipped out of her jeans and into a pair of shorts, and then she and Ned sprawled over the plush comforter, the fan drifting lazily overhead, her head against his shoulder and his arm around her.

"Nan, thanks for still doing this," he murmured. "Have you been feeling better?"

"I..." She wanted to tell him everything was fine, but out of all her friends and the people who loved her, he was the only one who was anywhere near being able to understand what she was going through, even if he could only sympathize. "I can't sleep without you," she murmured. "I try, but it's so hard. I want to feel better but I don't know how. And I hate that I'm letting what happened change us..."

"Baby, shhh," he told her, and kissed the top of her head. "Do you love me?"

"So much," she whispered. "I love you so much, Ned."

"And I love you," he murmured, and she closed her eyes. "We can get through this together. You just need time. The only thing I'm concerned about is making sure you feel comfortable, honey."

He stroked her hair and she nestled against him, swallowing the ache of her tears. Slowly she drifted off, and when she told herself that it was okay, that she didn't need to have sex with him, she relaxed. Ned had always been willing to wait for her, and if she wasn't quite ready, he would be all right with that.

They woke when the light was dying, and, bleary-eyed, freshened up before heading out. Nancy put on a pair of shorts and sandals, and she and Ned walked down toward the beach hand in hand, watching the sun set on the water before they headed toward the conch shack recommended by the clerk. The place really did look like a shack, and once they looked over the scrawled menu, they ordered piping-hot conch fritters and fries and tall lemonades to eat on the beach.

"Good thing we asked at the desk," Ned commented, after his first bite. "I wouldn't have given that place a second glance. Damn, this is good."

"Yeah," Nancy agreed, sipping her lemonade. "I tried some last time I was here, but from another place. These are incredible."

Between bites of his dinner, Ned told her about his last few days at school, making her laugh with exaggerated accounts of dropped Internet connections, missed emails, group members who put off doing their share of projects, computer projectors that mysteriously stopped working. "I have the worst luck in the world or a spiteful poltergeist has been following me around. Either way, I seem to do a lot better when you're around, Nan," he told her, and gently bumped his shoulder against hers. "Is there a way I could bribe you and keep you around all the time? Maybe if I revive the position of house mascot; would you be willing to dress up as a Wildcat during homecoming parades?"

She smiled. "Depends on whether I'd still be allowed to use that sweet guest bedroom at the Omega Chi house," she teased him.

"Well, I'd love to come back from class and find you in my bed..." He looked at the last few fries in the paper basket resting on his thighs. "But I'm sure you need your space."

"Sometimes," she agreed softly. "But I think maybe next time I visit, I'll be able to hang out with you. In your room, I mean."

He brought his head up and gazed into her eyes. "Only if you're ready," he said.

She moved forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Hanging out and sleeping might be all we do, but I'm pretty sure I can handle that," she said. "Things have been really scary lately, but you've been great. I haven't told you how much I appreciate it."

"Above everything else, I'm your friend," he said.

"My best friend," she added quickly. "I mean it. You and Bess and George are my best friends. I couldn't give any of you up, but you've been my rock."

"And I plan on being there for you for—for the rest of our lives," he told her, gently brushing a hair from her cheek as it was blown by the wind. "I love you, Nancy. More than anything. And this... what kind of person would I be, if I didn't do everything for you that I could? I hate that this happened to you. I'd give anything to change it, but I can't. It means so much to me, to be here with you right now. That you trust me."

She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat, and waited a moment before she spoke again. "I love you too," she whispered.

They tossed the remains of their dinner into the trash can near the restaurant, scrubbing the grease from their fingers, then walked out toward the water. Nancy slipped out of her sandals and couldn't help smiling when the clear water lapped over her feet. Her pedicure was weeks old, and some of the green polish had been scraped off; she was almost ashamed of how shabby her toes looked.

She hadn't worn makeup since her return from Florida. She had dressed in oversized Emerson t-shirts and sweatshirts; she hadn't wanted to wear anything tight, anything that clung to her curves. She hadn't polished her fingernails or toenails. She had just kept waiting for the girl who would have done those things to come back, but she didn't know if that was ever going to happen. All she could count on was that she had her boyfriend, and every time he treated her gently, every time he held her without asking for more, she trusted him a little bit more.

Ned laced his fingers between hers and they strolled until he gave her hand a little tug, then guided her back toward the resort.

On other trips, they would have kissed in the romantic soft light of the sunset, or during that walk along the beach. They would have been wrapped around each other in the elevator, and she would have been giddy with anticipation of his kisses and the feel of his caress once they were back in the room. But she and Ned had shared no more than brief, chaste kisses since she had returned from Florida, and while they stayed in contact until they were in the room, nothing more happened.

Her father would have approved, she thought. Maybe he would have been less than thrilled that they were sharing a room, but that was all.

They took turns brushing their teeth and preparing for bed, and Nancy was the first to slide between the sheets and relax against the pillow-topped mattress. She had checked the balcony door and the main door to make sure they were locked, and if she craned her neck a little, she was able to see the moonlit black water through the sliding glass door.

Ned glanced over at the door as he walked back into the main room. "Want me to close the curtains? Otherwise we'll be awake when the sun comes up."

"Mmm. I guess we should," she sighed. "We can spend all day tomorrow playing in the water, after all."

The room was nearly pitch dark after Ned closed the curtains and turned off the light, and Nancy's heart gave one hard beat as he slid into the bed beside her. "Under the covers?" he murmured.

"Yeah," she replied. She moved into his arms and rested her head against his shoulder, letting out a long sigh as she relaxed against him.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Ned replied immediately, and she felt his lips brush against her forehead. Then he made a soft sound. "I'm always afraid I'm about to upset you, when we're like this," he murmured.

"Why?"

"Because of the way we used to be," he murmured. "Because I want to be like that with you again, but not until you're ready."

Her heart pounded harder for a moment. "We need our rest," she murmured. "But maybe tomorrow, maybe if we take it really slow..."

"Okay." He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead again. "Only if you want to. I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too."

Nancy fell into a deep, dreamless sleep soon after. She was lulled by the steady rhythm of his breathing, the solid feel of his chest beneath her ear, his heartbeat. When she woke in the morning, feeling hungry but otherwise entirely content, she discovered that their legs were tangled together, with his knee between hers. He wasn't pressed against her crotch, though, and she took a moment to let herself consider how she felt.

She didn't feel upset or anxious about the contact—because it was him; because she woke in the same t-shirt and underwear she had worn to bed. And it was Ned. She would have sworn to anyone that he would never hurt her, that even if she somehow needed to be naked or vulnerable around him for any length of time he wouldn't hurt her.

She reached up and stroked his cheek, then pressed a kiss against it before she rolled out of bed and went to the restroom.

They were slow to fully wake up, but once they were in the resort's restaurant, they sampled everything that looked good on the breakfast menu and perked up after their second cups of coffee. Nancy and Ned had both visited before and gone to all the usual touristy spots; Ned asked if she wanted go by the market later, though, to find a proper souvenir of their trip. 

They went back to their room and changed into swimsuits with t-shirts; then Nancy sighed as she looked down at her swimsuit's neckline. She knew that Ned would have preferred her in a bikini, but she didn't feel comfortable being that exposed, not yet. After she had rubbed sunscreen into her arms, shoulders, and upper chest, she glanced over at him. "Ned, mind putting sunscreen on my back?"

"Sure, honey."

She swept her hair up into a ponytail, then sat at the edge of the bed, her arms wrapped around her bent legs. She flinched a little when he rubbed some of the cool lotion onto her skin, but she relaxed as he rubbed it in with firm strokes. Her swimsuit was cut modestly at the front and deep in the back; his fingertips rubbed down her spine to the small of her back and she rested her cheek against her knee. The feel of his hands against her bare skin—it had been a long time since he had touched her this way, and her heart fluttered when his fingertips slid under the edges of her swimsuit.

He leaned forward and kissed her earlobe, then murmured, his voice low and deep, "Anywhere else?"

"N-no," she managed to say. "That's good. Thanks, Ned."

He kissed her earlobe again, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Anytime," he murmured.

She looked at her feet ruefully as they slipped off the bed. "What is it?" he asked, reaching for her hand.

"Oh, nothing, really. I just really need to paint my toenails. Look at them—or, don't."

"They're very pretty toenails, Nan." He squeezed her hand gently.

She chuckled. "Charmer."

It was easy for her to slip back into that light, flirting teasing again, and when she felt herself becoming nervous, she gave herself permission to slow down, to take a step back and wait until she felt okay again. They went down to the beach together, carrying oversized beach towels and water bottles, but they ended up walking a mile on the sand before they found a nice spot that wasn't overcrowded. Many other college students on break had apparently had the same idea as Nancy, and they walked by many pale, grinning American tourists who were about their age. Nancy moved closer to Ned when she saw guys checking her out, hunching her shoulders and ducking her head. Ned draped his arm over her shoulders and leaned over to kiss her temple. "You okay?"

She almost told him she was fine. "I will be once we find a spot," she told him. "Just want to get away from all these people."

They were finally able to find a place to settle down, a moment later. The crystal-clear water lapped on the beach and they spread out their towels; they had rented an oversized beach umbrella from a small shack up the beach, and together they anchored it between their towels and settled beneath.

"Mmm," Ned murmured, content, as he stretched out and Nancy rested her head on his shoulder. "Full belly, bright sun, and the woman I love... and not a test or project in sight. Yep. This is definitely the life."

Nancy smiled. Ned had his arm wrapped around her, but he was being good; he kept his hand at her side instead of trying anything. She rested her palm in the middle of his chest and let herself soak up the warmth and comfort of just being able to relax with him. Her lashes drifted down and she thought she might fall asleep again, until she felt something cold against the soles of her feet, making her flinch.

"Oh! Oh, Roxie, no! Come back!"

"Mmm?" Nancy shifted onto her back and saw a puppy at her feet, sniffing inquisitively. A tall dark-haired girl wearing an oversized t-shirt over her swimsuit approached, still calling her dog and apologizing. The puppy panted and Nancy sat up, patting its head.

"She seems thirsty," Nancy commented. "Want some water?"

Once the puppy had lapped up half Nancy's bottle of water, Roxie and her owner continued down the beach, after Nancy and Ned had dismissed the girl's profuse thanks. Ned gazed after her, then chuckled.

"Want to cool off in the water?"

"Sure," Nancy said with a smile.

They stayed in the water for a long time, chasing and racing each other, floating on their backs between. Once they were exhausted they headed back to shore, flopping down on their towels again and waiting until they dried out a little to head back to the market and the promise of lunch. Nancy's strawberry-blonde hair had been bleached a few shades lighter by the sun, and a new sprinkle of brown freckles had appeared over her nose and on her cheeks and forehead; Ned pointed them out and she chuckled when she saw her reflection.

"Guess I didn't do as well on the sunscreen as I hoped," she sighed. "Or maybe some of it washed off while we were swimming."

In town, Ned stopped in a drugstore, and Nancy bought another bottle of water and a bag of peanuts. She found Ned at the checkout, and they headed back to the room to refresh their sunscreen and drop off their purchases.

That afternoon, they took a suggested hike out to a lovely picturesque spot; the clerk told them that if they were feeling up to the challenge, they could even dive from the marked lookout spot on the cliff. They had put on regular clothes and hiking boots over their swimsuits, and by the time they made it up to the clearing they were trying to find, they were both a little breathless and flushed. Nancy chuckled.

"Maybe we should go back to the morning run routine during this trip."

Ned shook his head, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Hell no. This is a vacation. But I wouldn't mind it this summer." He bumped his arm against hers, gently. "Give me an excuse to be around you."

She smiled. If her acceptance from Emerson came soon, then they could spend those morning runs—or the cool-down part, anyway—talking about all they would be able to do together while she was attending his college. Her stomach flipped a little at the thought, in a flutter of anticipation.

Maybe it would take a little while for her to be comfortable with intimacy again, but Ned had never wavered for one second when it came to the future he wanted to share with her, and she was so grateful. She reached for his hand and gave it a little squeeze, and he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

They found the lookout point and, exchanging a glance, immediately began to strip out of their hiking clothes and boots. They left their gear behind a tree on the trail and stood at the edge, looking down in their swimsuits, holding hands. Nancy felt another flutter of anxiety in her stomach.

"Ready?" Ned asked.

Nancy nodded. "I think we should try to jump out, so the water will be deeper."

Ned nodded, gently squeezing her hand. "All right. Three-count?"

Once he counted to three, they jumped at the same time; Nancy couldn't help letting out a half-jubilant, half-scared cry on the way down, and Ned let out a whoop. Nancy pointed her toes and tightened up before she hit the water, losing her grip on Ned's hand in the process, and she felt herself plunge straight down into the cooler depths. She surfaced with a delighted laugh, and saw Ned bobbing nearby, a grin on his face too.

"Again?"

"Hell yes," she replied with a laugh.

Climbing up again was a little tricky, but soon they were at the top again, and they dove headfirst into the deep water. Nancy surfaced and rolled onto her back, just drifting for a moment, gazing into the sky. In some moments, she was okay; she didn't feel quite so distant from the person she had been before. It was one of those moments. She felt like she was at peace.

Then Ned brushed her hand, and though she knew she was safe with him, the surprise made her gasp. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Ned cocked his head. "Do you hear that?"

"Maybe it's the waterfall the clerk mentioned."

It took them ten minutes to find the source of the sound, and Ned squeezed her hand. "Wow."

"Well, now we _have_ to go over there."

The water poured from the lush cliff edge down into the water below, casting a spray of rainbows in the air. Ned tagged her and began to swim in long, powerful strokes, and Nancy set off immediately after. She felt the water pouring against her back and surfaced on the other side, before she hit the cliff edge. Ned had surfaced too, and he was wiping his wet face. The area behind the spray was dim and sheltered.

Ned grinned at her when she looked at him. "Pretty nice," he commented.

"Yeah," she murmured, and moved closer to him. "It really is."

His grin faded, and she watched his gaze move between her eyes and her mouth. He slipped an arm around her, tilting his head, moving so that she could feel his breath against her cheek. She closed her eyes, her heart pounding as she wrapped her arm around him too, as she tipped her head to the side too, her lips parting as she leaned toward him.

Their kiss was slow and soft at first, still gentle and chaste as they had been. Then his tongue slipped into her mouth.

It felt both new and familiar, strange and right at the same time. She responded to the kiss, but she was following his lead, stroking her tongue against his in return. He drew her closer and she gasped at the feel of his body against hers, the hard lines of him, the heat and strength of him. They clung together for the space of a few heartbeats before she broke the kiss, tipping her chin down, panting.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I..."

"Is it okay?"

"Yeah." Her lashes were still low as he gently hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her face up again. "Slow..."

His next kiss was soft and lingering, and she blushed a little as she parted her lips again; this time she was the one to deepen it, to lace her fingers through his hair and cling to him. His response was immediate, and another wave of heat washed over her.

They were quiet, flushed, holding hands as they returned to the cliff where they had left their clothes. The sun was lower in the sky, and Nancy had used the time they had spent swimming back to try to calm down and think about what they were doing. After they had their dinner, once they returned to the room... she had told him that they might try, and she wondered if her nerve would hold out.

They showered separately, dressing for dinner, and picked out a casual, relaxed restaurant for their meal. They were shown to a table for two on the patio, in time to see the beginning of the sunset; all around them were couples and groups of friends downing tall fruit-garnished cocktails and longneck beers. Nancy ordered water with a lime twist; Ned asked for a water while he considered the rest of the drink menu.

Once they were alone, he looked over at her. "I was thinking about having a beer with dinner, but just one, and I don't have to. Not if you don't want me to."

Nancy looked down at her hand, resting on her lap. If he did drink with dinner, even just the one, she knew that she wouldn't be able to continue what they had been doing earlier, not while they were alone and in bed together. "Please don't," she whispered, and she couldn't make herself look at his face.

He reached for her other hand. "Okay," he murmured. "Nan, honey, it's okay. I won't. You can relax."

She brought her head back up; she knew her eyes were shining. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't want you to be mad at me..."

"I'm not mad. It's all right."

It was just too soon, and she was pretty sure that eventually it would probably be okay, but she didn't _know_. To feel the burn of alcohol on her tongue again, but in his mouth, on his breath, to know that he was intoxicated and to know that the night she had lost was thanks to a similar decision... she couldn't.

"So, tomorrow. What do you think, snorkeling? Scuba diving, checking out some wrecks or coral reefs?"

When the waiter returned, they were eagerly discussing possibilities, and Ned ordered a cranberry juice without making a big deal out of it. The chicken dish Nancy ordered was served with fresh fruit salsa and tasted tender and juicy; Ned's island burger came with a massive order of fries that Nancy was happy to help him finish off.

By the time they were walking back to the hotel together, Nancy's anxiety was a mild flutter in her stomach, but Ned was completely sober and so was she. After all their swimming and exertion she was a little tired, but her hand was in his and she was feeling more comfortable with the idea of at least trying to be close to him again. She hated that the idea of his drinking made her nervous, but she couldn't deny it.

Back in their shared room, Nancy changed into a light cotton t-shirt and shorts, and Ned had stripped down to his underwear when he came out of the bathroom. She was used to seeing him that way, but her heart did skip a beat anyway.

Then Ned stopped, glancing over his shoulder at something, before he turned back to her. "Uh... you can say no," he began.

That flutter of anticipation grew worse. "To what?"

He went over to his suitcase and she heard the rustle of a plastic bag, and she sat up in bed, sweeping her hair back over her shoulders. Then he straightened, showing her what he held in his hand. Her eyebrows went up when she recognized it as a bottle of dark-purple nail polish.

"What did you have in mind?"

He shrugged. "I could paint your toenails," he said, and the almost-bashful look on his face made her heart melt a little. "I didn't know if you'd like this one, but I picked it at the drugstore because it's an Emerson color. I don't know..."

"That's really sweet of you," she told him.

"I've never done it before."

She shrugged. "Grab a tissue, just in case," she advised him.

He had her rest her feet on his lap and she watched him very carefully paint her toenails, with more concentration and deliberation than she had used since her first attempt, when she had been a little girl. He painted over the scraped, chipped green polish, and when he was finished she had ten dark-purple toenails, all gleaming.

When he turned back to her, she could see it all in front of her, and it made tears rise in her eyes. She could imagine him as her husband, as the father of her children; she could imagine him rocking an infant in his arms, bandaging scraped knees and elbows, kissing bruises. He would take care of them when they were sick, hold them when they were sad, hug them and celebrate their joys.

And she wished with all her heart that she could feel that with him now, that she could give herself to him without having to find her way back to the person she had been first. He was the most incredible guy she had ever met, thoughtful and charming and incredibly considerate... and if it had never happened, tonight might have been the night she would have lost her virginity to him.

"Nan," he whispered, and shook his head, his dark eyes tender as he gazed at her.

"Come here," she whispered. She laid down on the bed and when he came to her, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against him. "Ned, I love you so much."

The rest of the words caught in her throat and he held her as she sniffled, her tears dripping against his chest. He stroked her hair and then kissed the crown of her head. "I love you too," he whispered. "I love you so much."

She closed her eyes and he stroked her back and held her, pressing his lips against the crown of her head. "I wish I could be good for you," she choked out.

"You are," he murmured. "You're the best thing for me. Honey, it's going to be okay. I'll do better the next time I paint your toenails."

She couldn't help chuckling, even though she was crying. "You did a great job," she murmured.

"Not if it made you cry." When she pulled back a little, he brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Tell me what to do, Nan. I'll do anything for you."

She gazed into his eyes, and when she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, he leaned down and nuzzled against her. She felt his breath on her cheek, and when she tilted her head, his lips brushed against hers.

He moved slowly, and when he slid down on the bed, his tongue slipping into her mouth, her heart was beating harder. He cupped his hands around her waist and moved onto his back, gently moving her on top of him.

She broke the kiss, her lashes low. "Ned," she whispered.

"Okay?"

She rested her head against his shoulder, trying to catch her breath, trying to make herself calm down. "I don't know," she whispered.

He rubbed her back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"No," she whispered. "It's all right. I just need a minute."

He kept rubbing her back over her shirt, all the way up to her shoulder blades, down the line of her spine. "Shh," he murmured. "It's okay."

It was in her power, and she knew that; she could just roll off him and ask him if they could go to sleep. But she waited until she was calm again, until the soothing stroke of his hand against her back had made her feel better. Then she moved over him again, kissing his cheek and the edge of his mouth before he found her with another kiss.

She didn't know how much later it was; she was drowsy and delirious from his kisses when she felt his hand barely slip under the hem of her shirt. She pulled back and their lips parted with an audible pop. "No," she whispered.

"Okay," he said immediately, taking his hand and resting it against the small of her back, over her shirt that time. "Better?"

"Yeah."

"If—if you want me to, just let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

But they went no further that night; soon after she rolled onto her side, and Ned rose to turn the lights off, then returned to her. She cuddled close to him, nestled against him, her tears dried, lulled to sleep by the slow pulse of his heart.

They took a day trip out to the islands the next day and took a dive, investigating the ruins of shipwrecks and coral reefs; the freedom of being in the water, the stillness and silence, was incredible. She and Ned communicated through hand signals and shrugs, and Ned had even brought his waterproof camera case along. He took a photo of them in their full gear before they dove again. When they were about to leave, Nancy flipped onto her back and looked up, watching the sunlight gleam against the surface of the water, listening to the echoing throb of her own heart.

They would be all right. He loved her and as long as they were slow about it, she wanted to believe they could have the vision she had seen the day before. She wanted to believe that it would fade over time, that it would just feel like a terrible nightmare. Frank had stopped calling her and leaving messages, and Joe had left her alone, too. And Ned still loved her.

That night they were so tired that they ordered room service and lounged on the bed, not quite watching television, with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. When he kissed her temple, she smiled; when a long, deep kiss followed, she felt anxious, but he took things slow and gentle. Her heart beat harder when he moved her on top of him, and that night, when he slipped his hand under her shirt and rubbed the bare skin at the small of her back, she was relieved that he didn't go any further than that. She kissed him when their mouths weren't joined in long sweet kisses; she brushed her lips against his cheeks, his chin, the line of his jaw, his earlobes, and told herself to savor it, that soon she might not want to be so close to him. Once her period had begun, she knew she would likely want to limit her contact with him. She often felt bloated and her face felt oily, her skin more sensitive, when she was on her period.

She asked that they take a day cruise around the islands the next day instead of playing in the water, and Ned agreed; the entire day, as they took in the sights and visited the marketplace to pick up souvenirs for their family and friends, Nancy waited for the first cramps, for the sensitivity that would mark the onset of her period. Every time she checked, though, she hadn't begun.

That night, after they had made out and then cuddled against each other to go to sleep, Nancy gazed through the gap in the curtains, out at the moonlit water. Ned was spooned up behind her, his arm draped over her, and she had her hand over his.

He had asked her if she was feeling okay, and she had told him that she was. She was worried about nothing. So her period was a little late. She would probably wake in the morning to find that it had started overnight. A day wasn't unheard of.

She had to believe that. She had to. The alternative was terrifying.

The following night, their last night on vacation before they returned to River Heights, they had dinner reservations at the highly-recommended upscale restaurant, and Ned suggested that they go dancing after. Nancy was planning on wearing the copper dress; it looked great with her sun-bleached hair, and when she was dressing for dinner, she brushed her hair until it gleamed, then pulled it back with a clip. Her anxiety made every gurgle of her stomach into another possible cramp, but it still hadn't begun.

Maybe it was just going to be two days late, maybe. It had to be. She just needed to stop worrying about it, and it would come.

"What's wrong?" Ned asked her when she stepped out of the bathroom.

She glanced up at him. "Hmm?"

"You look... I don't know. Unhappy."

She shook her head, coming over to him and wrapping her arms around him. "No, honey. Not at all. I'm just feeling a little distracted. Sad our trip's almost over." She gave him a small smile. "Come on, we have to make it to our reservations."

She didn't want to mention it to him, but her stomach flipped when he gave her a skeptical glance. Still, he dropped the subject, and she checked her makeup when he went into the bathroom, that small smile dropping too.

It would be soon. If she had packed a white dress to wear to their dinner, she would have guaranteed it would happen in the next few hours.

The restaurant itself, once they were shown to their table, was definitely worth the fuss. The entire wall facing the shoreline was made of solid panes of glass, so clear it felt like they were looking through open air. The furnishings were all modern and clean, and the tables were blond wood, with a miniature lantern set in the middle of each; a small flame flickered within. The waiters all appeared jovial and welcoming, and on the other side of the restaurant, Nancy could see the flames from the grill as steaks and seafood were prepared.

Nancy sat down with a smile as Ned pulled out her chair for her. "Thanks," she said, when he sat down across from her. "This place is a big step up from that conch shack, huh?"

"But I'll be surprised if the food manages to be any better," Ned commented. "I should be sick of seafood by now, shouldn't I?"

Nancy shrugged as she picked up her menu. "When it's all this good..."

While their waiter approached, Nancy saw another server walk by carrying a colorful, beautifully plated seafood trio, and her eyes widened. Ned grinned. "I think I'm sold."

The waiter approached with a wide smile and ran through the dinner and drink specials, then asked if they needed a few minutes to decide. Nancy took a breath and glanced over at Ned. "Honey, did you want to get a beer tonight?" she asked.

The only sign of Ned's surprise was the quirk upward in his eyebrows. "Oh. Just the one, I think?" he said, and she nodded in relief. "That lager you mentioned. Babe, you want anything?"

"I think I'll stick to cranberry juice cocktail."

They ordered the grilled calamari starter to share, although Ned asked for no olives, and he couldn't resist the signature beef short rib. Nancy picked out the seared Yellowfin tuna, crispy snapper, and sea scallops meal, which she insisted that Ned promise to share with her. For dessert, the waiter recommended both the chocolate walnut brownie with rum truffle and the cheesecake, so they asked for an order of each.

Ned chuckled once the waiter had returned to the kitchen to put in their orders. "I'll have to lifeguard half the summer to pay for just this _meal_ ," he joked. "If we'd decided to split a bottle of wine..." He mock-shivered.

Nancy looked over at him, her chin propped on her hand. She wondered if that was how he had imagined this trip: sharing bottles of wine and fruity cocktails, returning to their room at the resort to have hours of inebriated sex when they weren't lazing around on the beach. A part of her had kind of imagined the trip that way, a month ago. As it had happened, she didn't regret anything they had done, or wish things different, but she couldn't help wishing that she could have at least let him be with her the way he had been before. To let him strip her down to her panties and brush his lips and fingertips over her bare skin, to arouse her until she felt herself carried away on the tide of it, when just the brush of his fingertips was enough to make her lightheaded with joy.

"Penny for your thoughts, Nan," he said.

She focused on his face and gave him a smile. "A bite of my sea scallops for yours," she returned. "Has this trip been what you wanted it to be?"

"Yeah," he said, just as the waiter delivered his beer. "Thanks. But yeah, it has, honey. I've loved it, and I've loved being with you."

"Even though..." She looked down at the table. "Well, even though it could have been a lot different."

He reached across the table and touched her hand, and she allowed him to take it in his. "I'm here with you, and that's what I wanted," he told her. "Always. I don't know what has you looking sad right now, and if you don't want to tell me, that's okay—but we have time, Nan. Do you think that if we don't—well, if things don't progress in a certain amount of time that I'm going to be frustrated or impatient with you?"

She shrugged. "I guess maybe I'm the one who's impatient," she told him. "I hate feeling afraid when you did nothing to make me feel that way. I hate that I need to be in control. I want to go back to what we were. I want..." She swallowed. "I want to be with you next year, at Emerson, and for the rest of our lives."

Ned's dark eyes were aglow when she looked into them again. "I know you've been kind of hinting about that," he said, his lips turning up.

She smiled. "Yeah. It's just that—if it doesn't work out, for some reason—I don't want to get my hopes up over it."

"Why wouldn't it work out?" Ned said immediately. "You're an incredibly smart, resourceful woman, and if you applied I think Dean Jarvis would move heaven and earth to get you a spot in the incoming class. But you've already applied, haven't you."

She nodded, ducking her head, a small smile curving her lips. She stroked the side of his hand with her thumb. "Yeah. I haven't found out yet, though. Don't know if I was accepted or rejected or wait-listed. And I _really_ didn't want to say anything until I knew."

Ned picked up his beer and shifted to the chair beside hers so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. "My girl a Wildcat," he said happily. "Not being distracted while I'm studying for a test, knowing you were on another continent working on a dangerous case, because you'd be there beside me. God—it's too perfect, Nan. You're right. The only thing better than this would be finding out tomorrow that you're definitely going to be there with me in the fall." She smiled when he leaned down, his lips grazing her ear. "But, honey... no matter what, it means the world to me that you want to do that. I know it's a long way from the rest of your friends and your dad... that it would probably be easier for you to go to school in Chicago with Bess and George."

"And I still can," she told him. "After you're graduated and living near home again. If it works out for us, I can finish up my degree there and we can find a place..."

He kissed her neck and her lashes fluttered down. "This feels like a dream come true," he whispered. "God, Nancy..."

They only separated when the waiter arrived with their calamari, and Nancy was aglow inside, happy to see him so happy. The only thing that could possibly have made her happier would have been if she had felt the first cramp announcing her period.

She had just popped the last bite of the squid appetizer into her mouth when their entrees arrived. "Oh, wow," Ned murmured as the waiter placed the steaming plate of fish and sea scallops in front of Nancy. "I'm really glad you told me we'd have to share, honey."

She chuckled. "It almost looks too good to eat," she sighed, reaching for her napkin. "If I promise you a slow dance later, will you help me finish this off, Ned?" she asked, fluttering her lashes at him.

Ned laughed. "How can I turn that reward down?"

She took a few of her sea scallops and put them on a plate for him, just as he took his first bite of the slow-cooked short rib. "Oh holy shit," he muttered. "Babe, you've gotta try this."

He offered her a forkful, and once she tasted it, her lashes fluttered down. "Okay, you win," she murmured, and when she opened her eyes, he was gazing into her face.

"I love you so much, Nan."

She smiled. "And I love you."

They sampled from each other's entrees so much that Nancy was stuffed and happy and seriously reconsidering their dessert order when she finally sat back, wiping her hands. "Mmm," she sighed. "That was perfect."

Ned nodded. "You might have to roll me to the door, but it was worth it."

"So you didn't save any room for dessert?" she asked with a grin.

He slipped his arm around her waist and brushed a kiss against her neck. "I _always_ save room for dessert," he murmured against her skin, and she shivered.

"So, next year... I was told that you'd probably be president of the fraternity," she commented.

Ned pulled back to look into her eyes, his eyebrows up. He had finished his beer early, and she didn't think it had even been enough to give him a buzz; he had already been in a good mood, and now his mood was even better. "Oh? Who told you that?"

"A little bird." She winked at him. "Would that make you busier?"

He shrugged. "I was already helping out this year—going to the Greek council meetings, helping coordinate events, all that kind of thing. Maybe a little bit busier. Would that make you reconsider?"

She shook her head. "I was just curious. I'm sure it'll look good on your resume."

"Oh, it will. And being able to take you as my escort to all the parties and events? Even better." He smiled. "If you want to, of course. I know your first year might be a little tricky."

"I know. Studying? Taking tests?" She wrinkled her nose and flipped her hair over her shoulder in an exaggerated gesture. "I'm going to need a _lot_ of help getting back into the swing of things, Nickerson. Are you up to that challenge?"

"Definitely," he told her, and his grin was almost wicked.

After they finished their desserts—although Ned managed to put away more than Nancy did—they took a cab out to the more heavily populated entertainment area. The outdoor nightclub was awash in light and giant speakers throbbed with heavy bass beats, and Nancy stood with her hand in Ned's just outside the entrance.

"I don't know if I'm quite ready," she told him. "I want to go, it's just if I dance right now I might feel sick."

"I know what you mean," he said, squeezing her hand. "Maybe we could just take a little walk down the beach and find a place to sit for a few minutes?"

She nodded gratefully, and she was glad she had picked a pair of flat sandals to wear with her dress after a few steps on the sand. If she had been in heels, she would have had to take them off. In the water they could see the brightly-lit booze cruise boats, and the cries and calls of the partygoers echoed all the way to shore as they passed close by. Groups of inebriated friends and couples passed near the club on their way in or on their way to other destinations; some had made it out onto the beach, and Nancy heard drunken laughter and catcalls.

Ned squeezed her hand again. "You all right?"

"Yeah," she murmured, then shivered. "I guess. I think it's gonna be a long time before I drink again."

"I don't blame you." Their steps slowed a little more as they approached the dark moonlit water. "You wanted me to get a beer tonight?"

She shrugged. "It's our last night here and I thought you might like one," she said. "I don't know. Just because I can't right now, doesn't mean you shouldn't."

He shrugged, too. "Well, I get that it might make you nervous if I drink around you—so it's not such a big deal," he told her. "But it was good."

She sighed. "A part of me thought that all we'd do during this trip was drink and have sex," she admitted. "And we haven't. I don't want you to be disappointed."

"Hey, if we wanted to do that? We could just head out to Fox Lake," he pointed out. "But we're here and we've had a good time—at least, I thought we had." He gently hooked his finger under her chin and tipped her head up to look into her eyes.

"I have," she said, gazing up at him. "And we always have next summer."

He chuckled. "The rest of our lives," he corrected her gently. "A graduation trip for me and then one for you, a honeymoon... and let's not forget your cases."

"We can't really drink during those."

"Sure we can. A toast in celebration once you've solved it. And then maybe some celebratory sex, if that sounded good to you."

She smiled. "Maybe."

"Nan..." He slowed and stopped, taking her face in his hands. Then he leaned down and kissed her gently. "Stop thinking about what we 'should' do. Because I'm not. The last six or seven months with you have been everything I've ever wanted, because you've been with me. You were there to support me through so much, so let me do that for you. Even if nothing else in your life is safe, let me be that for you. I sincerely believe that everything else will fall into place after that." He kissed her again, soft and sweet. "What we have together is everything to me, and there's no force in this world that could break us unless we let it, okay? We have the rest of our lives to have sex. It's not the gold medal at the end of the race. We'll share that when you're ready to, and not before."

She could feel tears pricking in her eyes as she gazed up at him. "Okay," she said, nodding slowly.

"Has it been okay, when we've been together during this trip? Do you want to talk about..."

He shrugged a little, and she patted his hip, then reached for his hand to keep walking down toward the water. A group of drunk tourists was heading toward them, and she wanted to avoid them. "When I'm with you it's like a bad dream," she admitted. "When I'm home... I'm just so afraid, all the time."

"Has he tried to talk to you again?"

She shook her head, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I've blocked his number, though. And somehow that's worse... because he knows where I live. I know he could track me down if he wanted to, wherever I was, but when I'm home..." She shook her head again. "And I haven't been able to talk to anyone, anyone other than you."

"So your dad doesn't know?"

"No." She ducked her head. "I don't want to tell him. I just feel like I was so stupid..."

"You weren't, Nan. You didn't know."

She shrugged, and felt a pair of tears slip down her cheeks. "It's so hard," she whispered. "You look at me and I wish with all my heart that I could just forget about it—but I can't. I can't sleep. The person I thought I was—it's hard to even remember how it was, to lie down and not jerk awake at even the smallest noise. I can't even stand the smell of fruit punch; it's too much like it. I can't sleep in the dark anymore. I only really sleep when I'm with you."

"And it's been okay, when we've been together? I've tried to be—well, to keep from making you nervous..."

"And you've been really, really good about that," she told him. When they both paused for a moment, she didn't rush to fill the silence. "Ned, what if it never gets better?"

"It will," he told her. "Just have faith, and it will."

"And if it doesn't?" She glanced up at him, unable to say what was on her mind. "What if I'm never who I was again?"

"What do you mean?" he said gently, squeezing her hand. They had reached the edge of the water, and they stopped, turning to each other. He searched her eyes.

"I... I don't know," she whispered. "It's just, now that everything has been so good between us..."

He cupped her cheek and brushed her tears away with his thumbs. "Here," he said, and reached for her hand, lacing his fingers between hers. "Do you feel that?"

She shivered, remembering when Frank had said something similar to her. "Your hand?"

He nodded. "For as long as we love each other, nothing can come between us," he told her. "Like this. I hate that this happened, and I hate that you feel so lost right now, and I wish I knew what to say to make it better. But you're who you were, Nan. You are. You're beautiful and caring and sweet, and you're so strong. And I promise I'll be here for you, no matter what."

She bowed her head for a few seconds. "I only feel like myself when I'm with you," she whispered. "And if I lose you then I'll be lost too."

"You'll never lose me, Nancy. Never."

He wrapped his arms around her and she slid hers around his neck, holding him tight. "I love you," he whispered against her temple. "Forever. If you can only sleep in my arms, you're welcome to them for the rest of my life. If you want me by your side, there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Just never let me go."

She sniffled and nestled against him. He was all she wanted. But once she told him, once she _knew_ , no matter what he said, she didn't know if he would be able to look at her the same way.

She was still hoping, though. That they could still be knit together like the fingers of their hands, as close as they had been. That they could linger in the starlight of this night for the rest of their lives.

"Don't let me go," she whispered.

By the time they had made their way back up to the club, she didn't feel like she would be sick if they danced, but the patio was crowded and noisy. Nancy tugged on Ned's hand, and while they were still on the beach and away from the crowd, she slipped her arms up around his shoulders again.

And they danced together, slowly, their bodies swaying and her cheek against his chest. She felt his lips against the crown of her head and closed her eyes and tried to will the answer to the question; she tried to focus all her energy on making sure that she would never need to ask Ned the terrible question on the tip of her tongue. But she still didn't know.

After one more dance, they went back to the resort. Ned took his turn in the bathroom first; Nancy went in after him and took her makeup off, let her hair down, and looked at her spotless panties with a quiet sigh. She had worn oversized t-shirts to bed every night of their trip; tonight, just in case, she had picked up the lace nightgown, too. Maybe just being in bed with her boyfriend would be enough to trigger her period. But she couldn't stop worrying about it, and she knew that wasn't helping.

She brushed out her hair and put on the lace nightgown; it hadn't been the sexiest one in the store by far, and even putting it on made her feel anxious. She could only glance at her reflection. The blue lace was opaque over her breasts, and only slightly less so in the skirt; she could see the shadow of her underwear, but the gown left her arms and legs bare.

She took a deep breath, giving herself a moment to reconsider, before she opened the door and walked back into the bedroom. Ned had turned the bedside lamp on and was sitting up in the bed, in his boxers; when he saw her his shoulders straightened, his gaze fixed on her. He had been looking at his cell phone, but he put it down on the table beside the bed without even looking.

"Okay?" she murmured, too nervous to smile.

Ned nodded, gesturing for her to come to the bed. "You look so beautiful," he told her. "And you know I love to see you in blue."

She smiled. "That, or Emerson purple," she commented.

He smiled, too. "Of course."

She sat down beside him, on the side farther from the door. She had been blushing ever since she walked out of the bathroom, and she could still feel the heat in her cheeks; she ducked her head, wishing she didn't feel so self-conscious.

Then he reached for her, stroking her cheek, moving closer to her. She closed her eyes, her lips parting when he pressed a soft lingering kiss against the side of her neck, when he stroked her bare shoulder and the fabric covering her side. After a moment she cupped her hand over his and began to move down in the bed, until her head was resting on the pillow.

Ned moved down too and gazed at her. The lamp was still on and the reflection of the light in his dark eyes made her feel weak. "Show me what you want," he whispered.

She reached up and cupped his cheek, gently stroking her thumb against it. "My underwear needs to stay on," she told him. "My period's about to start, and if I freak out a little, that might be why. But I want to be with you, like we were..."

"Show me."

She propped herself up and gazed down into his face, and when she leaned down and gently kissed his lips, he stroked her hair for a moment before his lips parted under hers.

She kissed him, kissed and kissed him, then moved onto her side, and he moved onto his side to face her. A soft pleading noise caught in her throat as she brought her leg up and rested her knee against his hip; when he drew her close, then gently slipped his knee between her legs, she shivered. His tongue slipped into her mouth and she combed her fingers through his hair, all of her going still when he rested his hand against her hip. He didn't slide his palm against the bare skin beneath her gown, though, and she could feel how hard her heart was pounding as she reached down and guided his hand up under the fabric to cup her waist.

"I don't want to scare you," he whispered when they broke the kiss.

"It's okay," she whispered, and sat up; he followed, gazing at her. "Here."

She brought his hands to the hem of her gown and swallowed hard as he caught it in his fingers, then gently began to pull it up so he could take it off her. The bruised skin she had noticed after the night of that party had faded and was almost invisible now; still, as soon as she was almost naked, she ducked her head again.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, and she was so sensitive that when he brushed his fingertips against the curve of her waist, she shivered. "Do you want me to turn the light off?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she whispered, sliding beneath the covers.

This time, when he came to her, she drew him on top of her, meeting his kisses with her own. She ran her fingers through his hair, her heart beating harder when she felt his warm, bare skin against the tips of her breasts, when his tongue slipped against hers. "Like this, it's okay?" he gasped when their kiss broke. He had pulled back a little to look into her eyes.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'm okay. I love you so much..."

"And I love you," he murmured, kissing her earlobe as he trailed his fingers up over her chest, until he was gently fondling her breast.

Nancy shuddered, her lips parting, arching a little as he brushed his thumb back and forth over her nipple. "Oh," she breathed, and her heart rose to her throat as he slipped his knee between her legs again. "Oh my God..."

"Okay?" he whispered, brushing his lips against the hollow at the base of her throat. His voice vibrated against her skin.

"Yeah," she whispered, and when she closed her eyes, a pair of tears slipped from beneath her lashes. "Ohhh..."

He shifted his weight to cup her other breast and she whimpered. Ned stopped, pulling back. "Nan?"

She sniffled. "Can we slow down for a minute?" she whispered, her voice tiny.

"Yeah. Of course we can." He settled down beside her and she turned onto her side, pressing herself against him, her head resting against his shoulder. He stroked his palm against her back. "Shhh. It's all right. Just tell me what you need."

"I don't know," she whispered. "It's just so much."

He kissed her temple. "It's all right. It's okay, Nan."

She sniffled again. "Why does it feel like this matters so much?" she whispered. "Why does it scare me so much..."

"Because it's intense and it feels so good and you've never really been like this with anyone else." He kissed her temple again, still stroking her back. "Because we've vulnerable when we're like this, and you've never liked being vulnerable."

She smiled a little. "Yeah," she whispered.

"Honey... why have you been distracted the past few days? Were you thinking about this, being together like this?"

She buried her face against his chest again. "No," she murmured. "Not... not really. I..."

She choked, and Ned cupped her cheek, sliding down so his face was on level with hers. She closed her eyes, tears pricking behind her lids.

"My period should have started yesterday," she whispered.

Ned took a long breath and let it out. "Oh," he whispered.

"Oh. Yeah." She sniffled and he stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Oh, Ned..."

He took her in his arms and she let out the tears that had been building ever since the day before, sobbing against him. He made soft comforting noises, stroking her hair. "Nan, it's okay, it's going to be okay..."

"Tell me it's just late," she whispered. "Tell me it's not true."

"It's okay."

"I don't know what to do—" Her voice was shaking. "Sometimes it's just a day or two late and I keep worrying and I know it's not helping and I..."

"Then you just need to relax," he told her, his voice soft and soothing. "Just relax. It's okay."

"What if it's not just late?"

He brushed the tears from her cheeks and kissed her lips. "Relax, honey. If being stressed about it makes it less likely to happen, you need to relax. It will come."

"But what if it doesn't?" She sniffled again. "When I—when I was on the way to see you, the day after—I bought the morning-after pill and I tried to take it but I threw up and... oh, Ned..."

"Shh," he murmured, and stroked her hair as she dissolved into sobs again. "Shh. It's all right. Please, please calm down, Nan. It's going to be okay."

Soon after, he found her nightgown for her, but she shook her head and picked up the oversized t-shirt she would have worn. He brought her the tissues and she cleaned her wet face, then went to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. She looked miserable. She felt only despair.

When she returned to Ned's arms, he accepted her immediately, but her doubt whispered even more insistently now. He had told her that nothing could come between them. But she still couldn't believe it, not truly.

Because if she really was pregnant, the baby definitely would.

\--

Ned fell asleep with his girlfriend in his arms. When he woke, the sound of the waves was a little bit louder, but the sky was still dark. He stumbled to the bathroom, knocking first to make sure he wasn't interrupting her, but she wasn't there, either.

He returned to the bedroom, then noticed that the door out to the balcony was partially open. He brushed some sleep from the corner of his eye, taking a breath as he opened the door and stepped out.

Nancy was sitting in one of the chairs, her knees up and hugged against her chest. She was gazing out at the moonlit water, and the tracks of her tears were shining on her pale face.

Ned sat down in the other chair. For a long moment he considered what to say, and then he heard her sniffle.

She had come out to be alone, but he was pretty sure he knew what was weighing on her. And it was none of his business, none at all, but he hated to see her hurting.

He stood up, and when he moved in front of her chair, she looked up at him, sniffling again. Her blue eyes were gleaming with tears.

"Come here," he murmured, extending his hand, and she sniffled again before she rose. He guided her over to the lounge chair in the corner of the balcony and sat down, drawing her into his arms. She rested against him, her wet cheek against his shoulder.

"Baby, I'm sorry."

She sniffled again. "Me too," she whispered.

They stayed that way for a few long minutes, with his hand stroking against her back. He could feel every time she blinked another pair of tears down her cheeks; he could feel them, cool against his skin.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he whispered.

She sniffled again. "Yeah," she whispered.

He sat up and moved her so she was seated on his thighs, facing him. She looked into his face, but she just looked tired and sad and defeated.

"If... if you find out that you are pregnant, Nan... then whatever you decide, I'll support you."

She shook her head. "You say that now..."

"I mean it."

She sniffled. "So if I decide that I can't—that I can't do this..."

"Then I'll go with you, if you want me to, and hold your hand during the procedure and I'll buy you ice cream and sit with you and hold you until you feel better. And I'll mourn with you." He reached up and stroked her hair back from her wet cheeks. His own throat was tight.

She searched his eyes. "And if I decide to give the baby up for adoption?"

"Then I'll be there with you in the hospital when you're in labor, and I'll do the same thing, honey. Because I think that if you carry a baby for nine months it will be hard to give him or her up. I think you'll be sad and it will break my heart for you."

She sniffled again. "So you think that you can watch me carry another man's child for nine months and not hate me? To wake up every morning and see me and not think about—about... what happened..."

Her voice was shaking, her lips trembling, and she ducked her head, the same way she had when she had come to him wearing that nightgown. Ned cupped her cheek, and after a moment he gently tilted her head back up so he could look into her face.

"I don't hate you for what happened to you," he told her softly. "I never could."

She choked back a sob. "I want us to be what we were before," she told him, her brows knit, her voice desperate, misery etched on her face. "Maybe—I kept—I kept hoping that it wasn't true, that I... but if I'm—pr-pregnant..."

He stroked her cheek again. "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, Nan. But if you decide to carry the baby, no, I'm not going to hate you."

"What do you want me to do?"

Ned shook his head. "It's none of my business," he told her. "No matter what you decide, I'll support you in it, but it's none of my business to tell you what to do here."

She sniffled. "But we were going to start a life together," she whispered. "This wasn't in our plans."

"Of course it wasn't," he murmured.

She glanced down again. "And you wouldn't support me if I decided to keep the baby."

"When I said I'd support you no matter what, I meant it," he said, his voice firm. "Look at me, Nan."

Slowly she brought her head back up. The expression on her face was wary, wounded.

"Are you thinking about it? If you are pregnant, about keeping the baby?"

She nodded, and Ned felt his throat tighten again. "Thinking about it," she whispered. "Maybe my period will start tomorrow, and all this will just be for nothing... but I'm thinking about what I could do, and I know that you—that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore..."

Ned shook his head. "If you are pregnant, are you thinking about—telling Frank?"

Nancy's eyes widened. Clearly, she hadn't. Her lips parted, but no sound came out.

"Because I... Nancy..." Ned swallowed. "As far as I'm concerned, what he did to you—you're not obligated to tell him, no matter what you decide to do. It's... I know it's your choice. But if you decide to keep the baby... then I'd ask you to let me be his or her father."

Another pair of tears slipped down Nancy's cheeks, and she sniffled again. "Ned..."

"I mean it," he told her. "I want to be with you, Nan. The rest of our lives, like we said. And I didn't mean only for the good times, or for the easy times. If you want to have the baby, then I'll be there for that too, for you—for your checkups, to help you buy the diapers and bibs and everything. I'd put my name on the birth certificate and your baby would have my name, and I wouldn't love your child any less than one we had planned and created together."

"Even if it's his?" she whispered, shaking her head.

"No, Nan—I'd love it because it's _yours_ ," he told her. "Because it's a part of you and if you wanted to give it a good life and all your love, then I will love it and cherish it because it's yours. I just... Nan... if you tell him about the baby and he—he decides that he should do the right thing..."

Nancy shook her head. "No," she whispered, and relief washed over Ned. "I don't... it's like you said. Maybe he's the father, but this is my choice... and I can't..." Her face crumpled. "I couldn't go to him and tell him this. I just... if I carry the baby and I have to tell my dad... what happened..." She choked up and shook her head again.

"And if it's important to you that we be married before you have the baby, or if you want that to happen after... it won't change anything. Whatever you want to do."

She sniffled again, and a small humorless smile appeared on her lips. "If we get married and I'm pregnant, everyone will think it's yours."

Ned nodded. "And what's so wrong with that?" he asked suddenly.

Nancy brought her head up again, looking into his eyes.

"If we went home and said that we wanted to get married soon, and then you started showing... yeah, people would think that was why."

"But... it would be a lie."

Ned shrugged. "Biologically, maybe," he said. "But in every other sense, it would be the truth."

She sniffled again. "If we're married when I give birth, you're legally the father," she said softly.

"See?" He gave her a small smile. "Maybe it would be a lie by omission, but only a small one."

"And you aren't just..." She shrugged. "Ned, this is a big decision, and you haven't had a lot of time to think about it..."

"And you're scared and tired right now." He wiped her wet cheeks with his thumbs again. "You need some sleep, and in the morning maybe we'll find that you didn't need to worry at all... but I meant what I said."

She searched his eyes, then leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him. "Thanks," she whispered against the side of his neck. "I thought... I thought I'd have to choose..."

He shook his head, kissing her shoulder. "Whatever you decide, it's up to you," he told her. "All I want is to be there with you, honey. Just let me be there with you. We'll get through this and everything will be all right. You'll see."

She sniffled again. "I was so afraid that you'd tell me I'd have to get an abortion."

"No. No, sweetheart." He moved back to look into her face. "That's your choice. It's your body and your pregnancy, and it's our life together. I want to be your husband. I want to have a family with you, now or in a few years. Maybe it will just be a little sooner than I thought." He gave her a small smile. "But your choice was already taken away from you two weeks ago. I'll be damned if I hurt you by demanding something else from you."

She sighed. "So you really would step up and take this responsibility," she murmured. "Even though you've never had sex with me. Even though our parents might be mad at you. Even though people will say things like 'shotgun wedding'..."

"So what?" he said, his jaw set. "I don't care what anyone else says or thinks. You're the woman I love and I want to provide for you and keep you safe. As long as you let me, I'll be here for you. I promise you that. So what if I have to make it through a few awkward conversations? You're the one who might be pregnant. What you need is more important."

"And if people find out that your girlfriend is pregnant while you're president of the fraternity?"

He shrugged. "I don't care," he told her, cupping her face in his hands, leaning forward and touching his forehead to hers. "You're the most important person in my life. Never doubt it, Nancy."

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, then reached up and touched his face too. "Do you know how grateful I am for you?" she whispered. "How lost I'd be without you? For better or worse, you're the center of my world. And I don't know what the hell I did to deserve having you in my life, but I'm thankful every day that you're here. I love you so much."

"And I love you," he murmured. "Nothing will ever make me stop loving you. We're gonna be all right, Nan, I promise you."

He picked her up and carried her inside a few minutes later, and she wiped her wet face and blew her nose, then sighed. The curtains were closed and the room was dark, but he heard the hush of fabric, and then she slid under the covers and nestled against him. She had stripped her shirt off, and the feel of her bare skin, the press of her breasts against his chest, made Ned close his eyes.

She was so sweet, so shy and so hurt, and when he felt her trust in him, it made him even angrier at Frank. At her word, Ned would have boarded the next plane to Bayport and told Frank exactly what he thought of his behavior, mostly with his fists. He hated the thought of the other man ever being anywhere near Nancy, ever again. And Ned knew he was the only person she had trusted with the terrible burden of what had happened to her—and he was so, so afraid of hurting her, of saying the wrong thing when she needed comfort. Seeing her cry, seeing her so upset and knowing that he couldn't apologize or kiss the pain away, was enough to drive him crazy. He wanted to fix it. He wanted to do everything he could to help her heal.

And he wanted to be with her; he always had. He held her close to him and when her lips brushed his skin, when her nipple brushed against his chest, he swallowed hard. She wanted to be with him, and he knew that. And as soon as she was ready, he would be ready too. But he'd be damned if she was drunk or unsure when it happened. She had already experienced the horror of a first time that she couldn't actually remember. He wanted her present and willing and happy to be with him, when they made love for the first time.

She wrapped her other arm around him, still nestled against his chest. "I love you," she whispered, her voice exhausted.

He dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, gently stroking his fingertips against her spine. "I love you too," he whispered. "It's going to be okay."


	5. Chapter 5

On the Nickersons' front porch, Ned put down his luggage, then wrapped Nancy in his arms. She closed her eyes as she embraced him in return. "I love you," he told her, his lips brushing her temple. "My aunts are coming over for dinner on Saturday, but I know my parents would love for you to come eat with us before I go back to Emerson. And if you wanted to come back with me, that would be great." He moved back and looked into her eyes.

She gave him a small smile. "I love you too," she murmured. "And I know Dad will grumble if I take off again immediately..."

"But it's tempting," he replied, searching her eyes. "I can tell."

She ducked her head and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "It really is," she admitted. "I'll call you, okay? We'll figure out when I can come over. And I'm going to miss you so much..."

He leaned down. "And if you can't sleep tonight, call me," he whispered, and she shivered. "Between the two of us, I think we can figure out a way for me to get into your house that won't wake up your father and get us both in trouble."

She smiled, then reached up and cupped the back of his head, turning her face toward his. She was exhausted, she felt like she needed a shower, and she was rumpled and weary from the flight, but his lips met hers and he held her close and she breathed him in.

She still felt terribly lost and afraid. Her period still hadn't started, and she had decided that if the full week passed and it didn't come, she would buy a home pregnancy test. Until then, she hoped and prayed it would come.

She and Ned hadn't really mentioned the conversation they'd had on the balcony of their hotel room the night before. At breakfast, though, during a lull in their conversation, Ned had taken her hand and gazed deep into her eyes, so deeply that she had felt breathless.

"I've slept on it," he had told her, without mentioning it, but she had understood. "And as far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed."

She knew that if she was pregnant, though, no matter what choice she made, she wouldn't be the same person on the other side of it. She knew that the simplest thing for her to do would be to quietly, with Ned's support, terminate the pregnancy.

But she had never imagined that she would ever be in a situation like this one. She had thought the decision would be easy. It wasn't easy at all.

Ned was cupping her cheek with his palm, his other arm wrapped around her waist, when Nancy heard the front door of Ned's house open. "I thought—oh! I'm sorry," Ned's mother said. "I'll just..."

They broke the kiss, and Nancy blushed a little, looking down. "Hi, Mrs. Nickerson," she murmured. "I'm sorry..."

"It's all right," Ned's mother said. "I'm glad you two had a nice trip. And since you're both here—Nancy, would you like to come over for lunch on Sunday? I know Ned's probably going to take off before dinner so he can get back to school."

Ned nodded. "Please come," he murmured to Nancy.

"I was thinking about making chicken enchiladas and Spanish rice. Maybe something nice and light for dessert. Oh, do come over. It's been too long."

Nancy nodded. "I will. It sounds lovely. Thank you for the invitation, Mrs. Nickerson."

All the way back to her house, though, Nancy wondered. Maybe Ned didn't mind what might happen if they went through with his idea, but Nancy's heart shrank at the thought. Telling her father or Ned's parents that she was pregnant... seeing how disappointed they would be. No more relaxed, cheerful meals at the Nickerson house. Mrs. Nickerson would probably think she had done it to catch him, and they would think she was a slut. Her father—her stomach turned at the thought. Her father had been delighted that she was planning on attending college, even though he didn't like the idea of her being so far away. Now?

_If I'm pregnant, I can't go to Emerson,_ she thought, and felt her eyes begin to prick with tears. _Not yet, and maybe not ever. I can't do this. I just can't..._

She felt almost numb when she pulled into the driveway at her home, her father's home, and looked up at it. She had felt safe here for so long, and the only time she had ever felt anything like it was when she was with her best friends or with Ned, with the people she loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world. She hated that it had ever changed; she hated that she felt anxious when Ned wasn't by her side, now. She checked her watch; her father would still be at work, but Hannah would be home.

She climbed out of the car and brushed her hair out of her face, glancing up at the sky. The sky had been a pretty blue when their plane had landed, but clouds were building. As soon as she keyed into the trunk to pull out her bags, the house's front door opened, and Hannah came out.

"Hi, honey," Hannah called. "Need some help?"

"I think I'm okay," Nancy called back, but Hannah came to her anyway, glancing up at the sky too.

"I'll take that for you... so how was your trip?"

Nancy shifted her purse on her shoulder and pulled her wheeled suitcase along as they went up to the house. "It was really nice," she said. "We had a lot of fun... the weather was great, and we went swimming..."

"I'm glad. I know you've been feeling a little down lately."

Nancy's cheeks warmed, and she glanced down. "Maybe a little. Did anything come for me in the mail?"

"Just the usual," Hannah told her. "Although something did come special delivery."

Nancy didn't understand what the housekeeper meant until she saw the vase standing on the small table near the front door. A dozen blood-red roses arranged with baby's breath stood in the vase, and the flowers were nearly in full, perfect bloom.

Nancy's eyes widened. "I..."

"Frank brought them," Hannah said, and Nancy lost her grip on the wheeled suitcase; it slammed to the ground, and her heart was already beating wildly. "He came by two days ago and wanted to talk to you; he said that he'd tried to call you but he couldn't get through. Maybe something was wrong with his phone."

"Is he here?" Nancy forced out; her voice was weak.

"Oh, no. I told him that you and Ned were on a trip together, and I made sure he had the right number for you. But he left the roses and a note. It's a lovely arrangement. I kept it down here just so they would have some light, instead of shutting them up in your room."

If she had postponed the trip she and Ned had planned to take, or if he had come a few days earlier... Nancy shuddered. "Thanks, Hannah," she said, trying to keep her voice even. She felt like she was on the verge of a panic attack, though.

"The note's with your mail."

Nancy and Hannah took her luggage up to her room, and Nancy scrubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans, forcing herself to breathe regularly. She hadn't known how to tell Hannah or her father what had happened, and she hadn't even made any excuses. Frank and Joe had been to her father's house before; they had even stayed in the guest bedrooms. Hannah would have no reason to keep them out.

She left her luggage as it was, let down her hair and put it up into a neater ponytail, then sighed. She couldn't be in the same house with those flowers. She had to get rid of them.

When she went downstairs again, Hannah was in the kitchen. "Sausage and eggplant parmesan for dinner, Nan? Does that sound okay? Or do you and Ned have a date tonight?"

Nancy avoided looking at the flowers when she went into the kitchen. "Sounds great. Ned and I have a lunch date on Sunday, and I'm sure his parents want to see him for a while before he goes back to school. Is Dad going to be home for dinner?"

Hannah nodded at the bowl of grapes on the counter, and Nancy picked a handful and popped them into her mouth. "He will, and he even mentioned maybe asking if you wanted to go see a movie with him tomorrow. You've both been traveling so much lately, and I'll be helping out with the church homecoming committee tomorrow, so you might want to eat lunch away from home..."

"That will be nice," she said. "I need to run an errand, but I'll be back and I can help you work on dinner, okay?"

Nancy was anxious the entire time the flowers were in her car, but she took them to the River Heights Senior Center and gave them to Julianne Sanderson, the coordinator. "Oh, these will make a lovely centerpiece for tonight's meal," she told Nancy happily. "Thank you so much."

"I'm so glad you could put them to good use," Nancy told her. She felt lighter as soon as the front door closed behind her.

She had taken the note, too; her name was scrawled on the face of the envelope, in Frank's handwriting.

_What could this possibly say that would change anything?_ she asked herself. _An apology, an admission of guilt or a claim of innocence, or none of the above? Why would he send me red roses? He wouldn't, unless he still has feelings for me..._

The thought made her sick and anxious again. As terrible as the night of the party was now, she had hoped that it marked the close of a chapter in their relationship, or the end of it entirely. She had hoped that he would get the message when she blocked his number and didn't contact Joe after that one terse text message. Clearly, though, nothing had been resolved for him.

_I'll just write him when I get home,_ she thought. She took the envelope and considered tossing it into the garbage can outside the senior center, but she decided to sleep on it. She shoved it between her seat and the center console, her lips a tight line. Maybe it was an apology...

_But, the roses..._

She decided to put it out of her mind; she was already feeling anxious and unsteady, her stomach cramping a little. She cranked her car and headed back to her father's house.

Less than a minute later, her cell phone rang. Bess's ringtone sang out, and Nancy reached for it. "Hello?"

"Nan! Are you already back?"

"Plane practically just touched down," she confirmed. "What's up?"

"Oh, I just wanted to check in... and see how things went. You know, if you saw anything awesome, if you'd recommend any restaurants, if you finally let Ned punch your v-card..."

Nancy flushed immediately. "The trip was really nice," she said. "But I... I just didn't feel ready, yet."

Bess released a dramatic sigh. "Maybe this summer," she said. "A girl can dream."

Despite her anxiety and discomfort, Nancy chuckled a little. "It's not the gold star at the end of the race, you know," she told Bess. "He said it's okay if we take our time."

"And I'm glad, and I know I'm just being shallow—it's just that I see the crazy chemistry between you two and I'm really excited for you to take that step with him, you know? After all this build up, I'll be shocked if it's not incredible—maybe not the first time, but pretty soon after."

"I'm sure Ned feels pretty much the same way," Nancy said with a quiet sigh. "Even if we haven't—done that, well... Bess, he was so insanely sweet and wonderful during our trip. I'm so glad I decided to really commit to the relationship and stay with him, because he... well, I don't know what I'd do without him."

"And that is a wonderful basis for a relationship," Bess said. "To have that _plus_ ripping-each-other's-clothes-off chemistry? You really are a lucky bitch. And he's planning on coming to see the play with you?"

The rest of their conversation revolved around the upcoming play, which had absorbed nearly all of Bess's energy and attention, and Nancy promised to find the time to come up to campus and eat lunch with Bess and George soon.

When she was home, she went upstairs to her bathroom—and almost wept in relief when she felt another mild cramp, and saw a little blood when she checked. So her period had only been a few days late, and she had worried for nothing. She closed her eyes and breathed a prayer of thanks, then cleaned up to head downstairs and help Hannah. She wouldn't have to tell anyone what she had gone through, and she would never need to put Ned to the test, to see if he really could support her no matter what her decision might have been.

The rain had begun when her father arrived for dinner, and when he asked if she wanted to accompany him to Chicago so they could eat lunch and watch a movie the next day, she was happy to agree. Dinner turned out beautifully, and she told her father and Hannah about the cliff and the waterfall, the conch shack and the diving and the restaurants. She found herself gushing about Ned just the way she had to Bess, but her feelings hadn't changed. Ned really was an incredible boyfriend, and she felt incredibly lucky to have him.

Then she went upstairs and checked again. While she found another trace of blood, it wasn't nearly enough. She went back into her room, swallowed hard, and pulled up the Internet search function on her phone.

_Many women experience spotting early in their pregnancy, at about the same time they had expected their next period to start. The bleeding, which is light, is associated with the implantation of the fertilized egg in the uterus._

She whimpered and sat down on her bed, feeling numb and panicked at the same time. But maybe it was a light period. And she would only know when she took a test.

_It's never been this late before. It's..._

The roses.

The thought that Frank might somehow have discovered or guessed her condition made her feel sick. When Hannah and her father had commented on the missing flowers, her response had been that someone else had needed them more than she had, and that hadn't been a lie. It didn't matter what his letter said. None of it mattered. Nothing seemed to matter, now. She found herself almost wishing that the spotting meant she was miscarrying, but she was panicked at that thought, too.

She changed into her pajamas, a large t-shirt and cotton shorts, and sat in the window seat in her room, praying for a heavy, thorough, unmistakable period, praying that her relief hadn't been premature. She watched the rain track down the glass and heard the quiet whoosh of cars driving through puddles, and then she realized that she was crying just as steadily as the rain was falling.

Her phone chirped, signaling a message. She couldn't bring herself to get up and check it until the chirp sounded again.

_Love you, Nan. My offer still stands._

She knew Ned meant his offer to come stay with her if she couldn't sleep, but she couldn't help thinking of his other offer. The thought was impossible. If her suspicion was correct, if she was carrying Frank's child and the bleeding was just some light, unexceptional spotting... it meant that all her worst nightmares had come true, that Frank really had raped her that night. And he had brought her roses as though nothing was wrong, even after Hannah had explained to him where she was.

She sobbed quietly, wiping her face with her palm. She didn't know what to do. Her imagination wasn't helping; after all, what if Hannah had told Frank when she was expected back, and he had stuck around River Heights, waiting for his chance to see her again?

That thought alone sent a violent shudder down her spine. _Love you too. I'll let you know when everyone's in bed. If that's ok._

_Of course it is. I'll be waiting to hear from you. :)_

Waiting for both her father and Hannah to go to bed was excruciating. Finally, a little after ten-thirty, Nancy went downstairs. The living room was dark; the kitchen was clean and ready for someone to cook, and Hannah had even left her grocery list under one of the magnets on the refrigerator. Nancy waited another ten minutes, checking around the house, just in case she spotted the Hardys' van or a suspicious rental car, but her neighborhood was quiet.

_Okay, I think the coast is clear._

Ned's response was almost immediate. _See you soon._

Nancy turned on the television so she would have an excuse to be downstairs, just in case Hannah or her father came down too. She went to the refrigerator and checked; she knew Ned would probably love a slice of Hannah's lemon pound cake, and plenty was left over after their meal. She wasn't hungry, though.

_If I'm pregnant..._

The thought made her eyes prick with tears again, and she poured herself a glass of cold milk, then found the strawberry drink powder in the pantry. When she finished stirring it, she went to the front door and opened it, setting off the door chime and looking out into the rainy night. Ned wouldn't be at her house for a few more minutes, but she didn't want to alert Hannah or her father by opening the door soon after his arrival.

Her caution seemed to be for nothing, though. No one stirred upstairs, or called down to ask if she was all right. She didn't want to turn the porch light on, but she decided that if someone noticed, she would just say that Ned had come over for a little while to spend time with her, since they wouldn't be able to see each other during the day Saturday. That seemed safe enough.

She spotted his car, but he continued past her father's house; she saw his brake lights at the edge of the neighbor's hedge as he parked just out of sight. The sound of his car door's slam had her heart in her throat, but she was too eager and impatient to see him again to worry about it for long. He carried an umbrella, and she watched the rain splash against his sneakers as he stepped in the pooled water on the paved walk. He had barely finished climbing the steps onto the porch when she had the outer door open for him.

"Hey," he said, his voice quiet, and he smiled at her—and the sight of it made her heart melt. No matter what happened, no matter how everything came out, the way he had treated her during their vacation, his attention to her and his need to make sure she was comfortable and safe, had been incredible. They had been through so much together, but that trip was the best vacation they had ever taken.

He left his umbrella on the front porch and stepped inside, unzipping his jacket. She hung it up for him, and then he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She returned the embrace, burying her face against his neck when he picked her up, and began to relax. He would keep her safe; she knew he would.

"You okay?" he murmured when he moved back, looking into her face. "I've missed you, too."

She smiled. "Let's go in the kitchen," she suggested in a quiet murmur. She could serve him a slice of pound cake and they could talk where they wouldn't be so easily overheard.

Ned's eyes lit up when she suggested the dessert. "Go ahead and sit down," he told her, motioning her toward the table. "I'll get it. And then we can talk about whatever's on your mind."

She realized that her face was probably still at least a little flushed and puffy from crying, and brushed her palms over her cheeks. "Okay."

"You want some?"

She shook her head. "Not hungry. Thanks, though."

He sat down at the table with two slices of cake—Hannah would be pleased, as she always was—and reached for Nancy's hand. "So what's going on?" he asked softly.

Nancy sniffled. "Go ahead and eat," she suggested. "We can talk about it after."

He held her gaze for a moment, then reached for the fork. She filled the conversation while he ate by telling him about Bess's excitement over the play, and the thought of sharing a room with him in Chicago—they could easily explain needing to stay overnight, afterward—made her look forward to it just a bit more. She knew that Bess would be great in her role. After all, Bess liked to joke, providing all those distractions for Nancy during her cases had been great practice.

Ned took his cleared plate to the sink and loaded it into the dishwasher, then returned to her. "All right," he said. "Now?"

She sniffled again and looked down at their joined hands. "I started bleeding a little today," she told him. "I was hoping it was my period, but it might not be. If I don't have one next month, I'll know for sure."

Ned stroked his thumb over her hand. "Or if you take a test," he murmured.

She nodded and bit her lip, her eyes flooding with tears again. "A... a lot of women miscarry naturally," she whispered. "Before they even know they're pregnant. I..." Then she shivered, as she remembered what else she needed to tell him. "Apparently Frank came by the house while we were on vacation."

Ned's dark eyes narrowed. "He did?"

She nodded. "It was a few days ago, but Hannah told me and I... I was afraid that he would still be around here, trying to see me or talk to me. He left... he brought me roses. A dozen red roses. With baby's breath." She choked back a sob.

Ned's jaw was set; his eyes were cold. "I can't believe that asshole," he muttered. "I can't believe he had the nerve."

"He left a note too, but I couldn't bring myself to read it. I got rid of the flowers and I haven't opened the note." She wiped her nose. "No matter what he said, it wouldn't change anything."

Ned nodded. "And if you decide that you want me to have a talk with him, just say the word," he told her. "Believe me, there won't be an iota of doubt in his thick skull afterward. I hate that he's made you so upset, Nan."

She shrugged. "I don't know what to say to my dad and Hannah," she admitted. "I don't want to tell them—about it. I just can't." She ducked her head.

"Shh," Ned murmured, and stood up. "Come here. Let's just sit down and relax for a little while."

They went to the couch in the living room and he drew her into his arms. She rested her head against his shoulder and he stroked her hair, his arms around her, his lips brushing her forehead. "It's going to be okay," he told her softly. "It will. I'm sorry, Nan. I'm sorry. I hate that you can't talk to them, but we'll come up with a good reason. I won't let him hurt you again."

She clung to him and cried silently, taking shivering breaths, as her fear and anxiety washed over her. He couldn't be with her all the time, but it was the only time she truly felt safe, and she hated that.

"It's all right," he whispered. "It's going to be all right."

"What will we do?" she whispered, her voice trembling. "If the test comes back positive..."

"We'll do whatever you decide, sweetheart."

She squeezed her eyes tight shut. "I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know."

He kissed her forehead. "Shh," he murmured. "No matter what, Nan, it's going to be okay. It will."

He held her silently as the television droned, ignored by both of them. He wiped her tears from her wet cheeks and kissed her forehead. "So, Nan... if you knew someone else who was in this situation, and they came to you for advice, what would you say?"

She shook her head. "I don't know," she murmured. "Before, I thought this wouldn't be a hard choice—and I never, ever thought I'd be in this situation. But I don't know what to do."

"What if this person was upset because the guy who had attacked her was still trying to contact her?"

Nancy's stomach turned. "I'd advise her to file a restraining order," she admitted. "To tell the guy that his behavior was unacceptable, even if she felt she couldn't go to the police. Because he's probably not going to stop, is he." She choked back a sob.

"Probably not. Not if he sent you roses. That just seems like the biggest slap in the face I can imagine." He stroked a lock of hair behind her ear. "If you can't... and Nan, I can understand why the thought of talking to him again is probably terrifying—then let me. I'll tell him that you don't want to hear from him again, and if he does try to contact you again, we'll file a restraining order. Because this is unacceptable."

She nodded and sighed. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder," she whispered. "I can't believe he did this to me."

She rested her head against his shoulder and he stroked her back and her cheek until she finally began to relax. She wanted to sleep; she wanted to wake in the morning to her period and the end of all her doubt and fear.

She roused a little when Ned cupped her cheek. "Ready for bed, Nan?"

"Mmm. Yeah," she murmured, slowly opening her eyes. His face was so close to hers, and their gazes met and held for a long moment. Then she slowly pushed herself up, reaching for the television remote.

They walked together up the stairs, holding hands, not speaking; Ned went to the bathroom connected to her room, and came back in his boxers. Nancy brushed her teeth and washed her face, then came back to him.

The rain was still falling steadily outside as they slid into her bed, and Nancy shivered a little. She was still a little afraid that her father or Hannah would discover Ned in her bedroom and they would get in trouble, but she was so glad to have him with her. She nestled against him, her head against his shoulder, his palm stroking her back.

"What will we do," she whispered. "If it's real."

"We'll do what you decide." He kept stroking her back.

"If I'm pregnant, I can't go to Emerson with you."

Ned was quiet for a moment. "If you are, and if you decide to carry the baby, you'd be due in..."

"January." Nancy sniffled and wiped tears from her wet cheek.

"You could go for the fall semester," he pointed out. "If you wanted to. I know it would be hard, but it's possible. We could find a place near campus, so I could be there with you during the spring semester, when he or she is home from the hospital."

"Especially if Dad's kicked me out."

He gently cupped her cheek. "Your father isn't like that," he murmured. "He isn't. And even if the worst happens and he's not the man I think he is, you will _always_ have a home with me, Nan. No matter what."

She sniffled. "Thanks," she whispered. "If I'm pregnant and I ask if we can get married before I have the baby..."

"Then we will."

She sniffled again. "Ned, I never want you to feel trapped," she told him. "Like you—like this just—happened to you. I don't want you to resent this."

"I don't," he told her. "Believe me, even if you find out that you _aren't_ , and you still want to get married? Well—I hate the idea that _you_ might feel like you have to marry me, and that you'd resent it, just like you said."

She pushed herself up so she could look into his eyes. "You don't understand," she murmured. "You have a promising career ahead of you. Once you're graduated, I'm sure you'll find a great job, and I... I can't do this by myself..." Her eyes filled with tears again. "And I'd just drag you down..."

He reached up and stroked the falling tears from her cheeks. "Shh," he murmured. "No, honey. It won't be that way. You're not guilting me into anything. And I'd be honored to be your husband, and honored to be the father of your child, if you want me to be."

"And if I were your wife," she murmured, "I'd be the luckiest woman in the whole world, because you... Ned, you're everything to me. I love you so much."

His eyes were dark with emotion as he gazed up at her, and it felt right to lean down and kiss him; it felt right to relax against him as he stroked her hair and kissed her in return. He rolled onto his side and she rolled with him, shivering without pulling away when he slid his hand under the hem of her shirt and stroked his fingertips low over her spine.

He was breathless, his lashes low before they rose to reveal his dark eyes again, when he pulled back. "I love you," he murmured, his voice low and a little rough, and she ran her fingers through his hair and tipped her face up again.

His tongue slipped against hers; his fingertips stroked against her skin and she felt him roll toward her, but then he moved onto his back again. She moved with him, still kissing him, and straddled him.

He broke the kiss, then planted a few small kisses against her lips. "Nan..."

She leaned down and kissed him, and she felt him groan silently. Then she felt him stir against her thigh, and she broke the kiss with a soft pop, pushing herself up.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry..."

She stayed perched over him, her cheeks flushed. "What... I don't know what to do."

"If it upsets you, I'll..."

She paused for so long that Ned made a quiet noise. "I'm okay," he told her. "I—It didn't mean..."

She bowed her head. "I know," she murmured. "I guess it's just..."

"Just the least convenient time," he replied, and when she chuckled quietly and slowly lowered herself to him again, adjusting how she was pressed against him so she wouldn't arouse him again, he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. "When we were on vacation? No big deal. Here, only feet away from the man I'd like to be my future father-in-law? Who really _would_ throw me out of the house if he found us together tonight?"

She shook her head. "He loves you."

"And he loves you, too." He kissed her forehead. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

She shook her head. "I guess it's just hard to imagine... how it's going to be, the first time."

"It's going to be amazing," he told her. "Sweet and slow, and probably a little awkward, and we'll probably laugh."

"You mean it won't be solemn and set to some slow rock ballad? Maybe with lightning and billowing gauze curtains?"

He smiled. "Probably not," he said, and kissed the tip of her nose. "I mean, we can try that if you want. No matter what, though, I want you to be comfortable and happy with what we're doing. I don't want you to feel any doubt or fear at all."

"And that's how I feel when I think about—about getting married," she said. "I don't want it to be just because—of what happened. It's just the timing is so bad..."

"Hey," he said, tipping her chin so he could look into her eyes. "That was out of our hands. I want to take care of you and keep you safe and provide for you, and make you happy. And if we find a little place in Emersonville, maybe it won't be a huge house, but it will be somewhere you'll feel safe, and it will be _ours_. As my girlfriend, as my wife, as my fiancée. And then we'll find a place near our parents and we'll have everything, sweetheart; we'll have each other and our life together, and we'll have our own family. Okay?"

She nodded, then took a breath. "If I'm pregnant... I always thought it would be easy to just... to stop it, but when I think about it... I don't think I can. Maybe I'll change my mind. It would be so much easier." She sniffled. "I just don't know."

He brushed a fresh tear from her cheek. "No matter what," he murmured. "No matter what you decide, I will love you, just as much as I love you right now. I know this is hard, Nan. So hard I can't imagine it. But you're going to be all right."

She gave him a small smile. "How are you not as terrified as I am right now?"

"You think I'm not scared? I must have a great poker face." He gave her a little smile, too. "I'm not going to pretend it isn't scary. To potentially be responsible for another human being; to live with someone who is so incredibly important to me? I'm so afraid of screwing this up, of disappointing you, of making you doubt that we've made the right choice.

"But I love you more than that, Nan. I have faith in both of us and in our relationship. You're smart and brave and strong, and when you put your mind to something, no power I know can stop you. Sometimes all I can do is just try to keep up with you, but that's okay. And maybe it won't be easy, and maybe this isn't the way we had planned or dreamed, but that doesn't mean we can't make the best of a bad situation. Maybe I'm really scared when I think about being a dad—but I'm excited, too. It's something I've always wanted. Now, or later; a child you carry or a child we adopt together."

She took a deep breath, then moved onto her side and reached for his hand, lacing her fingers between his. "That makes me feel a little better," she murmured. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course."

She sniffled again. "Bess's play is in two weeks, but I'd like to come up to Emerson next week and see you. I'll... I'll buy a pregnancy test and... it would mean a lot to me if I could take it when I'm up there, in case I... in case."

"I understand," he murmured, stroking the side of her hand.

"And afterward, could you go to Planned Parenthood with me?" She sniffled again. "So they can confirm what the test says, and we can talk about options... and if I'm not pregnant, we can talk to them about birth control."

She saw a flicker of surprise pass over his face, but it vanished in an instant. "Okay," he said. "I know there's one not too far from Emersonville."

"Thanks, Ned."

"You know I'm always here for you." He raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Can I ask _you_ a favor? You can say no..."

She smiled. "I didn't even give you that option," she murmured. "Sure."

"I want to call Frank, but I won't do that if you don't want me to." He searched her eyes. "I want him to stop bothering you, and that might be the only way. I won't go overboard. Or at least I'll try not to."

She closed her eyes and was silent for a moment. "Okay," she finally murmured. "Yes."

They settled together to go to sleep, once Ned had set his phone alarm to go off early in the morning, before anyone else in the house would be awake. Nancy relaxed against him, lulled by his heartbeat, the steady rise and fall of his breathing, his palm stroking her back. "I love you," he murmured, and her lips turned up.

"I love you, too."

She slept deeply in his arms, safe and calm, just as she had been before. She was completely disoriented by the sound of his cell phone vibrating against her bedside table when it went off, and he silenced it almost immediately.

"Wish you didn't have to go," she mumbled, blinking slowly as he began to slide out of her bed.

"Hey, soon maybe I won't have to," he pointed out with a smile, then leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Have a good day, Nan. Call or text me tonight if you need me to come over again. And don't forget about lunch at my house Sunday."

She nodded, pushing herself up, and wrapped him in a long hug. "I love you," she whispered against his shoulder.

"I love you too. More than anything." He stroked his palm against her hair. "Now try to get some more sleep, honey."

She laid awake once he departed, though. A part of her wished she could hear his conversation with Frank; some small part of her bristled at the idea that Ned needed to be her intercessor. But the thought of talking to Frank herself was beyond terrifying. She never wanted to see him again.

But for as long as Hannah and her father thought she and Frank were still friends, he would still have access to her if he tried anything. As anxious as the thought made her, she decided that she would just have to mention something to her father. Not what had happened to her, but just enough that her father would know to prevent any future nasty surprises.

She didn't sleep until the house began to wake around her; once she knew Hannah and her father were downstairs, she felt a little more relaxed. The sweet scent of orange cinnamon rolls woke her, and her father was waiting for her when she came downstairs.

They decided to go to Chicago, to try out one of the new well-reviewed bistros for lunch and then see an independent movie at one of the smaller theaters. She was happy to spend time with him, since they were so often separated by his trials and conventions and her detective work, but she was painfully aware that soon, if she was pregnant, she wouldn't be able to hide it for long. He would know, and he would be disappointed in her.

_He loves you._

She knew that he loved her. But she was terrified of how he would react to this news, if she had to tell him.

After they had placed their orders at the bistro, her father looked over at her with a smile. "So how long will this visit be?" he said, his eyes twinkling a little.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sure you'll be heading back to Emerson soon. It sounds like you and Ned have never been happier."

Nancy's smile was halfhearted. They had been happy, so happy. Their relationship would never be what it had been again, but he had stayed by her side anyway. "I was thinking about going to see him next weekend, but I'll be back after," she told him. "Bess is in a play in two weeks and she really wants me to go see it."

"And will Ned be accompanying you?"

Nancy nodded.

"Sweetheart... I haven't wanted to say anything, but... is something on your mind?"

She looked into her father's eyes and swallowed hard, imagining the words. _I think Frank raped me. He made me hurt; he made me bleed, and I think I might be pregnant with his child. I'm so afraid..._

But she couldn't bring herself to say them. "When Frank and Joe and I were in Florida... well, something... we... we had a pretty major disagreement. I think—those roses he left for me, were meant as an apology. But I can't forgive him for what happened."

"Oh." Her father shook his head. "Well, that's very disappointing. I didn't think he would behave that way. It must have been serious, if you think it's unforgivable."

"Yeah." Nancy looked down at the empty straw wrapper she was pushing around the tabletop with her fingertip.

"Maybe time will help," he pointed out. "I hope so. I know you two have been friends for a long time."

Nancy felt tears welling up in her eyes and had to keep staring at the table; she was afraid to look up at her father again. Frank had been her friend for so long, but if he could do this... then it felt like she had never truly known him at all.

But she still didn't _know_ , and she was sure she never would: whether he had been so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing, whether she had fought him or been so drunk that she had been entirely unaware of what was going on. And then she remembered the bruises and shuddered a little.

"Nan?"

Nancy tried to wipe away her tears without her father seeing them. "Uh... we have," she said, keeping her voice as steady as she could. "I just... until I tell you, um... please just don't let him in to surprise me or anything, okay? I don't want him to... oh..."

She sniffled, and her father touched her wrist. "All right," he said. "If things are that bad, I'll tell Hannah that he's not welcome until further notice. Is Joe part of this—disagreement, too?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It was Frank. But he and Joe are so close..."

"All right. I'm very sorry to hear that, Nancy, but if it upsets you that much—I don't want you to be upset. Let's talk about something else."

She was relieved to change the subject. She was able to calm down before their meals arrived, and they both pronounced the food good enough to bring them back for more visits. The movie was intense and provocative, and she discussed it with her father during the entire trip home, but that feeling of fragility, of teetering on the edge of her equilibrium, didn't go away. She wanted Ned; she wanted the safety of his arms around her, and his assurance that Frank would never come near her again, even though they both knew that he could never guarantee it.

When her father pulled into the driveway, Nancy saw something in the shadow of the porch. Her stomach churned when she realized that it looked like another flower delivery, and she wondered if that suspicion she had felt the night before had been accurate, if Frank was still in River Heights.

Her father didn't seem to have noticed, though. As soon as they were inside, Nancy went to the front door; if she had to dispose of these flowers, too, she wanted to do so without her father asking any questions about it.

Beside the front doormat she found a small basket with a red ribbon wrapped around it. The basket held a miniature yellow rosebush; the small buds were still tight, ready to bloom. She took the card out of the arrangement and opened it.

_You are my sunshine, and I love you more than anything. Yours always, Ned._

She smiled, relaxing. He was so thoughtful and so sweet. She carefully picked up the basket and took it into the house.

Her father's eyebrows rose when he saw what she held; then he saw the expression on her face. "From Ned, I see," he commented.

She nodded. "He's so sweet," she sighed.

"I was hoping he wasn't the reason you seemed more on edge lately. I'm glad I was right."

She shook her head. "He's been so sweet and wonderful—but then he's always so sweet and thoughtful..."

Her father chuckled. "I remember seeing that look on your mother's face a few times," he commented, his own tone almost wistful.

She didn't know what gave her the strength to ask her next question. "Dad? Did you always know that you wanted to be a father?"

He thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose it was always in the back of my mind," he said. "Part of being an adult. Marriage to a beautiful woman, at least one child, a nice home, a stable job. And of course, a cool car." He gave her a little half-smile, at that.

"Not quite sure the Lincoln counts," she teased him.

"The Lincoln is the very _height_ of sophistication and design," he informed her, his tone mock lofty. "But, as to what you asked... once I met your mother, I knew I wanted to build a life with her. Once we were married, of course we discussed having you... but I was completely unprepared for the day she told me the test had come back positive. I tried to keep from making a big deal out of it—since, after all, we didn't even tell anyone else until your mom was three months along—but the thought of being a father? It was daunting, and terrifying, and incredible. To Kate, you were real practically from the moment she knew about you. To me... you were real, and I felt your elbow or your heel bump against my hand sometimes, but it wasn't the same. _Nothing_ felt like holding you in my arms for the first time. There were no words. I looked down into your face and I was totally in love with you. I would have done absolutely anything for you, and that's still true today."

Nancy smiled. "I love you too, Dad," she told him. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"And I don't know how I'm going to survive your spending a year at Emerson, but I suppose I'll find a way." He heaved a mock sigh. "It's only a year, after all. I'm hoping that with Ned nearby, maybe you won't be in quite so much danger... I guess I'll just need to have a talk with your young man."

Nancy's stomach flipped again, at that thought.

Her father received a phone call soon after, and Nancy pulled out her own cell phone. _Thank you so much, the roses are so sweet. I love you too._

Ned's response came a few minutes later. _Thought you might want something that wasn't going to just slowly die. Hope you're feeling okay. Love you._

That night, when she sat down for dinner with her father and Hannah, she took a mental step back and paid attention to what she had taken for granted for so many years. They had a familiar rhythm, the three of them: Nancy helped Hannah arrange the place settings, and her father brought the dishes to the table, under Hannah's direction. When she and her father were the only ones home, they often left the dishes on the counter and served themselves, then brought their plates to the table. Hannah liked a beautiful table, though; she liked to see the dishes arranged, silverware organized. In the fall, the leftover green beans and squash became a soup or a casserole the next day. She thought about sitting at the table and helping Hannah sort through the vegetables just plucked from her garden and readied for storage or donation to the soup kitchen in town.

They had celebrated everything at their table: birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, the conclusions of difficult cases Nancy had investigated, her father's trials and professional successes, Hannah's blue-ribbon entries into fair competitions and garden club showings. She remembered giggling with Bess and George in the kitchen as they put together a homemade pizza for a sleepover meal, burning microwave popcorn and making ice cream sundaes at one o'clock in the morning. She remembered sitting at the table for dinner, anxiously watching Ned and her father really interact for the first time, hoping with all her heart that they would like each other.

Although she had always been proud of him, she had missed her father a lot while she was growing up, and she had been grateful for Hannah's presence and support—but it had been just the three of them for the longest time. She loved them both so much, and if she was pregnant, if they were unable to accept it... it would just be easier, if none of it had ever happened. If Ned was the only person in her life who had any idea what had happened that night.

But she imagined Ned with a newborn—and it wasn't difficult; she had accompanied him to big Nickerson family gatherings before, and had seen him holding his cousins' babies. He could be very serious when the situation called him to be, but in some ways he was just as eager to join into a chaotic touch-football game, or to build a sand castle on the beach. If he really was able to look past the circumstances and love the child as his own...

She shook her head a little. She didn't _know_ , not yet. It would do her no good to worry about it now.

"You seem quiet tonight," Hannah commented. "Did you two have a nice time in the city today?"

"We did," Carson said. "Although that movie Nancy picked out was pretty strange."

"Oh, come on," Nancy said, wrinkling her nose at her father's teasing smile. "You enjoyed it."

"I did," he confirmed. "It could bear a second viewing, definitely."

They spent the rest of the meal partially explaining the plot to Hannah—the parts of it that made sense, anyway. After they had finished dessert, Hannah sat back with a sigh and a smile. "It's just nice to have everyone home," she said. "I know it won't last long..."

"Well, I will be back for dinner tomorrow night," Nancy said. "Dad?"

He nodded. "We're gearing up for trial prep on Monday, but I'll take all the meals I can share with my favorite girl, and the best cook in all of River Heights."

"All of Illinois," Nancy said with a grin as she rose and began collecting plates.

They played a few board games after dinner, but Hannah was tired from her long day helping out at the church with coordinating and planning, and her father was exhausted too; she caught him snoozing in his armchair once they had put the games away. Nancy offered to finish tidying up the kitchen so Hannah could relax and put her feet up in her own room, and soon she had the lower floor to herself. She gave the countertop one last wipe, then walked over to the back door, gazing out into the yard. The rose bushes and new leaves were touched with silver-blue in the moonlight, and she knew the floor was cool under the soles of her socks, but she was warm and safe. Hannah had taken the miniature rose bush and put it in the kitchen window near the sink so it would see some sun in the mornings, and had promised to take care of it for her while she was away.

That made her think of Ned. She went into the living room and found her phone; an unread message was waiting for her.

_I think Aunt Betty just opened the second bottle of wine. Things are getting pretty crazy here. ;) How are you? Dad and I are holed up in the den, but I think he's about to start snoring._

_Dad & Hannah are already in bed,_ she replied. _I know it might be hard for you to get away..._

_I'll manage it,_ he replied a moment later. _If you want me to. I miss you._

_I miss you too. Yes, please._

He texted her forty-five minutes later, once he had parked his car near her father's house. She wore her flannel pajama pants, in pink and black plaid, and a black tank top, her hair swept up; she opened the door for Ned and wondered briefly if anyone would mention seeing Ned coming in after dark to either Hannah or her father. Then she smiled a little to herself. Given all the unusual things that had happened at her house—the number of attempted and successful burglaries and attempts at sabotage and kidnapping, clients and friends coming over—seeing Ned would probably be a cause for relief, not comment.

As soon as he was inside, Nancy closed the door behind him and willingly walked into his open arms. He picked her up and she buried her face against his neck and breathed him in, clinging to him. He didn't release her; instead, he walked over to the couch with her and sat down, and she nestled against him, a warm flush spreading over her as he stroked her back.

"You okay?" he murmured, his voice low, and she shivered.

"Yeah. I'm just so glad you're here," she murmured, pulling back to look into his face. "The flowers were really sweet."

He smiled. "Thought it might be a little crass to send you a bouquet of red roses so soon after," he murmured, and cupped her cheek. "I called him this afternoon."

Nancy's eyes widened; her heart was beating so hard she could feel it trembling in her fingertips, echoing between her ribs. "What happened?"

Ned shrugged; she could see anger in his dark eyes. "I told him that I was giving him his only warning, and if he attempted to contact you again, there would be serious repercussions. He said he didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him that the flowers and the note weren't okay. Then he said that was none of my business, and that if you felt that way, you would have called him yourself."

Nancy's heart was in her throat as she gazed at him.

"So I told him that he knew _exactly_ why you wouldn't be talking to him again, and that if I—Nan, I'm sorry, I am, but he was being such an asshole about it and I lost my temper a little. I told him that if it were up to me, he would have been arrested and thrown in jail, and I would use every bit of my strength to make sure that he never came near you again. I know he wasn't happy, and he pretty much hung up on me after that... but he actually had the nerve to get _defensive_ with me. Believe me, if I'd been able to go through the phone and beat the shit out of him, I would have."

Nancy shook her head. "I just don't understand," she sighed, her shoulders hunched. "He doesn't think he did anything wrong..."

She ducked her head, and Ned made a soft noise as he drew her to him again. She rested her head against his shoulder, her arms wrapped around her belly. "The way he feels about it doesn't matter," Ned told her. "What happened and the way _you_ feel about it, is what matters."

She sniffled. "Maybe he doesn't remember either," she whispered.

Ned was quiet for a minute. "If you fainted, and your car ran over the curb and hit a tree, and then you woke up... you'd know what had happened. Maybe you didn't mean for it to happen, but that doesn't make the front of your car any less banged up. The night of the party, he was coming onto you. He wanted to sleep with you, and he did—and he didn't care whether you wanted that or not. And God help me, a part of me wishes that he _would_ try to contact you again, but that I could be there when he does, before he was ever able to get close to you. Maybe you don't want him arrested, but he deserves to pay for hurting you. I believe that with every fiber of my being. He's not sorry, he hasn't apologized. And he needs to. To his last _breath_ , he should be on his hands and knees telling you how sorry he is for hurting you. For making you afraid."

Her face crumpled, and she cried silently as Ned stroked her back, making soft comforting noises. No matter what had happened, Frank could never take back what he had done to her—but it was worse, knowing that he didn't see any reason to apologize. It made her doubt _herself_ ; it made her feel like she was overreacting, but that was terrifying. If he knew what had happened, and he wasn't sorry...

No matter what, she _knew_ that she hadn't intended to sleep with Frank that night. Even when she had been incredibly drunk, all she had felt was an endless, tangible longing to be with her boyfriend.

Ned's lips grazed her cheekbone. "Shh," he whispered. "I didn't want to make you upset. I'm sorry, Nan. I'm sorry. Shh."

Slowly she brought her head up, and he cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears away. She took a breath, looking into his eyes, and felt that same strange doubling again, that awareness of what was going on. She felt the warmth radiating through his skin, the ridges of his fingerprints, the intensity of his gaze as it searched hers. She felt his hands on her and she felt no fear, no anxiety, only comfort and love.

"I love you," she whispered, and her voice was almost hoarse. "Thank you."

He gave her a very small smile. "I wish I'd been able to—to do more," he murmured. "Honey, are you sure you'll be okay here tomorrow? You can come with me, if you want."

The thought of sleeping alone again sent a frisson of anxiety over her belly, but she shook her head. "I want to," she told him. "But Dad's already saying he's going to miss me in the fall..." She snickered and looked away. "If I can even go, now."

"Don't tease me," he reminded her quietly, and cupped her cheek. "We're going to figure it out, okay?"

She nodded and took a long breath. "Let's do something fun for a little while," she suggested. "I know it's late..."

"What did you have in mind?"

She shrugged. "We could watch something, or play a game? We were playing board games earlier."

They settled on a card game, and Nancy pulled pillows off the couch so they could relax as they faced each other across the coffee table. Ned studied her above his cards as she debated, another slice of Hannah's lemon pound cake on the table beside him. "So before I came over, were you having a good day?"

She nudged his knee with her toes under the table. "It's been a pretty good day," she told him. "And you're always one of the best parts. Dad and I had a good time today." She laid down a pair of cards.

"I'm glad. Dad and I were running errands for Mom today."

He told her about his aunts' visit; Nancy had never seen Ned's mother with more than a small glass of wine, but when her sisters visited, they often went shopping and came back to the house to eat dessert and reminisce, and often put away more than a few glasses of wine. One of the more interesting stories Ned had heard a few hours earlier involved a clandestine road trip to Canada and a loud, dim dance hall crowded with tall vague-eyed boys who spoke French and smelled like cigarettes.

After four rounds of the card game, Nancy was finally feeling exhausted enough to go upstairs and sleep. But she remembered how close they had been the night before, and that was what she craved. She felt safe in his arms; she felt almost normal again, _almost_. No matter what happened, she trusted him in a way she trusted almost no one else.

They both prepared for bed, quietly, without hearing anything from the other bedrooms, and she washed away the hard tracks of her evaporated tears, bathing her flushed face. She slid beneath the sheets first, and when she saw him approaching her bed wearing so little, her heart skipped a beat. He had proven over and over again that he respected her boundaries and what she wanted, but that didn't mute or dampen her awareness of him or of his desire for her.

If the baby truly were Ned's, she would never have dreamed of terminating the pregnancy. She would have been disappointed that whatever method of prevention they had used had failed, and disappointed that she wouldn't be able to spend the year at Emerson attending classes, but knowing that the child growing inside her was a piece of each of them, conceived in love and guaranteed a loving father and doting grandparents...

If she was pregnant, and if they did go through with their ruse, maybe their parents would be disappointed, but they would come around. That didn't change the circumstances, though. It would have to be so hard for Ned to see the baby and know what had created him or her. It would be hard for _her_ ; a baby would be a tangible reminder that Frank really had raped her.

Ned had loved her for so long, and she had loved him for so long. Knowing that her first experience with sex hadn't been with someone she loved or even wanted to be so intimate with, felt like a terrible violation. She had never questioned that Ned would be her first. She had never wanted anyone else to be with her the way she wanted him to be.

Their first kiss was slow and soft, at first. Then her lips parted and his tongue slipped against hers, so deliberately intimate that she blushed. She ran her fingers through his hair, and when a shudder made its way down her spine, she didn't let herself worry about it or think about it. If she needed to pull back or cry off, she would. But she had never felt anything that could shake her to the very core, the way being with him like this could.

They kissed and kissed, until he moved onto his back and drew her on top of him. His hand was buried in her hair as she relaxed against him, and all that separated her from the warmth of his broad, bare chest was her tank top. It took her a moment to find the nerve, and she was blushing when she did, but she reached down and began to draw her shirt up to pull it off.

"Nan," he whispered, when she did. "I love you so much."

"And I love you," she murmured, moving over him so she could brush the tip of her nose against his, then plant the softest kiss against his lips. His open palm pressed against her back when her bare nipples brushed his chest. "You're everything to me, Ned. Everything."

That sensation, his skin against her breasts, woke a throbbing pulse between her thighs, a tenderness she had felt with him before. Their next kiss was slow and deep, and when she shifted to pull the covers up over her bare back, she felt him stirring against her like he had the night before.

But she didn't move away this time. "Should I put my top back on?" she whispered, looking down at him.

Ned exhaled. "Do you want to?" he asked, then looked up into her eyes.

She paused, then shook her head slowly.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, his voice even quieter this time, but low and a little rough. He reached up and caught a lock of her hair between his fingertip and thumb. "Are you—are you bleeding?"

She blushed a little and shook her head again. "Not anymore," she whispered. "I want to... I want to be with you like we were before..."

He swallowed and cupped her cheek. "Can I show you?" he murmured. "And if you're scared just tell me to stop, okay? Always."

She nodded, and her lips parted when he rolled her onto her back, his hips between her open thighs. She still wore her panties and he still wore his boxers, but he didn't rest his full weight on her; he propped himself up and leaned down, his breath against her lips before she met his kiss. His mouth was sweet and light against hers, then deep and claiming, and she shuddered, running her fingers through his hair again. She felt nervous, but she was tingling with anticipation, too. She knew that Ned would never do anything she didn't want...

His mouth was against hers, his tongue in her mouth when he shifted and lowered his hips to hers, and that hardness between his legs was pressing against her, between her thighs. And it was so sudden, so immediate, so overwhelming—another shudder trembled against her spine, and she knew she was blushing again. Between her legs felt tender, and every shift of his weight, every twist of his hips, left her shocked at the intensity of her response.

Ned pulled back from the kiss without moving his hips. "You froze," he whispered. "Are you upset?"

She shook her head slowly. "It's just so much," she whispered, and then looked up at him. His dark eyes seemed to glow, and that sent a thrill over her.

"You like it?"

"Yeah," she whispered. Then she gasped. "I—I like it with you..."

"And I like it with you too," he murmured, a small smile turning up his lips. "You're not freaking out?"

She shook her head. "Because it's you," she whispered, and ran her fingers through his hair before she urged him to her again.

It was true. It felt so good when he moved against her. She looked into her heart, afraid of what she might find—but she had never wanted Frank like this. She had responded with both eagerness and guilt when he kissed her; but this intimacy, this vulnerability—this, she had only ever wanted with Ned. She might have been more inebriated than she ever had been before, but she still didn't think she would have responded to Frank with delight instead of trying to push him away.

_The bruises._

Ned wasn't bruising her; he wasn't holding her wrists. He was firm against her, but he wasn't pinning her to the bed, making it so she couldn't get away from him. If he had been, she had a feeling she might have panicked.

Then Ned moved against her in a firm, deliberate stroke, and Nancy gasped against his kiss, constricting under him. He broke the kiss, moving down and then back up again, and she tilted her head back, releasing a quiet cry that was almost a moan.

"This is how it starts," he murmured into her ear, his breath warm against her skin, and she shivered. Her lashes fluttered at the next stroke of his hips. "And when you want, we'll do this together naked... and I'll fit myself inside you and move like this..."

She moaned again, opening her eyes. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"You look so beautiful."

"You do too," she whispered. "Oh, Ned..."

The immediacy of it, the intoxication—it was incredible, and she was so self-conscious, so worried that he was expecting her to do something or respond to him somehow, but her body seemed to move of its own will as pure, almost painful pleasure washed over her. She arched beneath him, shifting the angle of her hips, and when he rubbed against her again, she released a gasped, almost sobbing cry, clinging to him, her fingers digging against his shoulders.

"Shh," he whispered. "Shh, honey, I know it feels good but we have to be quiet..."

She tried to stifle her next moan, but it felt _so good,_ so unbelievably good. His lips found hers and she had so little control; she responded to his kiss, and her hips moved against his, always seeking contact, and she wanted to shrink away from him, and she wanted to never let him go. He had told her this was how it started, but it would end with them naked; it would end with that part of him _inside her..._

She broke the kiss, panting, her brow knitting as he rubbed against her again in a long stroke. "Oh," she gasped.

"God," he murmured, and his lips brushed against her neck as he shifted the angle of his hips and reached down. She shuddered when he touched the band of her panties, and her heart gave a hard, terrified beat.

"No," she whispered, and when Ned released a long breath, taking his hands from her hips, she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"No, Nan," he murmured, and moved back. "Don't be sorry. I never want you to be afraid when we're like this, okay?"

Her eyes were filling with tears; she sniffled and nodded, looking up into his face. "I—I don't want you to—to be mad at me..."

He shook his head, cupping her cheek. "Why would I be mad?"

She blinked and sent a pair of tears sliding down her cheeks. "Because he—because I can't be with you that way... not yet..."

He kissed her tears away. "You weren't with him the way I want to be with you," he told her, his voice low but firm. "What's between us is love, Nan. That's what this is. I want you to feel happy and safe and willing. When we give ourselves to each other, I don't want you to think about anything other than how good it feels, how right. And I know that's going to take a while. So don't worry." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Now, if you want me to find your top again..."

She considered for a moment. "Were you... were you about to take my underwear off?"

"Well, we can," he said. "But I was thinking you might not be ready for that yet..."

"So..." She tilted her head, searching his eyes.

He swallowed. "What we were just doing, through our clothes," he told her. "Next I would do that with my fingers... under your clothes."

She whimpered at the thought; the flesh between her legs pulsed once, and she felt so tender that she almost ached with it. "And it would feel that good, even though it's just your fingers?"

He nodded, his dark eyes gazing into hers. "Better," he said softly.

She shuddered. "I don't know," she whispered.

"So let's make out some more," he suggested, "and if you want me to try it... just pick up my hand and show me where you want me to touch you, okay?"

She flushed. "Okay," she whispered.

He settled down beside her, and when he moved his face close to hers, she gazed into his eyes and felt her heart beating so hard. Then he smiled. "Shh," he murmured, and touched her cheek. "It's all right, Nan. It is."

"Yeah," she whispered, and her lips parted beneath his when he kissed her again. He was propped up beside her, he wasn't on top of her or resting between her thighs anymore, and the cooler air in her bedroom breathed against her sensitive nipples. His hand was beside her on the bed...

Her heart beat harder when she imagined guiding him so he would touch her, and she couldn't resist the idea for long. She picked up his hand and slowly led it up to cover her breast, and she felt him smile against their kiss.

"Mmm. You like that, huh," he murmured, then gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Mmm-hmm," she admitted, and she tilted her hips when he rubbed his thumb over her erect nipple. "It feels really good."

"Good." He kept fondling her breast as he nuzzled against her neck. "I love being able to touch you like this."

She smiled and ran her hand over his hair. "Ned?"

"Hmm?"

"If—if making love means having sex..." She sighed, her lashes fluttering as he gently squeezed her breast.

"It's just one way," he told her. Then he kissed the tip of her nose. "When we cuddle together and watch movies, when we sleep in each other's arms, when we talk until we're so tired we almost fall asleep on the phone... that's love, too."

She smiled again, then tipped her chin and parted her lips to meet his next kiss. His strokes against her nipple were gentle and teasing, then firm, and each one sent a tingle down her spine to the join of her thighs. She let herself think about letting him show her with his fingers, and the more she thought about it, the more she _wanted_ it.

She moaned, making a soft hum against his kiss, and he pulled back. He nuzzled against her cheek, her neck, and she swallowed and reached for his hand again.

She guided him slowly to touch her between her legs, over her panties; as soon as he cupped her she bent her other knee, drawing it up. Ned kissed the base of her throat, then whispered against her skin, "Baby... God, I can feel how wet you are for me."

Then his thumb moved, in an almost tantalizingly slow, steady arc, and Nancy sucked in a gasped breath, tensing in pleasure. "Ned," she whimpered.

He pulled back to look into her eyes and did it again, and her hips jerked when he repeated the motion. His eyes were so dark and warm, and she felt so entirely out of her depth, completely under his power. "Good?"

She nodded, panting as he traced his fingers down the crotch of her panties, down the hollow that marked the slit of her sex, until he reached the bottom. Then he groaned quietly. "We're gonna be just fine, baby," he told her. "You're so wet..."

His thumb brushed against the top of her sex again, and she whimpered. "More," she whispered, blushing as she parted her legs even wider.

"Underneath?"

She hesitated, and when he drew the tip of his thumb in a firm stroke against that button of flesh, her hips and shoulders jerked, and she panted loudly. He moved the two fingers curved with the lips of her sex in a firm stroke to trace them, pressing so hard that she actually could feel the pressure just barely inside her, and she whimpered again, reaching for him.

His kiss was deep, claiming, his tongue in her mouth, and she imagined that he might want to do that with her, to plunge his fingers into her with such insistence and confidence, and she shuddered. Whenever his thumb brushed against her, stimulating that small button at the top of her sex, she felt a bolt of such pure, dizzying pleasure that she was lightheaded. Her panties felt cool against her crotch, and she realized what he meant; the fabric was wet.

Ned broke the kiss, and Nancy closed her eyes, then reached down and touched his hand. "I... I need to slow down," she whispered.

"Okay," he murmured, and moved his hand to her hip, kissing her cheek.

She turned her head and kissed him in return. "Do you want me to touch you?" she whispered.

In answer he touched her hand, and she let him guide her to touch him through his boxers. He nuzzled against her cheek, his lips parted and his breath warm on her skin, and she paid close attention to how he moved her hand. She felt nervous and self-conscious, but when Ned groaned softly in pleasure, she blushed in response. "So you like this?" she whispered.

"Hell yes," he murmured. "Mmm, that is so good, baby..."

When he panted, she shivered at the feel of his breath; he encouraged her to squeeze him gently, stroking her palm up and down his erection. Then he growled something she didn't quite understand and pushed himself up, and she was almost naked on the bed when he left it. After a moment he closed himself in her bathroom and she heard the water running; she slid out of bed and went to her dresser, pulling out a pair of clean underwear.

He returned to her a moment later, and she was under the covers, her top back on. He moved beneath to join her and when he touched her, she moved into his arms with a pleased sigh.

"You all right?" he murmured, and kissed her temple.

"Yeah," she murmured, her palm against his back. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, and nuzzled against her. "My sweet, beautiful Nancy. I love you more than I could ever say."

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "And I wish I could show you how much I love you..."

"You already have," he murmured. "You already are."

\--

On Sunday afternoon Nancy stood on the Nickersons' front porch again, just dropping her hand after ringing the doorbell. She glanced down at her newest pair of jeans and the blue cardigan she had picked out to wear; the day was too cool to wear a dress.

James Nickerson answered the door and gave her a smile. "Come on in, Nancy," he said, stepping back. "Edith's in the kitchen, and Ned..."

Just then, Ned rushed down the stairs; he wore a pair of jeans too, and an Emerson sweatshirt. "Hey Nan," he said with a smile. Nancy hoped the blush she could feel in her chest wasn't obvious on her face; she had spent the night in Ned's arms, and once they had been awake, they had held each other for ten minutes before he had left her bed. He had reminded her again that she was welcome to join him at Emerson whenever she wanted, and she couldn't deny how tempting it was.

The spotting had been an isolated event, though. With every day that passed, she was less and less able to convince herself that she had just skipped her period, that worrying about it was making her late. She didn't want to believe it, but she couldn't ignore the evidence, either.

"Honey? Could you come give me a hand?" Edith appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen, a striped apron tied over her dress, and gave Nancy a smile. Her hands were wet, and she held them up with the conscientiousness of a freshly-scrubbed surgeon. "So nice to see you again, Nancy."

"Thanks, Mrs. Nickerson," Nancy said, as Ned reached her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I can help...?"

Edith shook her head. "No, no. James and I can handle it. We'll just be a few more minutes. Please, have a seat."

As soon as they were alone in the living room together, Ned kissed Nancy's temple. "How are you?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, relishing the warmth of his embrace, all too keenly aware it would be a few days before she would feel it again. "Mmm. I'm okay. Really tired today, for some reason."

"Oh. I'm sorry." He stroked her back. "I didn't mean..."

She moved to look into his eyes. "No, it's not you. I mean..." She blushed and tilted her head. "You know what I mean. I had enough sleep." She shook her head. "It's not your fault."

"Even though it kind of is." Ned kissed her behind her ear, his palm at the small of her back, and she shivered.

Then she moved away from him with a soft disappointed sigh, casting a worried glance toward the kitchen. "Why don't I go pour us both a drink?" she suggested.

Ned gave her a lopsided smile. "You know Mom will take care of it. What, you don't want to hang out with me?" His smile turned into a teasing pout.

She gave him a light push on the shoulder. "You know I do. I just... don't want to embarrass your parents."

He caught her hand and they walked together toward the kitchen. Just before they crossed the threshold, Ned leaned down and whispered into her ear, "I think they'd be disappointed if we _weren't_ making the most of our time together."

Nancy growled quietly in warning, but squeezed his hand as they came into the kitchen. James was dishing Spanish rice onto a serving platter, while Edith was looking in the refrigerator for something. Pans of seasoned hamburger for tacos and spicy black beans simmered on the stove. "Oooh, cilantro," Nancy commented, and Edith looked over at her.

"I was going to put a little in the guacamole; James doesn't care for a lot of it. How do you feel about it, honey?"

"It's fine," Nancy said with a smile. "And pico de gallo too? Mrs. Nickerson, next time you invite me over for lunch, I'm going to insist that Ned and I take over so you can relax a little. Of course, I'm sure it won't be nearly so delicious as this."

"That is a nice idea. Maybe on Mother's Day," James said. "Nancy, if you agree to handle the dessert, I think Ned and I could handle the grill."

Edith laughed. "The one day a year I actually am able to stay out of the kitchen," she joked. "For breakfast, anyway."

Mother's Day was a family event, and to be included in their plans for it made Nancy feel a wave of happy warmth. Usually she thought of her own mother and how much she missed her, but it would be nice to spend some time with Ned's family on that day, too.

Then she thought of the news she and Ned might be giving his parents soon, and her stomach churned.

Nancy and Ned volunteered to set the table and pour the drinks while Ned's parents finished plating and arranging everything, and they sat down to a feast. Edith had made a pan of chicken enchiladas to accompany the tacos, and Ned was happy that he would be able to take the leftovers to Emerson with him. Nancy had seen what happened when Ned returned to school with a cooler of leftovers: the guys all descended on him, hoping to claim an oatmeal raisin cookie or a serving of lasagna in exchange for some favor. The other brothers happily offered to do a chore or two for a couple of Edith Nickerson's lemon sugar cookies. Ned joked that he would have to smuggle the leftover enchiladas into the frat house disguised in a duffel bag or under his sweatshirt, because he had no intention of sharing them with anyone.

"And you shouldn't share them, with all that working out you do," Edith said. "Nancy, you wouldn't _believe_ how early he was out for a run this morning. At least he made it home in plenty of time to take a shower and go to church with us."

Nancy nodded, keeping her head down. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, and hoped Ned's parents hadn't noticed. "He really is dedicated," she commented. "Mrs. Nickerson, this guacamole is delicious."

After the meal was over and Nancy had accepted a slender slice of tender, fluffy caramel cake, it was time for Ned to depart. Nancy helped him load the car, then came inside to tell his parents goodbye at the same time he did, thanking them again for inviting her to the meal. Mrs. Nickerson told Nancy, as she always did, that she was welcome to come over anytime, even if Ned wasn't home.

Then Nancy followed Ned out to his car, shivering a little when the wind picked up; Ned wrapped his arm around her, and when they reached the car he enveloped her in a hug. She shivered again when she felt his breath on her cheek, but that time it was happily. "I'd love to smuggle you back with me," he murmured. "You wouldn't even have to ride in the trunk. I mean, unless you wanted to."

She smiled, but shook her head. "I wish I could..."

"I know, I know." He kissed her just beneath her ear again. "The offer always stands. So you'll come down on Thursday?"

She nodded. "Uh, on Friday morning... if I haven't, if nothing's changed... then I'll take the test. Do you have a game that day, or..."

Ned shook his head. "We have one Saturday afternoon, but not Friday afternoon. So if you want to make the appointment for Friday, I'm available after twelve-thirty. Would that be all right?"

She nodded. "I think so," she said, reaching up to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear. Ned caught it first, and she touched his warm fingers with her chilly ones, gazing up into his eyes.

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you too, Drew. I like sleeping with you. I like holding you and feeling you cuddle up against me." He gave her a small smile. "As much as I hate the circumstances, it is nice to feel like I'm protecting you."

She searched his eyes. "And you aren't disappointed about last night."

He shook his head, then leaned forward and kissed her behind the ear again before he whispered, "How could I possibly be disappointed, when I was with such a beautiful, incredible woman? Especially since she let me feel her up."

Nancy smiled. "It was nice," she whispered, and turned to brush her lips against his.

"Only 'nice'?"

" _Very_ nice," she amended with a wider smile, and kissed him again. "And now I'd better tell you to leave, before I actually do take you up on that offer."

"That's exactly what I didn't need to hear," he told her, then picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, gazing into his eyes.

"I love you more than anything in this world," he told her. "I belong to you, body and soul, okay? No matter what. If you can't sleep this week, if you feel sad, call me. Don't think twice about it; just pick up the phone. If anything else happens that upsets you—" She realized what he meant, and took a slow breath. "Call me then too. Promise?"

"Promise," she said with a nod. "And you promise _me_ that you'll be good and study and work hard this week, okay? I don't want to feel guilty about distracting you from your schoolwork once I'm up there."

"Promise," Ned said with a soulful, sober nod, gazing into her eyes. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a long, sweet kiss, and she couldn't help clinging to him; she couldn't bring herself to break away. She ran her fingers through his hair and breathed him in and made herself lock the sensation in her memory, of the incredible peace and safety she felt in his arms. The world could have crumbled around them, and she wouldn't have known or cared.

Then, slowly, reluctantly, he pulled back. "It's the hardest thing in the world, to let you go," he confessed.

She nodded. "I feel the same way," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead, and he held her for a moment longer before he put her down. "I'll call you when I get there."

"I'll be waiting," she told him, and gave him one last squeeze before she took a step back. "I love you, Ned Nickerson."

"And I love you," he told her, reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze. She knew that she couldn't go with him, but the tender expression in his dark eyes was enough to change her mind. When he released her, turning to open the door and climb into his car, she wrapped her arms around her torso and found that she was fighting tears. She would see him again in a few days, but it still felt like it would be too long to wait.

Then she thought of the pregnancy tests she would buy on the way to Emerson, and Thursday felt like it was only hours away.


	6. Chapter 6

When Thursday came, Nancy woke with a stomachache, but she wasn't fooled. Her anxiety was causing it. When she checked, she didn't find a single drop of blood.

On Wednesday the mail had arrived before she had departed for her lunch date with Bess and George, and her acceptance letter had come with it. She was officially invited to join the Wildcats for the upcoming fall semester. She had her wish; she could be with Ned for his senior year.

Even though the thought of pregnancy tests she would be taking seemed to swell until nothing else could fit inside her head, she still couldn't find it in her to talk to Bess and George about it. If she did, they would pepper her with questions she couldn't answer—and though they would likely just assume it was Ned's, Nancy remembered telling Bess all too recently that she and Ned hadn't yet had sex. She could lie and say that she just hadn't felt comfortable talking to Bess about it yet, but it was better just to sidestep the question. Besides, if she was pregnant, if she decided to terminate—it would be easier if only she and Ned knew.

So instead she told them about the letter and her acceptance, but in some ways, that was worse. "I guess we'll throw you a farewell party in August," George said. "Because we won't be seeing you again until May, will we?"

Bess accepted her diet soda from the waiter with a smile, then unwrapped the straw and pointed it at Nancy. "And if your card hasn't been punched by then—I can just see it: the romance of the Omega Chi back-to-school bash, with gallons of punch and Ned president of the frat and a really pretty nightgown..."

"Card?" George raised her eyebrows, then snorted. "Ahh."

Nancy knew she was blushing, and the knowing look George sent her way didn't help. "I'm sure I'll see you guys all the time," she said. "And I'll—I'll only be with him for a year up there. Then he'll be graduated and I'll be back in Chicago."

"With us?" Bess gave her an encouraging grin. "Although if the three of us are at UC together, I'm sure the time I spend on homework will take a nosedive. We'll be up to our elbows in embezzlers, saboteurs, and con artists before the first week is up."

"Maybe," George said. "Nan, when was your last case?"

"It's—been a while," she admitted. "Three weeks ago..."

Florida. Without Ned, she didn't feel safe—and when she was with Ned, they hadn't yet stumbled upon a mystery. She wondered when she would feel comfortable in her own skin again. She wondered if she ever would.

George lifted her fork. "Told you."

"Told you what?" Nancy said, looking back and forth between Bess and George.

Bess shrugged. "George's theory is that your fascination with mysteries was all pent-up sexual frustration," she said. "So if Ned's scratching that itch... maybe they aren't as important to you anymore."

Nancy's lips had lifted in a small, humorless smile. "That's not it," she said. "I'm just... I don't know, it's been a rough few weeks. But soon you two and Ned will be out for the summer and we'll all be together again."

"That will be nice," Bess had sighed. "I miss you guys. I mean, George is great and all..."

For the rest of their lunch, the cousins had caught her up with their activities at school and promised they would show her around and hang out with her once she was at UC—as she silently prayed she would be. When Nancy had come home afterward, Hannah had given her a small smile. "You received a call while you were gone," the housekeeper told her. "I told him you were—unavailable."

_Frank._

For the rest of Wednesday, Nancy had been afraid that he would call again; instead, Edith had called that afternoon and asked if Nancy would mind dropping by the Nickerson home for brunch before she departed for Emerson, so she could do the older woman a favor. Nancy had called Ned and confirmed their plans, had packed and was relieved to be on her way to see him again.

First, though, she stood on the Nickersons' porch and rang the doorbell. She wore jeans and a floral top, her hair pulled back under a headband, small gold heart earrings and a gold heart-shaped locket Ned had given her. She knew she was worried about what the tests would tell her, but her stomach was more upset than usual. She rubbed a comforting circle over it with her palm, but dropped her hand when she heard the doorbell rattle.

It felt strange, to be at Ned's house without his being there, even though she had done it a few times—and Ned's mother gave Nancy a genuine smile when she saw her standing at the door. "Come on in, Nancy. Thank you for accepting my invitation."

"Thank you for inviting me," Nancy replied, stepping inside. "Oh—here. Hannah and I made brownies yesterday, and I thought I'd bring you and Mr. Nickerson a few to say thank you."

Edith accepted the tin Nancy handed her with a smile. "That's very sweet of you and Hannah. Thank you. Now, the ham and potato casserole should be just about ready to come out of the oven..."

Right on cue, Nancy heard the oven timer go off. "Please, Nancy, have a seat. Juice? Water?"

"Juice is fine," Nancy said, and when she sat down, her stomach gurgled again. The smell of the casserole was delicious, but over the past few days it had been hard for her to eat much before she became nauseated. She hoped it would agree with her.

"I made some biscuits too, and we have jam, honey, and butter. And some fruit salad, if you would care for that."

A biscuit definitely sounded mild enough for her stomach. "That sounds great, Mrs. Nickerson. Thank you."

Once the table was set, Nancy served herself a spoonful of the casserole and a spoonful of the fruit, and pulled open one of the biscuits. It was piping hot, and the pat of butter she spread onto the tender, flaky inside melted into it immediately. She drizzled a little honey over it, then looked up at Edith.

"I'm sorry; I know it's a bit late for breakfast. Are you not very hungry, dear?"

"I might have a little stomach bug," Nancy admitted. "But everything looks delicious."

Edith nodded slowly. "Well, I hope you feel better," she said. "I'm sorry. Ned happened to mention that you were considering attending Emerson in the fall, and I know he was very excited about the prospect."

Nancy's stomach flipped again. "I'd—well, I'm very happy about the idea, too," she said. "I hope that I can."

"You and Ned have seen a lot of each other this year, haven't you?"

Nancy nodded, glancing down at her plate and pulling off a bite of the biscuit. "He's been wonderful," she murmured. "But he always has been. I'm sorry I kept Ned away from you and Mr. Nickerson over spring break..."

Edith waved her hand. "He'll be home soon enough," she said reassuringly. "We miss him while he's at Emerson, but he'll be out soon. And I'm sure you two will be spending a lot of time together this summer, too." When Nancy looked up at Edith, the older woman touched her hand. "It's all right, Nancy. We know you two are in love. It's clear every time you look at each other."

"We are," Nancy murmured. For a long moment, her heart in her throat, she considered letting it pour out of her, all her doubt and fear over what she was going through. The tension made her throat ache. But she was so afraid, and by this time tomorrow, she still clung to the hope that she might find she had been worried for nothing. Maybe she had only skipped one period. Maybe her queasy stomach was thanks to her anxiety alone.

She and Edith chatted through the rest of their meal, even though Nancy was only able to eat what was on her plate. Her stomach was gurgling, but she was hoping the nausea wouldn't follow. She was eager to get on the road, to reach Emerson soon. Once she and Edith were clearing the table and putting away the leftovers, Nancy heard her cell phone chirp and felt the same anxiety she always did: that Frank had figured out she had blocked his number and was calling her from another, that she might unintentionally speak to him. She was wary about answering unknown numbers, now.

But she had to check, and Nancy was relieved when she saw it was a text from George.

"The favor I was going to ask," Edith said, wiping her hands after she had washed them. "Well, I wanted to be able to talk to you... but I also wanted to send some food with you, some treats for you and Ned and his friends. He's so busy all the time, and I just wanted to make sure he wasn't surviving on microwaved noodles and takeout pizza." She smiled. "Would you mind terribly?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Nickerson. I'd be happy to. Maybe if I'm lucky, no one will spot me taking it in."

Edith smiled at her, but Nancy was watching when the smile faded to a concerned expression. Her voice was a little quieter when she spoke again. "Nancy, I want you to know that if you need to, you can talk to me, all right? Whether Ned's here or not. James and I... for a long time now, you've been like a part of the family, and I know sometimes it must be hard without—with only your father around."

Nancy nodded once. "I appreciate it," she murmured.

For a few seconds, Nancy thought Edith was going to say something else. Instead, she gave her another quick smile and reached for the cooler. "I'll help you take this out to the car."

Nancy had her purse over her arm and her keys in her hand once they put the cooler in the trunk; then Edith gave her a brief hug. "Drive safely, dear. Tell Ned hello for us. And I'll see you again soon."

Nancy nodded. "Thanks, Mrs. Nickerson."

She knew it had to be her heightened sensitivity, but she felt as though Edith knew when she stopped halfway to Emerson, at another pharmacy this time, and picked up three different brands of pregnancy test. The clerk gave her a knowing, sharp glance as she rang them up, but Nancy ignored it. She paid in cash so her father wouldn't see the purchase on any of her cards. But she wanted to be sure. She didn't want to feel this terrible anxiety any longer than she needed.

She had timed her arrival to be about the time Ned would be back at the fraternity, and she was just lifting the trunk of her car when she heard from behind her, "Hey, beautiful."

The sun was low, covered by scudding purple clouds, when she turned and saw him. His coat was unzipped and open, a duffel bag over his shoulder; his dark hair was faintly damp from his locker-room shower, and she saw the shadow of stubble down the line of his cheek. His dark eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled at her.

"Hey handsome," she replied, and when he was close enough he wrapped her in his embrace, lifting her up in his strong arms. She nuzzled against his neck and her lips brushed just beneath his ear and he made a sound somewhere between a growl and a chuckle.

"I missed you too," he murmured.

She moved back to look into his eyes. "How is it that no matter how much time I spend with you, it's never enough?" she murmured.

He brushed the tip of his nose against hers. "Because we keep having to say goodbye to each other," he told her. "That's what does it, I think."

"We need to solve that problem, Ned."

He nodded. "Definitely, baby."

He helped her carry her bag inside—and they tried their best to disguise the cooler as they went into the fraternity house, but Howie zeroed in on it immediately. "If a single bite is missing when we come back, Little, it's on you," Ned called as they went into his room. "Babe, I'm starving—mind if we go out?"

She nodded at the cooler with a chuckle. "Uh, honey—I don't think we need to go out."

He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "But if we go downstairs to reheat any of it, we'll be swarmed. Besides, I want to treat my girl. It's been days and I didn't see you nearly enough over the weekend. Is that okay? Would you rather we stay here?"

She shook her head. "It'll be nice to go out tonight. We can have a little celebration." She hadn't yet given her the news about the letter, and it would give her a good opportunity.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

She squeezed his hand, too. "Be patient. Should I get changed?"

He shook his head; then his gaze fell on the locket, and he touched it gently. "You look great, Nan. Beautiful."

They decided on a nearby Mexican cantina for something different, and Nancy was unsurprised when a group of students waiting for table recognized and greeted Ned with smiles. Soon they were seated at a small table near the back of the restaurant, and a server dropped off a basket of thick, warm tortilla chips and chunky salsa.

"So you had good news?"

Ned's eyes were alight as he reached for her hand, and Nancy had just opened her mouth when their waitress approached the table. "Welcome to Topaz; have you had a chance to look over the menu? Do you have any questions?"

"We haven't," Nancy admitted.

"Could you tell us about the specials?" Ned kept his hand on Nancy's as he addressed the waitress.

"Definitely," the waitress said with a grin, and Nancy had a feeling she was an Emerson student too. "The black and blue nachos with pork carnitas is on special tonight, and the grilled marinated chicken with mango barbecue sauce and mango salsa. House margaritas and apple sangria, too. We also have some pretty neat local beers, if you'd like to try those."

Ned glanced over at Nancy. "I think I'll just have a water to start, while we decide," he said. "Nan?"

"Water," she nodded.

After glancing over the menu, Nancy patted her belly a little absently. She was afraid anything spicy would make her feel sick, so she decided on the chicken and cheese quesadilla with sautéed mushrooms, and rice and refried beans. On the waitress's return, Ned ordered the nachos on special with the jalapeños on the side, and a beef chimichanga platter.

"Nothing to drink?"

Ned glanced over at Nancy, then shook his head. "Just Coke, please."

She took their menus and gave them a smile, and then Ned turned his full attention on her again. "Come on, Nan, I can't stand the suspense."

She smiled as she reached for his hand and held it. "I was accepted," she told him.

Ned raised his other arm and released a cheer; the other restaurant guests around them glanced over with smiles. "Baby, that's great! I knew you would be."

Her smile became a grin. "Yeah. It's... I'm glad."

"C'mere." Ned pushed his chair out and she slid out of hers to come over to him. He pulled her down into his lap and embraced her. "We can be together," he murmured, as she rested her head on his shoulder. "Nan, this... I'm so happy."

Nancy closed her eyes and tried to keep the lump of tears she felt in her throat from rising. They could have that future together, but she still didn't _know_ , and she wouldn't know until the next morning.

He rubbed her back and gave her a soft kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she said, opening her eyes again; she knew they were gleaming when he reached up and cupped her cheek. Around them were other couples, the clatter of silverware and glasses, conversation and laughter; large-globed lights were strung along the walls, glowing against tinted-glass animals perched on high shelves and the rough, dark wood paneling. She looked into his eyes and knew that nothing would ever be so natural to her as _this_ , the sensation of being loved and safe and happy in his arms. His dark eyes were sweet as they searched hers, and she gazed at him, the darkened line of his jaw, the way his collar curled near his neck.

He could have any girl with a crook of his finger, a quirk of his eyebrow, but he had chosen her. Most of the girls around them now would have knocked each other down for the chance to earn Ned Nickerson's attention.

She touched his lower lip with the pad of her thumb, then leaned forward and kissed him again, slow and sweet. She felt him cup the back of her head, his fingertips against her scalp, as he returned it, his lips parting under hers. His tongue stroked against hers, slow and sensual, and she felt a rush of warmth and tingling awareness between her thighs, felt a flush rise in her cheeks in response. Even once the kiss was over, they still stayed as close as they had been, her lashes low. The upbeat music playing from the bar was muted beneath the pounding of her heart.

His curled fingertips brushed behind her ear and she shivered. She felt broken, but in moments like this, the devotion and love he showed her felt like the only thing holding her together. She would have been more than lost without it, without _him_.

She whimpered quietly before she kissed him again, cupping his cheek. His arm circled her waist and she arched when he stroked his thumb against the side of her waist, over her shirt. When they broke that kiss, Nancy rested against him for a long moment before she returned to her seat.

The waitress approached with Ned's soda and gave them a smile. "Your nachos will be right out," she told them.

Nancy nodded; her cheeks were still warm, and she was still feeling attuned to him. He reached for her hand when they were alone again and she glanced up at him, a shiver going up her spine when the ball of his thumb stroked against her inner wrist. "Have you had a good week?"

Ned nodded. "Especially since you're here," he told her. "Nan, for you to be here... it would be perfect. It _will_ be perfect."

Nancy searched his eyes. He believed it, and she wanted to, so much.

The plate of nachos, when it arrived, was huge. Ned encouraged her to take some, especially once he took his first bite. "Man, these are great," he told her.

The pork was good, but after her first bite, Nancy knew she wouldn't be able to eat much of it. Ned asked her about her week, and she told him about her lunch with Bess and George and her meal with his mother that morning as he handily demolished half the plate of nachos.

Their entrees were delicious. Nancy had to eat her quesadilla slowly, and she wasn't even able to eat it all; Ned's appetite, as always, was bottomless. The waitress went over the dessert specials after their plates had been cleared, but Nancy was full. Ned thanked her and asked for the check, then looked over at Nancy.

"Did you get enough to eat? Do you want to stop on the way back for an ice cream or something? We are celebrating, after all."

Nancy gave him a smile. "I'm all right. I mean, if you want to stop and pick up a couple of pints just in case we need a midnight snack..."

He grinned. "You're on, Drew."

Back at the Omega Chi house, when they walked in with the ice cream, the guys in the common room greeted the two of them with smiles. They were playing video games, while three guys were in the kitchen monitoring a frozen pizza as it baked, and two were at the table studying for a chemistry exam. Howie confirmed that Nancy and Ned were planning on attending the dance on Saturday night, and then they headed upstairs to settle in for the night.

Nancy was exhausted; when Ned went to the bathroom, she quickly changed into her oversized t-shirt and shorts, taking off her jewelry. She put it into her duffel and looked at the plastic bag containing the pregnancy tests she had bought that afternoon, and zipped up the bag again. It was tomorrow; she planned on enjoying tonight. If she could stay awake long enough.

Ned returned and began stripping as soon as the door was closed behind him. Nancy was sitting at the foot of his bed, her legs crossed. "Do you have homework to do?" she asked.

Ned nodded. "Shouldn't take me too long. You can relax, watch some TV if you want."

She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and clean up, and when she was walking back to Ned's room, she rubbed her palm over her stomach. She opened the door to his room and she saw him at his desk, his broad shoulders covered by a heather-gray t-shirt, his soft dark hair haloed by the glow from his desk lamp. He turned to see her when she came in, and gave her a smile before he turned back to his work. Immediately her lips curled up in response, a warm glow spreading in her chest.

She tried to watch television, but she couldn't concentrate; she had been exhausted but unable to sleep very well the past few nights. Her bed had felt so lonely without him. The soft unobtrusive hum of the soundtrack and Ned's presence, finally feeling safe and secure... she pulled the covers up and curled up on her side facing him, resting her eyes for a few minutes.

In the morning. She planned on taking the tests as soon as she woke up in the morning.

She sniffled and burrowed deeper under the covers. The comforter and the sheets smelled like the detergent Mrs. Nickerson used, and Ned's shampoo, Ned's skin. She sighed and tried to relax again, but her stomach gurgled and churned.

She wasn't sure how much later it was, when Ned's chair creaked as he pushed it back. He flipped off the overhead lights and found the remote, turning off the television too. He was trying to be quiet, and she heard him packing his backpack before he slid into the bed. He was moving slowly to keep from jostling her, and she drew a long breath as he moved closer to her.

"Nan?"

Ned's voice was soft, hardly louder than a breath; Nancy made a soft sound and pulled the covers down so she could see him. "Hey," she murmured.

"Hey," he said, and cupped her cheek, moving down so their faces were level. "How are you doing, really?"

She searched his eyes. "Scared as hell," she whispered. "I want... I want to be with you, here, in the fall... but if the test is positive..."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "It doesn't mean you can't come here," he told her. "Even if you are pregnant, even if you decide you want to carry the baby, I know it will be hard..."

"And if I decide not to, it will be easier."

Ned let out his breath in a sigh. "In some ways, yeah," he murmured. "But not if it breaks your heart, to make that decision."

She sniffled. "He called my _house_ , Ned," she whispered, then looked into his eyes again. "What will I do the day he shows up there again?"

He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. "You'll call me and I'll talk to him again," Ned told her. "He'll find out that restraining order wasn't a threat, it was a promise. God..."

She moved her arm over him and nestled against him, closing her eyes. "I want to stop feeling afraid," she whispered. "I just want to be okay again. But if I'm pregnant..."

He stroked her back. "I wish I knew what to say," he whispered. "I wish I could help."

"You do," she told him. "You're here. And you care about me, even though..."

She opened her eyes when he moved down and kissed her forehead. "Not 'even though,'" he told her. "Always. We'll go tomorrow and we'll be sure and then we'll take the next step, whatever you decide. I'll be with you for everything. I don't want you to be afraid."

She sniffled and moved to give him a kiss. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered.

She searched his eyes, cupping his cheek, and when she moved he was already moving toward her. His lips brushed hers and that same sensitivity, that same awareness, bloomed in her again. She parted her lips and he kissed her deeply; she moved onto her back, still holding him, and his fingertips brushed just under the hem of her shirt, against her bare skin.

She wanted to be with him like they had been at the restaurant, like they had the last night they had been together. She didn't push his hand away or freeze up, and Ned kissed her again as he began to gently tug the hem of her shirt up. She arched, blushing as he drew it up to just beneath her breasts. Together they sat up, and she kept kissing him, her fingers buried in his hair; they parted just long enough for him to tug her shirt over her head, and when she reached for the hem of his shirt, he lifted his arms immediately. His kisses were so sweet, so intense, that she crawled into his lap once she had tossed his shirt on the bed, craving the feel of his warm, bare chest against hers.

"Nancy," Ned gasped, and she was embracing him when he nuzzled against her neck, kissing his way down. When she felt him stirring between them, against her thigh, she blushed and rested her hot cheek against his shoulder. He was gently stroking her sides, the curve of her waist, the sides of her hips; his fingertips traced the nape of her neck, her shoulder blades, the line of her spine, and she shuddered when his lips brushed against the join of her neck and shoulder.

"Okay?"

"Mmm. Yeah," she sighed.

"Good."

He kissed the hollow at the base of her throat, then moved up to look into her eyes, and her lashes fluttered down as he kissed her again. He touched her breast, gently rubbing her hardening nipple with his thumb, and she felt a bolt of pure, delirious delight shiver down her spine.

When he broke the kiss, she knew she was still blushing, and allowing and _enjoying_ what he was doing to her felt so intoxicating. They looked into each other's eyes and when he began to stroke her other breast too, she made a low pleading sound, her lips parting.

"Do you want..."

She was nodding when he trailed off, and her heart was beating so hard when he bore her to the bed. She swallowed as she parted her legs, gazing up at him as he moved over her, lowering his hips to hers. She shivered as she felt his erection against her.

Their kisses were eager and deep, and she ran her fingers through his hair, shivering with every stroke of his hips between hers. When she gasped, Ned panted as he nuzzled against her ear, down her neck, trailing kisses against her throat. When he kept going, kissing her breastbone, Nancy tipped her head back, her lips parted.

Then he kissed the top of her breast, all the way down to her hardened nipple. She arched and panted as he circled her nipple with his tongue, and when he gently suckled against it for the first time, she whimpered his name.

"Stop?"

"Don't stop," she moaned, keeping her fingers buried in his hair, her other hand against his shoulder. He licked and suckled each nipple while stroking the other, and the sensation woke a throbbing tenderness between her thighs. She wrapped her leg around his waist, arching and writhing against him. Whenever the join of her thighs rubbed against him she gasped, and then he touched the band of her panties.

His fingertip circled that sensitive button of flesh through her panties and she released a quiet breathless cry, her hips angling as he kept stroking her between her thighs. He kissed each of her nipples one more time, then nuzzled and kissed his way back up, until he was looking into her eyes.

He had asked her if she wanted him to touch her under her clothes last time. She was shivering, delirious with pleasure, and when she thought about it, she felt a thrill of nervous anticipation. "Can you..." she whispered.

"Show me," Ned panted.

She reached down and pulled the band of her panties away from her skin, then guided his hand beneath, shuddering when he touched her there, sighing in pleasure when he combed his fingers through the coarse hair beneath and caressed her skin. He kept his gaze on her face as he gently stroked his fingertip directly against that sensitive button of flesh.

Nancy released a gasped cry, parting her legs further, her hips trembling. "Ned," she moaned as he did it again, and she was still flushed, still shivering. He guided his fingertip down, tracing the lips of her sex all the way down, and she was shaking.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Are you all right?"

"Mmm," she moaned. "Oh my God... it feels so good..."

He smiled. "Good," he whispered.

She reached up and drew him down to her so she could kiss him, and he stretched out beside her, still fondling her between her thighs. He was just stroking, circling the sensitive button as he explored her, and Nancy was sure she was going to pass out with the delirious pleasure. He kissed her lazily, but to her, it felt like every stroke of his fingertips, the trace of his tongue against hers, was designed specifically for her, just to inflame her further. She clung to him.

Then he touched her low between her thighs, where she had been hurt the night of the party.

She jerked, letting out a quiet whimper. Her entire body tensed, and Ned moved his fingertips away from her, looking into her face.

"No?"

She tried to calm down, to slow down the desperate pounding of her heart. "I don't know," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"So let's slow down a little," he suggested, settling down beside her again. He stroked against the slick button at the top of her sex and she moaned, drawing her fingers through his hair. "And if you want to try again, just let me know, but it's okay if you don't."

She nodded, slowly relaxing again. When she had freaked out, the delirious haze of her arousal had dissipated some, and she felt it return as he kept stroking her. He kissed her again, slow and lingering, and she considered.

He wasn't going to hurt her. Frank had, but if what Ned did to her felt good, maybe she would be less scared next time. Her heart rose into her throat when she imagined it, though.

She drew her leg up and Ned groaned against their kiss; he moved partially on top of her again, without pinning her down, and her heart began beating hard again. She cupped his side and when her fingers bumped against the elastic band of his underwear, he moved and she wasn't quite sure how it happened, but then they were pushing them down and he was naked. "Nan," he whispered, and she was panting, and the flesh between her legs was clenching and releasing in time with his strokes against that button of flesh. It was the strangest thing in the world, but nothing had ever felt so intense, so incredible. And he was naked...

But he didn't move to strip her panties off, and she stroked her fingertips against his hips, against the skin that had been covered, tracing the curve of the bone and the curve of his ass. Her fingertips dipped into the indention of his spine, tracing the small of his back, and they were tangled together and it was okay, it was going to be all right.

"Yes," she whispered, just before he kissed her again.

His tongue stroked against hers, and then he pulled back, and she could feel his fingertips gently moving back down again. "Gentle," she whispered.

"Of course," he whispered, and gave her another soft kiss. "Tell me if it's too much..."

She closed her eyes, her lips parting, when he gently touched her there again. Her hips angled and she tensed, but she tried to make herself relax again. "Baby, we don't have to," he whispered.

She opened her eyes and saw him gazing into her face. "I want to," she whispered.

He stroked the slick lips a few times, then gently pressed his fingertip between, and she turned and buried her face against his other upper arm, gasping. "It's okay," he whispered. "Does it—are you still hurting?"

"No," she whispered. "I don't want to hurt..."

"I won't," Ned whispered. "I won't hurt you, Nan. See?" He moved his fingertip a little deeper and she moaned, drawing her knee up. "Is it good?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I... _oh_..."

He circled that sensitive button of flesh with his thumb as he gently moved a little deeper inside her, and when he ducked his head down and kissed her again, he dipped his tongue into her mouth. She felt so vulnerable, sensitive and aroused and overwhelmed.

Slowly he worked the full length of his finger inside her, and when he did she broke their kiss, gasping. "Ned," she moaned. "Oh my God..."

He kissed her cheekbone, the corner of her lips. "You feel so good," he murmured. "Do you like it, or do you want me to stop?"

She drew a deep breath. "What are you going to do?" she gasped.

"Just all over again," he murmured. He slid his finger out of her, then held her gaze as he moved it back inside her, still stroking the top of her sex with his thumb.

It didn't hurt. She felt pressure, and she was aware of what he was doing, but even when the entire length of his finger was inside her, it didn't hurt. He searched her eyes and she swallowed, her palm resting on his back. His knees were between hers and she was exposed to him, and she was nervous, but she wasn't afraid now.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed, and then he shifted so he could switch hands, leaning down to kiss her. His erection pressed against her inner thigh, bare skin against bare skin, and Nancy's heart began to beat faster again, but he still didn't try to peel her underwear down and strip it off her.

Then he began to work two fingers inside her, moving gently. "Too much?"

She shook her head, tilting her hips back and forth in a gentle rock. She tipped her chin back and released a desperate groan. "Ned," she whispered. "Oh, please..."

She began to sob with each stroke of his fingers, especially when his thumb circled and rubbed the sensitive nub at the top of her sex, but he kept the speed of his penetration slow and steady. She buried her face against his chest and cried out, clinging to him again, whimpering when his erection moved against her thigh.

Then she clawed against his back, her hips bucking in shallow thrusts. She felt that same fluttering pulse between her thighs, and Ned pushed the length of his fingers inside her and held them there, still stroking with his thumb as she felt such terrible, incredible pleasure crash over her. She sobbed, tipping her head back again, and when Ned kissed her she clung to him, her hand in his hair.

She didn't know how long it lasted, but when he finally broke the kiss and slipped his fingers out of her, she was breathless and shivering and exhausted. She felt him gasping, heard him stroking himself, and her hand was still on his back as he stiffened and let out a soft hoarse cry.

He left the bed to clean himself up and Nancy had to rest for a few minutes before she had the strength to find a clean pair of panties and put them on. She put her pajamas back on, and when Ned returned to her he was in his underwear again.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she sighed, and when he laid down she moved into his arms, closing her eyes as she nestled against him. "It didn't hurt... it felt good."

"Good," he murmured, stroking her back. "I'm sorry you freaked out. I didn't mean for you to."

She sniffled. "You wouldn't hurt me," she whispered. "You'd never hurt me. I love you."

"I love you too, baby. I love you so much."

He stroked her back and she cuddled against him, feeling exhausted and safe and loved. Her front was pressed to his broad bare chest and she could feel his heart beating, steady and comforting. Her last thought before she fell asleep was of the morning, and a prayer that what she found out wouldn't confirm her worst fears.

When her eyes drifted open in the morning, the weak pre-dawn light was blue against the blinds and Ned was so warm against her, so comforting that she lingered there for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and made herself leave the safety of his arms. She borrowed his bathrobe and slipped the pregnancy tests into the large pocket, and Ned stirred in the bed.

"Nan?"

"I'll be right back," she told him. "It's okay."

She made herself focus on the directions, but they were basically the same for each. She followed the instructions and slotted each back into its respective box so she could keep them in order, and was infinitely glad when she didn't run into any of Ned's fraternity brothers.

When she came back to Ned's room, he had turned the bedside lamp on and was wearing an undershirt, sitting up in bed. She checked her watch, then pulled the tests out and put the boxes on his bedside table.

"That's them?"

"Yeah," she murmured, sitting down at the foot of his bed. She swept her hair out of her face. Her chest felt solid with anxiety, like someone had poured wet concrete into her ribcage. She knew that whatever the tests told her was already true, that she wouldn't magically be pregnant or not pregnant when she saw the result, but that didn't help the fear.

"So... what did they say?"

She looked up into Ned's face; his skin was pale. "Oh—it hasn't been long enough yet," she told him. "I don't know what they say yet."

"Oh." Ned nodded a little to himself. "Sorry. How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Like I'm about to come out of my skin, and sick to my stomach, but that's nothing new." She sighed and shook her head. "I just can't believe this. I can't believe I actually just took a pregnancy test."

He pushed back the covers, then moved beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "It does feel kind of unreal," he admitted, his voice still a little rough from sleep.

"I just..." She reached up and rubbed her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying. "It feels so fucking unfair, and I..."

When she trailed off, Ned just stroked her back. He didn't say he understood, and she was glad; she didn't know if he _could_ understand how this felt. To know that in a few minutes, depending on the outcome of the test, the guy she loved might feel like he _had_ to marry her, if she was pregnant. She hadn't made the choice, but the echoes of it were still touching her, and if Ned married her just so he could give the child a name, not just because he loved her and wanted to be with her the rest of his life...

She took a deep breath, looking down at his hand, and a tear slipped down her cheek before she brought her chin up. "Ned?"

"Hmm?"

His dark eyes were sweet and sincere, and her heart started beating so fast, so hard, that she thought she might choke. "Ned... fuck this. Fuck all of it. I never wanted it to be this way."

He searched her eyes, tilting his head.

"Ned Nickerson, I love you with my whole heart, and I have for so long," she said. "You're my best friend and I've never been more sure that you're the guy who was meant for me. You have been so incredibly sweet and patient and understanding, even when... through everything. I don't know if one guy in ten could have done that.

"But that's not why I love you. I love you because you've _always_ been that kind of guy for me, and all you've done is prove it, over and over again."

She took a deep breath. "No matter what those tests say... I want to marry you. This summer, if we... if that's what we decide, or next summer, or two years from now. _Because_ I love you, and that's all."

Ned's eyes had widened. "Nan..."

"So..." She reached for his hand, then searched his eyes again. "Ned Nickerson, will you marry me?"

He nodded, reaching up and cupping her cheek. "Yeah," he murmured. "I'll marry you, Nan. No matter what the tests say, no matter what. I love you so much, and... thank you."

Another tear slipped down her cheek, and he brushed it away with his thumb before he leaned down and kissed her, gentle and slow. She closed her eyes; even though she felt a little better, that tension was still rising in her.

Her watch chirped, and they slowly parted. "So now it's time?"

She nodded, looking over at the test boxes. "Shit," she whispered. She hugged her midsection and tried to take a deep, slow breath.

"Here. Let's look at them together. Even though I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for."

Despite her anxiety, she chuckled and sniffled. "The boxes tell you how to read them," she said. "And the directions."

The first test displayed two parallel lines, the first strong, the second a shade or two paler but still definitely there. The second test displayed a plus sign. The third test was digital.

_Pregnant._

All three of them confirmed it.

When she saw the third, it was through swimming eyes; she took a breath and she didn't know if she was going to throw up or sob or faint. If one of them had said she wasn't pregnant, at least then she would have had that hope, but now it was destroyed. She blinked and it was like a dam had been opened, and she trembled as she began to sob.

"Oh, Nan..." Ned pulled her into his arms and she buried her face against his shoulder, and once she had begun to cry, she couldn't seem to stop. Her sobs only became louder.

"He raped me," she whimpered. "Oh my God, he raped me..."

Ned rubbed her back, making comforting noises. "I'm sorry," he told her. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

It all came pouring out of her, all her fear and anguish, all the anxiety she had tried to suppress and conceal. She trembled with great gasping sobs that became almost hysterical, and he didn't shush her, he just held her and rubbed her back as she buried her face against him and cried.

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't _fair_ , and this wasn't how she had wanted it to be. She had always thought that if she took a pregnancy test, it would be because she and Ned had been planning for a child, that he or she would be loved and cherished practically from the moment they conceived him or her. Instead, she was devastated, and the child in her womb wasn't even Ned's.

A knock at the door startled both of them, and Nancy reached up and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, but it didn't staunch the flow of her tears. "Everything okay in there?" Nancy recognized the voice as Howie's, and she brought her hands down to look into Ned's eyes.

"We're all right," Ned called back.

"Nan, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Nancy called, too. Her voice was a little hoarse and wavering. "I'm gonna be okay. Sorry."

"Okay. Sorry about that."

Once they heard his footsteps recede, Ned gave her a small smile and began to wipe her tears from her cheeks. "He just wants to make sure you're safe," Ned said. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

She sniffled again. "And if you or Howie or any of the other guys had been there, this wouldn't have happened," she choked out.

Ned shook his head. "Much as I wish we could, we can't change it," he told her. "I hate that this happened to you. With all my heart, I do. Now that we know..."

He trailed off, and she sniffled again as she wiped her wet hands on her thighs. Now that they knew, she would have to make a choice.

He offered to skip his classes and stay with her, but she told him she would be all right. Before he left, she put the tests back in the bag and tied it so he could toss them in the trash bin outside. She didn't want anyone to see them and ask questions; she didn't want them anywhere near her. After he had left for class, she burrowed under the covers and curled up in a ball, the tears rising again.

It was as though all her worst fears had come to life, embodied by that little blue plus sign. No matter what choice she made, she would have to live with the scars of it, and she was filled with such terrible sadness and hatred and rage that she almost choked with it.

Frank had raped her, and she couldn't remember it. That alone was terrifying. But he had walked away from it; he had sent her _flowers_ , like what he had done could be dismissed so easily. He had engendered a life in her, the fruit of a passion she didn't share, and had left her with a choice that would break her heart no matter what.

She wished, so hard that she trembled with the force of it, that she had been able to swallow that morning-after pill those weeks ago. She wished that she had done as Ned had tried to persuade her to do, and gone to the student health clinic for emergency contraceptive, even if she hadn't pressed charges against him. More than anything, though, she wished she had never agreed to attend that party with Frank and Joe, that she had never shared a kiss or a warm glance with Frank. She wished that she had never met him.

Even if she never spoke to him again, she would never forget what he had done to her; she would never be _able_ to forget it. She would never have believed it possible, that a man she had known for so many years and shared so much with could do something so terrible to her, but it had happened; it was undeniable. Even if another man had committed the rape, Frank was the one she had found beside her in the bed. Frank had broken up with Callie to prove he wanted to be with her. Frank had told her that he knew she felt the same way, that maybe she just needed time.

But he hadn't been able to accept her refusal. And now she was pregnant with his baby.

She reached down and cupped her hand over her abdomen and sobbed, sick and angry and so, so terribly sad.

Elsewhere in the Omega Chi house, she could hear Ned's fraternity brothers getting ready for class, showering and cooking and calling plans to each other; a few times she heard the distant thud of a basketball as someone dribbled it downstairs. They had no idea what had happened to her, and no one would, if she decided to terminate. Ned alone would know what had happened to her.

She didn't sleep, once the house became quieter. She didn't move, and though the tears slowed, they didn't entirely stop. After the sobs passed she felt sick and sad, and between the fits of rage and bitterness, she only felt numb. She had to be in a nightmare. Maybe the tests had been wrong. Maybe...

She didn't know how she was going to walk into the clinic with Ned that afternoon just to hear confirmation of what they had already been told. It felt like a cruel, mean-spirited trick had been played on her, and asking for confirmation would only twist the knife in deeper. And Ned...

She rolled onto her stomach in the middle of the bed, her face crumpling. For the first time, she wished that she could go to sleep and just never wake up again, that she wouldn't have to face an endless span of days chained to this knowledge. But she had known. She had known when she had missed her period; she had known when she had begun feeling sick, when just a whiff of sausage could make her stomach turn in nausea. She had wanted it to be the flu, anxiety, depression over that night, something, _anything_ other than this. But she had known.

_And crying yourself to exhaustion isn't going to change anything,_ she thought, in a hard, low voice. _You'll still wake up like this. Get a grip on yourself, Drew. You're stronger than this. You can figure it out, and Ned will go along with it._

Maybe he wouldn't, but she decided to cross that bridge when she came to it. Her relationship with the man she loved had already been irrevocably changed. The point of no return had been passed a long time ago.

Ned came back to his room a little after noon. By then Nancy had taken a shower, bathing her red, swollen eyes until they looked almost normal again; she had dried her hair and put on a long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans, and lip gloss. When she looked at her reflection, she still felt like she wanted to cry, but at least she looked a little more human than the tearstained, sobbing mess she had been when Ned had reluctantly left for class.

"Nan? Honey?" Ned's eyes widened when he came in and saw her sitting at the foot of his bed, dressed and alert. "Hey. I thought you might be hungry; were you able to eat anything?"

The Omega Chi brothers kept the kitchen well-stocked with plenty of breakfast foods, and Ned had offered her a box of Pop-Tarts he kept in his room, but she hadn't even been able to think about eating. "No, but I'm okay."

"You need to eat."

She pressed her lips together and relaxed them. "I know," she sighed. "I'm just not hungry."

"Maybe a milkshake, then? You need energy."

She reluctantly agreed to a strawberry milkshake, and they picked it up when they were heading out of Emersonville, toward the clinic for the appointment she had made earlier that week. She still felt anxious, but not nearly the way she had been that morning. She asked him about his day and he told her about his classes; he was looking forward to the baseball game the following day, but he was even happier about the end of the semester, and being able to spend time with her over the summer. In the back of Nancy's mind, the specter of where they were going and why lingered, but he didn't talk about it, and she didn't either. Not at first, not until she had finished her milkshake.

"Ned?"

"Hmm?" He glanced over at her from the driver's seat.

"I... this morning—I just didn't want..." She swallowed.

He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Do you mean about getting married?"

"Yeah." She gazed at him. "Ned, I never want you to feel like... like this wasn't a choice for you, either." She sighed.

He had a small smile on his face when he glanced over at her again. "Did you mean what you said, though?"

"Yeah. I meant every word."

"Then I wish I'd taken you somewhere a lot nicer last night." She couldn't help smiling a little more, more genuinely. "I meant what _I_ told you during our trip. I love you and I want to be with you. Regardless of what you decide, if you want to be married before we start—I'm sorry. I imagine you at Emerson with me and it feels perfect. I know you might decide that you can't come, and that would break my heart, but I understand. If you want to be married this summer or next summer, Nan... do you understand that I'd start looking for an apartment or a house now? I've loved spending all this time with you. So don't, for a second, feel like you had to strong-arm me into this, okay? I'd hate for _you_ to feel that way."

She stroked her thumb along the side of his hand. "I wanted to do something that wasn't just—just a reaction to this. I wanted us to be together because we love each other."

"And this isn't the reason," he reminded her. "You applied to Emerson _before_ , Nan. We were talking about our future together _before_. The way I feel about you hasn't changed. I want to be with you because I'm never happier than when we're together."

"I feel that way too," she murmured, and sniffled. "And if we're going to be together, Ned... if we're going to be married, is—is this decision still mine? Or are you..."

"It's your choice," he told her. "I'm here to support you, but this is your choice, honey."

When Nancy had made the appointment, the person on the phone had told her to call if the clinic was being blocked by protesters, or if she felt unsafe walking in by herself. Ned was with her, so she didn't feel afraid of walking in, but a small knot of protesters was standing near the walk leading to the clinic's entrance. One held a large red and black sign with a grainy sonogram image on it. _Abortion stops a beating heart._

Nancy shivered and Ned squeezed her hand. She took a deep breath, but when she heard them speaking, she buried her face against Ned's shoulder for a few seconds before she could master herself. She knew the color was high in her cheeks, but she also knew that even if she did decide on terminating her pregnancy, she wouldn't be doing so today.

_Besides, what do I have to be ashamed of?_ she asked herself. _Someone attacked me; I didn't do this to myself. I'm not going to pretend this was something I wanted._

Even so, she and Ned both let out a quiet sigh of relief once they were in the clinic. Four other women were waiting; two were staring fixedly at their cell phones, and one was speaking to someone on hers. Another, heavily pregnant, was flipping through a health magazine.

"I'll just grab a seat," Ned told her, when she went to the receptionist to sign in. She gave him a nod, then took another deep breath.

The receptionist glanced from Nancy to Ned and back again. Nancy had hoped that traveling to a town about an hour away from Emerson would mean less chance of being recognized, and she felt herself blush. "Ms. Drew," the guy behind the desk read from the sheet. Then he gestured for her to lean down, and she swallowed.

"Hmm?"

"The guy with you... if you want, I'll tell him that he's not allowed to come in with you during your appointment."

The receptionist spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper, and Nancy glanced back. "Oh. Oh! No—it's all right. Is he allowed?"

"Only if you want him to be."

"I do. Please."

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure."

Nancy took the clipboard the receptionist offered so she could report her medical history and crossed to Ned. "Apparently you look like you might be intimidating," she told him under her breath.

"Oh?" Ned glanced from the television playing a cable news channel to the receptionist. "Do I."

"A little. It's okay. I told him you're just a big teddy bear."

Ned snickered. "Sometimes," he said. "For certain people, definitely."

Once Nancy's name was called, she and Ned were directed to a small examination room. A staff member explained that she would be taking another test similar to the one she had taken that morning, and while they waited for the results, Ned held her hand.

The woman who came in after that introduced herself as Amanda; she wore her hair tied back, and wire-rimmed glasses kept sliding down the bridge of her nose as she spoke. "So you're here today for a pregnancy test. Did you take any recently?"

Nancy nodded. "Three. This morning. They all came back positive." Ned squeezed her hand.

Amanda asked when Nancy's last period had been, and if she knew the likely date of intercourse that had led to conception. Nancy answered her questions without breaking down, somehow. She could tell that Amanda assumed Ned was her partner and the supposed father of her possible baby, and that made things a little easier.

She left them alone for a few minutes, then returned with a report in her hand. "According to our test, yes, you are pregnant."

Nancy looked down, inhaling sharply. Ned slipped his other arm around her and rubbed her shoulder, and she leaned against him. "What are my options?" she asked quietly.

"Well, judging by your medical history, you don't appear to have any obvious risk factors when it comes to carrying to term," she told Nancy. "However, if this is your first pregnancy, your odds of miscarrying drop significantly once you reach the second trimester. If you'd prefer to have your prenatal checkups done at this clinic, we can go ahead and set up a schedule, or refer you to another doctor if you'd like.

"If you're asking about... alternatives," Amanda said, and Nancy gave her a small nod. "We also can pass along information about adoption... and about termination of the pregnancy. We perform those here, as an outpatient procedure, but you would need to schedule another appointment and discuss everything with a counselor before we could proceed with that path."

"So if I did decide to go that route," Nancy said slowly, and she was only able to look into Amanda's face a few times. "Can you tell me what would happen?"

"Well, I can tell you that sooner is better when it comes to termination," Amanda told her. "That decision should never be made lightly, or without weighing all the alternatives, but if it's the best option in your situation..."

Nancy cried a little while they discussed all the alternatives, but the whole time Ned had his arm wrapped around her, and the only comments he made were questions to clarify what Amanda was saying. He kept his face neutral, and she found herself glancing over at him, hoping for some hint about what he was thinking. If he wanted her to attend Emerson more than anything else, all it took was one simple procedure and no one else would know.

But she would know.

For the rest of their weekend together, while she was cheering him at the baseball game, while she was swaying with him during the dance on Saturday night, when she was cuddled up in his arms to sleep, when they were sharing the meals his mother had made and sent with Nancy, she could think of nothing else. For Ned it was easy, simple. One choice, minor discomfort and some bleeding, and all the scars where no one else would ever see or know. One choice and the rest of their lives in return.

The rest of their lives in exchange for another, for the small bundle of multiplying cells floating in her womb. The light and joy and belonging she felt when she attended the dance on his arm, when the guys at the Omega Chi house greeted her and included her, the unfettered happiness she felt in his embrace.

And as much as she wished she could make the choice, to move past it and on with their life together, as she lay awake in the quiet sleepless moonlight with tears tracing down her cheeks and Ned's comforting hand stroking her back, she just didn't _know_. She only ached, paralyzed by doubt. All she knew was that no matter what she decided, she wouldn't be the same person on the other side.


	7. Chapter 7

When they were apart, Ned's heart was with Nancy.

It had been true for a long time, but when she returned to River Heights after they discovered she was pregnant, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He called her every morning before he left for class; he talked to her before bed every night.

And he was afraid. He was afraid that Frank would come to River Heights and try to catch her again, and that Nancy would panic—and he would be too far away to truly help her. He knew she was still upset about finding out she was pregnant, and she still hadn't made a decision about what to do—or, if she had, she hadn't told him what it was. Before she had left Emerson to return to her father's house, he had done his best to reassure her that he would support her no matter what she decided.

She had made no promises about whether she would attend Emerson in the fall, either. Ned did his best not to give in to the temptation, but he couldn't help it. When he imagined her with him for his senior year, it just felt _right_. He wanted it with his whole heart. But he knew that if she decided to carry the child, she would be reluctant to go to Emerson. She was devastated by the pregnancy, and she hadn't talked to him about it since their return from the clinic appointment. The most she had done was tell him when she was experiencing morning sickness. Her appetite was low, she was preoccupied—but she still seemed genuinely happy to be around him, happy to spend time with him and the other Omega Chi brothers. At the dance she had looked radiant, almost glowing with it. He had wondered if it was just because he knew she was pregnant, or just the love he felt for her.

Or because she had asked him to marry her.

He still had to pinch himself every now and then, thinking about it. It had actually happened, and she had made it clear that the proposal wasn't contingent on her pregnancy. Ned knew that the circumstances had provoked it, but she had said it... and he wanted that with her. He felt like he always had, since they had started dating.

On Wednesday, Nancy was working on a case just outside River Heights—a local museum was preparing for a film festival honoring a hometown movie star, but the museum had fallen victim to several acts of sabotage—and Ned was glad to hear the eagerness in her voice when she talked about it. Once he was back in his dorm room that night, he took a deep breath and dialed his home number.

"Ned! Your mother and I were just discussing when we should come to a game. Do you have one next weekend that might work?"

Ned talked baseball with his father for a while, and he was happy to hear the pride in his father's voice. Ned's father kept up with the Wildcats' scores and always made sure to call him after games, in congratulations or in sympathy. His parents had been in the stands watching him and cheering him on since he had been playing tee-ball in preschool.

"So, Dad, is Mom around?"

"She is. I think her show just finished. Did you want to talk to her?"

His mother greeted him happily, echoing his father's comments about coming to see him play a game. Ned thanked her again for the food she had sent with Nancy, and she demurred, as she always did.

"Mom... I need to ask a favor. The ring... would it be possible for me to pick it up this weekend before Nancy and I go to Chicago?"

He heard what sounded like a high-pitched muffled squeal. "I think that might be arranged," his mother said, her voice still a little high. "So, any particular reason?"

"Um... well, it's kind of a funny story." Ned chuckled, looking down. "I think I'll wait to tell you until we're in person. If that's okay."

"I might just drive up to Emerson tonight, if you're going to be so cagey," she replied. "Are you asking for the ring because you're planning on letting some lucky girl you and I both know wear it?"

"Maybe," Ned replied, but he had a smile in his voice.

"Is she feeling better?"

Ned paused for a few seconds. "I think so," he said cautiously.

"That's good. I was sorry she wasn't feeling well during our brunch."

Ned was able to feel his heart beating as he swallowed. He didn't know if his mother _knew_ , but she had always been very perceptive. "Maybe if we have time and she's feeling up to it, I could invite her for a meal while I'm in town for the play."

Edith accepted that easily, and though he was paying attention during the rest of the conversation for any other hints, he didn't hear any. His parents were looking forward to seeing him again soon, and Ned wished he could tell them some of what was going on. He wished he could say that Nancy would be attending Emerson in the fall. Even though he had asked for the family engagement ring, he couldn't really give his mother any more information. He didn't know when Nancy might want to have the ceremony—in a few months or a year. He didn't even know if anyone else would ever know about her pregnancy, if she decided to end it; if she asked him to, he would keep it their secret forever.

The love of his life was pregnant with another man's child.

With Nancy he had expected the unexpected for a long time. But he had never expected this.

He was studying that night when his phone chirped. Nancy had sent him a message; the content was a picture of the basket of miniature yellow roses he had sent her, on the windowsill in her father's kitchen. _Made me think of you. Miss you, love you._

_Love you too,_ he replied. _See you soon, sweetheart._

_Busy?_

_Homework. I'll call when done?_

_Yes pls._

He rushed through his homework, knowing he would have to double-check it in the morning, and called her as soon as he was in his boxers and ready for bed. He had called her one night and she had been just falling asleep, and he didn't want to wait very late; she needed her rest.

"Hello?"

"Hey beautiful." Ned pillowed his head on his folded arm and smiled. "How's the case going?"

"Oh... it's been really strange so far. I have a few clues and no idea what to make of them. You have some time to be my sounding board, Nickerson?"

"Always, Drew."

Ned knew that part of the reason she liked talking over cases with him was that even when he couldn't do anything more than listen and let her explain possible theories, he always reassured her that she would figure it out. He had endless faith in her, faith she had proven to be worthy of over and over again. Especially lately.

Nancy sighed after she finished telling him about her day. "Did you do anything fun?"

"Missed you a lot," he said, a smile in his voice. "Thought maybe you'd like to come over to my parents' house again while I'm in town. Oh, and I called the hotel... they upgraded us to a king bed at no extra charge."

"That sounds decadent," Nancy said with a smile, too.

"Maybe. I like the idea of room service, though. Breakfast in bed with my future wife."

She released a little sigh, and Ned sensed the uneasiness. He hoped that she wouldn't always connect the idea of their marriage to the terrible despair she had felt after her proposal, when they had read the tests. He hoped that her reassurance had been genuine, that she would have been receptive to the idea even without the possible pregnancy in the back of her mind.

"I can't even remember the last time I kept my breakfast down," she told him quietly. "Steamed white rice worked today, and I think that was it. I'm afraid to eat anything. And when the nausea isn't keeping me awake, I just worry. That was why it was nice to get out of the house. I never thought the smell of Hannah's cooking would ever make me sick."

"I'm sorry, Nan."

"It's not your fault." She took a deep breath. "Is it terrible that I wish it was, though? Maybe I'd be miserable and nauseated all the time, too, but if you—if it were yours..." She sniffled, and Ned's heart ached. He hated when she cried, especially when he wasn't there to comfort her. "Then I'd know what to do."

Ned was quiet for a moment; when she sniffled again, he spoke. "I wish I knew what to tell you, Nan. I know it would be easier if—if things had been different."

She sniffled again. "But we can rewrite our past," she whispered. "Even if it's just to other people. I know you're afraid to give me advice... but you're the only person I can talk to about this. And I know I need to decide soon. The longer I wait, the harder it will be to... to go back."

"If you want advice, this is all I can tell you," he replied. "I can't make this decision. I can't even imagine how it would be, to be where you are right now, and if I could I'd punch Frank so hard he wouldn't remember his own name, and we'd go from there. Better yet, I'd find a way to go back in time, and you would've come home instead of going to the party—or Frank would have decided to be a decent human being that night, at least—but I can't.

"I know this with my whole heart, though. You are an incredible, amazing woman, and I've seen you accomplish things that I never could have. You can do whatever you set your mind to doing, sweetheart—or at least you'll go down swinging and go on to fight another day. If you decide to be a mother, _when_ you decide to be a mother, I think you'll be every bit as incredible at that, too. And I can't wait to be around to see it.

"And that's your choice. You've been given that opportunity now, whether we planned for it or wanted it or not. If you aren't ready, I would never in a million years ask you to go through a pregnancy if you didn't want to be a mother—which is why I plan on us having the safest sex possible, once that's on the table. On the other hand, if you want to carry this baby, I will be the best father I possibly can be—if you want to keep it.

"I just want you to be happy, sweetheart, no matter what. And maybe there is no _good_ choice here, but I guess you just have to choose the one that will hurt you less."

"But it's more than that," she protested. "Emerson..."

He shook his head. "No. I'll make my peace with it, okay? Whether you come here or not, after I've graduated we'll be together in Chicago. It's not so long. You can come here, or you can visit me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, after all."

She chuckled, but he could tell she was crying, too. "You are all of my heart," she told him. "You've claimed all of it. I couldn't be any fonder of you. And I know you mean what you're saying right now; I know you meant it when we were on spring break. But I can see this coming between us. If I—if I terminate, we have everything we wanted and no one ever has to know."

"Mmm," he said, trying to keep his tone noncommittal.

"Is that what you want?"

"I want you to be happy, Nan."

She made a quiet, frustrated sound. "But I don't know if I can do it," she murmured. "It breaks my heart when I imagine going through with—with _that_. I didn't ask for this, but what's growing inside me didn't ask for it either. Oh, Ned..."

He heard her muffling herself as she cried, and he groaned in sympathy. "I wish I could be there right now," he told her. "Or I wish you were still here. Oh God, Nan..."

"I can't lose you," she told him, her voice broken by quiet sobs.

"You won't lose me. No matter what you decide you won't lose me. Even if everyone else in the world abandoned you I'd still be by your side."

After a few minutes, she managed to calm down and blow her nose. "See," she said, with a mirthless chuckle. "I've been so emotional lately, I've been trying not to talk about it. I feel like all I do is cry and throw up and worry."

"Maybe it will get better once you make your decision."

"Maybe." She sighed. "Even if I make the wrong choice, at least I will have made the choice, I guess. I can't avoid it forever."

\--

Ned's car was packed before he went to class on Friday; as soon as the professor dismissed them, he was moving as fast as he could. Friday-lunch traffic out of Emersonville could be bad, and he didn't want to be late when he was picking Nancy up.

His mother was clearly anticipating his arrival; as soon as he parked his car at his parents' house, she had the front door open. Her eyes were sparkling when he came up the front steps with his backpack and overnight bag. "All right, you owe me a story," she told him with a smile.

Ned glanced at his watch. "As long as we make it quick," he told her. "I need to change and go over to Nancy's and pick her up..."

"And did she say lunch tomorrow would be all right?"

"It should be. I think check-out time at the hotel is eleven."

"Very convenient that you already know you'll be too tired to drive back," she said, but she had a mischievous expression on her face. "So, sit down, tell me about it. _Then_ you get the ring."

"Mom..."

"It's only fair."

Ned swallowed as he sat down on the couch. He had never been very good at lying to his parents; in all honesty, he hadn't had much practice. Most of it wasn't really his story to tell, though. "For a few months now Nancy and I have been talking about our plans," he told his mother. "About her possibly going to Emerson in the fall, but definitely about something more permanent after I've graduated and found a job, hopefully in or near Chicago."

His mother nodded. He had said as much to his parents before, but in all honesty, he had wanted to marry Nancy for a long time.

"She's... well, she had a hard case recently and she's been going through—a bad patch, I guess. I hate it for her, but we've been spending a lot of time together, and during her last visit, she actually asked _me_ to marry her."

"Very liberated of her," Ned's mother replied. "And you, of course, told her that has been your fondest wish since a month after the two of you met."

"Something like that," Ned chuckled. "But she and I definitely haven't set any time frame yet, so please don't... well, don't start twenty-questions as soon as she walks in tomorrow."

His mother gave him an innocent " _moi?_ " glance. "Are you disappointed that you didn't ask her?"

Ned shrugged. "Not really," he said. "It meant more to me when we were discussing it that she was taking it seriously and considering it. And when it happened... well, it was important to her that she be the one to say it. But even if we don't set a date yet, I still want her to have the ring."

"It'll feel real, then," she said with a nod. "I'm happy for you, sweetheart. Both of you. And I think that definitely deserves a celebration, whenever you two feel comfortable with it. Even if it's just dinner with the five of us somewhere nice."

"I'll talk to her about it," Ned said. They definitely hadn't discussed where and when they would break the news to her father; Ned couldn't help thinking that it would probably depend on her decision about her pregnancy.

Nancy had told him that she was going to dress comfortably for the play; he dressed in khakis and a button-down shirt and stopped by the florist's shop in Mapleton before he headed to River Heights. It didn't feel right to bring her the ring with nothing else; he didn't want to bring her red roses, though. He had brought her red roses before his first proposal, and he didn't want to make her think of Frank's gift to her. He settled on a bouquet of pink and white roses with pink lilies. To make sure the vase didn't tip over during the ride, he nestled it between the back of the car seat and his overnight bag.

He checked his watch when he was pulling up in front of her house; he was a few minutes later than he wanted to be. He took the vase and hurried up the walk to the front door, and she opened it before he had even stepped onto the porch.

She wore a black short-sleeved floral-printed shirt and dark jeans, her hair half pulled back in a barrette, the locket he had given her hanging around her neck and a delicate bracelet circling her wrist. She wore makeup, but he could see the marks of exhaustion in her face. She even looked a little thinner, and they had only been apart for a few days.

But the expression on her face when she saw him was almost enough to make him forget it. "Ned," she said with a smile, and shook her head when she saw the vase in his hand. "You shouldn't have."

"Yes I should've," he told her, drawing close enough to kiss her cheek and hand her the flowers. "You look beautiful. A little tired, though."

She shrugged, accepting the vase with a glowing look. He didn't think it was his imagination. Maybe it was the golden light of the low sun, but she really did look a little different. "You're very sweet. Should I take them with us?"

He shrugged. "It's up to you. I don't mind. Do you have your bag?"

She nodded, and he picked it up for her. "Ned's here, Hannah!" she called. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She told him about the conclusion of her case a day earlier; he had already heard some of it, but she filled most of the trip to Chicago with the story, with an account of how thrilling it had been to confront the person committing the sabotage. It had all been part of a convoluted plot to get the star to notice him, and Nancy was hoping that he would be given the help he needed.

She shook her head with a sigh once she was done. "Like we talked about, I made sure an officer was nearby," she told him. "I know you worry about me."

"I do," he agreed. "Especially now. I know you've been exhausted and nauseated."

"All the time," she said. "Wherever we go tonight, I think I'll have to stick to either mashed potatoes or steamed rice. Maybe a few vegetables, if I'm lucky. Hannah's been begging me to go to the doctor, since I have her half-convinced I have a stomach flu."

"Is it possible you might?" He glanced over at her.

She shrugged. "It's possible, but I don't have that miserable head cold I usually do. If it's this bad in a few weeks, I'll definitely go to the doctor."

The clinic assistant's comment came back to him. The longer Nancy waited to make her decision, the more complicated termination would be. It wasn't like she didn't know that, or like she was refusing to even think about it. Clearly she was; just as clearly, it was a very hard decision for her to make.

They checked into the hotel first, dropping off their bags and the flowers. The room featured a great view of the city, subtle lighting, and an enormous king-sized bed made with a dark-neutral duvet. He was glad for the upgrade, even more so when he saw the delight and approval on Nancy's face.

Because neither of them wanted to be late for Bess's play, he suggested that they find a restaurant relatively close to the theater, and Nancy agreed. They settled on a place two blocks away, close enough to walk, and the temperature was almost nice enough for it. The restaurant was casual, but the dining room was warm and inviting. Their hands stayed joined as they waited to be shown to a table.

"So, Nan..."

She looked at him over her menu, her blue eyes a little wider than usual. The fixture hanging over their table cast golden light over her hair and cheeks, and he was reminded of the dinner they had shared when she had come to Emerson the weekend before. She had looked so beautiful, and he had been so happy to find out that she might be joining him.

"I know that we might be a few months away from making plans... and that you might not be ready for a public announcement yet. But I wanted to give you this anyway."

He had folded the engagement ring into a handkerchief and kept it in his pocket; under the table, he felt the band through the fine fabric and pulled it out. Nancy was lowering her menu when he reached across the table for her hand. She accepted his touch willingly, tilting her head when he turned her hand so her palm was up. He saw a flush just beginning to rise in her cheeks.

"I love you," he told her softly. "I'm beyond happy to know that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together. This has been yours for a long time, and I want you to have it, to wear when you're ready."

Her eyes were gleaming when she looked down at the ring he placed in her palm. "Ned," she murmured. "Oh..."

She slid it onto her ring finger, then shook her head. "It fits," she said wonderingly.

"I'm glad," he told her. "I had it sized for you."

She shook her head with a smile. "I would ask you how long ago... it's beautiful. I love it. And I love even more that it has a history."

He reached for her hand, looking down at the ring. "It's been meant for you, for a long time. I'm happy to see it where it belongs. It's almost as beautiful as the woman wearing it."

She smiled. "Charmer."

He shook his head. "I mean it. My mom knows that I picked it up and that we're planning on getting married, but that's all. I..."

She blushed a little again. "Didn't know what else to say," she finished. "I'm sorry. I know it's my fault..."

"Honey, I'm not going to rush you. Don't worry about it."

The waiter arrived and asked if they were ready to order; Nancy ordered water and fettucine alfredo with grilled chicken. Ned ordered a steak sandwich with mashed potatoes and green beans, just in case he needed to swap with her.

Nancy stroked the side of his hand after the waiter had taken their menus. "I love you," she told him. "So, so very much."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Once their food arrived she managed a few bites of the fettucine, and he saw a thoughtful look cross her face before she put her fork down. "Mmm."

"That didn't sound good."

She frowned. "I thought it'd be mild enough," she sighed. "God. I'll be right back."

When she returned from the restroom, Ned had put his sides at her plate for her, and she gave him a grateful smile. He could see the blotted trace of mascara beneath her eyes. "Sorry. You can have mine."

She shook her head. "Thanks. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"It's all right."

They were too focused on departing for the theater with plenty of time to spare to linger over dessert, although Ned wasn't sure she would even have been able to consider it; she ate about half of his mashed potatoes and a few green beans before protesting that she was sure she couldn't eat any more. They walked to the theater holding hands; he gave her his jacket to wear when she shivered, and she smiled her thanks. Nancy asked him to stop at a kiosk near the theater, and she bought a small bouquet of roses to give Bess after her performance.

Bess had been true to her word, and their seats were great. Nancy scrutinized her program, finding every mention of Bess's name; then she read Bess's notes. "Aww," she said, and Ned read it too.

_Thanks to all my family & friends for their support & love! xo_

The auditorium was buzzing, and the lights went down relatively soon after their arrival. Ned reached for Nancy's hand and held it as they watched.

When Bess had announced her intention to pursue a drama major, Ned had thought it sounded perfect for her. She didn't mind being the center of attention, and she even seemed to crave it most of the time. Bess was playing the role of the heroine as a young woman, so she was on stage during the middle half of the play; once the plot had jumped forward again and the character was played by another actress, Ned scrutinized her just to make sure it wasn't Bess in very convincing makeup. Bess was on stage a few times after that, encouraging the older version of her character to remember her.

Nancy spent most of the time focused intently on the stage; during intermission she went to the restroom, and she looked paler when she returned. He offered to buy her a soda and she accepted with a sigh and a weary smile.

After the play, though, her eyes were alight and she greeted Bess with a happy cry and a hug. "You did such a great job," Nancy said eagerly. "I'm really proud of you."

Bess was still in her final costume, but she lit up at Nancy's praise. "I'm so glad you two could come," she said, and released a delighted squeal when Nancy handed her the flowers. "Oh, that is so thoughtful! So what did you think?"

"It was really interesting," Ned said. "And I think you were the best version of Sunny, by far."

Bess made a dismissive gesture, but she was still grinning. "I know we were still rocky in a few spots, but on the whole it went well. Oh, it's been so exciting! I've missed you two. Especially you, Ned. You need to let Nancy stay home more often."

Ned held up his hands. "Hey. Nancy's her own boss," he said. "I do love when she comes to visit, though."

"I'm sure you do," Bess replied with a wink. Then she caught sight of the ring on Nancy's finger, and looked between them with her mouth agape. "What the—you guys—?"

Nancy blushed and grinned as Bess picked up her hand and scrutinized the ring. "Yeah. We're getting married."

"When? Where? Tell me everything!" Bess demanded in a rush. "Oh God, I have to get out of this dress, and... seriously. Fifteen minutes? Meet me down the block? There's a diner. They do great hamburgers. Okay?"

Bess definitely acted like she wasn't going to take no for an answer, so Nancy and Ned agreed to meet her there, and walked hand in hand down the street to the diner. Small groups of college students roamed between the restaurants and bars, enjoying the first evening of their weekend; Ned registered them, but that was all. His attention was focused on Nancy, and as soon as they had taken a seat inside, he encouraged her to order something to eat. She only agreed to order if he agreed to share, but after they placed an order for plain French fries and a side of toast, Nancy frowned and grimaced slightly. "I'll be right back," she murmured.

While she was gone, Ned flagged down the waitress. "Do you have ginger ale? Plain crackers, or mashed potatoes, anything like that?"

Nancy had just returned when the waitress delivered three packs of crackers and a clear soda. The color had gone out of Nancy's cheeks, but she gave the waitress a grateful smile. "Sorry. I think it's—the smell of the grease, hot dogs? I don't know..."

"Maybe once Bess gets here, we can ask if she wants to go somewhere else..."

Nancy shook her head. "I'll be okay. I think I will. God..."

The diner itself was pretty basic, but the walls were decorated with quirky framed prints and their waitress had shoulder-length pink hair. Bess actually arrived a minute earlier than her deadline, and they flagged her down with smiles.

"Nan, I'm so disappointed in you," Bess said with a shake of her head as she dropped into her seat. "How can you be wearing an _engagement ring_ but you didn't tell me about the proposal? I thought you were my best friend." Bess's lower lip stuck out in a little pout.

"If it helps, she didn't have the ring until about an hour before the play started," Ned pointed out.

"So tell me about it!"

Nancy gave her a half-smile. "I actually asked Ned to marry me," she said. "Well, that's not true. Ned and I have been talking about getting married for a while..."

Bess was excited, but Ned could tell she was flagging a little. She congratulated them on their engagement and said she definitely wanted to know when they had made some preliminary plans about dates and themes. From the way they talked, Ned was almost certain that Bess had no idea about Nancy's pregnancy. Given her trepidation about it, he wasn't surprised.

They lingered long enough over their drinks at the diner that, by the time their taxi pulled up in front of the hotel, Ned was swallowing a giant yawn. The morning felt like it had been two or three days ago, and Ned loved that she was wearing his engagement ring, but between his exhaustion and her nausea, he thought they were both likely to fall asleep as soon as they walked into the room.

She leaned against him when they were in the elevator together. "Guess we really did need a hotel room," she commented.

Ned chuckled. "Mom said something about that before I left," he said, and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head. "Maybe she thinks we were just planning on... having a wild night out."

She glanced up at him. "She did say something about how close you and I had been lately," she murmured. He saw the color rise in her cheeks a little.

"Nan, she was _so_ excited when I asked if I could pick up the ring," he told her, and gave her a smile. "Don't freak out."

"All right."

In their room, she brushed her teeth and cleaned up, then let him have the bathroom. When he went back into the bedroom in his boxers, swallowing another yawn, his eyes widened. Nancy was sitting at the foot of the bed in her own pajamas, but her outfit was a silky chocolate-brown camisole. She was looking down at the ring on her hand; then she looked up at him, and Ned's heart skipped a beat.

"Hey," she said softly, and warmth glowed in her cheeks.

"Hey," he murmured. He turned on the bedside lamp before he sat down beside her on the bed, sliding his arm around her waist. She relaxed against him, her head against his shoulder. "I thought you might still be feeling bad."

"Mmm. I'm okay right now," she said. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too," he murmured, and kissed her temple. "My fiancée."

She draped her arm over his shoulders, shivering when he moved to stroke his hand down her side. "Do you just want to go to sleep tonight?" she murmured. "I'm sorry..."

"It would be a shame not to take advantage of this," he pointed out. "This huge bed and a room all to ourselves. I don't know how easy it will be for us to find time to be together this summer."

"When I'm on cases," she pointed out, and then she brought her head up and he looked into her eyes.

"Still having trouble sleeping?"

"Not when I'm with you."

He leaned down and gave her a slow, sweet kiss, lifting her and positioning her so she was sitting across his lap. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and returned his kiss, running her fingers through his hair.

"You looked so handsome tonight," she murmured, nuzzling against him when he broke the kiss.

"And you looked so beautiful," he murmured. "You glow, honey..."

She smiled. "I feel like I glow when I'm around you," she whispered. "The doctor called me—the blood test came back clean."

Nancy had mentioned it as a precaution; Ned hadn't really considered it, but he slumped a little in relief when she said it. "I'm glad."

"Me too." She stroked her palm down his cheek. "Can we—be together?"

He searched her eyes. "I'd love to," he murmured, his hands cupping her hips. "Just show me what you want."

Her gaze dropped to his lips, and she brushed her thumb against his lower lip; he kissed the pad of her thumb, and her lips curved up a little. "I want you," she whispered. "It felt so good..."

"It did?"

He couldn't help it; he loved seeing the nod she gave him, and the desire in her eyes. "When you were touching me..."

"I loved that too," he murmured, leaning forward so he could nuzzle against her ear. "Show me, Nan... if you want me to work my fingers inside you or stroke your clit, or both again..."

She moaned quietly. "Please," she whispered. "Do it again..."

He kissed the point of her jaw, then moved to look into her eyes. "Would you be okay with us being naked?"

Her blue eyes were low-lidded; at the last word, she dropped her gaze. "I don't know," she whispered.

"It's all right," he reassured her immediately, leaning forward and nuzzling against her other cheek. "It's all right," he whispered against her skin. "I can keep my underwear on, if that's what you're worried about... I just want to try something with you."

She released a shuddering breath. Then she kissed his cheek too, and when he turned his head she met his kiss easily, arching with his touch as he ran his palms against her sides and hips. He moved his hands slowly to her thighs, to the hem of her nightgown, and she was panting a little as their lips parted. He gathered the silky fabric in his hands and he felt her sigh as she raised her arms, letting him slide it off her.

She looked so beautiful. The light played golden over the curves and planes of her body, and even the bashful way she brought her lowered gaze up to his face was seductive. She still wore her underwear, and he didn't want to take them off unless she wanted him to.

"You look so gorgeous, Nan."

She gave him a small smile. "My fiancé," she whispered, and cupped his face in her palms, leaning forward to give him a slow kiss. "I love you."

"I love you," he murmured, and moved back on the bed, still holding her while he was sitting up.

After their third kiss, Nancy pushed herself up so she could straddle his lap, and her nipples brushed against his chest as she settled against him. The join of her thighs was pressed against his erection through their underwear, and Ned intentionally held himself otherwise still as he kissed her again. He felt a flush of heat in her cheeks, and a soft moan escaped her before she began to tentatively grind her hips against his.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Feels so good, baby."

"It's okay?"

"Of course it is."

She swallowed. "You don't want to be on top?"

"Nan, you look so incredibly sexy right now," he told her. "I love seeing you like this. And when you want me to touch you..." He gently nipped at her earlobe. "You know what to do."

She draped her arms over his shoulders, and he kissed her neck, her breastbone, stroking her sides before he moved his hands up to cup her breasts. She moaned in pleasure as he stroked his thumbs over her nipples, her hips steadily moving against his as she ground against him. He could feel her shiver every time her clit rubbed against him through their clothes.

"You like that?"

"Mmm," she sighed, and her lips brushed against the side of his neck, her breath hot. "Touch me..."

"Panties?" he murmured. He kept his hands cupping her breasts, and when he brushed his thumbs against her nipples again, she moaned softly again.

"I'm afraid," she whispered.

"I won't hurt you," he told her. "We don't have to go any further. If you don't like it, we'll stop."

She had her head tipped down; she brought her gaze up and searched his eyes, and he held her gaze before he leaned forward and gave her a soft, slow kiss. "I promise, honey. You can say no."

She took a deep breath and then pushed herself up on her knees, and Ned was still gently fondling her nipples as she brought her hands to her hips and hooked her thumbs in the band of her panties. "What are you going to do?" she murmured, gazing at him.

"Like what we did when I touched you before," he told her. "But you can control it. How fast or slow, how deep..."

"Like this."

He nodded. "With you pressed tight against me."

She paused for another moment, then bowed her head and pushed her underwear down. Ned couldn't look away; he had felt her between her legs, but seeing her naked—his erection throbbed a little in answer. She dropped her panties over the edge of the bed, onto the floor, then paused that way again, no longer touching him. She shivered once.

"Nan, it's okay," he murmured, and reached over to touch her hand. She shivered again and looked over at him. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to be afraid."

Her brow was creased a little, and she drew a slow breath and let it out. "Please," she whispered. "I can't—please don't..."

He moved to sit beside her. He kept his hand on hers without touching her anywhere else; she looked like she would start away from him if he tried. "Talk to me. Tell me what's making you upset right now."

After a beat she turned her hand over and held his in a loose grip. Her head was bowed; her legs were tight together. "I was like this with him and he hurt me," she whispered.

"Come here," Ned murmured, and his heart broke when she sniffled. She let him draw her into his arms, though, with her legs draped across his lap instead of straddling him; she rested her cheek against his shoulder and her skin was damp from tears. He stroked her back, making soft soothing noises. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry. We can just go to sleep. It's all right."

"I want to be with you," she sniffled. "I hate this. I hate it so much... you didn't hurt me and I hate that I feel so afraid..."

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I promise you, I will never hurt you like he did. Never. And I know that doesn't help."

She sniffled again and wiped her cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you too, Nan. Here." He reached down and picked up her underwear. "Let's just slow down a little, okay?"

Once she had her panties on again, she moved under the comforter and Ned joined her there. She cuddled against him with a sigh, and the tension had mostly left her.

"Baby, you know we won't go any further than you want," he said, stroking her cheek. "I never want to do that."

She sighed. "But if I can't even be naked around you, I don't know how we'll ever go any further," she mumbled.

"It'll be easier. I know it." He kissed her forehead and she slipped her arm around him. "It's okay."

She moved so she could press a kiss against his lips, and they gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment. "I love you more than anything," she whispered.

"So do I."

He saw the shift in her expression before she found his hand with hers and guided it down between her thighs, rolling onto her back. She took a shivering breath as she parted her legs, and Ned stroked the heel of his hand against the join of her thighs a few times, watching her cautiously respond. She had been more shaken than she wanted him to know, and his heart broke for her.

He moved over her, careful not to pin her down; he knew that she panicked when she felt trapped under him. He pressed a soft kiss against her lips and when hers parted, he traced the band of her panties with his fingertips, waiting for her to draw her knee up and part her legs a little more in welcome before he moved his hand beneath the fabric to her bare skin.

Her fingernails dragged in the gentlest press against his shoulder blade as he traced the slit of her sex. She breathed his name, and his lips found hers again; she relaxed against his kiss, stroking her fingers through his hair, her tongue in his mouth. Then his thumb nudged the slick button of her clit in a glancing swipe and she whimpered, her hips tilting.

He started by working two fingers between her legs, and he could tell when she liked what he was doing; her kiss became lazy, preoccupied, as she focused on the pleasure he was giving her. He could read it in the way her hips writhed, the fluttering pulse in her slick inner flesh, the way she gasped. She moaned, greedy, when he didn't stroke her clit; then she seemed to contract under him, her body straining, as he rubbed it again. He wasn't surprised this time when she trailed her fingers down and cupped his hip, shoving his shorts down a little in the process. He was hard as hell and the teasing only made it worse, but he reached down to help her slide his underwear down.

She flinched and relaxed when his erection touched her inner thigh. "You want," she gasped, and then he felt her cheek burn as she reached down and gently clasped him.

Ned groaned and pressed his cheek against the pillow, angling his body so she could touch him without his pinning her down. "Shit," he whispered. Just that tentative stroke, the heel of her hand down his erection, made him throb in reply. He moved toward her and gently bit the side of her neck, his hand still working between her thighs, and she began to touch him the way he had shown her. She started slow, and then she began to copy the speed and roughness he was using with her—

"God," Ned groaned, shifting his weight, and she kissed him when he pinned her under him. She nuzzled against him and nipped at him, her hips rising and falling in counterpoint to the strokes of his fingers in her sex and against her clit, and when her fist jerked a little around him he stifled a louder groan with his face against her neck.

"Ned," she whined, and he knew she was getting close. "Oh my _God_..."

"God, yes," he encouraged her. "That's right, baby, just feel how good it is..."

The lube he had brought was in his overnight bag and he definitely didn't want to stop, so he switched hands, reaching down and stroking the slick warmth of her arousal over his erection, then guided her hand against him again. She released a soft, surprised sound as she felt how slippery his erection was. "Keep going, God, _please_ ," he begged her as he stroked his thumb against her clit.

She whimpered, turning her face toward him, and their lips met in a long, deep kiss as they stroked each other. She began to tremble, her strokes stuttering as her hips rocked frantically against his fingers, and when she hummed against their kiss he pulled back a little.

"God," she cried out, tipping her head back. "Oh my God oh my God ohhhhh oh _yesssss_..."

She released a high desperate cry at the top of her voice, pleasure edged in a pleading sob, and her erratic stroking finally stopped as her hand fell open and dropped to the bed. Ned pushed all three fingers he had worked inside her as deep as they would go and roughly fondled her clit, and she arched under him with another sobbed cry as he felt her begin to come. He pulled his fingers almost out of her for one last thrust, stroking himself at the same time, and she arched back so the crown of her head was on the pillow and she was spread wide, slick and hot and rutting against his fingers. He groaned as her inner flesh throbbed against his fingers and he stroked himself with her arousal, reaching orgasm when she did.

He slumped to the mattress with a long pleased sigh, rolling so she wasn't pinned under him, and she trembled beside him. Her legs were still sprawled wide and his fingers were still inside her, and she groaned when he slipped them out of her sex. "Wow," she sighed.

"Yeah," Ned agreed. "Shit..."

Slowly Nancy relaxed, and Ned still had his hand cupped between her thighs; she moaned softly, turning toward him, and they twined around each other. Ned still needed to wash up, but he compromised by pulling a tissue out of the box on the nightstand. Then he wrapped himself around her again, his palm at the small of her back, his fingertips just beneath the band of her panties.

"You okay?"

"Mmm-hmm." She nuzzled against him. "That was..."

"Yeah," he agreed. "That was really good, when you were touching me..."

He felt her smile. "I'm glad you liked it," she murmured. "Was it good?"

"It's always good with you." He kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

\--

She and Ned had mentioned breakfast in bed or picking up something when they were on their way out of the city; Nancy wanted to have plenty of time to dress and get ready for her lunch with Ned's parents. She kept considering whether she wanted to wear the ring and invite the inevitable questions about their plans, or to wear it on a necklace, but when she considered sliding the ring off her finger, she felt a moment of intense anxiety. She depended on Ned, and she was proud and happy to be with him, despite the circumstances.

The fetus.

The _baby_.

The knowledge was always there, and her panic was always there too. She needed to make a choice; if she waited too long, the choice would be made for her. But she didn't want that.

With all her heart, she wanted to give the choice to Ned, but she knew that it would be a mistake. If he asked her to terminate, she would never be able to forget it, and she would always think it was because the baby was Frank's and he hated that. If he asked her to keep the pregnancy, she would resent it. She had to make the decision. But she was so afraid.

As soon as her eyes opened in the morning, her stomach flipped. Groaning quietly, she cupped her hand over her belly and managed to stagger to the bathroom before she emptied its contents. She felt miserable, and she had her elbows braced on the toilet, her head bowed as she tried to control her breathing and keep herself from throwing up again. Her eyes were swimming with tears.

She hadn't quite closed the bathroom door behind her, and Ned came in and took a washcloth, running it under the cold water and squeezing it out. He sat down beside her, looking into her face, his dark eyes sympathetic.

"Will this help?"

She shrugged, and he gently laid the cloth across the back of her neck. She flinched and relaxed, and then he rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry."

She took another deep breath and sniffled when he wiped the tears from her cheek. "I feel so bad," she whispered. "God. I hate feeling like this."

Once she was pretty sure she wasn't going to throw up again, Ned left her alone so she could freshen up. The light outside was blue when she left the bathroom, and her lids were so heavy. She had felt exhausted and sad for so long, and she pulled the covers up over her as Ned went to the bathroom.

If she carried the baby to term, even though Frank had no idea, a connection would always exist between them. The baby could be raised and loved by someone else, but she would know.

And she would break her own heart if she decided to terminate.

When Ned came back to bed and joined her under the covers, her face was wet with tears and she was crying silently. "Nan," he whispered, and cupped his hand over her side.

She took a deep breath. All she had was this moment. Her plans meant nothing; her hopes meant nothing. She was sick with grief and doubt, but she had Ned. She had never truly understood how much she loved him, or how deeply he loved her, until this had happened.

"Show me," she said, her voice trembling as she stifled another sob. Her heart skipped a beat as she reached down and pushed her underwear off, leaving her completely naked save the engagement ring. "Please..."

She looked into his eyes; his brow was knit. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She wiped her wet cheeks and sniffled one more time.

He touched the band of his boxers. "Do you want me to..."

She loved him for asking; she loved him for taking his time instead of taking advantage of her immediately. "Go ahead."

She couldn't help shivering when they were both naked. He reached for her hand and held it, then took a deep breath and sat up.

"Like we were last night?"

He nodded. She closed her eyes for a second, glad she had brushed her teeth, and slowly sat up. She had been straddling Ned's lap the night before, but he hadn't been naked then, and neither had she.

"Will it be—sex?"

Her heart skipped a beat as she gazed at him, but he shook his head. "No, Nan. Not until you're ready. I promise."

She reached for him and he wrapped his arms around her, moving her so she was sitting across his lap again, and he kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes, still shivering—but it was a relief to focus on something else for a little while. It was a relief to feel his hands on her, the sweet press of his lips against her skin. To know that he still desired her, no matter what.

He stroked his palms from her shoulder blades to the small of her back, nuzzling her neck, and she curved her fingertips against the silky hair at the nape of his neck. When his palm cupped her bare breast she tensed and relaxed, releasing a soft sigh as he gently brushed his thumb over her nipple.

"Here," he whispered, kissing the hollow of her collarbone. "Move on top of me if you want to, but I'm not going to force you, honey."

She sighed when he moved down and nuzzled against her breasts, kissing her nipples, and a frisson of arousal went down her spine. He wouldn't hurt her; he wouldn't, he wouldn't. She had seen him put himself in danger to save her.

The night before had felt so good.

She closed her eyes for a moment before she straddled him, slowly moving forward so the join of her thighs was pressed against him. She had her arms draped over his shoulders, and when he looked into her eyes, his were dark, alight with arousal. "Just like that," he murmured.

His large, warm palms cupped her hips, and she kept gazing into his eyes. "Touch me," she whispered, even though her skin was so sensitive that she flinched at the contact, even though she was shaking.

"Mmm. Move back a little," he murmured, and he guided her up so she was propped up on her knees. Her lips parted, her lashes lowering as he cupped her between her thighs, rubbing his thumb against the button of flesh at the top of her sex a few times before he gently probed the entrance of her sex with two fingers.

"Now come down," he murmured, and she flushed hotly, taking a breath before she obeyed him, looking into his eyes—and she finally understood what he had meant the night before. It was just his fingers, and he held them still so she could angle and lower her hips, controlling how deeply his fingers went inside her, how quickly. He cupped her hip with his other hand and used his thumb to stroke that slick button again, and she tipped her head back with a whimper, rising so she could sink onto him again.

"Like this," he whispered. "Just like this, sweetheart... good?"

"Yeah," she moaned, looking into his eyes again. "Oh, _Ned..._ "

"You're so beautiful, Nan. You look so incredibly sexy and you feel so good..."

She wanted to touch him, but what he was doing with her felt so good and she didn't know how she could manage it. She tilted forward, seeking his lips, and he kissed her deeply as she kept rising and lowering herself onto his fingers, feeling him penetrate her. His slow brushes against her—he had said it was her clit—felt so good, and he slipped his tongue into her mouth and she pressed tighter against him.

Her sex came into contact with his erection, in a glancing brush, and Ned groaned against her mouth. "Yeah," he begged, and nuzzled against her earlobe when she broke the kiss. "God yes, Nan..."

His mouth found hers again and she shuddered as she shifted to rub against his sex again. The stroke of his fingers felt so good, and she wrapped herself around him, gasping against his kiss.

"Nan..."

She was shuddering when she brought herself up, until just the tips of his fingers were still inside her, and grasped his erection. She closed her eyes as she angled him toward her, and Ned gasped.

"Baby..."

"Yes," she whispered. "Please..."

"If it—" Ned's voice caught. "If it hurts just stop, okay?" He reached up and smoothed her hair back from her cheek. "Do you want this?"

She sniffled and nodded. "Yes," she whispered.

She had been afraid, and a part of her still was, but she was so tired of letting her fear color what she had with him. Together they moved into place, with him guiding her, and when she felt the tip of his erection between her thighs, she shivered.

"It's all right."

She gazed into his eyes. "I love you," she told him.

"I love you too."

Seeing the way his face changed, the almost delirious pleasure reflected there, sent a frisson of answering pleasure down Nancy's spine as she slowly, tentatively, began to take him inside her, just as she had moved against his fingers. She was in control of her own movements, and even though Ned still had his palm cupped against her hip, he wasn't putting any pressure on her.

He filled her; the girth of him was tight inside her, but her inner flesh was slippery and the sensation wasn't painful. She gasped in a breath, still gazing into his eyes, and slowly moved down, until his erection was deeper inside her than his fingers had ever been. Ned's thumb twitched and brushed against her clit and she sobbed out a cry, arching.

Then he was fully, completely sheathed inside her, and she clung to him, her inner flesh rippling in a spasm every time his thumb gently rubbed against her clit. She buried her face against his neck, focusing on the feel of him inside her. She felt a little tender, but the pain was slight, nothing like the pain she had felt the night of the party.

She closed her swimming eyes, and a pair of tears slid down her cheeks. Ned had told her that when they made love it would be like nothing else. It was the first time she remembered, the first time she _wanted_ it, the first time it was right.

Ned was looking into her face when she finally pulled back to look at him. "Okay?" he whispered, and reached up to stroke a tear from her cheek.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"You can move, you know."

She sniffled and gave him a small smile. "I want to remember this," she whispered. "Forever. Feeling you inside me for the first time."

He tipped his head down and gave her a soft, gentle kiss. "And it's all right?"

"It's perfect," she whispered, and cupped his cheek, drawing him to her for another kiss. "It's perfect, Ned."

"It is," he agreed, and nuzzled against her cheek. "You feel so good, honey."

She pushed herself up a moment later, blushing again as she heard the wet sound of them moving together, and then Ned rubbed his thumb firmly and deliberately against her clit, his other hand coming up to cup her breast and rub against her nipple.

She moaned his name, her hips shuddering. "I just move like we were?"

"Yeah." He circled her clit with his thumb and she tipped her head back, gazing into his eyes with her lips parted as she sank onto him again. "Just... like that, oh _yes_..."

It didn't hurt. She felt a tenderness that was almost painful, but it was from her arousal, not because he was hurting her. She made her thrusts slow, and she could feel Ned tensing and straining against her.

"What's wrong?" she gasped as she sank onto him and stayed that way. "Am I—am I hurting you?"

"No, honey. It's all right."

Slowly she began to move against him in faster thrusts, and Ned rubbed against her clit in harder strokes, panting. "That's so good, Nan. Just like that. You feel so good..."

She had been so afraid, but it did feel so, so good. She took him so deep inside her and clenched tight around him, and Ned groaned, seeking her lips with his. She kissed him, rising and sinking again and again, and she flushed, panting too.

They moved together until the exertion made her thighs ache, until she was moaning and gasping, trembling every time he stroked her clit. They nipped at each other, gasping against each other, and when Ned began to guide her hips she sobbed against him. "You feel so good, baby," he panted. "So good. Come, sweetheart, squeeze tight around me and come, let me feel it..."

She kissed him, angling her hips and thrusting up and down, and when the terrible, glorious tension broke over her she tipped her head back and let out a desperate breathless cry, arching her spine and grinding against him. She dug her fingernails against his shoulder blades and nipped at his neck as she trembled, and Ned kept stroking her clit, provoking a set of whimpered, sobbing cries. He let out his own hoarse cry and she felt him tense and relax under her, and then he wrapped her in his arms, slumping against the headboard, their bodies entwined.

He had come inside her.

And she remembered every moment of it, every caress, every kiss, every embrace, and she had _wanted_ it. She was flushed and glowing from exertion and self-consciousness, but she felt loved and sated and exhausted.

It was everything that Frank had denied her on the night of the party. It was everything she had wanted to experience with Ned... and now she had.

She had her head resting against his shoulder as she panted her breath back, their bodies still joined. With a whimper she pushed herself up a little to look into his face. His skin was gleaming, but his eyes were low-lidded; he touched her lower lip with his thumb, then gave her a long, lingering kiss.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah," she whispered, and ran her fingers through his hair as he searched her eyes.

Under other circumstances, this—this act of love—would have left his seed in her womb, would have been the genesis of their child. She would not have regretted it; she would never have regretted it, only the timing, but never the knowledge that a piece of both of them grew and lived inside her.

She bowed her head, sipping in a breath. "I love you," she whispered.

"And I love you," Ned said, crooking his finger under her chin and bringing it back up so he could look into her eyes. "Forever, Nan. No matter what."


	8. Chapter 8

They weren't allowed to see the actual ceremony, when Ned was named incoming president of Omega Chi. But Ned's parents and Nancy were invited to come to the reception afterward, and Nancy smiled when she saw the house tidied up, lawn mowed, carpet vacuumed, everything ready for the guests. The punch bowl was full of lemonade instead of everclear-laced fruit juice.

And Ned was glowing. There was no other word for it.

Nancy smoothed the skirt of her bright-blue wrap dress once she and Ned's parents had accepted cups of punch and found a place in the crowded living room. She had done her makeup carefully to cover the marks of exhaustion and pallor of her face. While she slept as well as she ever did in Ned's arms, she felt sick all the time, and she wasn't even sure how much of it was morning sickness and how much was anxiety. She couldn't keep much down, and she couldn't shake the feeling that her prolonged illness might be a sign of impending miscarriage, or that it might kill her first.

Ned's parents had been so excited to see Ned named president of the fraternity, and Ned's father looked especially proud as they made their way through the crowd toward Ned. Edith was hanging back a little with Nancy, her arm around Nancy's waist.

"It's so busy," Edith said, glancing around. "Oh, everyone looks so happy. Are you all right, dear? Still feeling sick to your stomach?"

"A little," Nancy admitted; there had been little point in denying it. Edith had seen her bolt from the table after lunch. "I think I'll be all right, though."

Ned's father had enfolded him in a congratulatory hug when Nancy and Edith reached him. "Congratulations, Ned."

"Thanks, Dad." Ned was still smiling when he turned to his mother and his fiancée. "I'm so glad all of you could make it. Mom..."

He hugged his mother with genuine tenderness; then he pulled Nancy into his arms, and she closed her eyes, relaxing once she was in his embrace. She couldn't help it. She had missed him so much. Soon, though, he would be home again.

"Congratulations," Nancy told him softly. "I'm so proud of you, Ned."

He smiled. "That means the world to me," he murmured, and brushed a stray strand of hair from her cheek. "You look beautiful."

She blushed a little and ducked her head. "You look very handsome," she told him. His charcoal suit and white button-down fit him perfectly, and he wore an Emerson-striped tie.

The naming was a huge event for the fraternity, and the reception was packed. Ned's parents wanted to take the two of them out to celebrate, with dinner at a nice restaurant in Emersonville. Ned had to stay at the reception for an hour, but afterward they took separate cars to the Sugartree Grille.

"So you're staying next door to my parents?" Ned asked, when he and Nancy were in his car together.

Nancy shook her head. "I'm across the hall from them," she told him.

"I'd ask if you want to come back to the house tonight, but if you want us to be discreet... do you want me to come to the hotel? That way if Mom comes by to see if you want breakfast, you won't have to sneak out of my room early." He squeezed her hand. "You need your rest."

"I..."

Then Ned glanced over at her again. "I mean—Nan, you can say no. We don't _have_ to hang out tonight if you don't want to. If you just want to rest..."

She could hear the sincerity in his words, but she could also read his expression. Besides, she didn't want to sleep alone. "No, no. I do want to see you. After we get back, I'll let you know when the coast is clear, okay? Do you have homework to do?"

"Some. But I can work on it tomorrow."

As soon as she walked into the restaurant, her hand in Ned's, Nancy was overwhelmed by the smell of cooking food and alcohol. _Everything_ smelled stronger to her, and had since before she had even confirmed her pregnancy. Just the smell of grease could make her stomach turn, and she could smell woodsmoke and seared meat...

She rested her palm over her belly, breathing shallowly, and Ned glanced over at her. "Are you okay? Do you want me to see if we can go somewhere else?"

Nancy shook her head slowly. "It's like this no matter where," she told him, but squeezed his hand. "Thanks, though."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Ned's parents came in a moment later. "Oh, honey, are you all right?" Edith asked when she saw Nancy. "You look so pale."

"I'm okay. I think I'll feel better once I sit down and have some ginger ale, maybe."

Ned's father approached the hostess to confirm their reservations were going to be honored, and Edith managed to catch her attention as she was deciding where to seat them. "Miss? Can we be seated far away from the kitchen? Maybe on the patio?"

Nancy couldn't help smiling at Edith, grateful for the consideration. She had long thought Ned the most considerate human being she had ever met, but he had learned it from his parents.

Being on the patio helped tremendously with her nausea, but she still ordered something she thought was safe. While they waited for their appetizer order to be delivered, Nancy watched his parents interact with each other, the affectionate way James spoke to Edith, the fond way they looked at each other. She had been fascinated by it since the first time she had come over to Ned's house for a family meal. Most of Nancy's experience with marriage had come through television shows or books, and since she watched and read a lot of mysteries, half the time the married couples were split up by acrimony or murder. Marriage was strange to her. The love Ned showed her and the love she felt for him in return, that was strange as well—but she had long believed she would never and could never love anyone the way she loved him.

"Do you two have big plans for the summer?" James asked.

"Or maybe pre-plans?" Edith nodded slightly at the ring on Nancy's finger.

"I..." Nancy and Ned glanced at each other, and Nancy knew she was blushing a little, but Ned had told her that he would always follow her lead. "I'm not sure yet. I know next summer or fall would probably make a lot of sense."

Edith glanced over at James, then back at Nancy and Ned. "Well, that might be true," she said. "Sometimes a wedding takes a lot of planning, though, and if you two are both at Emerson... well, maybe if you had a ceremony this summer, it would actually cut down on your stress level. Something relaxed and very nice."

Nancy and Ned glanced at each other again, their hands joined under the table. Nancy didn't know what to say. She knew that what Edith was saying made some sense, but she was also surprised; she had always thought that her father and Ned's parents would encourage them to have a traditional wedding, the kind that took a year of planning and coordination.

"Of course it's your choice," Edith said, when the silence stretched on too long. Nancy blushed again. "James and I are happy the two of you have made that commitment to each other; we'll be happy whenever the actual ceremony takes place, too."

"As long as you don't wait too long," James put in. "Engagement is intention, and if you two love each other and want to spend your lives together, well... I suppose it doesn't make a lot of sense to wait a long time to start."

As much as Nancy hated to admit it, even to herself, the timing would likely depend largely on her decision about the pregnancy—assuming the pregnancy actually lasted much longer. Just talking about marriage was making her stomach jump, in nervousness and anticipation. "I understand," she told Ned's parents.

Then Edith and James started talking about the insurance agency where Ned had worked the previous summer and whether he wanted to work there again, and for the rest of the meal Nancy was able to relax and listen to Ned and her future in-laws talk. She had ordered a baked potato with butter and sour cream and a grilled chicken breast, and while she was only able to eat a few bites of the chicken, she ate half the baked potato and was proud of that accomplishment.

Ned's father insisted on dessert, so Ned ordered a slice of the tall chocolate cake, and James and Edith ordered the hot fudge cake to share. Nancy shook her head with a smile, saying she might sample a bite of Ned's cake if he let her, but she wasn't even sure she could do that. Her equilibrium was tentative, and she didn't want to mess it up.

"Ned, we're so proud of you. All you've accomplished, all you've achieved, and all that we both know you will. To the new president of Omega Chi."

They raised their glasses and Nancy drank her ginger ale, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the happiness on Ned's face. "I could never have done it without you guys," Ned said, looking at his parents; then he looked over at Nancy, reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You either, Nancy. The support and love, and you've always believed in me..."

After they finished their meal, Nancy and Ned wrapped their arms around each other to say goodnight. "I'll see you later," he murmured directly into her ear, and she shivered as she brushed a kiss against his cheek.

"Love you."

"Love you too," he murmured, kissing her too before they parted.

During the trip back to the hotel, Edith glanced back at Nancy. "Honey, did you have enough to eat? Do you want us to stop somewhere and pick up something else for you?"

"Oh, it's all right," Nancy replied. "I have the leftovers if I feel hungry. Thank you."

"All right," Edith said. "Oh, it will be nice to see a home game tomorrow. I'm so glad you were able to come with us, Nancy."

"Me too, Mrs. Nickerson. Mr. Nickerson."

They walked to their rooms together, and once they reached them, Edith paused with Nancy. "I hope you're feeling better soon," she told Nancy, and then opened her arms. Nancy stepped into her embrace and closed her eyes as Ned's mother hugged her tightly for a moment. She frowned as she felt a lump of tears rise in her throat, embracing Edith in return.

"It's going to be all right," Edith told her, and patted her back. "It will be. If you need to talk to me, Nancy, please do."

Nancy sniffled and nodded. She couldn't tell Ned's mother, though. She just couldn't. Not yet.

"Sleep well, honey."

Nancy went into her room and the door slowly closed behind her; she closed her eyes with a sigh, a pair of tears sliding down her cheeks at last, falling on the fabric of her dress. She always felt like she was a moment away from the verge of tears, now, and the most ridiculous circumstances could provoke it—but she wished that she could have talked to Edith about it. She wished she could bring herself to do it. But if she and Ned were going to maintain their story, she couldn't imagine that Edith would be pleased at the idea of Nancy aborting her grandchild, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of her turmoil.

When Ned arrived Nancy opened the door for him and then sat down at the foot of her bed, wrapped in a thick plush robe; he carried a duffel bag, and when he saw her tearstained face, he dropped the bag and sat down beside her. "Honey?"

She sniffled and shook her head, blotting her cheeks with the tissue crumpled in her fist. "I'm okay," she murmured. "I'm sorry. I've just... I'm sorry."

He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned against him, closing her eyes when he kissed the crown of her head. "Did my parents say something to you?"

Nancy sniffled. "Not... not really, but..." She looked up into his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I think they know, Nan." His gaze searched hers. "They haven't said anything to me, not directly, but especially after tonight..."

Nancy's face fell. "I think you're right," she whispered.

He stroked his palms down her cheeks, brushing her tears away. She tensed, waiting for him to encourage her to make a decision or to tell his parents about her situation, but he didn't say anything. He just held her, and slowly she began to relax again.

She sniffled again and pulled back. "Are you missing out on anything, being here with me?"

Ned shrugged as Nancy stood up; he stood up too, toeing out of his shoes. "Not really. I want to be clear for the game tomorrow, and I'm actually still a little hungover from last night. We had our ceremony and... well, we were up most of the night."

Nancy's heart sank as she looked up at him. "You must be tired."

He shrugged again, his gaze on the sash of her robe as she began to untie it. "I'm okay," he said. "We can just relax, though, if you want."

She wasn't sure what she wanted. She wore the blue lace nightgown she had worn over spring break, though, and when Ned slid under the covers with her, he had stripped down to his boxers. Nancy reached for the remote and handed it to him, and he flipped through the channels. She smiled a little when he paused on ESPN on the channel guide; then he kept scrolling until he found a movie they had both seen.

During the next commercial break, Nancy dragged her hand through her hair. "I made an appointment for a few days after you'll be home," she told him. "I have to get checked out. I know there has to be something wrong with me; I'm so sick all the time..."

He just gazed at her, sympathetic as he searched her eyes.

She released a long sigh. "You aren't ready for a child," she whispered. "And I can't do this without you."

"What makes you think I'm not ready?"

She reached up and impatiently wiped her wet cheeks. "Ned, _everything_ —you're going to be busy with the fraternity and class and the teams you're on, and it's not wrong for you to be, okay? It's just, it's going to be your last year here, and..."

He waited until she had completely trailed off, then cupped her cheeks and stroked her tears away again. "So let me tackle what you just said. The fraternity—well, we'll have some things to plan and coordinate in the fall, but in the spring I'll be grooming my replacement. I'm not going to spend every weekend drunk and partying, if that's what you're worried about. Especially not if you and I are taking care of a baby.

"Classes? I'm planning on taking fifteen hours in the fall, and that will leave me with three classes to take in the spring—and at least one of them will be online, maybe two. No labs or anything to worry about.

"I really do want to play football, if that works for us. If it doesn't, that's all right. I'd like to play basketball too, but only if it works for us. I don't have to play baseball.

"Yeah, it is my senior year. Yeah, the timing... well, the timing could have been worse. Could have been better too. But that doesn't mean I don't want to do this, or that I can't.

"Can I—can I be honest with you for a second?"

Nancy nodded, searching his eyes.

"I don't think you want to have—to terminate the pregnancy." He stroked her cheeks. "I think you're waiting because you don't want to make the choice. Is that not true?"

She took a deep breath, trying to stave off the next wave of tears. When she blinked they fell down her cheeks. "I don't know if we're ready for this but I—but I feel sick when I imagine having _that_ done, and I know it would solve almost everything if I... if I miscarried." She shook her head. "I don't understand," she whispered. "Why is this so hard?"

He stroked her cheeks again. "I don't know," he whispered. "Maybe we aren't ready right now, but I think we can be; I think that if you decide to keep the baby, we _will_ be."

She leaned in toward him, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her and stroking her back. She buried her face against his chest and closed her eyes.

"Maybe it's not meant to be," she whispered. "It—I never wanted this to happen, and I've been so sick, and I've actually _lost_ weight... maybe the doctor will tell us that there's something wrong, and this... this will all feel like some strange dream."

He made a soft sound, his lips pressed against the crown of her head. "Maybe," he murmured. "But, what Mom was saying at dinner... would you want to do that? Have a small, relaxed ceremony before school starts?"

She pulled back to look into his eyes. "I've been so—the pregnancy is all I've been able to think about. And if I am okay, if the doctor says I'm okay and I decide to keep going, then yeah. I want to do that."

"And if you're not?" Ned asked quietly, stroking her back. "If you lose or terminate the pregnancy and we don't have that..."

She searched his eyes. "You want to," she whispered.

He gave her a small smile. "Only if you do. If you want to wait and plan some big ceremony... it's just, remember what we said, about how we didn't want _this_ to be the only reason we decided to get married?"

She nodded. "And I still... I know it's a big part of it..."

He shook his head, stroking her cheeks and leaning forward until their foreheads were touching. "I want to be with you," he murmured. "For the rest of our lives. If we're married this summer or next, or two years from now, if you have the baby or not, if you decide that adoption is the best solution or not... I'm here for you."

Nancy closed her eyes. "I'll think about it," she whispered. "This summer or next summer. And you're right... Ned, I can't do this, I can't have an abortion if the baby is healthy. I just can't. I know how much easier it would be but I just can't..."

He stroked her cheek again. "It's all right," he murmured. "I'd never ask you to, Nan."

She looked up at him with her eyes shimmering with tears. His lips brushed her cheek as he drew her into his embrace, pulling her onto his lap. Even in her despair, the feel of him, warm and solid in the circle of her arms, comforted her.

She had thought that once they had sex, it was all he would want, but it had only happened once. The night after their first time, she had wanted to see him again, but she had been so exhausted that she had fallen asleep before her father had even gone to bed. This was the first time since that they had been able to plan to spend the night together, and she felt exhausted again.

She drifted off while she was in his arms, and when she woke again, the television was off, the room was dark, and she was cuddled against him. Ned's palm was gently stroking her back. She sniffled, nestling against him. He was on his side facing her, and her heart beat faster at his closeness.

She was in a lace nightgown, in her fiancé's arms, and they were sleeping.

When she moved a little, Ned breathed in and made a soft noise. "Hey," he whispered. "You okay?"

"Mmm." She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. "I love you."

"I love you too, honey," he murmured, and she could hear him smiling. "I thought you needed your rest."

"Yeah." She moved up so her face was on level with his. "I... can we..."

She trailed off, unsure of how to say it, unsure of what she wanted, only knowing that she was starting to ache for him. She nuzzled against him, her lips parted, and Ned gave her a gentle kiss that slowly became deeper.

"Make love," he filled in, when their kiss ended.

"Yeah," she whispered, and she began to push herself up so she could take off her nightgown. Ned moved too, sliding off his boxers, and when they were both naked Nancy could feel her heart in her throat.

She knew she had nothing to be afraid of, but she was nervous. Ned had laid back down and so she laid down too, facing him, grateful for the cover of the blankets in the cool room.

"You're so beautiful," Ned murmured, reaching up and cupping her cheek. "I love you so much. And it's going to be all right. I know it will."

When she looked into his eyes, she believed him. He said it with such quiet sincerity and certainty that she had no other choice. He would make it all right. With him to support her, it would be all right.

He kissed her again, again, and she was so sensitive that when he stroked his palm over the curve of her waist to her hip, she shivered violently. "Okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah." Her eyes were closed when he kissed her again.

Then, with his lips still touching hers, he whispered, "Do you want to be on top again?"

Her eyes opened, and her heart skipped a beat. "I... do you want to?"

"Well, you did a lot of the work last time," he pointed out, and kissed her again. "If you want me to..."

She nodded, her breath coming out in a sigh as he gently rolled her onto her back.

She had been so aware of the time, last time, that they would need to leave the hotel soon after, that it was _finally_ happening after so long. For her, it hadn't been long enough; it could never have been long enough, to feel him so close to her. When he said _make love,_ though, he meant it. He covered her in kisses, nuzzling against her neck, her breasts, kissing her belly button and the plane of her stomach. She had parted her legs a little already before he reached for her knees, bending them and opening her to him, and moved on top of her.

She froze, focusing on his face, but her heart was beating so, so hard. It hadn't hurt, last time; she had enjoyed it, and Ned didn't hurt her, he wouldn't hurt her. She kept telling herself that, willing herself not to cry.

She had been broken. It wasn't Ned's job to make her whole again.

He leaned over her, kissing her forehead. "Shh," he whispered. "Shh, it's all right. We don't have to. Shh."

She closed her eyes and a pair of tears slid down her cheeks. Her throat ached; she reached up for him and wrapped her arms around him and he just held her until she wasn't quite so scared anymore.

Then she took a deep breath and opened her legs to him again, wrapping them around him too.

Ned made a soft sound, his lips finding her neck. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much, honey. I always have and I always will."

She ran her fingers through his hair, trying to keep herself relaxed, trying not to let her panic overwhelm her again. "I love you too," she whispered. "Always."

She buried her face against his shoulder, gasping when he cupped her between her thighs; when she realized he was stroking her with his fingers, preparing her, she relaxed a little. He worked two fingers inside her, where she was tender and slick for him, and she moaned softly. She blushed as she began to rock her hips gently against the strokes of his fingers.

"It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay. Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes," she whispered, and looked into his eyes, swallowing hard as he moved back into position.

She couldn't stop the sudden shiver of anxiety that rippled down her spine when he first began to move inside her, but she kept her gaze on his face, and he murmured his reassurance as he gently moved deeper inside her. She couldn't relax; it was all so intense, and he was perched over her and she couldn't move away from him, she couldn't...

Had Frank done the same thing? Had he gazed down at her, murmuring how much he loved her as he moved inside her? If he remembered—and _oh, the roses_ , he remembered—did he look back on it with fondness, the sight of her beneath him, the way she constricted with pain when he hurt her, the pain he had probably thought was pleasure and love?

She forced her tear-bright eyes open to see Ned motionless over her, a frown on his handsome face as he studied hers. He had moved out of her, and she took a shivering breath. "Shh," he whispered, and rolled onto his side, pulling her with him.

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his chest and sobbed, and she felt so tired; all she felt was the ache of her pain, too raw to let anything else touch her. "Make it stop," she sobbed, and she didn't even realize she was saying it aloud, only that it was all she felt, all she wanted. "Make it stop, make it stop..."

"I'm sorry, Nan. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I won't hurt you again."

Slowly, slowly, she was able to stop herself. Her face was a wet, puffy mess when she finally pulled back, still sniffling. "You didn't hurt me," she said, her voice shaking. "You didn't."

He searched her face. He didn't contradict her, but he still looked concerned.

With a frustrated sigh she pressed her palms against her face, wiping some of her tears away. Ned moved and rolled back toward her with a handful of tissues, and she accepted them gratefully. "I just want it to stop," she whispered.

"Was it because I was on top? Is that what made you upset?"

She didn't know what to say. She was afraid the truth would hurt him. "I don't know," she whispered.

"Were you—remembering? Thinking about it?"

She drew a shivering breath and then nodded a little. "Was he like that with me?" she whispered, and her voice cracked. She pressed her palms against her cheeks again, trying to stave off her tears. "I couldn't—I couldn't move..."

He reached up and stroked her cheek, and she moved close to him, burrowing, wishing she could just forget it all, just for a while. She hated that she was hurting him, especially with something that had never been his fault. She wished she could just sink inside him, to be enveloped by him, without any fear.

He sighed, stroking her back. "So you can't do that," he said quietly. "It's all right. It's all right. I'm sorry I made you upset."

That was the worst. "You didn't," she murmured, her voice muffled by his chest. "It was just too much."

"So maybe we could try something else," he suggested. "When you're ready. But we can go to sleep now, if you want to."

He kept stroking her back, and she didn't know what to say. She finally felt more calm, and if they tried the same way they had last time, sitting up and facing each other, she thought she might be okay. Her reaction had made her feel ashamed, and afraid.

After a few long moments, she released a sigh and rolled over to pull another tissue out of the box. She had never enjoyed crying, and she especially didn't now. "So what were you thinking?" she asked, her voice still a little muddy from her tears.

"Can you stay like that?"

She was on her back again. Her heart skipped a beat, but she nodded.

Ned moved beside her, stroking her without pinning her down, kissing her and nuzzling against her. She tensed when he cupped his hand between her legs, then relaxed again; he was just stroking her again, and as long as he didn't move on top of her again, she thought she would be all right.

He kissed and nuzzled his way down her body again, but when he reached her belly button he kept going. He parted her legs and kissed her inner thighs, the seam where her leg met her torso.

Then he worked two fingers inside her, sucking her clit into his mouth and stroking it with his tongue.

Her entire body seemed to constrict; she tipped her head back, her nails dragging against the sheet, her breath coming out in a desperate gasp. "Ned," she moaned. "Oh my _God..._ "

"Good?" He pulled back a little, still moving his fingers inside her.

"Yes," she whined, parting her legs to him as he descended again.

She couldn't imagine that it was pleasant for him, but oh _God_ , it felt incredible. She rocked her hips against the stroking of his fingers, burbling and moaning as he stroked and suckled and teased her clit. She wasn't pinned down, and she would be mortified if one of his parents interrupted them and found their son with his face buried between her thighs—but he chuckled against her inner flesh when she threaded her fingers through his hair.

"Mmm. That's right," he growled, and nipped at her clit with a gentle stroke of his teeth, and she managed to partially muffle her answering sob in the pillow. "Thought you might like this, baby. Here..."

She arched, her scream breathless and almost silent as he switched, dragging his tongue against the entrance of her sex as he rubbed his thumb in hard strokes against her tender clit. She shuddered when he ran the tip of his tongue against the sensitive flesh on either side of her entrance, then began to work it inside her.

"You taste so good, sweetheart," he said, licking his way back up, rubbing his stubbled chin against her clit until she shrieked into the pillow, and she belatedly realized she was pressing down on his head with her fingers, urging him to continue. Her hips bucked as he began to rapidly fuck her with his fingers, sucking her clit again.

Once she had come, once she was loose-limbed and sated and exhausted with the force of it, he let her down slowly. She moaned with every lazy swipe of his tongue against her clit, the way his fingertip curved inside her as he drew his fingers out again, trembling with the last few spasms.

He sighed as he moved beside her again, and once she could move she wrapped her arm around him, cuddling against him. "Oh my God," she whispered. "Oh my God... did you actually like that?"

"Did you?" he said, and she heard a smile in his voice as he stroked her back. "You seemed to."

She pulled back and looked into his face. "It was so good," she whispered. "Oh my God, so good, Ned. Do you... do you want me to do something like that with you?"

"I'd love it," he told her. "But probably not tonight. You look exhausted."

She thought he looked rather proud of himself. "You're so good to me," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'll do it next time."

"If you want to." He stroked her cheek as she searched his eyes. "Nan, it's all right. It's practice."

"Practice?"

He nodded. "You'll be my wife," he whispered. "I want to know how to make you happy."

Over the next few days, the more she thought about it, the more she began to like the idea of a small ceremony while Ned was on summer break. He had more than proven himself an incredible, supportive boyfriend, and she had no doubt that he would be just as supportive and caring, if not more, once they were married. He had already committed to seeing her through, if she was emotionally devastated by a miscarriage or made miserable by a pregnancy. Every bout of morning sickness made her wonder, though. She couldn't be supporting and nurturing a baby if she couldn't keep any food down.

Her anxiety wasn't lessened when she returned with Ned's parents after their weekend at Emerson and started receiving calls from a phone number in Bayport's area code. She didn't pick up; she couldn't. She realized after the call flipped to voicemail that Frank would know he had reached her, and would probably realize that she had blocked his number. Whoever called left a few messages. She deleted each without listening to them, her fingers shaking the whole time. She remembered the letter that she had left in her car, but she couldn't even think about touching it again, much less opening and reading it. She was still terrified that Frank would return to River Heights and confront her in person.

She had a terrible feeling that he somehow knew what she and Ned had told no one, and it made her feel sick. She felt less and less like she could contemplate aborting the child, but she was afraid of what would happen if she carried the baby to term and Frank found out.

A week after Ned had returned home at the end of the semester, he picked Nancy up from her house for what was supposed to be a date; her joy on seeing him wasn't feigned, but her lighthearted manner was. Instead of heading to lunch or a movie, though, they went to a doctor's office where no one would recognize them for Nancy's appointment.

A flat-screen television droned in a corner of the waiting room; the women around them flipped through magazines or tapped at their cell phones. Nancy sat with one hand over her roiling belly, the other gripped in Ned's.

"It's going to be all right," he told her softly. "It will."

She took a deep breath and gave him a small, grateful smile, but her eyes were still anxious. "I hope so," she whispered, but she still didn't know what she wanted to happen. To be told that something truly was wrong with her pregnancy, confirming all her worst fears, eliminating that stress from their lives—or that she was somehow overreacting, and everything would be fine. That she might still carry Frank's child to term, and decide whether to give him or her to some other loving, caring family—or to live with the consequences of that night for the rest of their lives.

Her anxiety spiked when the physician's assistant called them in. Waiting after that was agony, and she sat on the examination table in the flimsy paper gown with her hand in Ned's, trying to control her breathing.

The doctor came in, a flurry of activity, and introduced herself with a smile. "So you scheduled this appointment because you haven't been feeling well?"

Nancy nodded, her hand pressed against her belly again. "I feel sick all the time and I've actually lost a little weight, and I'm afraid something's wrong."

The doctor nodded briskly in acknowledgement. "Well, you're at nine weeks... so let's just see how things are progressing. We'll just take a little peek in there."

She and Ned escorted Nancy to another room, where the ultrasound equipment was set up. The assistant helped her adjust on the table and exposed her belly, then smoothed some gel over her skin. Nancy was gripping Ned's hand tightly, terrified of what they might see. She hadn't expected the doctor to perform an ultrasound. She wasn't quite sure what was going to happen; a part of her was afraid of seeing it, especially if something was wrong.

The assistant moved the wand against Nancy's stomach, and the doctor looked up at the screen, nodding a little to herself. Nancy couldn't help looking too, and her heart leapt into her throat. She saw a round black area, and inside that bubble, a small figure that was almost bean-shaped, larger at one end.

"There's the head," the doctor said, tapping the larger end of the bean.

Nancy traced the lines of it with her gaze, her lips parting. She could just make out the small, static-obscured protrusions of arms and legs. It looked like a honey-bear with an oversized head. The doctor kept speaking, and she saw the fluttering of the heartbeat, minute and incredible.

It was real. It was impossible and _real._ Her baby. The baby growing inside her.

Her sight blurred with tears, her throat aching.

"The fetus size... everything looks all right," the doctor said, once they were back in the examination room. "I can prescribe something to help with the nausea—and I know this may not sound logical, but honestly, morning sickness is a good sign. The key is to find a food that doesn't make you feel sick, and eat as much of it as you can. If you wake up in the morning craving oranges and strawberries, then that's what you should have. If you notice something gives you heartburn or an upset stomach, try to avoid that for a while. Limit your caffeine intake, as little as possible..."

The doctor's tips were familiar, but Nancy felt almost lightheaded. The baby. The baby was _real_ and healthy. The baby was real.

She was afraid. She was afraid to put any words to what she was feeling.

After the appointment was over, Ned escorted her out to his car and suggested eating lunch nearby, and Nancy agreed, still in a daze. She didn't know if he had felt the same way she had on seeing the image on the ultrasound or not. She didn't know if she could say it. Her mind was spinning.

The hostess escorted them to a table on the patio, and Nancy took a deep breath. The day was sunny, bright and warm, and she felt strange in her own skin, like she could still feel the gel from the ultrasound on her belly. She felt so incredibly _aware_ of the space below her ribs, where she had just seen the shadowy image of her baby.

_Her_ baby.

She couldn't settle down, and it was only once the waitress arrived to take their drink orders that she realized that she probably hadn't spoken—and that Ned hadn't, either. She ordered water and Ned ordered a soda, and she glanced down at the menu without seeing it.

"Nan," Ned said gently, once the waitress had left them to consider what they wanted. She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and gleaming.

"I..." She reached for his hand, and held it tightly, searching his eyes. "It's my baby," she whispered.

Ned nodded. "Our baby," he said, and she could hear relief in his voice.

"So we'll keep it?"

"Yes," he said, and she couldn't help it; she rose from her chair and came over to him, wrapping her arms around him with a soft cry. "Our baby, Nan. It's our baby."

She pressed her face against his neck, and even though she was still trembling inside, the tears that slipped from her lashes onto his skin were finally tears of relief.


	9. Chapter 9

Nancy and Ned walked into Ned's parents' house holding hands.

Whenever they looked at each other, he couldn't help smiling. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, almost feverish; she looked excited and nervous, and they had skipped wildly between topics at lunch, always returning to what she had told him and everything it meant.

She wanted to keep the baby. _Their_ baby.

Ned had no words for what had happened to him, when he had seen the image on the monitor. He had thought that he would need to keep anything negative off his face, to stay neutral and calm for Nancy, because she had been so incredibly anxious before and during the appointment. But she hadn't torn her wide-eyed gaze from the screen, and Ned hadn't either.

He just felt it, regardless of any biological truths, regardless of the fact that he and Nancy hadn't had sex before she had found out she was pregnant. The baby growing inside her, despite the horror of its conception—was _theirs_. He had promised to love her and support her no matter what her decision, and he had been fully dedicated to doing that, despite his conflicted feelings about her pregnancy, but it had all fallen away, leaving him speechless with awe and that singular certainty. The child was a part of her and he loved it, because it was hers, because it was somehow theirs.

He didn't know what he would have done, if she had decided something else—but then, he did know. He would have done exactly what he had told her, and he would never have told her how he had felt during the appointment.

Now? Now, it was _theirs_. They had decided over lunch that they would go forward with a wedding at the end of the summer, something small and intimate and beautiful. The doubt and fear she had felt, maybe it would return, he didn't know—but for now, he knew what to do. Together, they would plan a life that would provide for all three of them. In January, if everything went well, they would have a son or daughter.

And Ned would never, _never_ tell anyone what had truly happened, not unless she decided she wanted that. As far as he was concerned, starting today, that child had been conceived by them together, and he would love it just as fiercely. He was willing to accept the responsibility, the questions, the blame that might come along with it.

The worst test of it would come later, but they had decided to tell his mother first.

"She must be out in the backyard." Ned gave Nancy's hand a gentle squeeze. "Do you want to stay in here?"

She shook her head. "I'll go. It's a nice day."

But, part of it—she seemed reluctant to release his hand, and he didn't mind. Considering what they were about to do, he understood why she might be nervous. She had been nervous about this day since she had even begun to suspect that she might be pregnant.

Ned's mother was in the garden, which was where he thought he might find her. When he called out to her, she turned toward them, then stood up with a grin. She wore a wide-brimmed hat and a pair of sturdy gloves, and he saw fresh-turned earth at her feet. "You're back! I hope you two had a nice lunch. Just finished planting the squash and tomatoes." She wiped her forehead with the back of her wrist. "And I think it's definitely time for some lemonade."

Nancy and Ned obediently followed her back inside, and she turned to them once they reached the porch. "Are you two going out for dinner tonight, or should I plan for you to eat with us? Jim's in the mood for steak tonight, and I have some lovely potatoes to bake. That might work for you, Nancy."

Nancy and Ned exchanged a look. "I'll have to see," she said. "But if it's no trouble, I'd love to."

Once they were seated at the table and Edith had taken off her gardening gloves and hat and apron and washed up, she sat down with her own tall glass of lemonade. "You two look anxious," she commented, her tone light.

Ned gently squeezed Nancy's hand. He opened his mouth, but for a few seconds, he wasn't sure what to say. "Nancy and I decided that we're going to have a ceremony this summer," he said. "Before the fall semester starts. She's..." He swallowed hard. "She's going to have a baby."

Ned's mother's eyes widened, and she put her glass back down on the table. "You are?" she asked, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Truly?"

Nancy nodded. "Yes," she murmured.

"Oh..." Edith pushed herself up and came around the table, and they stood just before she wrapped her arms around both of them. "Oh, I can't believe it. When are you due, sweetheart?"

"January," Nancy said softly. "January tenth."

Edith nodded a little to herself, and Ned knew that she had very likely suspected what was going on. She wasn't shocked at all. "And you both seem happier right now."

"We went to the doctor for a sonogram today," Nancy said.

"Did they give you a picture?" Edith's eyes were lit up.

Nancy went through her purse and brought out the small image, and Edith took it, touching it lightly. "Oh, look," she said softly, then brought her head up and looked between both of them.

"We have a lot to plan, you know. Nancy, please stay over for dinner. You and I can talk about what you want to do."

"And me?" Ned said, a hint of humor in his voice.

"We will tell you the date and time, and exactly what to wear," Edith said, in a lofty tone. "But you've already done the hard part."

Nancy reached for Edith's hand. "And you're not upset with us?" she said quietly.

Edith closed her hand over Nancy's. "Maybe the timing is a little ahead of schedule, but you two love each other," she said, looking between them. "A grandchild. Oh, Nancy, I'm so sorry you've had such awful morning sickness. I was miserable for you."

Nancy gave her a smile, then looked over at Ned. "I think I'd like some more lemonade," she said. "Would you excuse us?"

"Oh, honey, I'll go get it. I know you two have a lot to talk about. Here. I think I'll start the preparations for dinner, so just let me know."

Nancy chuckled, once she and Ned had sat back down and his mother had left them alone. "If I have dinner here tonight, and we start talking about wedding plans, and... I don't know. I haven't been able to really talk to my dad about all this..."

"And you'd like to go ahead and do that."

Nancy ran her fingers through her hair and glanced down at the engagement ring. "Do you want me to see if Dad is free for dinner tomorrow? Should we..." She swallowed and looked up at Ned again, and her eyes were gleaming. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He reached up and cupped her cheek. "We're in this together," he told her. "We've talked about this. He loves you and maybe when we talk to him things will be awkward, but he'll adjust to the idea. I know he will. It'll be all right."

She called Hannah to explain that she would be eating with Ned's family, and then she talked to her father. When she returned, she was still a little flushed. "Dad suggested that we go to a restaurant and I told him I was thinking something less formal for dinner tomorrow. Maybe we'll all get together and have dinner in Chicago sometime soon, but I don't know..."

Ned's mother poked her head through the doorway from the kitchen. "Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to overhear—would you rather go out tonight?"

Nancy shook her head, sweeping her hair back over her shoulders. "No, no. I was just telling Ned that maybe my father and you and Mr. Nickerson, all five of us could go out. After... after everyone..." She swallowed. "After we've told everyone."

"Your father..." Edith stepped into the room. "He hasn't guessed?"

Nancy shook her head, her lower lip trembling a little. "I don't think so," she whispered. "I'm so scared..."

Ned's mother walked over to her and wrapped her in a hug. "It's going to be all right," she told her, patting her back. "It will be. I know it will. I know you're scared and upset right now, I know everything feels like the end of the world, but it's going to be all right. You'll see. You two are doing the right thing. I know you are."

Ned looked at Nancy's face, but her eyes were closed. They were doing the right thing, he truly believed that, but his mother didn't know the truth.

_It's our baby._ Ned let out his breath in a long silent sigh. He wasn't going to change his mind about that.

Edith said that Nancy should put her feet up, so they sat down in the living room, with Ned beside Nancy, and she asked about how they saw their wedding. Nancy wanted something small and maybe outdoors, depending on the weather; she wanted their ceremony to be nearby. Bess and George would be invited, of course, and Hannah and their parents, and Ned was considering inviting Mike and Howie too. Neither of them wanted to have a big affair, though. At the end of the summer she might be beginning to show, but by then everyone would likely know, and it wouldn't matter so much.

"So we need to find a lovely dress for you," Edith said with a smile. "Maybe something with a high waist and a loose skirt. That way it won't be so hard to fit you for it. Jim and I—we could host a little gathering afterward, here at the house, for your reception. I think that would be just wonderful. We could put up lights in the back garden, and candles."

Ned's mother looked so excited, and Ned couldn't help contrasting her reaction with how subdued and wary she had seemed during his engagement to Jessica. He was glad that his mother hadn't immediately asked if the two of them were just play acting for a case; he was glad they had never done that. He had never presented Nancy with his family's engagement ring just for the sake of a cover identity.

By the end of their discussion, Ned was half-convinced his mother was right. Between the two of them they would likely coordinate everything; all he would need to do was show up. And he would need a wedding ring to slide on her finger during the ceremony, of course.

That thought had him distracted for a while. He wanted to find the perfect ring for her, and he liked the idea of having it engraved with something important to them. And a casual honeymoon before his return to Emerson in the fall...

When Ned's father came in at the end of the day, Edith was the first on her feet to greet him. "How was your day, honey?"

The scene was familiar and unremarkable to Ned; he saw Nancy watching with rapt attention. His parents smiled at each other, and then his father smiled at them as he shifted his briefcase to his other hand. "Are we having a guest for dinner? It's good to see you, Nancy."

Nancy smiled and nodded, looking down. She wasn't as nervous about telling Ned's father, compared to her own, but she still wasn't excited about it. Ned knew from long experience that his father would likely follow his mother's cues, but he very well might call Ned in for a private talk afterward, about boundaries and the proper use of birth control.

"They were just telling me about their plans for this summer," Edith said, and Ned could tell what passed between them. So his mother had told his father about her suspicions. He had thought as much. Whatever one of his parents knew, the other one seemed to mysteriously sense soon after. On the way home from school, he could tell his mother that he was discouraged about a grade on an assignment; after dinner, his father would offer to help with his homework, or to split some chocolate chip cookies with him, depending on how bad things had been.

"Oh? Anything exciting?"

"We were thinking about a wedding," Ned said.

Ned's father accepted the news about the pregnancy soberly, as the three of them sat out on the patio with the steaks on the grill. Ned's mother was inside, setting the table and preparing the last dish. "Well, your mother had her suspicions," Ned's father told them. "So I can't say I'm entirely surprised. Are the two of you happy?"

Ned nodded, and reached for Nancy's hand. "We are."

Ned's father met his eyes, then looked over at Nancy. "I'm sorry you've been feeling so unwell. And you are all right?"

Nancy nodded. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, and released a soft breath. "Ned and I... we didn't plan on this..."

"Now, don't let your mother badger you two into a wedding if you'd prefer to wait," he said, looking at the steaks. "I know she has her heart set on it, but if you'd rather wait..."

Nancy and Ned looked at each other. "We decided it before we mentioned it," he told his father.

"Well, that's good. It's a big decision. And, Nancy, believe me, I'm delighted to have you as my future daughter-in-law, whether you and Ned are married this weekend or at the end of the summer, or whenever. It's just a hard thing to start out already feeling upset and pressured, and I don't want that for you."

He looked into Nancy's face again, and she squeezed Ned's hand as she looked down. "There's nothing I want more than to be with Ned," she said. "He's such an incredible man. I just didn't want—I never want to hold him back from doing the best he can."

"Are you two still planning on going to school in the fall?"

They nodded. "Ned suggested that I try to take classes in the fall, even if I have to take a lighter load or not attend in the spring, and I think that's the best idea," she said.

"And you know that you and Nancy can't live together in the Omega house. Especially not with a baby..."

It was good practice, Ned thought, for when they talked to Nancy's father, all the questions he would likely ask, everything they would need to anticipate. They had already discussed many of the answers together, and Ned's father wasn't expecting immediate solutions. He just didn't want them to be surprised by everything they were going to face.

Over dinner, though, they didn't talk about the pregnancy, but about the wedding. The one time Ned's mother mentioned it, she said it was a shame they wouldn't have a grandchild as a Christmas blessing, and Ned could already imagine it. A miniature Santa hat on their baby, with the fireplace and decorated tree in the background, in the baby photos.

His parents did see it as a blessing. They would see the baby the same way Ned did: as theirs, as part of their family. And he was infinitely glad. Now they just had to break the news to Nancy's father.

After dinner and dessert, Nancy was already looking exhausted. Ned's mother was clearly still excited about the prospect of the wedding, but she told Nancy to contact her in the next few days, when she was feeling up to it. Nancy gratefully said that she definitely would, and hugged Ned's parents goodbye before they went out to Ned's car.

Nancy let out her breath in a long sigh as soon as she had buckled her seat belt. "Okay," she said softly. "Okay, I think that went all right."

He reached for her hand. "I think so too," he said.

She stroked her thumb gently against his knuckle. "So I know it would be... oh, never mind."

"What?" He glanced over at her before putting the car in gear.

"It's the worst possible time for me to want you to stay over."

Ned couldn't help smiling. "Well, yeah, I think so," he said. "But if you want me to, I'll stay over. I can't turn you down, honey."

She smiled, looking down at their hands. "I feel like this massive weight has come off me," she murmured. "It will be better when Dad knows... and I know we had to tell someone first, but I feel bad that my dad doesn't know yet."

"We'll tell him tomorrow." Ned's stomach flipped at the thought, but his voice stayed even. "Although if he finds us in bed together, we might have that talk sooner than we planned."

"Oh, God. Don't even say that."

"So Mom and Dad already knew. Do you—Do you really think your father has no idea?"

Nancy shrugged. "He's had some big cases lately," she said quietly. "I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want to think that anything like this could have happened. I can understand that." She sighed.

Ned paused. "I'm so glad you decided what you did," he admitted.

"I thought you might be mad," she admitted. "I know... I know you promised to support me, but this... this is huge."

"It is," he agreed. "But it's our baby. Our little bean."

She chuckled, then reached up and wiped her eyes. "To me it looked kind of like a honey bear," she admitted. "Or a bean."

"I was so afraid that you'd tell me you couldn't go through with it, and I would have understood... but as soon as I saw it, I don't know..."

"Yeah," she filled in, when he trailed off. "It seemed real. I'm going to be a mom."

"And I'm going to be a dad," he murmured. "It's... it's incredible."

She sniffled. "Do you really feel that way?"

"Yeah." He glanced over at her. "I don't know... I didn't know it was going to be that way. But it's true."

At her house, Hannah was still up and cleaning up the kitchen. Nancy's father had called an emergency meeting to discuss trial strategy, so Hannah expected him back anytime, but he wasn't back yet. They settled together on the couch when Hannah sat down in her armchair, and the housekeeper let out a long sigh, relaxing before she reached for her knitting.

"Did you two have a good day? You were certainly gone a long time on your date."

They nodded. "We did," Nancy said. "It was... well, Ned's parents made steaks and baked potato and everything was very good."

"I'm glad you two were able to spend so long together," Hannah said with a smile. "Nancy, you were expecting that call? Lauren had misplaced your cell number, so she called here and left a message. She asked if you could fly out tomorrow."

A case. Ned's stomach flipped again, and she glanced over at him, her eyes almost pleading. "Thanks, Hannah," she replied. "I'll go ahead and call her back."

Ned stayed on the couch as Nancy rose to find Lauren's number, and looked down at his hands. He had known that she would keep taking cases; he hadn't doubted it. But he just hadn't thought about it this way, not consciously.

Flying. What if something happened to the plane?

He had felt this way soon after they had first met, and it hadn't ever entirely gone away. He trusted her, he loved her more than anything, but he hated when she was in dangerous situations that were out of her control. So many times, she had come close to dying, and while he knew he often could do little about it, he felt better when he could accompany her. He had taken the day off work to accompany her to her doctor's appointment, though, and he needed to work the rest of the week. He needed as much money as he could earn to help support them.

"Ned?"

Ned glanced up to see Hannah gazing at him. "Oh. I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

She gave him a small smile. "You looked worried. I was just saying that I can change the channel; I know cooking shows aren't the most interesting to some people."

Ned shrugged, then smiled when he saw a disembodied hand smoothing chocolate frosting over a large slab of cake. "I think I can bear it," he said, and Hannah chuckled.

Nancy returned and sat down beside Ned. "I talked to Lauren," she murmured.

"So you'll be leaving soon."

She shook her head and then looked into Ned's eyes, and he read her expression. She wanted him to drop it. Despite his curiosity, he couldn't deny that he was glad she wouldn't be going.

They chatted with Hannah until she went upstairs to prepare for bed; Nancy's father came in an hour later and was happy to see them both, but he was also clearly exhausted. Ned's stomach flipped at the thought of the conversation he was going to have with the man, but he would get through it. They both would.

Once they were alone, Nancy rested her head against Ned's shoulder. For the first time since they had found out, she took his hand and guided it to rest against her belly.

Ned's heart skipped a beat. His family. His own family. He kissed the crown of her head and gently stroked her still-flat abdomen.

"Our baby," he whispered against her hair.

"Our baby," she whispered.

"What about why Lauren called?"

She cupped his hand as he stroked his thumb back and forth, over her belly. "I've been feeling so sick and I know the doctor says everything is okay, but from what I've read, I shouldn't fly until I'm in my second trimester. Just in case."

"Oh." He kissed her temple. "I'm sorry—I'm kinda glad you won't be going, though, because I wouldn't be able to go with you."

She released a quiet sigh. "I didn't want to turn her down, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe I can pull a Sherlock Holmes and solve the case with just cell phone photos and Lauren's recollections, if I'm lucky."

"Mmm."

It wasn't that Ned hadn't been upstairs with Nancy while her father had been down the hall in his own room. He was just acutely aware of how her father was likely to react to the news of her pregnancy, and he could imagine it would be that much worse if Carson discovered the two of them together. To know that they weren't just having unprotected premarital sex, but having it under his own roof...

He hadn't lied, though. He couldn't turn her down, not when she reached for his hand and guided him upstairs, the living room quiet and dark beneath them. He followed her to her room, and though he had seen her naked a few times now, his gaze still slid down to her bare belly. It was just as flat as it had been during the ultrasound. She hadn't developed a small, telltale potbelly in the intervening hours. It was just unfathomable, that something so small and incredible could be growing inside her even now.

Their baby. _Their_ baby.

She dressed for bed in a tank top and panties, and Ned joined her in his underwear, stretching out between her and the door. He knew it was foolish, meaningless, but he always wanted to sleep on the outside when he was sleeping with her. He always wanted to be where he could protect her.

She moved into his arms, nestling against him. He rested his palm against the small of her back, the bare skin just above the band of her panties. She draped her arm over him too, and he closed his eyes as he breathed her in, the scent of her shampoo, the almost astringent smell that clung to her hair from the doctor's office. He loved the way her body fit against his, the firm weight of her breasts, the warmth of her skin beneath his palms. He loved all of her.

She released a sigh and he realized that he wasn't just between her and any threat that might come through the door, as unimaginable as that was in her father's house. He was between the unborn child and the door, too.

It was so much that every time he approached it, every time he thought about it, the enormity overwhelmed him. That he would be a father, that he and Nancy would be living together when they attended Emerson in the fall... he felt a little shiver go down his spine. No matter what her father said after they told him, Nancy was old enough to make her own decisions. They would be together.

She made a soft sound and he felt her sigh against his bare chest. "We'll be doing this a lot more often," she whispered, and he felt her smile.

"Every night," he confirmed, and stroked her hair. "In the morning I'll call and see if we can get into the family housing on campus. A nice two-bedroom or three-bedroom. A den for you to keep all your equipment and casefiles in, a bedroom for the baby..."

She moved back and looked into his eyes; hers were gleaming. "A bedroom for your parents or my dad or Bess and George to stay in when they visit," she said. "A _house_ for us. It's just..."

"Yeah," he murmured, and nuzzled against her, his lips brushing hers. "I know."

He didn't want to roll on top of her; it had broken his heart to see her so upset when he had tried it. They laced their fingers together, exchanging long sweet kisses, until she sat up. She bit her lip and bowed her head for a second before she reached for the band of her panties and pushed them down.

The room was still so warm that Ned didn't even shiver once he was naked. He sat up and marveled at the sight of her as she straddled him, her nipples already tight. He wrapped her in his arms and she draped hers over his shoulders, tracing the nape of his neck, his shoulder blades, his spine as she gazed into his eyes.

"I still feel afraid," she whispered. "Like... like I haven't thought of something... like it can't be this easy."

He stroked his fingertips over her back. "To be this happy?" he murmured, as she blew a stray hair from her lips and her deep-blue eyes found his again.

She nodded. "There's no going back from this," she murmured. "Not for the rest of our lives. And I... I wish there had been another way. That we hadn't had to mislead your parents."

He rubbed his cupped palms against her sides and hips, her slender shapely legs on either side of his own. "I'm not sorry," he told her. "They would have understood, if we had told them the truth. I know they would have, but that was always your choice to make, Nan. The result is the same. We're going to be married and live together and raise our baby. And I'm going to do everything in my power to keep my family happy and safe."

She searched his eyes. "You are such an incredible man," she whispered. "And you are going to be such a good father."

"And you're going to be such a good mother, Nan." He leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss. "I'm so happy that you're going to be my wife."

She smiled against his lips. "You said yes," she whispered. "Even after everything."

"My answer would always have been yes," he told her, just before he kissed her again.

It was incredibly sexy, to watch her as she ground against him, as she muffled her groans and sighs against his skin. He could feel how wet she was, could see the desire and need in her eyes, and when she pushed herself up he helped her guide herself to him, and they both sighed as she took him inside her. He wished they could be together in a way that meant she didn't have to do all the work, where she could just relax... but she had definitely enjoyed him going down on her, so at least he had found one way.

She flushed as she began to ride him, and Ned could hear the springs creaking under them but decided that he definitely didn't want to interrupt her. "You feel so good," he told her, and she tipped her head back with a whimper as he moved his hand between them and began to rub his thumb against her clit. "So good, baby. I love you."

"I love you," she panted, and her nipples brushed against his chest. "Oh God, I love you so much."

They kissed and kissed, her fingers buried in his hair, his thumb stroking her clit, as she began to quiver against him, as he felt her inner flesh tighten and release around him. The springs were squeaking more loudly as she rode him faster, and Ned rubbed her with faster swipes. "Come," he begged her. "Come, sweetheart."

They collapsed together after they had come; her skin was damp with sweat and so was his, and he stroked her back as they gasped for breath. Her body was molded against his and he was still fully sheathed inside her, and only then did he feel a frisson of anxiety. The doctor hadn't said that they should _not_ have sex, or that they should stop having sex, and the developing baby was still so small...

Still.

He couldn't deny that being with her this way was intoxicating and incredible, and that he still felt amazed and humbled that she was putting aside her fear and anxiety to be with him, to make love to him. He buried his face against her neck and pressed kisses against her damp skin, and she released a soft chuckle, squirming against him in pleasure.

"I love you," he murmured, trailing kisses up to her earlobe, to the point of her jaw.

"Mmm. I love you," she murmured, running her fingers through his hair. He cradled her close to him, wishing they could just rest this way, but he still didn't trust her father or Hannah not to check on her in the morning.

Once they were cleaned up and dressed in their pajamas again, she nestled against him. "Why don't you stay," she murmured. "Stay for breakfast."

He chuckled. "In the same clothes I wore last night. That won't raise any red flags."

"I have a couple of your t-shirts here. You can change into one. No one will notice."

He knew she was being optimistic; he also didn't care. Soon enough, her father would know. "All right," he murmured. "Now go to sleep, Nan. You've definitely had a workout today."

She nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too, Nan. Forever."

\--

When Nancy rose in the morning, her stomach was already uneasy, and she wasn't sure what to blame. The thought of breakfast made her have to bow her head and take deep breaths, but she was also nervous about dinner and talking to her father. She smelled coffee, though.

When she returned from the bathroom, Ned was still deep asleep. She looked down at him, a happy warmth in her chest as she smiled. He was hers, and she couldn't help marveling at the love he still showered on her. His reassurance and support had helped dispel the fear, and imagining a life with him, the life they would soon share, helped even more.

She left one of his t-shirts at the foot of the bed for him and pulled on some pajama pants, stroking her palm over her still-flat belly before she tugged the waistband up. She dragged her hair into a ponytail and headed downstairs. As much as she wanted to linger in Ned's arms, she hadn't been able to see her father at breakfast in a while. He had been so busy, and she missed him.

He was seated at the breakfast table, a stack of papers at his elbow, and Nancy's heart sank. He was obviously still working on his trial preparations, and she didn't want to distract him. "Morning," she said quietly.

"Morning," he said, as she went to the refrigerator and took out the orange juice. "No coffee?"

She shook her head. "Um... I asked Ned to come over for breakfast," she said. "I don't know if you'll be around that long..."

Her father gave her an apologetic smile. "Maybe. With any luck we'll be able to have dinner on time tonight. I don't think the prosecutor has any more surprises waiting for me, but I'll see." He tilted his head. "I feel like we haven't been able to talk to each other in a while; we just pass each other coming in or out. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

She shook her head without even thinking about it. "I know you're busy," she said, her tone reassuring. "It's okay."

He shook his head. "After this one's over, I have some time on my calendar. Maybe we could plan something, if you and Ned aren't going somewhere..."

She had to give Ned props for pulling it off. He managed to sneak out of the house and come around to the front porch without alerting her father, and she only caught the small signs because she was listening for them: the faintest creak on the stairs, the almost imperceptible shift as he opened and closed a door. The front doorbell rang and she scrambled out of her seat, giving her father a smile. "I'll be right back, okay?"

He nodded, a rueful smile on his face. "So I guess that answers that question."

"Wait right there," she told her father.

Ned was running his fingers through his hair as she answered the door. "Remind me to bring a razor over here for the next time we try this," he muttered to her as she let him inside.

She squeezed his hand. "You don't have a lot of time, do you," she murmured.

He shook his head. "But I can at least have a cup of coffee before I go," he said.

"Good morning, Ned," Nancy's father said as he walked into the kitchen with Nancy.

Ned gave him a smile. "Sorry about the..." He gestured at himself, at the shadow of stubble on his cheeks. "I overslept a little but I didn't want to let Nancy down."

"I was just telling Nancy that it's been too long since we've been able to spend time together. But since you're out of school, you two are probably making plans..." Carson nodded at the engagement ring on Nancy's left hand.

When her father had asked her about that, she had told him that their plans were only preliminary at this point. They were well beyond that now.

Ned exchanged a look with her, and she saw his adam's apple bob. "We are," he said, sitting down as Nancy did. "We're discussing a ceremony in August."

Nancy could tell when her father was distracted. All the signs of it disappeared. He looked directly into Ned's face, and she could almost _feel_ him turning on the cross-examination part of his mind. "That's very soon."

Ned nodded. "Nancy," he said softly, and swallowed again.

He took a breath and Nancy's heart clenched as she squeezed his hand. "Dad, I'm pregnant," she said quietly. "And we—"

He held up a hand, palm toward her, and she immediately closed her mouth, her gaze locked to his face. She could feel tears gathering in her eyes, shimmering at the edges of her vision. Ned stroked his thumb over her knuckles, out of sight under the table. Her father looked at her and she sniffled. Then he looked at Ned.

The silence felt like it had lasted for hours, but she was sure it had only been a moment or two, when Hannah came in. "Good morning," she said. "Can I serve anyone coffee cake?"

Nancy couldn't tear her gaze from her father's face. She was terrified of what he was going to say. "No, thanks, Hannah," she managed to force out. Her father and Ned didn't answer.

"Well, it's right here on the counter," Hannah said, and Nancy could detect the note of forced cheer that had come into her voice once she sensed the tension in the room. "I'll just be in the den, then."

Nancy's father took a long, deep breath once the three of them were alone again. "You're pregnant," he repeated.

Nancy nodded. A tear streaked down her cheek, and she didn't bother wiping it away. "The doctor's confirmed it," she said. "I had an ultrasound done yesterday."

"You've been feeling bad—morning sickness." His voice sounded almost flat as he put the pieces together, all the clues he hadn't wanted to see, or maybe the ones he already had understood. "The ultrasound?"

"The baby's fine," she answered. "My due date is in January."

"And the two of you... Emerson?"

Ned nodded, and she let him speak up that time. "We're still planning on attending in the fall, and finding family housing on or near campus. I'm going to provide for her, and in January, once the baby's born, my schedule won't be as intense. I'll be there to raise our child." Nancy caught the faintest pause before he said "our," but his voice was firm.

Nancy's father shook his head slowly, then met her eyes. "This is a big decision," he said. "This will change the rest of your lives; this will change _everything._ And you... you're both so young..." He shook his head again. "Oh, oh my God."

Nancy sniffled again. "Dad," she whispered.

He sighed, then reached for her hand. She put her hand in his, and smiled when he reached for Ned's too. "I didn't want this for you," he said. "I just didn't want this for you. But it's happened. January, huh?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Are you happy?"

She took a breath. "I... I've been thinking really hard about what we should do, what _I_ should do... and this is what I want, Dad. I didn't know for sure until yesterday, but I... this is what I want. I want to marry Ned before the end of the summer; I want to be at Emerson with him. And if Ned hadn't been a hundred percent sure that he wanted to do this... but he is, and I know it will be hard, I _know_. But I couldn't..."

She choked up, and Ned spoke up. "As soon as we knew she was pregnant, I told her this was her choice, and I would support her whatever she decided. But I'm committed to her, no matter what. I'm going to be the best father I can be to our baby."

"And your parents..."

"I think they're just as nervous as you are, about this," Ned said frankly. "But my mother's focused on the wedding; she's already said that she would love to have the reception at our—at their house."

"We didn't tell them until last night, Dad. It's not like they've known for a long time."

"I suppose I should have asked," Carson said quietly, a humorless smile curving his lips. "When I saw you with an engagement ring, Nancy. I just... I've been focusing too hard on work. Not seeing what's right in front of me." He released another sigh and looked between them. "Would it be terribly inappropriate to invite your parents over for dinner tonight, Ned? So we can all talk about this?"

Nancy and Ned exchanged a glance. "I think they would like that," he said.

"The trial? You said—"

"Oh, sweetheart. I will _definitely_ make it home in time for this. Come hell or high water." He squeezed their hands and released them, then stood. "Ned... you have always been a source of strength and support for my daughter. Thank you for not making me reevaluate that opinion. I wish the two of you had waited... but there's nothing we can do about that now. All we can do is focus on giving you two all the support and love we can."

Nancy stood, her throat aching, and came over to her father, wrapping her arms around him. "Dad," she whispered, and buried her face against his shoulder as he hugged her in return. "Daddy, thank you for not being mad at me."

He patted her head gently. "As hard as it is for me to believe it sometimes, you're an adult," he said. "I never want to see you upset, honey. I knew you had been upset for the last little while, and I hope you're feeling better."

"Yeah." She sniffled and released him. "Thank you."

"Ned, if you can come tonight..."

He nodded. "Definitely. And I'll ask my parents, but I'm sure they will say yes."

Carson took another long breath and released it as a sigh. "All right. I'll see you for dinner."

As soon as Nancy's father had left the room, Nancy and Ned sat back down, simultaneously releasing long sighs of relief. Ned wrapped his arm around her waist and she laid her head on his shoulder. "All right," she said.

"That wasn't so bad."

"For you."

"What?" Ned whispered. "Are you joking? I was a glare away from curling up in a ball on the floor. Except that I didn't want to leave you to answer his questions all by yourself." He kissed the crown of her head. "I'm glad he reacted the way he did."

"Me too." She closed her eyes. "All right, Nickerson, you've done okay so far. But I think there's one more person we should probably tell today."

She smiled as she felt him swallow. "Oh?"

"And this one might be the hardest one." She paused for effect. "Hannah."

"Oh, you..." He gently tickled her side, and she squirmed, stifling her laughter against his shoulder. "She'll probably smack me with a broom while she starts baking something to keep your strength up. Psh." He paused. "Although George might deck me."

"True," Nancy pointed out, and yawned as she began to stand again. Now that the tension had broken, she was starting to relax. "Coffee cake?"

"Definitely. I'm going to need to keep _my_ strength up, Drew. But you stay here; I'll get it." He stood as she sat back down. "Do you want to try some? Or do you want something else?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. Still waiting for my stomach to calm down. You going to be waiting on me a lot, Nickerson?"

"I'm going to treat you like a _queen_ ," he told her. "Hire some people to carry you around on a lounge chair. Plus some armed guards, since I'm not foolish enough to think that you'll stop taking cases."

Just then, Hannah bustled into the kitchen. "Sit down!" she told Ned. "You're a _guest_ , Ned. I'll serve the cake, unless you'd like something else. Nancy?"

"I'm fine, Hannah. Thanks, though." When Ned sat down beside her again, she tilted her head and looked into his eyes. "About cases... I think I'll try to stick closer to home. So my favorite partner can help me out."

He reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles as he gazed into her eyes. "Good. Future Mrs. Nickerson."

She smiled. "Wow," she murmured.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Just a few months, sweetheart. And I can't wait."


	10. Chapter 10

Carson Drew stood in his bathroom, gazing at his reflection as he knotted his textured blue tie with quick, economical movements. He tightened it and glanced down at his watch. Five minutes before he needed to leave, and the house was quiet. Hannah and Nancy had already left for the party.

He was still finding it a little hard to believe. Nancy would be married in a few months. She was expecting a baby. He would be a grandfather in January, if her pregnancy went well.

He would be a _grandfather_.

For a few months now, he had been worried about Nancy. It had been vague, nebulous, and he hadn't been able to put it in words; it had been the persistent illness that he now knew had been morning sickness, the anxiety on her face when she had talked about her disagreement with Frank, the fragility he had seen in her. He had dismissed it, thinking that he was being too sensitive about it, that Nancy would tell him if something was seriously wrong. They had always been so close, and she was a living, breathing, tangible piece of his late wife.

And now she would be with Ned. His precious baby girl would be Ned's wife.

Carson honestly hadn't expected it. Oh, he had known it was possible, that if Ned and Nancy decided to have premarital sex that she might find she was pregnant. But he had never expected it of them. He had thought that they would practice safe sex. He had thought that he wouldn't be a grandfather for a few more years, that they wouldn't be marrying until after Ned completed his degree.

Since Nancy and Ned had told him about the pregnancy, though, it had seemed like a weight had come off her shoulders. Almost.

Carson didn't have the words for it. It was at times like this that he wished, more than usual, that Kate were still around. And Nancy was undoubtedly feeling scared and anxious; after all, she and Ned hadn't planned for a pregnancy before she had even started her first year of college.

But Carson didn't know what to say. He knew that Nancy had been distracted around him when she had been deciding what to do, and she hadn't felt comfortable discussing it with him. Carson supposed it hadn't been his choice to make at all, that she didn't need his input because it was her decision to make.

And that concerned him a little, too. But then, Kate wasn't Nancy. Maybe Nancy didn't feel the same way her mother had about having children. He just didn't quite understand the anxiety he had sensed and was still sensing in her.

They hadn't planned on this. Hannah and James and Edith and Carson were coordinating and helping organize a wedding at the end of the summer, the small, elegant affair Nancy and Ned wanted. The guest list for today's engagement party was small too, limited to immediate family and the few close friends who would be guests at the wedding. There would be other events, showers and impromptu celebrations, but not yet.

He didn't know why _he_ was feeling anxious about it. Maybe because it was the first quasi-public acknowledgement of Nancy and Ned's hasty wedding, the implication of her condition that Carson was pretty sure was an open secret at this point. Anyone who was invited to the wedding had already likely been informed of the circumstances.

At least her partner was Ned. Carson comforted himself with that. Maybe he had committed a grievous error in judgement, but in almost every other way, Ned had always seemed like a loving, supportive partner for his daughter. If he had to be giving his baby girl away, at least it was to him.

He just wished that he had heard from her own lips, while they were alone, that she had no fear or misgivings about her decision. He decided to ask her about it that night, or the next day. If Nancy wasn't ready to be married but she still wanted to have their child, Carson would make sure that she understood he would support her and love her, that she didn't _have_ to marry Ned. Not unless she was sure she was ready.

The party venue was the Royal Hotel; Nancy and Ned had exchanged a loaded glance Carson couldn't interpret when he had told them, and he thought that it probably meant Nancy and Ned had worked on a case there. He hoped it wasn't where they had been the night she conceived the baby.

Carson didn't want to think about that. He really didn't.

He was just going to focus on the here and now, and giving his daughter and her future husband the best experience he could. He thought they had a real chance at being happy together, despite the circumstances. Maybe they needed some time to make sure this was the right decision, and he was more than happy to make sure they had it, but he wanted that for them.

Ned's parents and Carson were throwing the party, but party planning was definitely Hannah's domain; he had given her permission to make whatever decisions she wanted. As soon as he walked into the hotel, Carson saw the listing for a private party on the directory board.

"So nice to see you again, Mr. Drew." The concierge circled the desk and approached him, and Carson smiled. Hannah had trusted him to book the venue, but that had been practically his only contribution to today's party that wasn't solely financial. "I hope everything is in order for your event. If anything is amiss, please do not hesitate to let me know so I can correct it."

"Excellent. Thank you."

The concierge nodded eagerly, and Carson slotted his hands into his pockets as he walked toward the smaller event rooms. The hotel was luxuriously appointed, and his loafers nearly sank into the plush carpet. He was greeted by a group of businessmen leaving the hotel's bar, and a few other people he knew, before he found the right room.

_Congratulations, Nancy and Ned!_

Carson couldn't help smiling when he saw the room and the large banner posted on the opposite wall. He knew that James and Edith were nervous too, but absolutely nothing about their demeanor or the party itself showed it. The long buffet tables were decorated with white linens and silver wedding bells. He saw blue and pink gift bags on one table, and the menu Hannah and Edith had painstakingly planned was realized on the other table. He saw a pile of homemade peanut butter and chocolate candies, salad with roasted chopped chicken and crackers, pasta salad, and fruit salad. Champagne flutes and champagne bottles had even been put on display, along with water and lemonade for those who wouldn't be drinking.

And Nancy... his smile was even wider when he saw her. She wore a beautiful pale-violet lace dress with a satin sash cinched around her waist, and a cream-colored band in her hair. Her mother's pearl necklace was fastened around her neck, and she wore pearl earrings and a bracelet to match. She looked pretty and summery and happy, and her eyes shone. Ned was beside her, in light gray slacks and a blue dress shirt. His fingers were laced through hers, and he smiled every time he looked over at her.

Carson couldn't care less about Ned's feelings on the marriage, but when he saw the way Ned looked at his daughter, he was pretty sure he already knew. Ned didn't worship the ground Nancy walked on, by any means, but he adored her. He was a smart, mature young man who had a future in front of him. Carson prayed this wouldn't interfere.

But when _this_ meant an infant, a baby who would be half his daughter's and thus a part of Kate, he couldn't think of it that way. Somehow, it would work out. It would be all right.

George and Bess approached him soon after he went over to greet James and Edith. "It's very nice to see you, Mr. Drew," Bess said with a smile. She wore a pretty sprigged summer dress, and George wore khaki pants and a coral shirt.

"It's nice to see you two as well," Carson said, his eyes sparkling. "I'm glad you were here to celebrate the occasion."

Bess and George glanced at each other, and Carson knew they knew. They were Nancy's best friends, after all. "I still can't believe the wedding is only a few months away," Bess commented. "It's just so fast..."

Carson nodded. "It is," he said. "But if that's what they want..."

He had met Ned's friends Mike and Howie in passing before, but he shook hands with them when Ned introduced them. He was just turning when the meeting room's door opened again, and another guest walked in.

Which didn't make any sense. Carson had already known everyone who was supposed to be there. Then again, the two men who walked in were familiar to him.

He turned to Nancy, and he saw it immediately: all the color drained out of her face in one swift fall, and she actually swayed a little. Ned was gripping her arm, and he took a half-step in front of her, like he was protecting her.

The door drifted closed behind Frank and Joe Hardy. Frank took a few steps into the room, and his gaze was locked on Nancy.

"It's my baby, isn't it."

And it all crystallized, as Carson heard those words, the quiet certainty in Frank's voice. The look on her face, that fragility and fear he had sensed in her, the panic he had heard in her voice when she had begged him not to let Frank into their home.

He could sense movement beside him, but he didn't care. Carson closed the distance between himself and Frank in four long strides and decked him.

\--

Nancy felt sick, but it was more than that; even during her worst bouts of morning sickness, she had never felt like this.

He was _here_. He had said it, in front of everyone, and even if she didn't say anything, now they would know. She felt weak in the knees as Ned darted forward, and she was grateful that Bess and George rushed to flank her and support her before she collapsed.

Then her father punched Frank in the face, with Ned only a half-step behind him, murder in his eyes.

Nancy took a deep breath, afraid to look away from the scene unfolding in front of her. She had expected questioning glances and accusations; she hadn't expected her father to _immediately_ attack Frank. Or anyone, for that matter.

Then Bess and George embraced her protectively, still helping support her, and Ned's parents and friends moved between Nancy and Frank. Hannah came up behind Nancy.

"Are you all right, sweetheart? Do you need a seat?"

Nancy shook her head slowly, her gaze still locked on Frank and Ned and her father. "No thanks, Hannah," she whispered, her voice flat with distraction.

Frank groaned and sat up a little, glaring up at Ned. "This is your fault," he told Nancy's fiancé.

"Really, Hardy? This should be good." Ned's tone was ice-cold; the barely restrained fury in it made Nancy shiver, and not with pleasure. She was afraid of what was about to happen.

But, in some strange, perverse way, she felt almost relieved. She hadn't been able to bring herself to respond to any of Frank's messages or calls. He apparently hadn't been able to figure out the more subtle signals, or the anger behind Ned's call. Now he would have no excuse.

"You've stopped her from talking to me, I know you have." Frank sounded just as angry as Ned did, and Nancy's heart gave one strange, hard anxious beat as Frank looked over at her. "Baby, don't you see? This means we were _meant_ to be together. You and me, sweetheart. Don't let him tell you what to do."

Nancy opened her mouth and found herself completely speechless for a moment. "What?"

Frank pushed himself up. Ned and Carson looked like they would happily take turns beating the shit out of him, if that were possible. "We need to talk."

Nancy shook her head. "Absolutely not," she said, her voice a bit stronger.

"Alone," Frank added. "So he can't make you say what he wants, so we can be honest with each other."

Nancy's heart skipped a beat again. It had been months since the night the baby had been conceived, but that didn't make the pain or the terror of the circumstances any less awful. She couldn't be alone with him. She just couldn't. She couldn't trust him, and she didn't want him anywhere near her.

"I won't leave," Frank told her. His intelligent eyes were alight. "I need to talk to you."

"I'm calling the police," Nancy's father said. His voice sounded just as cold and furious as Ned's, and Nancy felt such a rush of gratitude that tears flooded her eyes. Everyone in the room other than Frank and Joe was working to defend her against them, physically or verbally or both. She had been so afraid that it wouldn't be this way.

"It's a free country. I have the right to talk to her."

"Not if she doesn't want you to, you don't."

"You really want to call the police? With half a dozen witnesses to the assault you just committed?" Frank retorted.

Ned took another half-step toward him. Nancy was gratified to see the other man flinch a little. "No one in this room saw anything," he growled. "And since you don't learn your lessons easily, Hardy, I think maybe another round could be in order."

Joe took a step forward, as though to stand between Ned and Frank; Nancy took a step forward too. Her heart was racing, and the tears that had flooded her eyes had fallen down her cheeks. "I'll talk to you," she said, hoping her voice was soothing without giving him any false hope. "But I want Ned there."

Ned crossed his arms with a firm nod. Frank shook his head. "No way. All he does is poison you against me."

Nancy shook her head, frustrated. "He doesn't," she said, almost pleadingly. "Frank..."

But she couldn't do it without Ned, she knew she couldn't.

"Nan, if you want..." George said quietly. "We can come with you."

"And make sure nothing happens," Bess added, her voice low but firm. Between the two cousins, George had always been the more skilled fighter, but Nancy knew from experience that if she was in trouble, Bess and George would both fight tooth and nail to help her.

Nancy took a deep breath and looked at Ned. His dark-eyed gaze was directly on her, his brows furrowed in concern. "You don't have to do this," he mouthed.

She walked over to him, Bess and George still flanking her, and wrapped her arms around him. Her heart was still racing. "He won't stop," she whispered into her fiancé's ear, as he embraced her in return. "Let's just finish this. Put it behind us."

"We have."

She pulled back and looked up into his face and almost started crying in earnest. She had already been so emotional, and seeing the tenderness in his expression made her chest hurt with tears. "After today, we will," she said. "I don't want this hanging over us the rest of our lives. Bess and George will come with me."

Frank and Joe were in whispered, almost snarled, conversation near the door; when Frank glanced back at her expectantly, she shuddered, and Ned didn't release her.

"This isn't good for you. What he's doing isn't good for you. If he cared about you at all—"

"I know." She cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss against his lips. "I'll be right back. And then we can celebrate, okay? Though I might need to be sitting down the entire time."

Ned searched her eyes for a long moment, then nodded and returned her kiss. "But he won't take you out of this hotel," Ned said, his voice firm. "I'll be right there. If anything happens you call for me and I'll be in there in two seconds."

"And so will I." Nancy glanced over at her father, who wore the most intimidating expression she had seen in quite some time. She patted her father's arm, and Ned took a long deep breath before he let her go.

He turned to George. "Don't let him touch her."

"I won't," George replied, her voice just as firm and dangerous as Ned's.

The small meeting room beside the one they were using was unoccupied, and Frank opened the door, gesturing for Nancy to walk inside. Bess and George were right behind her, holding her hands; Ned was standing right beside the door, and Joe was out there too. Even if Joe tried to keep Ned from coming in, she doubted he could stop both Ned and her father. Ned's dark eyes were troubled in her last glimpse of them.

But of course they were. Their plans were falling down now. Everyone knew what had happened to her.

Nancy took a long deep breath and followed Frank into the room, her two oldest friends by her side.

As soon as Frank closed the door, Nancy's stomach somersaulted. She felt very close to the same kind of panic she had felt the day she had fled Florida and driven to Emerson as fast as she could, but at least Ned was nearby now.

"Nancy," Frank said, and in the short glimpse of his face that she forced herself to take, she saw pleading and confusion there. He opened his arms and stepped toward her, and she took a step back, drawing in a deep breath before she forced herself to stop cowering, to stop hunching over. She straightened her spine and brought her chin up, but she still couldn't make herself look at his face. She was too anxious to look above his chin.

When Frank took another step toward her, ignoring her distress, Bess's grip tightened on Nancy's hand and George took a quick step toward Frank. "You leave her alone, right now," George said, her voice low and tight. "Or what Mr. Drew did to you will feel like a kiss in comparison."

Frank shook his head. "All right," he said grudgingly. "Nan... please look at me. Please."

She tried to bring her gaze up, but she heard a whimper and realized she was making it. She felt so frustrated; she knew that Bess and George would protect her, that she would protect herself, but she still couldn't force herself to look fully into his face. "Just say what you need to say," she said, and she was proud that her voice only trembled a little.

"Why haven't you answered my notes? The calls? The flowers I sent, did you even get them? Has he been intercepting everything? Because that's the only explanation that makes sense to me."

Frank sounded angry, and Nancy squeezed Bess's hand again. "Because there was nothing to say," she said, her voice almost even.

"Nothing to say?" Frank tilted his head, trying to get her to look into his eyes. "Baby, what has he done to you?"

"Him?" Anger galvanized her, and her voice was shaking, her cheeks flushed as she finally looked into Frank's face. "What has _he_ done? What... after what happened at that party, when we were in Florida..."

"Exactly," Frank said, his voice earnest.

"Frank... what do you remember about that night?"

She tried to control her voice, but she could still hear the anger trembling faintly in it. Frank shook his head.

"Well, some of it's a little blurry, but I do remember that you _wanted_ to be with me, and I knew that you had finally started to understand."

Nancy shook her head, a pair of tears slipping down her cheeks. "What do you mean, I wanted to be with you?"

"The..." He made a gesture. "I know I shouldn't have been listening, but when you were on the phone? In the lobby before the party? I remember you saying that you were finally ready to take that step with me."

Nancy shook her head slowly. She couldn't imagine what he was possibly talking about. The only man she had ever thought about taking that step with—

Bess gently squeezed her hand. "Oh my God," she whispered. "When we were talking on the phone that night—"

Nancy's mouth dropped open. "You mean when I was on the phone with Bess? If she and I were talking about that—we were talking about _Ned._ "

Bess nodded vigorously. "Always. It was always about Ned. I remember. Because when she came back I asked if anything had happened..."

Frank shook his head, but through his stubbornness she could see that faint, thin thread of doubt in his expression. "No... I mean, you were confused, but—"

"Confused? What do you mean?"

Frank glanced down. "Well, you were really out of it when we went to bed, but—but I _knew_ that was how you felt. It was incredible, Nancy. And I knew we were meant to be together. I'm even more sure of it now. When I found out you were pregnant..."

"How did you find out?" Bess asked, and Nancy dimly heard it through her shock. _It was incredible._ He had known what he was doing, but it had all been based on a misunderstanding.

A fucking misunderstanding.

She shook her head a little. No. He had deliberately twisted her words, because she couldn't have been more clear about her feelings. He had heard what he wanted to hear, and she wasn't to blame for that. She _wasn't_.

"...I know I shouldn't've, but I was just so worried about you." Nancy brought her gaze up, forcing herself to breathe slowly, to see the anxious expression on his face. "When Ned called me, I knew he was responsible for this. You should have stayed after the party, Nan. When I woke up and you were gone..."

Nancy shook her head vehemently. "No. _No._ Frank, it's over, all right? There was never anything between us, not in the past _year_ , that hasn't just been in your head. When I was on the phone with Bess, we were talking about _Ned_ , not you. And one of the few things I remember about that party and that night is that you—that I missed Ned _so much_ , and you didn't want to take no for an answer. You _didn't_ take no for an answer. You—" She could hear her voice start to shake, and her throat was aching with tears, and it took _so, so_ much strength to force the words out. "You raped me."

Bess made a small distressed noise. George put her hand on Nancy's forearm, glaring at Frank.

Frank's face paled, and he immediately shook his head. "No. Nancy..."

She choked, and her eyes filled with the tears she could no longer hold back. "You _did_ ," she sobbed out. "I didn't want to have sex with you that night, Frank. I didn't. I was drunk out of my mind and you took advantage of me. I wasn't confused; I was trying to fight you off and you _bruised_ me." She choked again. "You _hurt_ me."

Frank's face had gone from white to flushed red. "No," he said, but that was all.

Nancy took a deep breath. "No one forced me not to answer your messages; I was so hurt and afraid of you that I didn't want to have any contact with you ever again. After today, I don't ever want to see you again."

Frank shook his head a few times. "But you... but the baby," he said, and Nancy's heart sped up again, in fear. "Maybe... maybe I... maybe I misunderstood, but if you're having my baby... this can't be the end of us. It's a sign, Nan. We're meant to be together."

She shook her head vehemently again. " _No._ I'm meant to be with Ned. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, Frank. I told him what happened to me and he didn't judge me or condemn me over it. He loves me. And this child... this child is _our_ child, his and mine, and that's the _end_ of it. End of story."

"And if I request a paternity test."

Nancy felt her knees begin to buckle and tightened her grip on Bess's hand. "Why would you do that?" she said, forcing a calm she didn't feel into her voice. "You aren't cut out to be a father, Frank. Not like this. You need someone like Callie and I need Ned. Because he... he's going to raise this child and love it like his own, even though _he doesn't have to._ He _wants_ to _._ Because he _let me make this choice._ Not like you."

When she looked into Frank's eyes, she saw desperation there. "So you made a choice to keep my baby. And that's not a sign?"

She shook her head. "I didn't ask for this," she said, her throat aching. "This baby didn't ask to be conceived. I'm not going to take one terrible, awful event and let it poison my life. I'm not going to let it separate me from the man I love, not if he's still willing to be with me. I'm not keeping _your_ baby. I'm choosing not to terminate my pregnancy and I'm choosing to be honest with the man I love, who has been an incredible, kind, caring, supportive person through all of this. What you did to me, it could have driven me and Ned further apart. Instead, we're closer. We're planning a life together."

Frank shook his head. "Nan..."

She clenched her empty hand. "If you care about me," she whispered, another tear streaking down her cheek, "let me go. If you care at all about my happiness or about the baby I'm carrying, let me go."

He just gazed at her, his eyes filling with tears. "Please," he whispered. "I... I don't know how."

\--

As soon as Frank, Nancy, Bess and George had walked into the small room, Ned, Joe, and Carson took up positions just outside the door, with Ned and Carson closest to walking through. Joe leaned against the opposite wall and looked down, then hung his head.

Ned was straining to hear through the door. His entire body was tense, waiting for any sign that Nancy needed help. It took him a moment to realize what Joe muttered.

"Look, I'm really sorry about this."

Ned's head jerked up. "Oh?"

Joe shrugged. "Frank's been..." He sighed. "I don't know. Obsessed. I did what I could to keep him in check, but I've honestly never seen him like this. I was hoping that today... that maybe everything would be resolved today. One way or the other."

Ned raised his eyebrows. "Nancy and I are engaged. I thought that was a pretty clear sign that things _were_ resolved."

"Not to him." Joe sighed again. "He's my brother and I love him, but I'll be glad when he's worked through this. I don't know if Callie will ever be able to speak to him again; I know he hurt her a lot when he broke things off with her."

Carson crossed his arms. "He's been stalking my daughter."

Joe winced. "I wouldn't call it that," he said slowly. "But I can see how it might have looked like that."

"He attacked her."

Ned glanced over at his father-in-law. His face was like granite. Ned didn't know what to say. He had agreed with Nancy that it was her choice, whether to tell anyone about what had happened to her. Frank had likely taken that decision out of her hands, but it was her story to tell, not his.

Joe flushed and didn't say anything for a moment. "I don't know what happened," he said, and he sounded defensive.

"But you guessed," Ned said, before he could stop himself. "You had an idea, after the party. When she was gone. You let him take her to a bedroom while she was too drunk to do anything to fight him off."

Ned's voice was rising. Joe's eyes were blazing. "I didn't know anything about that until the next day," Joe said. "By then she was gone."

Ned thinned his lips and shook his head. If he said anything else, Ned thought he might deck him, just like Carson had decked Frank. In fact, Ned desperately wanted to punch Frank in the face, regardless of what happened behind the closed door.

A long moment later, Joe cleared his throat. "He was convinced that it would be a grand romantic gesture, to come here," he said softly. "That he would come in like some knight in shining armor and save her from..."

"From me," Ned filled in, when Joe didn't finish. "She doesn't need to be saved, Joe. Not by you or Frank. And when she needed protection the most, I wasn't there for her. I will always wish I had been. I will always wish that things had been different. He could make all the grand romantic gestures he wanted, for all I cared—but it's too late, now.

"I actually felt kind of sorry for him. Then this happened. He's used up all his goodwill, as far as I'm concerned."

Joe swallowed. "I can understand that."

Carson's voice was low, but firm. "And you decided not to tell me."

Ned clenched and unclenched his fist. "She decided. Sir."

During the following lull, the three of them heard footsteps approaching the door, and it opened to reveal Bess. "Ned," she said, and gestured for him to come in.

Nancy's face was wet and flushed; so was Frank's, but Ned didn't care. He crossed to Nancy. "Are you all right?"

She nodded. He wrapped his arms around her and she swayed a little, leaning against him. "I'm okay," she said softly. "But I needed you to be here for this."

"Here for what?" His stomach flipped.

Nancy looked over at Frank, then looked down. "Joe," she said.

"Yeah?"

She slipped the band out of her hair, brushed it back, then replaced the band. Ned reached into his pocket and found a tissue, which she accepted gratefully and used to blot at her cheeks. "Ned and I, from this day on, do not want to have any contact with Frank," she said. "I do not. We will send photos and information about the baby to you, Joe. He can pass that on to Frank if he so wishes."

"O—okay," Joe stammered out, clearly surprised.

"Ned, is that okay with you?"

He released a breath. "If that's what you want, yes," he said.

Nancy sniffled. "Frank?"

Frank was visibly upset. Ned kept an arm wrapped around his fiancée, glaring at him. He had _raped_ her. As far as Ned was concerned, he was lucky that Nancy hadn't decided to press charges against him—and the only reason Ned wasn't pressing her to do it was the obvious distress that idea caused her.

"That's more than you deserve," Ned told him, when he didn't respond. "It's more than I would have chosen to give you."

"And you'd actually forbid me from seeing my child. You'd do that."

Ned took a step toward Frank. "The baby Nancy is carrying is not your child," he said. "Understand that. The baby is _our_ child, hers and mine. I love her and I'm going to provide for her and love her and we're going to raise our child together. _You_ don't get the fucking right to call yourself a father when you _forced yourself_ on her. When you _hurt her_ the way you did. I told you what would happen if you kept upsetting her, and here you are. And I would _love_ to beat the shit out of you. For starters."

Nancy sniffled. "We're putting this behind us," she murmured to him.

Frank was glaring at Ned when Carson took a step toward him. "Don't do this, Frank," he said, his arms crossed. "Walk away and count yourself lucky for anything Nancy chooses to grant you. Apparently Nancy doesn't want this to go to court, and that's her choice, but if it gets there? I will take _everything_ from you. I'll track down every single witness and get them on the stand to talk about your reprehensible behavior. I'll bring up your pattern of behavior over the past few months and your instability. I'll ask them to put you away for a long time. And you will _still_ be lucky, because I swear to you that given the chance, I'd make sure Ned had to wait in line. You are worse than scum, for what you did to her."

Frank clearly wanted to retort, to go along with the narrative he had going on in his head, that his and Nancy's relationship would thrive in spite of all obstacles. Ned could see it in his face. He thrived on their anger. He saw it as another way to prove the way he felt about her.

Ned slid his hand down and rested it protectively over Nancy's lower belly, and she leaned against his side. Then she rested her hand over his.

"Let me go," she said quietly. "I want to move on with my life, Frank. I never want to see you again. There are no signs; there will be no signs." Then she sighed. "The only sign for me was when I woke up and realized that... about what happened the night of the party, and it was the clearest sign in the world that the way you felt about me wasn't just awkward, that it was dangerous. What you call _love_ has caused me more pain and heartbreak than I've ever known. The best thing you can do for me now is to walk away, and know that I will be safe and happy and loved, with Ned."

Frank gazed at her face and shook his head. "But I could make you happy," he said, his voice soft and pleading.

"She's _already_ happy," Bess interjected. "As happy as she can be, given the circumstances."

"And all you've done is demonstrate over and over that you don't care about what _she_ wants, just about what _you_ want," George added. "She's told you what she wants. If you keep pushing, all you're doing is proving you don't love her."

Nancy sighed and shook her head as she gazed at Frank. "No, you can't _make_ me happy," she told him, her voice quiet but firm. "Not you. Goodbye, Frank. If I see you again, I'll ask my father to do what he feels best."

Ned began to move with her as she turned toward the door. "And when you change your mind—"

Ned had to bite back his immediate retort to Frank's comment. It would only feed into Frank's fantasy. Ned still had his arm around Nancy and his hand over her belly when she turned to Frank.

"Goodbye," she repeated. Then she took a breath and they walked out together, with Bess and George following them. Ned heard Carson saying something before he walked out, too.

"Thanks," Nancy told Bess and George. "I don't know what I would have done without you guys."

"I'm just glad we could help," George said. "Part of me wishes he had tried something... God, I can't believe him."

"Me either," Bess agreed. "Nan, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

As soon as they were back in the room for the party, Nancy sagged against Ned and he wrapped his arms around her again. "It's okay," he whispered, as he felt her trembling. "It's okay. Shh. Here, come sit down. It's okay."

Edith had been waiting near the door; she rushed over to them. "Is everything all right? Nancy, sweetheart?"

Ned's hand was in hers, and she glanced up as Bess and George and her father walked in. "They're gone," her father reported. "I told security that if either of them entered the hotel again, to have them arrested immediately."

Nancy blew out a trembling breath and nodded her thanks to her father, then looked around the room. Ned's parents, Hannah, and Mike and Howie didn't know what had just happened. All five of them looked concerned and inquisitive, but they also looked too afraid to talk about it.

She reached up and blotted at her damp cheeks with the already crumpled tissue. "The guy who just walked in here," she began, and cleared her throat. "He, uh... a few months ago we were at a party and he... he raped me."

His father had pulled up a seat for him, and Ned sank into it, then wrapped his arm securely around Nancy. Around them, their friends and family registered shock and anger. Ned saw from the expressions on Howie and Mike's faces that if he wanted to arrange a little trip later, they would be willing to accompany him, and do more than just observe.

"When I found out I was pregnant, um... Ned and I decided to..."

"That the baby was ours. That was it."

Nancy nodded. "And that information doesn't leave this room," she said firmly. "Okay? I... I know... I'm sorry we lied. I'm sorry _I_ lied. But we were talking about getting married before this happened..."

"And I intend to help her raise the baby and love it and care for it, because as far as I'm concerned, the baby _is_ mine. Mine and hers."

Ned's mother took a breath, then kneeled down at their feet and looked at both of them. "Oh, my loves," she said quietly, resting her hands on their knees. "Sweetheart. I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Nancy sniffled and accepted the hug Ned's mother gave her. He rubbed her back too as she gasped in muffled sobs. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Nan." Bess rubbed her back too. "I wish you'd been able to talk to me about it. When you told me when you were due... well, the math didn't make sense, and I didn't understand it."

Nancy brought her head up. Ned had found another tissue in his pocket and handed it to her. "I didn't... I hated misleading all of you but I just... it's been so hard to talk about."

"And I think we were kind of hoping that _he_ wouldn't question it, if we did it this way," Ned explained quietly.

"So there's no question about the actual paternity of the baby," Carson said quietly.

Nancy took a deep breath and shook her head. "There's no question," she whispered.

"Oh, Nancy. Sweetheart." He reached for her and pulled her into a long hug. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what these last few months have been like for you, and for Ned too. I'm so sorry. He won't hurt you anymore."

It took Nancy a few minutes to recover, after everyone said how sorry they were for what had happened. Ned took her hand and she looked over at him, and gave him a smile. "Okay," she said. "I think we were here for a party. I'm sorry we were interrupted."

Edith took a deep breath and put a smile on her face. Ned had never thought that she would reject Nancy or the baby if she found out the truth, and she showed no sign of doing so now. "We do have something to celebrate," she said. "And we have a lot to plan. Mrs. Gruen has prepared a delicious meal for us—"

Hannah shook her head in protest. "If by that you mean that you did more than half the work. It looks incredible. I can't wait to try it."

Nancy smiled, and Ned couldn't help smiling too. Hannah and Edith would be like this, and Ned could already imagine how much they would spoil the baby, that they would both eagerly volunteer to babysit when they could.

It took a little time, but eventually the atmosphere was almost as relaxed and cheerful as it had been before Frank's entrance. Ned insisted on making Nancy a plate from the buffet, once she was seated in a place of honor at the table, with her glittery bride-to-be sash draped over her. Ned wore a matching groom-to-be sash, though he didn't wear the plastic silver tiara and short length of tulle that Nancy did.

She gave him a small smile. "Can we make a deal?" she murmured.

"Probably," he said, smiling back.

"This was our second incident at the Royal Hotel," she said. "We are not having the wedding anywhere near here, all right? Not meeting anyone for drinks here, or holding the rehearsal dinner, or using the pool..."

Ned chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "This place does seem to be bad luck for us," he agreed.

She kissed his cheek. "Stay with me tonight," she whispered against his skin, and he could feel the faint trembling in her. It had taken her a lot, to discuss what had happened to her, to talk to Frank; he thought that only sheer will and determination was keeping her from collapsing.

"Of course I will," he whispered in reply, and rubbed her upper arm. "Of course I will, honey. I love you."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I love you too," she murmured. "You're the only reason I've made it through this, because no matter what, you've never walked away. And anyone else could have, but without you..."

He kissed her forehead and adjusted her crown. "And now it's behind us," he told her softly. "Now we just have our life together to build, and a baby to prepare for."

Mike and Howie could only spend a few hours at the party, but the girls and Ned's parents and Hannah and Carson spent the afternoon there with them, talking about the plans for the wedding. Mike and Howie just needed to know the time and place and what to wear; they would be there, no matter what.

About thirty minutes after Mike's departure, Ned received a text message from him. _We'll be in Chicago tonight if you want to hang out - esp if you want to deal with someone who might need it. jlmk._

Ned smiled down at his phone. He was really tempted to take his friends up on the offer. _Meet for brunch tomorrow? Need to hang out w/Nan tonight. Thx._

_Starting married life early huh? ;)_

_Maybe, but that's ok. :)_

He could tell Nancy was tired after Mike and Howie left, but she didn't say anything. He had been reading up on pregnancy, and once she was in her second trimester she would probably have more energy and she would feel better. He hoped so. He didn't want her to feel nauseated and tired during their wedding or their honeymoon, if they could help it.

By the end of the party, together they had decided that the reception would be held at Ned's parents' house, and the ceremony would be held in Nancy's father's church. The restricted guest list meant that they wouldn't need to find a bigger venue, and Ned knew part of his parents' offer to host the reception was to show their support for the marriage even though they now knew the truth about the circumstances. Ned had come to the party with his parents, and so he stayed behind after to help his mother gather up dishes and tidy up the room. Ned glanced over while he was folding a tablecloth and saw his father talking to Nancy; he was gratified when he saw his father hug her.

Considering how often he had been ending up in Nancy's bed, Ned had left an overnight bag at her father's house, and he accepted Hannah's offer of a ride back to the Drew home. Nancy had told him that her father wanted to talk to her on the way home, and so she would see him there. Ned made sure she was comfortable with it, even though he knew he couldn't insist on accompanying her. He thought that maybe Nancy wouldn't feel comfortable with both of them in the car.

He kissed his parents goodbye and quietly promised to call them in the morning, then helped Hannah finish loading her car. Hannah seemed a little distracted, which Ned understood. It had taken him a long time to adjust to what had happened to Nancy, too.

"I think the party went well," Hannah said, after she and Ned were seated in her car and strapped in. "For the most part, anyway."

Ned nodded. "I really appreciated everything you did today, and I know Nancy did too. Thank you."

Hannah shook her head, then glanced over at him. "You're welcome. You're both welcome." She sniffled and coughed.

"So she... she's not okay, is she. How could she be."

Ned looked down at his hands. "She's better," he said softly. "Or, she was. Maybe his showing up today set her back, I don't know. But there's a part of her..." He swallowed hard, unsure about whether he should even talk about it, if it was a violation of her privacy. She still felt guilty and embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened to her. She was still afraid of Frank—not from any nascent romantic feelings she might still harbor, but because he had hurt her so much.

"She's... been better," he finally said, and then nodded slightly.

Hannah sniffled again. "The poor dear," she murmured. "My heart broke for her today. And she told you when it happened?"

Ned nodded. "The next day."

Hannah sighed and shook her head. "I know that a lot of men wouldn't be able to do what you're doing," she told him. "And I'm kind of surprised... that between the two of you, you didn't decide to—that you weren't ready for a baby."

Ned shrugged. "It was her choice," he said. "I told her that I would support her no matter what choice she made, and I meant it. She decided that she wanted to try to carry the pregnancy to term and keep the baby, and I'd told her that I would be happy to be the baby's father. That's all there is to it."

"Even though you know what happened. You'll be able to look past it."

He shrugged. "The baby growing inside her is half the woman I love. She'll be my wife, and in every way save the minor question of biology, I will be her child's father. There's no looking past anything. After what happened today... well, I'd almost love for Frank to try to approach her again, as long as I was able to intercept him and deal with him before he could upset her."

Hannah glanced over at him. "I can't believe he did that to her," she said. "I... I feel like I never knew him at all, now, if he could have done that."

"I hate every time I was ever nice to him," Ned admitted. "He fooled me. He fooled all of us. I thought his crush on Nancy was harmless..." He bowed his head.

Hannah patted his arm. "We were all fooled," she reassured him. "We didn't know. When Mr. Drew told me that I wasn't supposed to let Frank visit or talk to Nancy, I just thought they'd had some kind of disagreement. Now, you can bet I'll call the police if I even _sense_ that he might be around." She nodded to herself.

Once they had arrived, Ned was helping Hannah carry containers into the kitchen. "I'll be right back," he told her, and she nodded as she began putting things away in the refrigerator.

Ned had seen a white rectangle on the front door in a glance when she had pulled in. He hoped that it was just a notice for a missed package delivery or something similarly innocuous, but his stomach was sinking anyway.

He recognized the handwriting on the slender envelope. Nancy's name, in Frank's scrawl. _At least it wasn't attached to a vase of roses this time,_ he thought sourly, then shook his head.

Mr. Drew's car pulled into the driveway just then, and Ned held the envelope by his fingertips, debating about what to do. He decided not to hide it, but to turn it over to Carson. If her father did decide to press charges on Nancy's behalf, he would need all the help he could get.

Most of Nancy's color had come back, but she was still a little pale as she walked in with her father, smoothing the skirt of her dress. "Hey Ned," she said with a smile.

Ned gave her a smile too, then turned to Carson. "This was taped to the front door," he said, handing it over. "I haven't opened it."

Carson's expression was already serious; it turned grave as he accepted the envelope, handling it with his fingertips. "Sweetheart?"

She shook her head, and Ned wrapped his arm around her. She was still shaken from the afternoon's events. "I don't want to see it," she said.

Ned guided her to the couch and sat down with her. "Doing okay?" he murmured as she rested her head on his shoulder again.

"Yeah." She sighed. "I... Dad just wanted to make sure that we—that I wasn't marrying you because of the pregnancy. He was so sweet about it... he told me that I could stay here with him and he would support me and love me, and the baby."

"I bet that was tempting," he said quietly, his fingers stroking against the side of her belly.

"Mmm. Maybe it would have been." She reached up and took the band out of her hair. "It was good for me to hear it, though."

"And I saw that my dad was talking to you, too."

"Yeah." She sniffled and reached up to brush her fingertips against her cheeks. "Oh, Ned..."

He wrapped her in his arms and stroked her back as she trembled, making soothing sounds as he nuzzled against her cheek. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay. You're safe, you're both safe. I love you."

She sniffled. "I love you too," she whispered. "I was so scared."

"And you did so well," he told her. "You were so strong today, and I was so proud of you. I would have just knocked him down. But he was able to see you say it. And if he has the nerve to come near you again, I'm not stopping. I won't. I will do everything in my power to make sure you're safe."

She kissed his cheek, then moved back a little. "Dad," she said, her voice wavering a little, and Ned turned to see her father standing there.

"It's okay," he told her. "I might call Chief McGinnis and just make sure some patrols are in the area tonight, but I'd prefer for you to stay here just in case."

She nodded. "I think I'm going to get freshened up," she said, and stood.

"Can I get you anything? Lemonade?" Ned asked.

"Some lemonade would be good." She sniffled and smiled. "I'll be right back."

Ned looked up at Carson, once Nancy had climbed the stairs. "Did you open it?" he asked quietly.

He nodded. "He says that he's staying in town tonight, and to call him or come to him if she changes her mind. His last grand romantic gesture, I suppose." Carson sighed. "He says that if he doesn't hear from her, he'll just walk away..."

"But he won't," Ned finished. "Otherwise he already would have. I wish I knew what it would take to get him to actually leave."

Carson gave him a small, humorless smile. "Fake her death," he suggested. "If I didn't think that would be traumatizing for her. If he doesn't stop this soon, though, I really _will_ make sure law enforcement is involved."

"Maybe once we're married," Ned suggested. "Maybe. We'll see."

That night, Nancy didn't last long at all; she fell asleep against Ned on the couch, and he stroked her back and kissed the crown of her head. Hannah and Carson were tired too, and once they had gone to bed, Ned waited a few minutes before he gathered the woman he loved into his arms and began to carry her upstairs. She made a soft sound and nestled against his shoulder, and he managed to open her bedroom door without too much trouble.

When he laid her down on her bed, she stirred a little more, her lashes fluttering. "Mmm," she said, groggy. "I'm just so tired..."

"It's okay," he told her. "I'll be right back. Go to sleep, sweetheart."

Somewhere in River Heights, Frank was waiting for it, for some sign that Nancy wanted to be with him, despite everything she had told him. He likely wouldn't sleep a wink for fear he would miss something. He would be disappointed, and Ned hoped against hope that Frank would come to his senses and leave Nancy alone.

He brushed his teeth and stripped down to his undershirt and boxers, then helped her slip out of her thin cotton sleep pants. She sighed as he moved beneath the covers and reached for her, nestling her against him.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he murmured, stroking her temple as he kissed the crown of her head. She shifted as he moved his knee between her legs, tangling them together, and she sighed happily.

Then he slid his hand down and stroked her side, the heel of his hand brushing the front of her belly. "Hey honey-bear," he murmured, so soft it was barely a whisper. "I'm your dad, and you're safe. Time to sleep."

Nancy chuckled very softly. "Time to sleep," she breathed, and Ned closed his eyes, holding her, safe and content, exactly where he wanted to be.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hi. I'm Nancy Drew, and I was hoping I could pick up the key to our unit in the family complex so I could take a look around."

The student intern looked up from his cell phone. "Uh... no key pickup until orientation," he said, leaning back and tilting his head, although he was still kind of bent toward his phone.

"I know. I just wanted to go look around. I'll bring the key back. If someone else is living there right now, I understand..."

The intern was frowning and preparing to say "no" again when a tall, cheerful woman came into the reception area, her auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Nancy! I heard you and Ned are engaged?"

Nancy nodded; she didn't mind showing off her engagement ring, especially when it might help her get what she wanted. "Hey Kristen—yep, we are. The wedding is actually really soon."

Kristen grinned as Nancy fanned her fingers and displayed the diamond. "Oh, that is so pretty! I'm so excited for you two, and that you'll be starting here in the fall. What were you asking?"

"The key to her room," the intern said in a monotone. "Which—"

"Which is okay because this is _Nancy Drew_ ," Kristen informed him, then rolled her eyes a little and smiled at Nancy. "Let me look you up..."

After they straightened out a mix-up—Nancy had been assigned a room in Jenkins, Ned's first dorm on campus when he had started at Emerson, before Ned's request for family housing had been approved, and she was still listed there—Kristen handed over the key. Ned's parents had come in too, and were looking around. They waved and smiled at Kristen before they drove over to the Wildcat Den complex. Nancy had to show her student ID to be allowed entrance, and that made her feel a little better. The complex was surrounded by a tall fence with guards at each entrance, so at least they would have some security.

"Oooh, I've never been on this side of campus," Edith said, as James pulled into a space near their building. "This looks like a very nice place."

"Swings and yards," James said approvingly. "And that looks like a little grill..."

Nancy shaded her eyes as she climbed out of the car. She wore a loose sundress; she couldn't wear her tightest skinny jeans anymore, and she had to admit that Ned's fascination with her newly rounded belly was adorable. She chuckled when she felt a small fluttering, and smoothed her hand over her belly. "Yeah, little bear, we're here," she murmured. "Where we'll bring you home once you're ready."

During the last ultrasound, the baby had cooperated, and they had discovered that they were having a little boy. His development was proceeding just as expected, and since she had begun her second trimester, she had been feeling better. She was glad. The wedding was about a week away, and she didn't want to feel miserable and exhausted and bloated in her dress.

Ned hadn't been able to come on their day trip, but it had been nice to spend time with his parents, her future in-laws. Edith and Hannah had been scouting sales and different places to find baby furniture and other supplies she and Ned would need, and Edith had suggested touring their soon-to-be home to get an idea about what they would like to do.

Nancy found the right apartment and slotted her key into the lock. "Good thing there's a bus stop right across," she said with a little nod as she turned the key. "It would take a while to make the hike to the English and science buildings, that's for sure."

Edith shook her head. "Oh, no, Nancy," she said. "Don't you dare overexert yourself. You need to take it easy. I'm sure Ned would be happy to drive you to class."

Nancy smiled and ducked her head. Ned probably would be fine with driving her to class, but she didn't want to put him out that way. She wanted the full experience of being an Emerson student. Once she was nine months pregnant and waddling, she most likely would bat her eyelashes and ask him for rides—and, given how conscientious he already was toward her, he would likely jump at the chance to make her more comfortable.

Ned had meant it, when he had told her that he would treat the baby like his own. When she cuddled up in his arms to sleep, Ned always said goodnight to the baby—and often she was already feeling so emotional that her eyes welled up with tears at the poignancy of it. She could tell whenever he had learned something new about how to treat an expectant mother, because he offered to give her a foot massage, or to rub cocoa butter into her stretching skin, or to make her a smoothie. He completely spoiled her whenever they were together; all she practically had to do was _think_ about wanting a drink and he would race to the kitchen to pour her one.

"Watch your step," James cautioned her as she began to step over the threshold, reaching for her hand, and Nancy smiled again. Ned hadn't seen the way his father behaved when his mother had been pregnant, but they were remarkably similar in their treatment of her. When they had stopped to eat lunch on the way to Emerson, James had insisted on finding a place for Nancy to sit down as soon as they walked in, and he had made sure that she approved of their choice of restaurant before they had even stopped. He had even told the waitress that she was his daughter-in-law, and he and Edith were making sure to take extra-special care of her. Nancy had blushed, but she had also been happy.

"Thank you."

James nodded, then looked around the small living room. "Let's open those blinds and see how much natural light comes in," he suggested to Edith, and Nancy remembered again that his years of experience in the realtor business made his expertise invaluable—and she also knew that James would likely help them find a really great first place after Ned's graduation, if not help them pay for it.

"Drapes would look so lovely, though." Edith glanced over at Nancy. "I mean, of course it's your decision..."

Nancy waved a hand. "It's all right. I'm happy for suggestions."

Edith smiled, and Nancy walked into the small kitchen. The apartment itself was kind of small, but that was okay; it was just for Ned's last year of college, and they just needed to be comfortable. They could put the crib in their larger bedroom for convenience while they slept, and a bed large enough for Ned's parents in the second bedroom, along with the changing table and the baby's dresser... Nancy could imagine it so clearly, and she felt a rush of excitement. To build a home, even a temporary one, with the man she loved...

Nancy smiled and stroked her belly again as the baby fluttered. "It is exciting," she told him softly. "We'll be living here with your daddy. Won't that be incredible..."

It really would be incredible. She and Ned hadn't spent many nights apart over the summer, but it still wasn't the same. She was almost positive that Ned's parents and her father and Hannah knew that they were spending their nights together, but since they were going to be married— _so_ soon, so very soon—and she was already pregnant, maybe it didn't matter so much. Ned already treated her like his wife, and she hated sleeping without him.

When Ned was nearby, she felt safe and loved. She felt like she was _home_ , especially when they were at one of their parents' houses.

Edith found Nancy when Nancy was standing in the doorway leading to the master bedroom, looking in at the simple bedframe and dorm-issue dresser; the older woman wrapped her arm around Nancy, and Nancy smiled. She had been so afraid they wouldn't understand, but Edith had invited Nancy over for tea a few days after the fateful engagement party. "I'm in awe of you, dear," Ned's mother had told her quietly. "You are so strong and I am so incredibly proud of you, and I can't imagine another woman I could possibly be happier to call my daughter-in-law. And if you ever need to talk, I hope you will come talk to me. I can't promise that I will always know just what to do, or how to fix everything, but at least I can listen and give you a hug."

Nancy would always be endlessly grateful for James and Edith. They had given her Ned. They had accepted her and loved her for far longer than she felt she deserved it.

"Well, it needs a little TLC, but I think we can make it a lovely home for the three of you," Edith told her. "So what were you thinking?"

After an hour of discussing possible furniture and configurations and decor options, Nancy's energy was flagging. The trip to Emerson was long, and they wanted to make it home by nightfall if possible. She walked out to their small yard in the common area with a grill on the miniature patio, and wrapped her arms around her.

Could Ned be happy here? Oh, she hoped so. She knew how much he loved his fraternity, and that being president this year was important to him. Here, he would be away from all that. She saw a swingset atop a blanket of soft thick grass, slides and climbing equipment. Their little bear wouldn't be old enough to use any of that before they left, most likely—but she saw a miniature supporting seat on one end of the swingset.

Sometimes she felt that she had been pregnant for so, so long. Sometimes it felt like time was moving twice as fast as usual. In just a small span of days, she would be Ned's wife, and shortly after, they would be living here, together.

Some fellow students might think that she had intentionally trapped Ned into marrying her with an unplanned pregnancy. Some of them might pity him for the future he had given up by committing himself to her. Some would undoubtedly be jealous of her and what she had.

They were right to be. She loved Ned like breathing, and he loved her just as much. She didn't know if his plan for their life together would proceed without a hitch, whether she would have the energy or the focus to continue with her education during the spring semester, but she hoped so.

And despite his reassurance and the way he treated her, she knew that there was a big, _big_ difference between telling her that he would accept and love her baby like his own while she was pregnant, and doing so once the baby was born, once he was a real, tangible living person who would cry and wail and coo. Who would share some of his biological father's traits.

She already thought of the baby she carried as Ned's. It would break her heart if she sensed that he, despite everything, felt the resentment and anger that it would have been so easy for her to feel. After all, she was carrying the son who would have been genetically Ned's, if that night at the party had been different, if she had accepted Ned's advances before that night. Would he always feel a divide between them, an awareness that a part of their son genetically belonged to Frank? She had never even considered it, not until the ultrasound technician had pointed at the grainy image on the screen and announced the sex of the child.

"Ready to go home, dear? Visions of home furnishings dancing in your head?" Edith gave her a smile, and Nancy realized how she must have looked. She relaxed her expression, then smiled at Edith in return.

"Well, with two boys, I know I can't do anything too feminine."

"Of course you can," Edith told her. "A wonderful rocking chair, and an armchair or recliner for you in the living room so you can take a little nap while you're holding him. Trust me, it will be easier that way. When he sleeps, _you'll_ sleep."

In fact, Nancy slept in the backseat on the way home, lulled by the drive and the murmur of James and Edith's conversation. Almost everything was ready for the wedding, and just that morning Hannah had done her final fitting on the gown. It was a unique dress, one that Hannah and Edith hadn't been sure about, but Bess had gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth and pronounced it utterly beautiful. It was an ivory spaghetti-strap dress with a high empire waistline and a textured deep-rose sash; a scattering of printed deep-pink roses on the skirt became an elaborate design at the hem of the gown and on the small train. Bess wanted to set Nancy's hair in loose, romantic curls under her veil, and she had been damp-eyed with glee when they had found a coordinating headpiece with the same shade of perfect silk roses.

The design had grown on Hannah and Edith; to Nancy, it looked perfect. It looked romantic and pretty, and it was _her_ wedding. Ned had told her that even if she came dressed in a terrycloth robe, he would be happy to marry her. And Nancy could wear her mother's pearl jewelry set, and she was glad for that.

"Nancy, honey..."

Nancy murmured quietly and sat up. "Hmm?" she said, but she realized they were at her father's house. The sky was turning golden, and Nancy wasn't surprised to see Ned's car parked out front. His parents hadn't been home when he had left work, and he would have wanted to see her as soon as he could—and he could always count on Hannah to feed him.

That made Nancy think of something. "Edith," she murmured. "Remind me to ask you about Ned's favorite recipes in the next week or two."

Edith smiled. "I think I can put together a little something for you. Easy and quick, the kind of meals you can make ahead and Ned can heat up when you're passed out on the couch with the baby."

Nancy chuckled. "That doesn't sound so bad," she admitted.

Ned was out of the house and approaching the car before Nancy had even managed to climb out of it. "Hannah says dinner is almost ready," he told them, and reached for Nancy's hand to help her up. "Hey beautiful."

"Hey," she said, closing her eyes and savoring the warmth she felt when Ned wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to his side. "And has she spoiled your appetite with a slice of peach pie?"

"Maybe a little." He kissed her temple. "So how was it?"

While James and Edith went into the kitchen to talk to Hannah and help her set the table, Nancy and Ned settled down on the couch and looked through the photos she had taken of their new place. The lighting wasn't great, but she was able to tell him and show him enough to give him an idea, since he had visited other Emerson students in that complex before.

"Ned..." She looked over at him, and then her gaze dropped. "It's so far away from the Omega house..."

He shrugged. "And that's all right," he told her, and the arm he had wrapped around her gave her a light squeeze. "It's space for us and our baby, and it's somewhere safe for us, and it's on campus. That's what I care about. Not how close it is to the frat."

She gave him a tentative smile. "Okay."

"Okay." He sighed and rested against her.

"Did you have a good day?"

"Mmm. Some parts of it were good. Most of it was boring." He chuckled. "Maybe it's just that I'm so impatient for next week to get here. I can't concentrate on anything. I wish I'd been able to go with you today."

"Me too," she admitted. "Although your parents were so sweet today. It was adorable."

" _You're_ adorable," Ned countered, and nuzzled against her neck. "Mmm."

Nancy giggled and squirmed, but the feel of his lips against her skin was delicious. "Okay," she said. "Come on, let's—"

"Dinner's ready," Hannah announced, and Nancy and Ned reluctantly pulled apart.

That night Nancy went over to the Nickersons' for some late reception preparations, and she had slept enough in the car on the way back that she actually didn't fall asleep on the couch in the den before Ned's parents went to bed. She and Ned watched television cuddled up together, his arms around her, one thumb gently stroking the curve of her belly. When she felt that fluttering again, she guided his hand to it, and sometimes he was barely able to feel it.

Then they prepared for bed and she joined him, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and little else; Ned was warm as a furnace, and some nights she woke and stripped down to her underwear to cool off before cuddling up against him again. "Ned?" she whispered in the darkness, when the lights were off and she could feel and hear him breathing, even if she couldn't see his face.

"Hmm?"

She swallowed. "Do you wish we—that the baby was a girl, instead?"

"Should I? Did the ultrasound place call back and say they screwed up?"

"No, nothing like that. Though I guess that's possible."

"As long as the baby is healthy, I don't mind what we have. Are you disappointed?"

"No." She released an almost quiet sigh. "I guess I'm just... it seems like it would... be harder, for you... for the baby to be a boy."

He released a long, slow breath. "I told myself a long time ago, when you first told me you might be pregnant, that if you decided you wanted to carry the baby to term, I wouldn't treat that baby any differently than one that was biologically ours. The easiest way for me to do that was to tell myself that the baby _is_ ours. And he is." He rubbed his palm down her back, then back up. "The only thing that scares me is when _he_ finds out that the child is a boy. And I don't know if he would feel possessive and resentful over a girl too, if the sex of the baby wouldn't matter to him, but that—that whole 'firstborn son' thing..."

"Yeah," Nancy said, slumping a little when she realized that he understood. "I should have just cut him off entirely... I just had this bad feeling that it would make him do something desperate." She shivered.

"I'm just... well, it's awful, but I'm glad you didn't make any kind of custody arrangements with him. I can just imagine him taking one look at the baby and deciding that he's the best way to engineer a meeting with you."

Nancy shivered again. "We haven't talked about what we're going to tell him," she said softly. "The baby. About what happened."

Ned chuckled. "I think we have a few years to decide on that," he said, and the heel of his hand brushed her cheek. "After all, he won't know English for a while."

"If I told you that I never wanted him to know, you'd go along with it, wouldn't you."

"It's your choice," he replied, after a beat. "I've never wanted you to be upset or uncomfortable with anything we do. But too many people know, now. I think that we can't lie to him about this, not easily; I think we can find a way to tell him that won't hurt him. I just never want him to doubt that I'm his dad and that I love him."

Nancy sniffled as her eyes filled with tears. "Ned," she whispered, her voice cracking. "Oh, Ned..."

He smiled as he brushed his lips against hers. "And that I love his mother very, very much."

She parted her lips for his next kiss, and it deepened until she felt a flush creep up her damp cheeks. She buried her hand in his hair and guided his stroking palm between her thighs, and whimpered as he pressed his hand against her. She felt so wet there, and she was aching for him, on fire for him.

"Yes?"

"Yes," she moaned.

Together they had found a way to make love other than oral sex that let her relax and enjoy it instead of controlling it, and her heart was beating hard as he slid off the bed and she moved to the side, so her head was near the center of the mattress and her hips were at the edge with her legs spread wide. Ned slid her panties off and she stripped off her shirt, and she gazed up at him as he stood at the edge of the mattress, then boosted her hips so they were level with his. She swallowed as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she sighed, and her heart gave one hard beat as he moved his knees onto the bed and moved over her. He nuzzled against her tender breasts, kissing each nipple before he lashed his tongue against it. He trailed kisses down her chest and she loosened her legs, tipping her head back as he kissed her inner thighs, her knees, her calves. She arched as he rubbed his palm between her thighs, his skin stroking against the sensitive lips of her sex and brushing against the button of her clit.

She shivered as she quietly moaned his name. "Please," she said, looking into his eyes.

He smiled. "Now?"

"Yes," she begged, and closed her eyes as he stood between her open legs again.

She clawed at the sheets as he deliberately teased and stroked her clit, when he caressed her breasts and fondled her nipples. Her spine arched, her lips parting as he began to move inside her, and he groaned when he found her slick and ready. "Nan," he breathed, and she opened her eyes and gazed up at him. "Oh, sweetheart."

Once he was fully inside her, she shuddered, savoring the feel of it. She had been able to relax the first time they had tried this once she realized that if she needed to, she could release her legs and push herself back and away from him. She had never needed to, but she needed to have that way out to be comfortable. "Ned," she whispered. "My Ned."

"Always," he replied, and then he moved in her, and she gave herself over to him, to the push of his hips and the rock of her own, to the shuddering delight of his strokes against her clit. Every time they had ever been together, she had been sure that he loved her; she could feel it in every touch, every movement, every time his gaze met hers. She felt it just as much tonight, and when her hips began to jerk, when her shoulders tensed and she began to pant and quietly sob his name, Ned leaned down and she wrapped herself around him, meeting his kiss, shuddering against him.

"Okay?"

"Yes, _yes_ ," she sobbed, and all she knew was the pleasure of it. Her climax left her shattered, boneless and panting and senseless. Then Ned shifted and they were still joined as she rolled with him, letting him cradle her against him, their skin damp, their hearts beating so hard.

He had been on top of her. He had been pinning her down. She realized it now, and she nestled herself against him, her lips brushing his chest. He pressed his lips against the crown of her head, stroking her spine.

"Shh," he whispered, as his breathing finally began to slow. "You're okay?"

"Mmm-hmm," she murmured, and then she began to shiver as sweat cooled on her skin. Her thighs were slick.

A thread of fear tried to worm its way in, and she pulled back to look into Ned's dark eyes. He gave her a small smile, reaching up to stroke her cheek, and her fear melted away.

"My beautiful Nancy," he whispered. "My only one. I love you."

She smiled. "I love you too."

\--

Their wedding was less than eighteen hours away when Ned parked his car outside the hotel and took a long, deep breath.

His impromptu bachelor party had been the previous night, and Ned was practically recovered. In the morning, he would be fine. His parents had told him that he had to spend the night at home, his last night as an unmarried man, and he didn't think this would take long. Then he would call Nancy and check in with her. She was spending her last night as an unmarried woman having a sleepover with her best friends at Bess's parents' house, and Ned was glad. It meant she wouldn't be alone tonight, that she could get in some bonding time with Bess and George.

But oh, how he hated sleeping without her, and he knew Bess's parents likely wouldn't even consider letting him in. That was okay, as long as Nancy was happy. When they were apart Ned woke feeling anxious about her, and after tomorrow, he wouldn't have to sleep without her any longer.

But he had to do this first.

He felt cold, focused, as he walked into the hotel. His quarry was smart, but he was smart too, and ten minutes later he was in the elevator.

He took a deep breath before he knocked on the proper door, keeping his head down. "Room service," he called. "I have a message for you."

He hadn't misjudged the other man. A handful of seconds passed before he heard footsteps. Then the door opened. "A mess—"

Ned brought his chin up and looked Frank dead in the eye. "Hardy," he said, his voice even and cold. Before Frank could slam the door shut, Ned had his foot wedged between it and the frame.

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you?" Ned returned, shifting his weight forward. He saw a flash of fear in Frank's eyes before he even tried to slam the door shut; then his features hardened, his jaw clenching. Frank had been expecting this confrontation, steeling himself for it. But he had wanted it on his own terms, and Ned could see exactly what they were: a dramatic entrance during the wedding ceremony, doors banging open in a solemn, quiet church, the pastor looking up with the words of the sacrament falling silent on his lips. It would be the final proof, his Hail Mary.

It was exactly what Ned wanted to head off.

"What are you doing here?" Frank's voice was cold, this time.

"Had a feeling you might be here," Ned replied, keeping his own voice even. Ned knew he had already won; in every way that mattered, the battle was over. It only continued in Frank's head. "I thought we might have a talk. Man to man." When Frank hesitated, standing still in the doorway with his hand still holding the door open, Ned tilted his head. "If you want witnesses, we could go down and have a drink in the bar."

Witnesses. Maybe Frank would want them tomorrow, but not tonight. Pressing his lips together, Frank stood back a little, gesturing for Ned to enter.

Ned expected it, and he wasn't disappointed. He saw soda and chips, snacks from a convenience store, clustered on the nightstand and in the corner of the desk. He saw paper, a few already-balled sheets of it, on the desk too. A sole suitcase. Maybe Joe had finally begun to come to his senses; maybe he had decided his brother was a lost cause, as far as this was concerned, or that his presence would just make things worse. Ned didn't care.

"Why are you here?" Ned turned to him, to see him lifting the remote. He thumbed off the power on the television set, and it fell silent.

"I need to see her." The words were spoken slowly, defiantly, Frank's tone sullen. Ned thought of the past few days, of Hannah and his mother and Nancy rushing around to make last-minute wedding plans, and his stomach seemed to fill with ice water. Frank could have been stalking her, if he had been careful about it; he would have had opportunities to arrange a meeting, even if it involved pulling Nancy into a car and forcing her to listen to him for a while.

Well. He could be thankful for small favors, anyway.

Ned sighed. "To see how happy she is?"

"You know she's not happy."

Ned didn't know exactly what Nancy had said to Frank, when they had been together during the engagement party. Whatever it was, she had seemed to be firm, but Frank had obviously talked himself out of believing her. The other man hadn't offered him a seat, so Ned took the desk chair and sat down, leaning back and crossing his arms. "You'd know a lot about that," he said, and then flicked his gaze up into Frank's eyes.

And his eyes narrowed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that I know a lot about the way Nan looks when she's happy. I've seen it a lot, this summer. When we talk about our life together after our marriage. Living together and being husband and wife. She's very happy when we talk about it."

Frank's hand tightened into a fist. "If you just came here to gloat—"

Ned shook his head. "I came here to save you a trip tomorrow," he said. "I'm sure you already know the address and time of the wedding. Of course you would."

Frank tried to keep his expression impassive. Ned saw the flash of triumph cross it anyway. "So what?"

Ned felt his cell phone vibrate once, briefly, in his pocket. Text message or email. He ignored it. "I want to talk to you about the night of the party," he said. "I want to hear it from your own lips. This—whatever happened between the two of you, this proof that you two were 'meant' to be together."

"You say she's happy. She's having my child. Of course she's happy."

It took Ned a few seconds to master the immediate, almost blinding flash of rage he felt at those words. "And she told you she wanted that," Ned said, and he could hear the coldness in his voice, but all his strength was focused on not killing Frank; he couldn't spare any to make himself sound impassive, not anymore.

"She wanted to be with me. She told me so. That if things were different…"

"She said that, that night." Ned's own hand was clenched into a fist now.

Frank shrugged slightly. He didn't respond otherwise.

"So what happened?"

Frank glanced down, then back up. His face was set. Ned had seen him when he had been pleading with Nancy; this mulish expression had been saved for Ned alone. "She finally felt relaxed enough to share herself with me," Frank said, and his voice held that gloating note he had accused Ned of using earlier. "We made love—"

Ned's hand was clenched so hard that he thought he might break a bone, and when he stood suddenly, tipping the chair over in his haste, Frank sensed what was coming, but not fast enough. Almost of its own will, with all the force of his rage and disgust behind it, Ned delivered an uppercut that sent Frank tumbling to the floor. If he was stunned, it was only for a few seconds; then he was scrambling toward Ned with his own angry bellow.

Ned's adrenaline was too high to let him fall for it. He and Frank were well-matched physically, and Frank knew several martial arts moves, but Ned pinned him before he could use any of them. He didn't want Frank to bruise him; he didn't want to have to answer any questions about it.

"Hear me," he said, when Frank was panting and still trying to struggle out of the hold; Ned tightened his grip and Frank made a hoarse, enraged sound, but his struggles diminished. "You listen to me. I'll let you go if you promise to keep your fucking mouth shut and _listen_."

"You only—want her—all for yourself," Frank gasped out.

"I am _hers_ ," Ned grated out. "Oh, you complete asshole, you _still_ don't understand. I'm _hers_. And I don't want her; she's not anything to _possess_. If I truly believed that being with you would make her happy, that she would never be happy with me, I would let her go and I would be glad for her. I would eat my heart out with jealousy, and I would make damn sure that she knew how I felt about her, but _this?_ This shit? If she decided to walk down the aisle and pledge to spend her life with another man, I don't think there could be any clearer sign that she had moved on and that I should let her. Because I want someone who _wants me_ , and she does. In every way, she does. And you, you pitiful, worthless excuse for a man—she wants you out of her life forever."

"You're just—"

Ned sighed and released Frank, who sagged against the bed, panting his breath back. Ned stood and crossed to the desk chair again, righting it and glaring down at Frank. "I saw the bruises," he told him. "The ones you left on Nancy that night."

Frank was rubbing his throat; he turned narrowed eyes on Ned. "Some girls like that."

"She doesn't," Ned replied, curt. "She doesn't like to be hurt. I think she was drunk enough that she let you take her to a bedroom; I think you decided to see how much you could get away with that night. If she fought you off, well, you'd have your answer; after all, she's a big girl, and she knows how to handle herself. But that night, she couldn't.

"She might not have realized what you were doing when you were taking her clothes off—and I have no doubt in my mind that _you_ did that, to help her cool down or relax, or whatever excuse you tried. But when she realized what was going on, she fought you. Nan fought you."

"She was a virgin," Frank shot back. "Of course she freaked out."

Ned had to take a long, deep breath to keep from punching Frank in the face again. He knew he was flushed with rage, though; he could feel it trembling in him, all the way into his voice. "She tensed up. She tried to push you away."

"She was just confused. Disoriented."

"Telling you 'no' in every way she could. And you kept going. Did you _get off_ on how afraid she was? When she was crying, when you were hurting her? Did you think that if you took her virginity that I'd break up with her and then she'd have no choice but to go back to you?"

Frank glared at him. "It wasn't like that," he said, but his voice was too heated to be anything other than defensive, excusing himself. "She was just too drunk to…"

"To participate?" Ned couldn't help it; he stood again, and Frank stood too. "To give consent?"

"She'd already—"

"I don't give a _fuck_ what she'd said or what you thought she'd said. When she was in bed with you, if she begged for _anything_ , it was for you to stop. And you didn't. You left her bleeding and sore and horrified. And you call that _making love?_ You sick, sick fucking bastard. If you could even _be_ that fucking delusional, how did it feel when she ran away as soon as she realized what had happened? All those calls and notes unanswered? If you're such an _incredible_ lover, if what happened between you two that night was the ultimate sign of your love, then why didn't she come to her senses, kick me to the curb and come to you?"

"Because _you_ convinced her that I raped her," Frank said, taking a step toward Ned, rage in his eyes. " _You_ told her that. Because you didn't want to believe that she felt that way about me."

"I saw her bruised and crying and afraid," Ned returned, rage in his own eyes. "She was afraid to sleep alone that night. She was afraid to sleep _without me beside her_ that night."

"You've always been jealous of what she and I have. She was just afraid of what you would do to her if she told you."

Ned clenched and relaxed his fist a few times. "I know about every kiss you two have shared," he told Frank. "I know about that fucking cabin in the snow, about every single time. And maybe, once upon a time, I would have thought that I should be jealous. I _have_ been jealous." He clenched and relaxed his fist again. "And then, about a year ago, she told me that she had made her choice, and it was to be with me. That maybe she was attracted to you when you two were together, but when you were apart, she didn't give you a second thought—but that she missed _me_ when we weren't together. And I know _exactly_ how it feels to make love to her." Ned knew that he might be going too far, but he couldn't stop himself; he wanted to see the shock and horror of realization in Frank Hardy's eyes. "I know how it feels when she wants to stop, and I know how it is to have her begging me _not_ to stop. Because I want _her_ to be happy, Frank. Not me. She sleeps in my arms and I rest my hand over her belly, where our child is growing, and she tells me that she's never felt so happy or safe."

Frank had been panting with anger; he released a hoarse bellow, charging toward Ned. " _My_ child," he cried. _"Mine."_

As angry as he was, Ned was still ready for him. He caught him and threw him onto the bed, managing to maneuver around his flailing fists and strong legs. " _Nancy's_ child," Ned said, his voice almost a shout. " _She_ is the one who decided to carry and give birth to that baby, not you. _She_ is the one who had to make the choice about what to do when she found out she was pregnant, _not_ you. _You_ don't fucking get a say in this, _rapist._ "

"She wanted it," Frank countered. "She did. I know she did. I heard her talking about it. She says she was talking about you, but I know better. She's just lying now because she's afraid of you."

Ned suddenly felt incredibly tired. It was like arguing with a brick wall. Anything Nancy said, Frank could and had convinced himself was a lie because she was just too afraid of Ned's response to the truth. "And if I believed that," he said wearily, "I would step out of the picture and let her be with you. Believe me. If I weren't convinced that she loves me as much as I love her, I would let her go, because I want her to be happy. Unlike you. No matter what she says, you'll convince yourself that you know better, that only you can truly understand her and make her happy."

Frank nodded. "I do."

Ned sighed. "Then consider this," he said. "I've been away at Emerson in the spring, after you 'consummated your love' with her." He put quotes around the words, hanging in the air. "And she _didn't_ take that prime, perfect opportunity to get in touch with you. She's a detective, Frank. She could have, if she had wanted to. If she were deathly afraid of me, she could have bought a prepaid phone and called you with it. She could have worked out a code with you, or sent you messages through an intermediary. When she discovered she was pregnant, she could have come back to you, to tell you that finally, you had the excuse you would need to be together." He leaned forward, staring straight into Frank's eyes. " _But she didn't._ And some part of you knows that. You'd move heaven and earth to be with her, to make her happy—but only if it's with you. She's told you over and over that she _is_ happy, and all you want to do is make her miserable. To rewrite the past.

"You had your chance, Hardy. You lost it."

Frank was sputtering, incoherent with anger, when Ned turned toward the door. Frank scrambled off the bed and Ned turned quickly, catching him and knocking the wind out of him with one blow. As Frank laid there, flushed and panting, Ned shook his head.

"You will check out of this hotel before midnight," he said. "You will be on the next flight to New York. Carson will file a restraining order against you, otherwise. If you come near Nancy or our child, I will use all my strength to take you _down._ In every way possible. Carson may be bound by the law, but I doubt you have any such qualms, and I will respond to you in kind.

"And that note you sent, telling her to call you day or night if she needed you? You have her answer. She doesn't need you. And she never will. I hope for your sake and the sake of every woman in this world that you _never_ love anyone the way you love her. Because this isn't love, Frank. This is sick and abusive and the opposite of love in every possible way. You were just a nightmare she had to live through.

"Save your letters. Choke on them."

When Ned closed the hotel room door behind him, he was still trembling with rage. He saw a member of the hotel staff walking down the hallway toward Frank's room, and he managed a tight smile.

"Sir?"

"Just leaving," Ned replied, after a long breath. "He will be soon, too."

As soon as he was out of the hotel, Ned reached for his phone and looked at the screen. Nancy had sent him a message. _Miss you. Doing ok?_

He smiled and slid behind the wheel of his car, taking the time to send another message before he replied to his fiancée. _Miss you too. I'm ok. You?_

A few minutes passed before she replied. Ned had pulled out of the hotel's parking lot; Frank would be watching for Ned's car, and that was all right. Ned was planning on it.

_I need you._

Ned spared the briefest glance for his phone; otherwise his gaze was on the road before him. He took a long breath, then made a call.

\--

Nancy sniffled as she sat back, bracing herself against the Marvins' couch. Bess and George were seated on either side of her, cross-legged on the floor, dressed in their pajamas. Nancy wore an oversized t-shirt and shorts, and her belly was just barely outlined by the shirt's fabric.

"Thanks," she whispered.

George rubbed her shoulder. "Anytime, Nan. Do you feel better?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah," she whispered. "I think so."

Bess smiled at her. "I would say we should rewind the movie, but eh, what's the point. More ice cream?"

Nancy couldn't help chuckling. "It's the night before my wedding," she pointed out. "Shouldn't I be counting calories?"

Bess shook her head. "I think a little comfort food is in order," she decreed, and pushed herself up so she could go to the kitchen for the dessert.

Nancy sighed when she and George were alone. "I texted Ned," she murmured. "He..."

"I think he'll understand," George said, when Nancy trailed off. "He's been very understanding. And if I have to see my best friend move four hours away for almost a year, at least it's with him."

Nancy smiled. "Yeah," she whispered.

Her second trimester had been kinder to her, but her heightened emotional response, the hair-trigger she seemed to have developed, hadn't really lessened. She and Ned had decided that they wanted to put Frank behind them. As their wedding had approached, though, she had been unnerved by his silence. A note had come the previous week, addressed to her, in his handwriting.

She had said all she wanted to say, to him. As far as she was concerned, nothing was left.

Then she had discovered that Frank hadn't yet moved on, and with almost every hour that passed, she became more and more convinced that he would do something to disrupt their wedding. She didn't know what, or how. And she didn't want to live like she was ashamed of being with Ned, hiding, always looking over her shoulder. She had tried reasoning with Frank, but he still didn't seem to understand.

She had tried, one last time. Maybe it would do no good. Maybe she was just shouting into the void, and he would twist her words to serve his fantasies again. She didn't know. But she had to try.

_Frank,_

_This is the last time I will ever contact you. Please don't expect anything else after this. I've said all I wanted to say to you. I don't need or want you to be at the wedding, and if you were to attend, you would only hurt and upset me._

_This is not for you. But this is still something I've found that I need to say:_

_The man you were, the guy I met when we were teenagers, was a great guy. He made me laugh, and he was smart and strong and brave. I trusted him with my life. I knew he would never hurt me. I knew that he wanted me to be happy, and I was proud to call him my friend and, sometimes, my partner while we solved cases together._

_I miss him. He was a great friend._

_I know that he's gone because that guy you used to be, Frank? If he hurt me, he would say he was sorry. He would apologize to me, and he would do everything in his power to make sure he never hurt or upset me again._

_And he's the guy I forgive, because I want to walk into my new life with as little of this horror clinging to me as I can manage. He's the guy I've lost. And maybe that guy would have been jealous that I'm marrying my best friend and the love of my life, but no one would have cheered more loudly for us or congratulated Ned any more heartily, because he would have looked into my face and known that I had everything I wanted._

_I have everything I want. For almost a year, now, your continued insistence on being a part of my life, in a way that I told you was inappropriate, has done nothing but cause me distress, pain, and anguish. Believe me when I say to you now that all I have ever wanted, and what I am afraid you will never understand, is that I want you to acknowledge that you hurt me. I want you to admit to me and to yourself that what you did_ to _me, not_ with _me, was wrong._

_I love Ned Nickerson with my whole heart, with all my strength; he is the one person on this earth who is meant for me, and I am meant for him. Nothing will ever change or break that. I would move heaven and earth for him. He proves his love to me over and over, every single day, just as you have proven to me repeatedly that you no longer care about me or my feelings. All you want to do is control me, break me, put your words in my mouth and work me like a puppet on a string—everything you have made yourself believe Ned does to me, is only what you_ wish _you were doing to me._

_The man you once were could understand that. I'm no prize to be won or stolen. And the man you once were, who had earned my respect and my friendship, would never have done what you did._

_The only words I want from you are an apology and an acknowledgement, that what you did was wrong. We will never be what we once were to each other; we can never go back. I've never thought we could. But this is the only small happiness you can give me, and if that is at all important to you, please consider it._

_I will remember you as you were, Frank. I will carry the best part of you in my memory, and hope that one day you realize what you've done to me, and that you feel the same horror and fear you've left in me. That you will wake up and want nothing more than to beg my forgiveness._

_Only then will you deserve it._

_-Nancy_

She had sent it as an email, in response to a message he had sent her a few days earlier. Once it was sent, her fingers shaking, she had blocked his email address so he couldn't send another message to her that way. She was aware that it would just be a temporary obstacle to him, but at least it was something.

To make sure he received it, though, she had asked George to text him with a message to check his email. She wanted to make sure he read it before morning, if he was able.

She was terrified that it would do no good. She found herself wishing that they had managed to sneak away to the courthouse to marry on the spur of the moment, to make totally sure Frank couldn't disrupt the ceremony. She had no doubt that Frank knew where the wedding was to take place. His delusional belief that she needed saving from Ned would make interrupting the wedding the perfect dramatic conclusion to the script playing out in his head.

And she was so, so tired of running. When she was with Ned, that urge, that panic, faded and left her, but Ned wouldn't be around her for every moment. And Frank could end it.

She wanted it over with. She wanted it done. Tonight. But she had no idea how he would react to her message, if his delusion would even allow him to see through to the heart of it and the truth of her words.

Whatever good had ever been in him, the man he had once been, she had to believe lived on in the son she carried. Frank could come to her tonight, lie groveling at her feet, begging her forgiveness, and it would change nothing, as far as she was concerned. It would just make it easier to close this chapter, but she and Ned were determined to walk away.

And she _needed_ Ned. Oh, so soon they would be married, joined forever, but what she had just done had left her shaking. She needed the safety and comfort of his arms.

_I'm on the way._ She relaxed as soon as she saw those words, her heart rising in her throat.

Bess had given Nancy a manicure and pedicure, painting her nails with a deep rose-colored shade to match the print on her wedding gown. They were going to go to bed early so Nancy would be well-rested on her wedding day, but Nancy had a feeling she wouldn't sleep. She was too excited, too nervous, too worried.

The marriage ceremony wouldn't change the way she felt about him, not one iota. But it would mean that her baby would legally be Ned's son.

And when they heard a car pull up outside, Nancy peered through the blinds and made sure she recognized Ned's car before she went to the front door. Ned looked concerned, but of course he would; she hadn't explained what was going on.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded, closing her eyes as Ned wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. She breathed him in and he stroked her back. "I'm okay," she whispered. "I... I hope I didn't just make a mistake."

Ned's phone chirped, and Nancy's first panicked thought was that Frank had sent him a message. "What's that?" she murmured, pulling back.

He took a breath and looked down at his phone. "I hope I didn't just make a mistake either," he told her. "I... Frank's staying at a hotel in town. I went to talk to him. He..." Ned shook his head. "He'll never believe me, when it comes to you. Maybe his pride won't let him. I told him to leave town, but I thought maybe he would want to see this thing through."

So her instinct had been right. She wrapped her arms around her, shivering, even though she had felt warm for most of her pregnancy. Ned wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "So once I left I had Mike and Howie keep an eye on him, in case he did anything dangerous. They followed him to your father's house."

Which is where she would have been. It made sense. She leaned against Ned, wondering how long it would take for Frank to track down her actual location. Sending him that email had apparently been a waste of time.

"He's just sitting outside in his rental car, though. Huh." Ned shook his head. "I told your father, though, and I think he's going to call the police. Just in case."

Nancy closed her eyes. She still believed what she had told Frank in her message, but she didn't know if he would ever come to his senses. Maybe he hadn't been able to deal with what had happened that night, either—and the lies he had told himself about it were the only way. To admit he had been wrong, that regardless of his intention he had hurt her...

"I guess we kind of had the same idea," she told him. "I thought he might try something. I sent him a message, and I told him all I wanted was an apology. For him to understand that he had hurt me. That it would upset me if he came to our wedding..."

Ned rubbed her shoulder. "Maybe if he didn't believe it when I said it, that might help convince him," he said. "I hope so. I don't want anything making you nervous or upset tomorrow."

"Any more than I already would be," she said with a little smile. "I want you to have an amazing day, too. It's our wedding day."

"And whatever else happens, as long as you and I are married, it will be one of the best days of my life."

Her smile became crooked. "One of?"

He reached down and stroked her rounded belly as he kissed her temple. "One of," he repeated, his lips pressed against her skin.

George came out onto the front porch. "Nan? I..." she trailed off. "Hey, Ned."

"Hey."

Nancy wiped her cheek and smiled at George. "What's up?"

Wordlessly George showed Nancy the screen of her phone.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish I could take it back._

_I love you._

Nancy had to read the message three times before it fully sank in. "Oh my God," she whispered.

Ned looked down at his phone when it chirped. "Howie says he's driving away," he said quietly. "Nan..."

She turned into his arms, burying her face against his chest. "Ned," she whispered, and her chest constricted with a sob.

\--

Howie and Mike followed Frank to the airport that night; they watched him turn his rental car in and head for the departure gate. Ned knew that Frank could have doubled back, but they couldn't follow him all the way to the gate and watch him board the plane.

And when Ned saw Nancy at her father's church on their wedding day, when they met with their family and wedding attendants to pose for photos before the ceremony, she looked so incredibly beautiful. Her hair fell in lovely loose reddish-gold waves down her back, and she glowed, her long rose-printed gown flowing around her. Her blue eyes were bright, and he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world," he told her, taking her hand. "I feel like I'm dreaming."

She cupped his cheek. "Maybe we are," she said quietly. "But it wouldn't be so bad to wake up, just so we could marry each other all over again."

He grinned. "I can't believe that when I wake up in the morning, it will be next to my wife," he murmured, his lips brushing her earlobe.

"I can't believe we made it here," she whispered. "Ned, I love you so much. So much."

He kissed her earlobe when she sniffled. "Don't cry, beautiful," he whispered. "Or cry all you want. This is your wedding day, sweetheart. And I want to give you everything you've ever wanted."

Ned had attended church with Nancy and her father before; their parents, Ned's grandparents, and Nancy's aunt and great-grandmother were the only guests, and the rest of the church stood empty. Ned's mother had ordered and arranged the flowers for the altar, and Bess and George carried smaller rose bouquets; Nancy's was more elaborate, and tied with a forest-green ribbon. Bess and George wore long dresses that matched the rose in Nancy's dress, and Mike and Howie wore rose boutonnieres too.

It was their wedding day, and when Nancy looked into Ned's eyes, he couldn't feel the ground beneath him. Nothing hurt. And just the sheer force of his joy felt like it could keep anything from happening to them. No interruptions, no disasters, no mistakes. Just the feel of her hand in his and his complete conviction that this was exactly where he was meant to be.

When the minister said that they were in the presence of their family and friends and God to declare their love for each other and commit their lives to each other, Ned's heart beat harder. During the rehearsal they had talked about all the elements of the ceremony, but that had been different from standing here with her.

They had decided to omit the line asking whether anyone knew of any impediment to the marriage. It had just seemed safer, and the minister hadn't minded.

"Love conquers all," he said. "All the troubles of this life diminish, where there is love, and the love shared by the two of you is a gift given you by God. Learning to share your lives with each other can be a challenging, but ultimately very rewarding process.

"As you travel this life together, cherish each other. Celebrate your successes and support each other through difficult times, and you will be blessed."

They faced each other and Nancy handed her bouquet to Bess so they could hold each other's hands. "Ned, do you take Nancy to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only to her forevermore?"

"I do," Ned said, searching her eyes. "You are the only one for me, Nancy, for the rest of my life. You are my entire world, and I have never wanted anything like I have wanted to be your husband, to support and love and be there for you. To create a family with you."

Her eyes were shining when she looked into his, and so bright. He saw a tear track down her cheek.

"Nancy, do you take Ned to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only to him forevermore?"

She was nodding before the minister had even finished reciting the vows. "I do," she said. "You are my constant, Ned. Without you, I would be lost, and I know to the bottom of my heart that you will keep me safe and love me more than I have ever deserved or known. You are the love of my life and the keeper of my heart, and no one could possibly do a better job than you."

"Ned, please repeat after me..."

"I, Ned Nickerson, take thee, Nancy Drew, to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore." Ned repeated the minister's words exactly, gazing into Nancy's eyes the entire time.

"I, Nancy Drew, take thee, Ned Nickerson, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."

"The rings," the minister said, and Mike handed Ned the ring he was going to place on Nancy's finger as Nancy accepted Ned's ring from Bess. "Ned, place the ring on Nancy's finger and repeat after me: 'With this ring, I thee wed.'"

"With this ring," Ned said, sliding the band onto Nancy's finger, "I thee wed."

"With this ring," Nancy said, and a nervous smile crossed her face as she slid the band onto his finger, "I thee wed."

The minister looked between the two of them, resting his hands on their shoulders. "Nancy and Ned, you have spoken your vows here before this gathered body and God. You have promised to love and cherish and honor each other. Hold to those vows through all challenges that face you, and trust in God's love for you. Respect each other, cherish each other, love each other. Be partners, and best friends, and each other's biggest support.

"As you have decided to live together in holy matrimony, promised your love to each other, exchanged rings and joined hands, I now declare you husband and wife. What God has joined, let no one tear asunder.

"I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Nickerson. Ned, you may kiss your bride."

Nancy couldn't help laughing as she tipped her head up. "We did it," she whispered.

"We did," he said, grinning. "Mind if I kiss you now?"

"I'd be upset if you didn't," she replied, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair.

He leaned down, and he could distantly hear the audience members clapping around them as he kissed his wife for the first time. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, and he picked her up and felt her trembling a little against him as she giggled.

"Mrs. Nancy Nickerson," he murmured against her lips.

"My Ned," she said, her eyes shining. "My husband, for the rest of our lives."

\--

That night, for that entire day really, Nancy felt lighter than air. Her anxiety and fear had evaporated. The wedding had been beautiful and perfect, and uninterrupted. She had everything she had ever imagined or dreamed. She had the love and heart of a man who had treated her better than a princess, better than a queen. He treated her like his best friend, like his partner.

While Ned was talking to her father, Nancy went to Ned's parents and hugged them both. "Thank you," she said. "I don't know what we would have done without you. Everything is so beautiful and it's—it's just what I wanted, and I'm so happy."

Edith and James each hugged her in return. "You're our daughter now," Ned's mother said. "And I was so glad to be able to do this for you two. Everything's going to be all right, now, sweetheart. If you ever need anything, let us know."

James nodded. "You've been a part of our family for a long time, but this... I couldn't be more proud of you two, or to call you my daughter-in-law."

Nancy drank sparkling apple juice during the toasts to match the champagne everyone else had. She was too keyed up and excited to have much appetite, and then, suddenly, she was famished. She went down the buffet line with Ned, and laughed when she saw the display Ned's mother had put together, on the other side of the dishes. She had found photos from every stage in Nancy and Ned's relationship, from the first awkward photo of the two of them, their eyes nervous, their hands close but not quite touching, cheeks pale in the light of the camera's flash. She had included the photos of the two of them before every dance they had attended, Yule Balls and country club dances, even a few candids of them getting dressed before or during Emerson dances or Omega Chi parties, and prom photos. Nancy saw the two of them holding hands at their engagement party, and one of the last photos was Nancy seated on the Nickersons' couch, Ned's arm wrapped around her, and his other hand resting on the gentle round of her belly as they looked into each other's eyes.

Her throat ached with tears. "I love this," she whispered.

Ned squeezed her hand. "Me too," he said. "We should put this into our wedding album. Because this is everything that led up to today, to this moment, and I love you so much."

When she felt the fluttering that was more than just excitement in her belly, she guided Ned's hand to rest against her. "I can't believe it," she whispered. "I never want to let this go, never."

"Me either, Nan."

They danced all night. They shared slices of the cake Hannah had made for them, and the groom's cake, made to look like the Emerson football field. Nancy hadn't bothered wearing a garter, and when it was time to toss the bouquet, George just shrugged her shoulder at Bess. "You know she wants it," she whispered.

Then it was time for their departure, and Nancy laughed when she saw that Ned's car, already packed and ready for them, was decorated with streamers and messages. _JUST MARRIED!_ had been scrawled across the back windshield, and hearts on the driver's side and passenger side windows. Nancy and Ned hugged everyone as the photographer helped distribute sparklers, and they took their photographs, laughing as Ned swept her up and carried her to the car. Then they went back into Ned's parents' house so Nancy could change out of her elaborate wedding ensemble and into a more comfortable outfit, for the drive to their honeymoon spot.

They had decided on Fox Lake for their honeymoon, both to save money and because it meant that they would likely be off the grid, in case anyone decided to find them. But when the day had gone without incident, Nancy felt hopeful that they were safe. She had hardly dared to let herself believe it.

The photographer had already departed, and many of the guests were on their way out too. Nancy hugged her father for a long time, once she was dressed in a pair of stretchy maternity shorts and a tank top and sandals, and ready to go. "My baby girl," he whispered. "I love you so much, Nancy. If you need me, all you have to do is call me, no matter what. If you need to talk, or if you need anything."

She patted his shoulder and smiled at him. "I love you too, Dad," she murmured. "I'll see you again before we leave for school, okay?"

She felt Ned's arm slide around her waist then. "Take care of her," Nancy's father said to Ned. "Keep her safe. And if you have a bad feeling, you let me know."

Ned nodded. "I will, sir."

Nancy and Ned walked out together, and they saw Bess and George standing at Bess's car, about to leave. "Thanks for the bouquet!" Bess cheered, holding it up.

George was leaning against the car; she pushed herself off it and walked over. "Be safe, you two," she said, and gave Nancy a brief hug. "Um... I just saw this a minute ago."

Nancy glanced down as George held up her phone. "I didn't know if you would want to see it," she murmured.

_Is it done? Is she happy?_

Nancy smiled slightly. "Tell him yes," she whispered, and then Ned was tugging on her hand.

"Let's go, baby."

They waved as they slid into the car, and Ned reached for her hand again. "Ready?"

"Definitely."


	12. Chapter 12

"Nancy."

She turned to look at Ned, and he felt his heart rise when she smiled, pausing on the small concrete stoop before the front door. "Hmm?"

Ned knew it was just a campus apartment, it was only going to be their place for the next nine or so months, and it wasn't their _real_ first place, but it was. He saw it and he felt anxious when he imagined it through her eyes, because he had wanted everything to be perfect for her, and he didn't want her to be disappointed. He couldn't help mentally comparing it to his room at the Omega house and smiling, though. They would have a lot more space, and it would be all theirs.

She had the key to the apartment in her hand when Ned came toward her, and when she realized what he was doing, she laughed, and the sound was like music. He had heard it so many times in the house at Fox Lake, during their honeymoon; he had felt it against his skin when they were twined together, when he gently tickled her ribs, when his fingertips glanced against the soles of her feet when he was massaging them, when he woke her with his lips pressed against her neck.

He swept her up into his arms and she grinned. Her skin was hot and flushed with summer and joy, and every time he looked into her eyes, every single time, he thought that he had never felt love like this. It grew and grew, made perfect in her need and desire, and his heart had grown to envelop her. He would never be complete again without her, and he didn't want to be.

"Ned," she protested through her laughter, but she was pleased. "This is ridiculous."

"And you're my wife." He gave her a gentle kiss before he stepped toward the door and she unlocked it. "So I get to carry you over the threshold."

"You already have, silly," she pointed out with a little grin. And he had; he had carried her over the threshold once they had reached his parents' cabin at Fox Lake.

"That was our honeymoon. _This_... this is the beginning of the rest of our life together, and I want it to be as perfect as it can be."

She reached up and cupped his cheek, searching his eyes. "We're together," she said softly. "It is perfect."

He gazed down at her for a moment before he gently deposited her on the couch. "Wait here," he told her. "I'll get our bags."

She pushed herself up. "Ned, honestly, I'm fine. I can help."

Ned shook his head. "You are not going to hurt yourself carrying luggage. You are going to relax, sweetheart." Then he grinned at her. "Stroke my ego a little; tell me you're too exhausted to lift a finger."

She laughed. "I'm so tired," she sighed, laying the back of her hand against her forehead as she slumped backward. "Oh, Ned, please use those strong, rippling muscles to bring in our luggage. I'm overcome."

Ned wrinkled his nose at her. "I'm going to tickle you until you're begging for mercy," he threatened. "Cheeky."

She crossed her arms, but she was grinning. "No you won't. But I just might end up begging anyway."

They took shopping trips to Emersonville together, to pick up groceries or furnishings for their apartment, even though Edith and Hannah had "found a few things on clearance" that they had given to Nancy and Ned to help decorate their apartment. Thanks to the two of them, Nancy and Ned had all the sheet sets and comforters and blankets they needed for their bed and the bed in the guest room, and towels and rugs for the bathroom. Edith came the weekend before school started and together the three of them decorated and put up curtains—even though both Ned and Edith told Nancy to just sit on the couch and direct them so she wouldn't be perched on a ladder or a chair.

Nancy had been out of school for a while, and she was hardly able to sleep at all the night before classes started. She wasn't sure if she would fit in, if people would make comments about the fact that she was obviously pregnant or about their private wedding, and she was still emotional thanks to pregnancy hormones. Ned tried his best to soothe her fears, and before she came back to their apartment on the first day of school, he stopped by a market near their place and picked up a bouquet of mixed flowers, leaving them on a vase on the coffee table so she would see them when she came in. She had brought the small basket of yellow roses he had given her months ago to Emerson with her, and the basket stayed on the windowsill in the kitchen, making him smile every time he saw it.

When he picked her up after her class, she told him that no one had said anything, other than to congratulate her. Only they and Howie and Mike knew the truth, and Nancy had been Ned's girlfriend for a long time; no one had doubted that they were in love, or thought that she would have _needed_ to trap him with a pregnancy. When she saw the bouquet on their coffee table, as Ned helped her slide her backpack off her arms, she turned to him with shining eyes. "Oh, Ned," she whispered. "You're the sweetest guy in the world."

Part of Nancy's nesting routine was cooking, but Ned did half of it; he made sure he did, because he didn't want her to be exhausted, and he didn't want to do less than half of the chores around the house. He made breakfast in the morning because she was slow to wake up, and he made simple meals for dinner when it was his turn, like hot dogs or hamburgers, or meals that his mother had told him how to make in the slow cooker. Nancy craved citrus, so he made sure they always had oranges and tangerines, and lemons and limes.

The first big Omega party of the semester, he didn't want to leave her alone at their apartment, but she assured him that she was fine. "I'll just catch up on my work for Monday," she told him. She was eager to demonstrate that she would be a good student, that she could juggle all the aspects of their life together successfully. Ned was waiting with some dread for the day Dean Jarvis would knock at their door and apologetically ask if he could talk to Nancy for a few minutes. Ned knew he couldn't refuse, but he also knew that he would do everything in his power to keep her and their baby safe.

"Are you sure? I can..." And he trailed off, because part of his responsibilities involved being there. He couldn't just blow it off. Once he was grooming his replacement, he could just make an appearance and let it go, but definitely not yet.

She smiled at him, reaching up to cup his cheek and draw him to her for a kiss. "Go," she said softly as he stroked her side and her belly. "I'll be fine. And if you get drunk, call me and I'll come get you."

He missed her immediately. He honestly didn't think that Hardy was going to try anything, but that was exactly the mindset he would want Ned in if he wanted to spring some nasty surprise. Granted, Ned and Nancy had been apart when they were attending classes—but he couldn't help it. He didn't want her to be alone. And if she fell off balance and no one was nearby to help her... they had introduced themselves to their neighbors, but if she cried out and they couldn't hear her and she couldn't reach the phone...

He sent her a message thirty minutes into the party; the girls from Theta Pi were there, and they were disappointed that she hadn't been able to come, but they understood. Ned had a feeling they would form a court around her, if she were there. _Nan, sweetheart, if you aren't too tired, would you want to come to the party? Just for a few min._

Her reply came two minutes later. _Haven't been able to concentrate anyway. I'll get dressed & come over._

She was acutely aware of how different she looked now that she was pregnant, now that she was obviously showing, and she looked nervous when she walked into the Omega Chi house wearing a pair of maternity capris and a loose, flowing burgundy shirt. Her long hair was pulled into a loose ponytail. To Ned, she looked perfect, and he could see the hint of anxiety in her eyes when she immediately glanced around the gathered crowd, trying to find him.

The guys clapped when she walked in, as Ned walked over and wrapped his arm around her waist. He had allowed himself one beer; he hadn't wanted to get drunk and force her to have to come pick him up, and he didn't want to be drunk around her if it might make her panic. "I'm so glad you could come, beautiful," he whispered into her ear.

She smiled at him. Her skin was glowing; her eyes were glowing too. "I missed you," she admitted quietly.

The girls from Theta Pi came over, squealing with excitement, and just as Ned had known might happen, they ushered her away. He caught some murmurings about a baby shower, especially since they hadn't been able to organize a wedding shower for Nancy and Ned.

When she had been borne off, a junior came over, beer in hand. "Can't believe you're actually married, man," he said. "That's just so crazy."

Ned had heard it, in implication and whisper. Not everywhere, not from everyone, but people had commented on the fact that he was married now, expecting a child with his wife, and that he definitely wouldn't be able to participate in all the fraternity's events over the coming year. No one had yet been foolish enough to comment on the speed of their marriage or the fact that Nancy had obviously been pregnant before the ceremony.

The party was great, though. It was loud and the guests hoping to rush Omega Chi seemed impressed with the house and the party. The girls from Theta circulated and flirted, but many of them stayed with Nancy.

When Ned started looking for her an hour later, Mindy told him that Nancy had needed to rest for a little while. He found her in the guest bedroom, alone on top of the covers, a cup of water at her bedside. She was curled up, and her eyes opened when Ned approached the bed.

"Hey, sweetheart. Ready to go?"

"Mmm." She began to push herself up as Ned sat down beside her. "Sorry. We don't... have to go." She tried to stave off a huge yawn, but failed.

"Yeah we do. You need your rest." He rubbed her back. "C'mon, honey."

She blinked sleepy blue eyes at him, and Ned's stomach did a slow somersault. He loved her with every atom of his being, so much that he ached with it. Nothing else in his life seemed anywhere as important as her and their baby, except doing well in his classes so he could graduate on time and find a job to help support them.

There had been a time when he would have been at the party, dancing and drinking and playing cards with his friends, until at least three a.m. He would have felt cheated otherwise.

He checked with Howie and Mike and Paul on the way out, and made sure they had everything under control. Nancy smiled sleepily when people wished her a good night, and Ned kept his arm wrapped protectively around her. He knew some of the guests would think he wasn't fun anymore, but that wasn't what being president of the fraternity was about. And Nancy was more important to him.

She fell asleep again in the passenger seat of the car; a single beer hadn't even been enough to give him a buzz, and he felt stone sober. He parked in front of their place and smiled when he glanced over at her. She was just beginning to stir when he came around to her side and opened her door.

"Ned," she murmured, half in protest, but when he scooped her up she slid her arm around him and nestled against his shoulder. He carried her inside and gently set her down on the bed, helping her out of her outfit and into a loose nightgown. He was taking off his own clothes when he heard his cell phone chime, and he waited until he had turned off the light and slid into bed beside his wife to check it.

 _The girls would like to throw a shower for Nan & you in a few weeks. Sound ok?_ Trish had sent him the message, and he smiled as he read it.

_That would be very nice. Thx._

He slid down in the bed, onto his pillow. He had felt tired during the drive back, but now that he was in bed in their quiet apartment, he suddenly didn't feel tired anymore. Nancy made a soft noise and turned her face toward him. Ned moved toward her, and when he began to stroke her belly, she smiled and moved to rest her head against his shoulder again.

"Mmm. He liked the party," she murmured. "All the people. I could feel him moving around."

"Mmm." Ned smiled. "No frat parties for you, young man, until you're seventeen. When you're escorting your mom, though, that's okay."

Nancy yawned. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay awake," she murmured.

"I'm just glad you were able to come at all. I think the girls really liked seeing you. Trish just texted me about throwing us a shower."

"Mmm. So sweet," she mumbled, and he knew that she was drifting off again.

When her breathing was slow and even—and faintly audible; she'd had a stuffy nose off and on since the beginning of her pregnancy—Ned brought the hand stroking her belly up to gently cup her cheek. She was so beautiful, and he still couldn't believe how lucky he was. Right up to the moment they had said their vows to each other and the minister had pronounced them legally married, he had felt it, a pull toward a more disastrous outcome. If he hadn't believed Nancy when she had returned from the party or if she had been too afraid to tell him what had happened, if she hadn't recommitted to him and their relationship months earlier... if Frank's attack on her had completely destroyed her and left her unable to trust Ned or any other man... if things had turned out differently, if she had believed Frank's version of events, Frank might have been the one holding her close and counting himself unbelievably lucky. And Ned would have been the one left bitter by jealousy, numb with disbelief, heart broken beyond any repair.

But they belonged to each other. Ned believed that with all his heart. No matter what, despite any circumstance, Ned was meant to be with her, and she with him. He knew it when he felt the contentment and peace of being in her arms, when feeling the growing child moving in her womb just made him eager to meet him.

Ned had wanted whatever life he could have with Nancy. He was glad he had this one.

That fall was chaos, but Ned loved all of it. He was juggling his responsibilities at the fraternity, his coursework, football—Nancy had insisted he stay on the team if he wanted that—and their relationship; they scheduled doctor's appointments so he could be with her as often as possible, and the Theta Pi girls threw them a wedding and baby shower a few weeks into the semester. Then Bess hosted a baby shower in River Heights with their friends attending, and Ned's mother hosted another one so the ladies of her church could formally meet her new daughter-in-law. Slowly they stocked the guest bedroom and filled it with furniture for the baby: a new crib, a restored changing table, a salvaged dresser that Ned's mother had sanded and stained for them. She had even lined the drawers with contact paper, too. The last piece they were able to fit into the room along with the guest bed was a rocking chair that Ned's mother had passed along to them.

And Ned had what he had wanted with her for so long. Nancy was there when he came home, sharing his bed and his life. They watched movies together, or marathons of sitcoms when they were avoiding working on homework, and then they worked on homework at the same time. They made love, sometimes slowly and sweetly, sometimes rough, and they discovered that she liked when she was on all fours and he was perched behind her, so long as she could look into a reflection of his eyes and see him during it; her growing belly meant that and her being on top was most comfortable for her. They made dinner together when they could. Girls from Theta Pi came over a few times a week to talk to Nancy, to bring over little gifts or homemade treats for her, and Ned invited his friends over sometimes to play video games—but only as long as Nancy was okay with it. The further along she was in her pregnancy, the less he wanted to leave her alone when he could help it.

When they picked out a Christmas tree and began to decorate the apartment in early December, Ned couldn't help feeling excited. Nancy's belly was well rounded, and he wasn't just imagining the flutters of an elbow or a heel when he touched her skin. Maybe she would give birth to the baby when they were back home and staying with his parents over the holiday break... and they would be able to bring him back with them when they returned for the spring semester.

Ned was scared out of his mind, but he couldn't wait.

\--

January tenth was a Saturday that year, and the spring semester at Emerson had just begun. Due to the circumstances of her pregnancy, Nancy had contacted obstetricians in both River Heights and Emersonville, just in case. She knew that their families would have been thrilled if she had gone into labor just a little early, while they were home on Christmas break and staying at Ned's parents' house. Though she was large with pregnancy, often miserable with it and on alert for any sign of regular contractions or her water breaking, nothing happened while they were home on break.

Her first semester at Emerson had been great, and she had loved so much of it. She had only signed up for a few online classes for the beginning of the spring semester, though, and she had alerted her professors to her condition. She hated that she wouldn't be returning to class for a while, but attending class in December had been uncomfortable. She had felt so sluggish, and it had been so hard to concentrate. She couldn't even imagine how impossible it would have been in January.

It didn't hurt at all that Edith came to Emerson when they returned in January and took up residence in the spare bedroom, ready to help them prepare for and take care of the baby once he arrived. Ned's schedule was light, but he wouldn't always be in the apartment, and none of them wanted Nancy left alone when she might go into labor at any time. Hannah had promised to make sure that James stayed fed while he was home alone, and Edith took care of cooking and cleaning and helping Nancy get around. When Ned was home, Nancy was doubly spoiled.

At least four times a day, Nancy looked in at the nursery. Nothing changed between, but she wanted everything to be perfect for their baby once they brought him home, and together she and Ned had put together and organized the room over the fall semester. The changing table was fully stocked with diapers and wipes and diaper cream and baby powder. The small dresser was full of onesies and miniature outfits, many of them in Emerson colors, thanks to the girls at Theta Pi—and more than a few of the guys from Omega Chi. Nancy's hospital bag was packed, along with the receiving blanket and a few outfits for the baby. The crib was made up with a blanket, the mobile installed over it; all the bottles were clean and ready to be filled with milk or formula. Nancy and Edith had put together a bath kit with a miniature tub and baby shampoo and body wash, soft washcloths and towels, everything they could imagine needing.

On Saturday, Nancy's projected due date, Ned didn't budge. He worked on homework, a little, but the rest of the time he was beside Nancy on the couch, on alert. When she went to their room to take a nap, he checked on her a few times just to make sure she was all right. He was missing a big semester-start bash at the Omega Chi house that night, and Nancy hated that, but he—and Mike, and Howie, and the rest of the guys—had assured her that it was all right, they understood. Ned wasn't going to miss the birth of their first child, not for a party. He had helped with the planning and everything he could beforehand; it was up to them and Ned's chosen successor to make sure the night was a success.

They didn't know, then, that he could have gone to the party with no problem. But he still wouldn't have gone. He had no intention of leaving her side unless absolutely necessary, and even then it was reluctantly.

Sunday afternoon, she began to feel pains in her lower belly and back; during the third one, she realized that they could be contractions. For Nancy, it wasn't a moment too soon; she was eager to see the other side of her pregnancy, to meet their son, to not feel so uncomfortable and bloated and emotional anymore. Ned and Edith bustled around her, admonishing her not to lift a finger as they collected her hospital bag and the baby's first bag, and the three of them headed to the hospital in Emersonville, calling her obstetrician on the way. Ned and Edith were excited, and had already started calling people, when the nurse examined her and told her it was a false alarm. Even though her due date had come and gone, even though she was feeling contractions, she hadn't yet gone into labor. They were all tired and disappointed when the nurse sent them home.

That night Nancy laid awake for a long time despite her exhaustion, just gazing at her husband. She couldn't help feeling worried. Every report from the doctor had been glowing, and she knew that due dates were just approximations, but she was still nervous. What if something was wrong? What if something happened...

Ned sensed her gaze and stirred, slowly opening his dark eyes. "Hey," he murmured, reaching for her, and she willingly cuddled against his bare chest. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered, closing her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. She knew he would tell her she was fine, that nothing was wrong with her.

They had only been married for five months. He would be devastated—

She closed her eyes more tightly, nestling against him, shutting out those thoughts. She was just emotional and scared. Every ultrasound had turned out just as expected, every blood test, everything.

And she had loved her marriage to Ned, all of it. She loved being with him. She loved the life they had together. Now everything was about to change.

Ned returned from his Thursday afternoon class on January fifteenth in a rush; a light snow was falling outside, and the apartment's heating system was running full-blast when he darted in, glancing around. "Nan? Mom?"

Nancy waddled out of the kitchen, her palm resting on her belly, over her sweater. "Found your coat!" Edith called, just as Nancy opened her mouth.

"We were about to leave. I'm so glad you're here."

This time her contractions had started while he was in class, and she had been worried that he would have to just meet them at the hospital. "I'm glad I made it," he said, leaving his bag on the couch. "Here. Let me help."

The three of them were in such a hurry that Ned had to go back in twice, for Nancy's hospital bag and for his mother's purse. On the way to the hospital, Edith called James and Carson. "Drive carefully," she advised them. "We're on the way... I'll let you know what the doctor says. It will probably take a while."

"Can you call Bess and George?" Nancy asked, working hard on controlling her breathing. She was flushed, her eyes bright with anxiety. "I know they probably won't be able to come out until tomorrow or Saturday..."

"I'll take care of it, honey."

Ned was hunched over the steering wheel, his gaze fixed on the road in front of them. "How far apart are they, sweetheart?"

"Pretty far, but it just started feeling worse," she gasped out. "Oh God! Ohhhh..."

This time, once the nurse examined Nancy, they decided to admit her. She was in labor for the rest of the day, through the next morning, and Ned didn't leave her side. He brought her iced water when she asked for it, holding her hand when she was going through contractions that left her flushed, gasping, boneless as the agony passed. Once the nurse started the epidural, she moaned in relief. Their fathers arrived late on Thursday night, and once Bess posted online that her best friend was about to have her baby, Ned chuckled at all the likes and comments on her post and told Nancy about them.

Her labor was so long, though, so long that she was convinced something had to be wrong. The old fear came back to her, the fear she had felt early on and again during her first contractions, that her morning sickness and carrying past her due date were signs that she was likely to miscarry. She was so close, now... but she was still afraid.

When they were alone for a few minutes on Friday morning, Nancy reached for Ned's hand, and his dark eyes were sympathetic as he gazed into her face. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"If I..." She swallowed. "If I don't make it—"

"Nan, don't talk like that," Ned said. "You're going to be fine. I know it's taking a while—"

"Ned," she said, and he closed his mouth. She closed her eyes as she felt another contraction building. "Promise me—that if I'm gone—you'll love him for me." She squeezed his hand, and when she was able to open her eyes again, they were stinging with tears. "Promise."

Ned shook his head, stroking her sweaty brow, his jaw set. "If that happened, I would," he said, searching her eyes. "But I won't have to, because you're going to be fine, Nancy. You're so strong, and everything's going to be okay. I know it will."

Ned's parents and Nancy's father stayed with her and Ned on Friday, and when Bess and George texted Ned to let him know they were about to leave Chicago, Nancy prayed that the baby would be delivered by the time her friends arrived. She hadn't been able to sleep much Thursday night and she was so, so terribly exhausted and afraid.

She heard the nurse checking on her say something about a c-section, and that made her scared too. Then the obstetrician came in to check on her, and he smiled at her reassuringly. "Won't be too long now," he told her. "You're looking good, Nancy. I'll check on you again in about half an hour and I think you'll be ready then. Just try to relax."

In spite of her fear, just over an hour later, she delivered a healthy baby boy with Ned by her side. Ned cut the umbilical cord and the nurse talked and helped her through delivering the placenta, and when it was finished she was exhausted, completely drained, but she couldn't close her eyes. Not yet.

"He's okay?"

Ned nodded, and he couldn't stop grinning. "Baby, you did great," he told her. "He's fine. You can get some rest now. He's fine."

Nancy nodded tiredly. The nurse came back in with the bundle of their infant, all cleaned up, a stocking cap on his head to keep him warm and a blanket wrapped around him. Ned helped prop her up with a pillow, and Nancy reached for the baby once the nurse offered him to her with a smile. All of her ached, and she was trembling a little, but she still couldn't rest until she had seen his face.

His skin was mottled, like most newborns'; his eyes were dark blue, his features almost slightly alien from the stress and pressure of birth. He parted a pair of soft rosebud lips and Nancy gently brushed the back of her finger against his cheek.

"Adam," she whispered. "Hey sweetheart. Adam Douglas Nickerson. I've waited so long to meet you."

He squirmed a little, then released a little sigh and closed his eyes. Nancy looked up at Ned, who was leaning in, gazing curiously at their baby.

"Say hello to your son," Nancy whispered.

"Hey buddy," Ned whispered, and touched Adam's shoulder very gently. "Hey Adam. I'm your dad."

When Adam was safely in Ned's arms, Nancy gazed at him and was happy to see the expression on his face, one of wonder and love as he peered down at his son. To her, Adam hadn't been just an idea; she had been able to feel the press of his elbow or heel or hand against the inside of her belly, the way he seemed to bounce when she ate a Snickers bar. She was sure that, to Ned, Adam hadn't quite seemed real until right now.

There had still been nights she was unable to sleep. A few times she had been unable to go to class, and she was absolutely sure that she couldn't attend class after dark. Sometimes all she could do was cuddle close to Ned and blame the hormones for the tears standing in her eyes.

She had just delivered a baby conceived during a night she couldn't clearly remember, a child whose biological father was Frank Hardy. And Ned had never wavered in his promise to her that he would raise Adam as his own child. Ned's name was listed as Adam's father.

She cried in relief and sorrow and happiness and exhaustion, all tangled together, and her lashes fluttered up when she felt something touch her face. Ned was kissing her cheek. "Shh," he whispered. "I'm going to let our parents see him, okay? Are you all right?"

She nodded. She just felt... she didn't know. She was a mother now, and after carrying a child for more than nine months, she felt empty and so, so tired. But Adam was all right. Ned would make sure he was all right.

No matter what Adam represented, Nancy couldn't regret keeping him. She had never planned for him, never imagined that she would have Frank's child, but he was her baby and she loved him.

She woke when Bess and George arrived, and she and Ned told them about her early contractions, the length of her labor, how scary it had been. Bess cooed over Adam, marveling at his miniature fingernails and his rounded cheeks. "He's so tiny," she whispered.

George wrapped her arms around Nancy and Nancy closed her eyes, tears pricking behind her lids again as she returned the hug. "Hey," she whispered. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Nancy murmured. "Thanks. I'm just really tired and... and nothing feels real right now. I can't believe he's here."

George nodded and gave Nancy another gentle squeeze before releasing her. "I can't really believe it either," she confessed. "You're a mom now."

Nancy smiled. "Yeah," she whispered.

Then George swallowed. "Do you... want me to take a photo of him and pass it along to Joe?"

Nancy studied George's eyes as Bess and Ned and Edith lavished their attention on the baby. "Do you want to?"

George shrugged. "Not really," she admitted. "What Frank did to you was wrong, but Joe... he didn't do anything to stop it, you know? I hate them both. I'd be happy to delete their information from my phone and wash my hands of it, because it makes me angry every time I see it." Then she gave Nancy a small, humorless smile. "But as much as I don't understand it, this is your choice. If you want me to, I'll do it. Because as much as it upsets me, I'd rather it be me than you."

Nancy blinked and a pair of tears slipped down her cheeks. "I love you so much, George," she said, reaching for her friend and giving her a hug. "You're amazing."

"Hey," George said, patting her back. "It's all right. I know that if it came to it, you'd do the same for me."

Nancy shook her head. "It would break my heart," she said. "God, I pray nothing like this ever happens to you. To anyone."

"You think my heart isn't broken? Nan, I don't know how you've made it through this like you have. It hurt that you didn't tell us for so long, but I guess I understand. To have a guy you cared so much about betray you and hurt you that way..."

"Yeah." Nancy's voice was barely a whisper.

George's smile was genuine this time. "Love you too, Nan. How about I just put a picture of the little guy up on Facebook, and you just let me know if you want me to pass it along, okay?"

Nancy nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

Once Nancy said it was all right for Ned to contact them, practically everyone they knew at Emerson visited; the girls at Theta Pi welcomed Bess and George and said they could stay at the sorority during their visits, and Ned had his hand shaken and his back slapped so many times by the brothers at Omega Chi that Nancy lost count. Dean Jarvis even paid them a visit, and smiled as he said he was glad to meet a member of the incoming freshman class, in another seventeen years or so.

Nancy hadn't even thought about it, but considering the number of Wildcat onesies and miniature jerseys in Adam's wardrobe, it was impossible not to now. For a while the nurses placed Adam in a crib behind a viewing window so the visitors could see him without passing along any nasty colds or anything else, and Nancy drifted off again, relaxing when she sensed Ned was by her side again.

The visits didn't stop once they were given permission to take Adam home, and they brought him to the small family apartment at Emerson, to the nursery they had put together and decorated for him. Nancy's father and Ned's father stayed through Monday and then returned home, and Hannah had arrived on Sunday morning. Together Edith and Hannah made plenty of meals Nancy and Ned could freeze and easily reheat, took care of Adam, and cleaned everything. Nancy rested and Ned did too, when they could, between feedings and changings and burpings, the three of them in their small bedroom, with Adam in the bassinet on Nancy's side of the bed so she could easily reach him when he was hungry.

"He is _sooooo_ sweet," Mindy crooned when she and a few of their other friends came by to see him. "If you ever need a babysitter, let me know. He is _so_ cute, Ned. He looks just like you."

"Definitely the most handsome Omega mascot we've ever had," Paul added with a grin.

Edith stayed with them for a month, until they had Adam on a schedule and he was sleeping through most of the night. James came up to stay with his wife and see Nancy and Ned and Adam every weekend, and Nancy's father usually came for a visit on Friday and Saturday too. Nancy still felt panicked when she saw Edith packing and preparing to return to Mapleton; Adam was asleep in Nancy's arms, with his head resting on her shoulder, a blanket draped over him to keep him warm. She was rocking him gently, aware of the warmth of his skin and the rise and fall of his breath. Both she and Ned could practically change diapers in their sleep, now, and while Adam was often content to be in his father's or Edith's arms, he was happiest when Nancy was holding him.

And she loved him. Oh God, how she loved him, but she was so afraid of losing Edith's help.

"What if he gets sick? What if he..."

Edith came over and patted Nancy's other shoulder. "If he has a fever, you take him to the doctor or the hospital," she said. "Anything else, you call me and I'll talk you through it or start heading this way. Nancy, sweetheart, you're a natural, okay? I know you're scared, but he's doing so well and you are too. And if you get really nervous, you can come stay with James and me, take care of your web-classes—" Edith was still a little mystified by Nancy's online courses and how they worked— "and we'll help you with Adam. I just don't think you want to be away from Ned that long."

And Edith missed home and sleeping beside her own husband; Nancy knew she did. But she still felt so afraid, imagining that Edith wouldn't be there to help, to tell her what to do when she was freaking out. She missed her mom. And Hannah could help, but she just didn't have the experience with babies that Edith did.

When Nancy sniffled, Adam began to make the little hiccuping noises that sometimes preceded a crying fit, and Edith wrapped her arms around both of them. "Shh," she murmured. "It's all right, sweetheart. It's okay. He's been such a good baby. It's going to be okay. You knew I had to go home sometime. And I'll come back and visit with James on the weekends, okay?"

Nancy nodded. "Okay," she said, her voice wobbling a little.

Edith smiled at her. "Besides, I'm sure you and Ned don't want me here while you're celebrating Valentine's Day."

Valentine's Day. Their first Valentine's Day since they had started having sex, their first Valentine's Day as a married couple, and they couldn't have sex. The doctor had sewn up the tears caused by her delivery, and she was healing well, but she still hadn't been cleared for sex.

Her body felt so—so different, though. Ned had seen her naked during practically every stage of her pregnancy, but she didn't look anything like she had before. She had never felt less beautiful in her life. The glow that pregnancy had given her skin was gone now, and she just felt exhausted and sluggish.

Ned had been amazing, though. He changed and burped Adam even when they were both practically sleepwalking with exhaustion. He didn't wake her when she was napping on the couch, and he reminded her to keep up with her online assignments when she needed the encouragement. He made dinner, he left notes on what she would probably want for lunch, and he took the lists Edith gave him and went grocery shopping.

He had put his entire life on hold, other than attending class, when the baby had arrived. Omega Chi and Theta Pi held Valentine's Day events, including a mixer a day before, and Nancy and Ned had attended all of them in previous years. And Nancy still felt like nothing quite so much as a deflated blueberry, but it was Ned's last opportunity for it.

So Nancy contacted the girls at Theta Pi, telling them that she wasn't even sure if she was going to take advantage of it—Adam wasn't quite a month old yet, after all—but Mindy and Stephanie and Violet almost fell over themselves offering to take care of Adam if she needed them to. Stephanie and Violet were working on degrees dealing with early childhood care, and had more experience with infants than Nancy herself.

When Ned returned from class that afternoon, while Edith was taking one last shopping trip, Nancy was sitting on the couch with Adam dozing in her arms. "Welcome home," she told Ned with a smile.

Ned glanced around, letting his backpack slide down his arms. "Hey honey," he said. "What's up?"

"Well... I was wondering what you might want to do for Valentine's Day," she said. "Since it's so soon. I... well, I know you might not want to go to the dance with me..."

Ned sat down on the couch beside her. "Why wouldn't I want to go to the dance with my best girl?" he asked softly. "Unless you want us to have our own little celebration here because you don't want to leave Adam alone."

She looked into Ned's eyes and swallowed, forcing herself to be honest with him. "Because I feel really... self-conscious about how I look right now, and you... you might want to go to the dance and have fun with your friends..."

He cupped her cheek. "Nancy Drew Nickerson, if we can find a babysitter and if you want, I would be honored if you went to the Valentine's Day dance with me."

She sniffled. "Really?" she whispered. She had thought that she wouldn't be so emotional or moody after Adam was born, but sometimes it almost felt worse. "Ned..."

He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss. "I'd love to go with you. We'll dress up and have a great time, and then we'll come home and take care of Adam. Sound good?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "Thanks."

He smiled and kissed her again. "And I can find a really nice place for us to go for dinner," he suggested. "I want to spoil you. I know the last month has been... a lot."

Nancy shook her head. "Ned, you spoil me all the time," she said. "I mean it. You've been amazing. I want us to do something for you."

"And that will be," he pointed out. When Adam sighed and began squirming in Nancy's arms, Ned reached for him and held him close. "Hey, little bear. Have you been good for your mom?" He smiled when Adam gurgled, then held him to his chest and rubbed the baby's back. Adam released a few broken sounds somewhere between a moan and a sound of interest, his movements small and jerky, and then he nestled against Ned.

Edith had told Nancy that she was a natural, but Ned... he was amazing with Adam. Something about the sight of them, the small bleat that Ned quieted with a brush of his lips against the soft down on the crown of Adam's head, melted her heart. Ned was the father her baby deserved, and she was so grateful for him.

Bess helped Nancy with a virtual shopping trip—Nancy went to a department store in Emersonville and tried on a few dresses, then sent Bess dressing-room snapshots so she could help her select one—and Nancy found a dress that flattered her, that wasn't too clingy or revealing. She was still uncomfortably aware of how different she looked, but she had already lost some of the baby weight, thanks to breastfeeding Adam. In a few weeks, when the doctor cleared her to have sex again, she hoped that she would be even slimmer.

Nancy went with Ned to the Theta Pi charity auction, although she spent most of her time there with Adam, letting Stephanie and Violet meet him and telling them about his personality and his schedule. By the end of the auction, almost all the Theta Pi girls were gathered around Nancy and Adam, cooing with delight over Ned Nickerson's baby son. That day he was dressed in a purple onesie with a cartoon baby version of the Emerson mascot on his chest, and he wore an orange stocking cap. He smiled when Mindy gently tickled his belly.

"Oh, he's such a sweet boy," she crooned. "But of course he is, with a daddy like Ned, and with Nancy for a mommy. Hi Adam. Such a sweetheart."

It was so strange. Nancy had never really thought that hard about being a mother; she had imagined it in the abstract, as something she and Ned might discuss doing one day, once they had been married for a while. But she looked down into Adam's face that night while he nursed, her gaze tracing the curves of his ears and the dark lines of his lashes, the flush in his cheek. When she looked down at him, she felt only love for him. He was so helpless, so innocent, and when he smiled, when she felt him rub his face against her shoulder or heard the little sigh he made when he was relaxing to go to sleep,  she relaxed too, because her little boy was happy and safe. The only thing that made her happier was knowing that Ned was falling asleep beside her too, that she had her family, the two people she loved most in the world.

Nancy and Ned went to the joint Omega and Theta Pi mixer the day before the big dance; it was good practice, since they didn't have to stay for too long and Violet was taking care of Adam at the Theta house. Nancy dressed comfortably in a pink and white patterned sweater and jeans, and Ned wore a black sweater and jeans too, and to her he was the most handsome man in the room, by far.

He didn't begrudge a single missed party or fraternity event, and whenever Nancy was aware of one, she did everything she could to encourage him to at least make a visit. She didn't want him to regret his devotion to Adam or to their marriage, wishing that he had taken advantage of all the opportunities available to him. She didn't want to cause a rift between him and his friends or between him and the fraternity. She knew well how important his brothers in the Omega Chi house were to him.

Especially late in her pregnancy, though, she hadn't had the energy to come to many of the events with him, and it was nice to relax and have fun with him this way again. The guys greeted her with hugs and grins, saying they were happy to see her, that she needed to bring Adam over for another visit soon. She and Ned danced and laughed together, and during the next slow song she wrapped her arms up around his neck and gazed into his eyes.

For as long as he had lived here, a part of her had thought of this place as home. It was where she had felt safe after the party; it was where she had cried herself to sleep in Ned's arms. Being here with him again felt right. She had been at her worst here, but it was also where she had started to heal.

"Hey gorgeous," Ned murmured, his palm rubbing against her back as he gazed deeply into her eyes.

"Hey handsome," she replied, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. "You know, I wouldn't give up our place, ever... but I do kinda miss staying here with you."

Ned's eyebrows went up a little. "Really?"

She smiled and nodded a little. "We had some firsts here," she said. "It's... special."

He kissed her cheek. "Yeah," he murmured. "I feel the same way. I love all the space we have and everything, but I loved living here, too. But you're my wife now, and we have Adam... and I love every part of our life together, but I love what we have right now the most."

Nancy sniffled as his lips brushed the corner of hers. "I'm so glad I have you," she murmured. "Both of you. I love you so much."

They held each other tight as they swayed together, and Nancy rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. The day had been long, and she was looking forward to relaxing in her husband's arms in their bed, but it was so nice to be with him like this again. The world had become just the two of them, even if it was only for a little while.

Their dance was all too brief; then they circulated through the party again, but Nancy's mind was already on Adam and going home. Conditions were icy, and though she and Ned had plenty of experience driving in wintry weather, she still couldn't fully relax until they were home. She trusted Edith to take care of their son, but he wasn't with Edith tonight, and she wondered if he had been screaming or crying the entire time they had been gone.

When Nancy and Ned walked into the Theta Pi house, Nancy could already hear the wailing. "Oh, God," she murmured, quickening her steps. Violet, Stephanie, and Lisa were in the Theta common room with Adam, and Violet had Adam in her arms. She was bouncing him gently, shushing him.

"It's okay, honey. It's okay. They'll be back soon."

"Hey sweetie," Nancy crooned, reaching out for Adam, and Violet turned to see her with a sigh of relief. "Here, honey. We're here. Shh."

Adam's round face was flushed and wet with tears, and Nancy cuddled him against her, rubbing his back. "Shh. Shh. It's okay. You're all right, little bear. Shh."

Ned thanked the girls, who were clearly disappointed and relieved that Adam was going home, and gathered up the contents of his diaper bag as Nancy wrapped his coat around him and hugged him to her again. His sobs subsided and he grew quiet, rubbing his face against Nancy's shoulder. She kissed the top of his head.

She could still remember the first time she had ever been in Ned's car. Now a carseat was installed in the backseat, and Ned settled Adam into it and buckled him in before Nancy covered him to the chin with a blanket. "We're going home," she told him reassuringly. "Just a few minutes. Shh."

Adam was hungry, so as soon as they were home Nancy settled on the couch and guided him to her breast. He latched on and she stroked his fine dark hair. "Ned," she murmured, watching Adam's lashes flutter. "Run a soft washcloth under warm water and bring it to me?"

He returned with it, settling beside her on the couch with a box of wheat crackers in his other hand. Nancy gently washed the remains of his tears from Adam's face, and shifted him in her arms. "My beautiful little boy," she whispered. "I love you, honey."

Ned slid his arm around her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze. "You need anything, Nan?"

"Mmm. Something to drink," she said, apology in her voice. "Although maybe I should just go ahead and take him to the bedroom. I know it's still kind of early, but I'm beat."

"I understand. It's been a long day."

Once Adam had finished nursing, Nancy burped him and cleaned him up, then moved him in front of her so she could see into his face. "Hey," she murmured, slipping her finger against the palm of his open hand, and he closed his fingers around it briefly, gazing up at her in wonder. "Hey, Adam. Were you scared when we were gone? I didn't think you would be scared yet, but maybe you were. We've been together so long."

He made a quiet noise and flailed his other fist.

"Your nap wasn't very long. Are you tired yet, sweetheart? Or do you wish you were watching sports recaps with your dad?" Nancy stifled a yawn.

By the time Ned made it to bed, Nancy was in her pajamas, her face scrubbed clean of makeup. When it was time for Adam's naps during the day, they put him down in his crib in the guest bedroom and turned on the baby monitor; at night, though, it was easier just to keep him in the bassinet. He still woke up too early for the stumbling walk to the guest bedroom to be any fun at all.

"Babe, you awake?"

"Mmm. Barely," she mumbled. "C'mere. 'S cold."

Ned chuckled. "I'll be right there to warm you up, beautiful."

She heard him brushing his teeth, and then he came back into the bedroom. Her eyes were open enough to see his silhouette move toward the bassinet, and he bent over, kissing Adam good night before he moved under the covers beside his wife. She felt her eyes pricking with tears, but she blinked and moved into his arms without saying anything. She was just so infinitely grateful for everything Ned did for their son.

"Still on for tomorrow?" he asked, as she nestled against him. "If you're nervous we can just go to dinner."

"Mmm. Why don't we check on him between," she suggested. "I think he was just hungry and cranky from not finishing his nap today."

"Sounds good." He stroked his palm down her back. "Because I'll be very disappointed if we aren't able to dance again tomorrow night... even if it's just in our living room."

The dress Nancy had selected for Valentine's Day was a pleated chiffon, high in the front with a V in the back, and the hem was floor-length. The deep-rose fabric flattered her complexion, and the high waist and generous skirt disguised her extra curves. The bouquet Ned had bought for her, a large arrangement of lilies and roses, was in a vase on the coffee table, where she had been able to admire it since its delivery in the morning. In the afternoon Ned went over to help decorate for the dance, and Nancy waited as long as she could to drop Adam off at the Theta Pi house, making sure they knew to call her if he started acting fussy again. Then she rushed back to their apartment and tried on her gown again.

She wasn't disappointed, and she couldn't help giggling a little as she swayed her hips and watched the dress swirl around her ankles. The sparkling, strappy heels she wore with it meant the hem didn't brush the floor, and weren't too high. That was a relief, since her pregnancy had thrown her equilibrium off, and she still felt a little out of place in her own skin.

As soon as she heard Ned's key in the front door, she looked up to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and saw her eyes sparkling in anticipation. She wore a simple pair of diamond earrings Ned had given her, and a bracelet he had given her too. Her makeup and mascara made her eyes look even more blue than usual. She walked into the living room just as Ned closed the door behind him, his mouth opening, probably to call to her. Then he saw her.

"Oh—Nan, sweetheart."

She smiled and did a small curtsy. "Do you like it?"

"Baby, you look..." He shook his head, at a loss for words. "Like a dream come true. You're so beautiful. And I'll be the luckiest guy at the dance, with you on my arm."

Nancy blushed. Ned had always been so generous with his praise and his compliments. "And I'll be the luckiest girl there, with you," she replied.

Once Ned had dressed in a dark suit with a white shirt and a gray tie, they left for the restaurant, and Nancy kept listening for a call, though her phone stayed silent. Adam had seemed happy when she dropped him off, and she hoped that tonight was better than the previous night had been for him.

Ned took her to Rocco, a beautiful Italian restaurant on the other side of Emersonville, and Nancy couldn't hide her surprise. "You managed to get reservations here so late?"

He grinned. "Well, you know I like to treat my girl right," he said. "I've always wanted to come here, and I called in a few favors..."

The tables were all cozy and intimate in the candlelight, and their server told them about the special Valentine's Day couples menu. They ordered the Tuscan pork tenderloin for two, with roasted rosemary and garlic potatoes, and finished with chocolate cheesecake served with strawberries. Every bite of their meal was perfectly decadent, and Ned told her about class and the dance preparations with such obvious delight and humor that she couldn't help laughing. Afterward, she felt entirely satisfied and content, and she was very glad that she hadn't selected a tight, figure hugging gown.

Ned sat back with a sigh, then reached for her hand. "To us," he said, gazing into her eyes, and she felt a shiver slide down her spine. Late in her pregnancy, she hadn't felt much like having sex; now, after so long without it, even though she still felt self-conscious, she craved feeling that with him again. The look in his eyes brought it back tenfold. "Maybe next year we can celebrate with a champagne toast, but for now it's all I want, to be here with you."

She stroked her thumb against the side of his hand. "A year ago, I would never have believed this could be us," she told him. "Not after everything that's happened. Ned, you're incredible. I mean that, now more than ever. And I am so proud, and so honored, to be your wife. You have worked so hard to give me this life, to give Adam..." Her voice broke, and she sniffled. "To give our child the father he was meant to have," she murmured.

She saw Ned's adam's apple bob as he gazed at her, his dark eyes gleaming. He raised her hand and brought it to his lips. "I've finally found what my life was meant to be, and it's thanks to you," he told her, and she bit her lip, trying to keep herself from crying. "Thank you, Nan. Thank you for sharing all that you are with me, for letting me in, even after everything. I'm exactly where I want to be, and that place is by your side, in your arms. I love you and Adam more than I could ever say."

She slid across the leather seat so she could relax against Ned, their hands still joined. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you so, so much."

The dance was underway when they arrived, and Nancy walked in with her arm linked through Ned's, her eyes bright. The other attendees wore everything from cheesy tuxedo t-shirts and jeans to sweeping formal gowns, but everyone seemed to be having fun. Nancy had called to make sure Adam was all right when they were on the way back to campus, and when she heard that Adam was apparently taking a nap, she made a face but didn't say anything to Violet. If he napped now, he would be far less likely to sleep once they took him home.

But, Nancy resolved, she wasn't going to worry about that now, not yet. She moved into Ned's arms and gazed up into his sweet dark eyes, shivering a little as he wrapped his arms around her. "It's been too long," he murmured, and smiled.

Nancy smiled too. "A full twenty-four hours," she teased him gently. " _Far_ too long."

He bent down and brushed his lips against her cheek. "Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look tonight?" he murmured. "You look so beautiful. You don't have anything in the world to be nervous about. You're the most beautiful woman in this room."

"And you always have been and always will be the most handsome man I've ever met," she told him, searching his eyes. "I feel beautiful every time you look at me this way."

He stroked his palm against her back, and when his skin brushed against hers, she shivered again. Thanks to their closeness, he noticed it, and a faint smile turned up the corners of his lips. "Cold, sweetheart?" he murmured against her ear.

"Very," Nancy lied, and gently traced her fingernails against the nape of his neck in a teasing light brush. She knew what she was doing was dangerous, but he was her husband, and she wanted him. Besides, from what she had read, they just needed to be careful—and not everything was off the table.

"Then I'll just have to warm you up," he breathed, and she shivered again. She couldn't help smiling ruefully when the slow song ended and a faster one began.

"Well, this will definitely help."

They only stayed at the dance for about an hour, but they loved every minute of it. They shared three slow dances and chatted with the other students they knew. For Nancy, it was a little sad. It wasn't the last Emerson dance they would attend, or at least she didn't intend it to be, but it would be one of the last. Their last Valentine's Day at Emerson. Their first Valentine's Day as a married couple.

Adam was awake when Nancy and Ned came to Theta Pi to pick him up. "Oh, Nancy, you look so pretty," Mindy said with a grin. "How was the dance?"

"It was great," Nancy said. "And thank you. How's Adam doing?"

"He only woke up really about thirty minutes ago, and he's been a total sweetheart," Stephanie said. "I could just eat him up."

Nancy smiled as Ned picked Adam up and held him close. "Oh my God, you guys look so sweet right now," Violet said.

Nancy's eyes widened. "Hey, would you mind? Taking a picture for our parents?"

Violet took a photo of the two of them with Adam in Nancy's arms and Ned's arm around her shoulders. Nancy smiled when she saw it. She knew Edith and Bess would definitely love it. Ned looked so handsome and proud, and while Nancy still thought she looked puffy, she had only given birth a month earlier. It would have been strange, to look like her old self so soon.

Adam was burbling and happy when Ned strapped him into his carseat, and Nancy couldn't help smiling a little wryly to herself. Of course Adam wouldn't go to sleep easily tonight; he had already napped, and he would be awake for a while. She held him close as she carried him inside, though, shivering a little under her heavy wool coat. A light dusting of snow was falling, and their apartment was blissfully warm in comparison.

"Hot chocolate?"

"God, that sounds perfect," Nancy agreed, sitting down with Adam so she could take his coat off. He beamed up at her when she gently maneuvered him out of it, and wriggled with happiness when she kissed his forehead.

"You're going to be a little heartbreaker, aren't you," she said, smiling at him as she gently ran the back of her finger down the curve of his cheek. "Were you flirting with the girls at Theta Pi? I think you have them wrapped around your little finger, honey bear."

Ned returned from their bedroom wearing a sweatsuit and touched Nancy's shoulder. "Here, I'll watch him while you get changed. I doubt you want drool on your dress."

"Good point." She gently tickled Adam's belly and he flailed, flashing a toothless grin. "Be right back, sweetheart."

When she came back, Ned was on the floor with Adam on his chest. Adam was staring at Ned, and Ned had bent his knees to support Adam's back and head. His large hands were holding his sides so Adam wouldn't fall.

"Oooh," Adam murmured.

"Oooh," Ned mimicked.

Then Adam squealed with glee, his arms jerking. He cooed and Ned repeated that back too. Adam's giraffe rattle was fastened to his wrist, and it sounded as he flailed again.

"Hmm. Whipped cream or marshmallows?" Nancy asked, crossing her arms as she watched her husband and her son play.

"Oh, I'll get it. Here." Ned pushed himself up and hugged Adam for a moment, then handed him to Nancy.

Adam couldn't sit up by himself, and he was still mystified by the fists at the ends of his arms. He could focus on Nancy's face, though, and he pulled on his pacifier as she cuddled him.

She gently touched the tip of his nose. "Nose," she told him. Then she traced the edge of his ear, and he wiggled at the sensation. When she moved her head, his eyes moved to follow her. "Adam, it's Valentine's Day, and I get to share it with two of the most important guys in my life, so I guess I'm twice as lucky, huh?"

"Definitely," Ned answered her when he returned with their hot chocolate. "You're not quite old enough for this, though, little bear. Maybe in a few years."

Nancy and Ned cuddled together under a quilt on the couch, with Adam between them, nestled under his own blanket. A few minutes afterward, he flailed the blanket off and his pacifier slipped out of his mouth, and he started releasing little, almost inquisitive noises. Nancy mimicked them back, letting him grip her finger in his tiny fist.

After an hour of playing, a round of feeding and burping and changing, and a bath, Adam was fighting sleep. It was already past his bedtime, but he didn't want to settle down. He shrieked for a while, pausing only when he heard his crinkly monkey toy, but he couldn't crawl or grasp anything yet, or even roll over by himself. Nancy took him in her arms and did a circuit of the apartment with him, and he nestled against her. "Yeah," she whispered, rubbing his back. "I know. I know you want to stay up with us, but you need to sleep, honey. All safe and snug in your bed. Tomorrow we'll be back to normal, just you and me and Daddy. We can do my homework together and I'll teach you the French word for 'cat' and maybe Daddy will tell you about football."

It took another twenty minutes for him to reluctantly fall asleep. Nancy put him down in the crib and turned on the baby monitor, and stood watching him for a moment to make sure he was actually out. His dark lashes cast shadows on his chubby cheeks, and she adjusted the blanket over him.

Ned was rinsing out the mugs when she walked back into the living room. "More?" he called to her, his voice quiet.

She shook her head, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around him. She pressed her face against his back. "We didn't dance long enough," she murmured against his sweatshirt.

Ned chuckled and she felt it vibrate under her lips, under her fingertips. "We never dance long enough," he told her, turning around after he wiped his wet hands. He wrapped his arms around her and she rested her cheek against his shoulder as they swayed together, so slowly.

"Did he finally go to sleep?"

"Mmm-hmm." Her arms were up around his shoulders, and when he slipped his hand under the hem of her shirt and rubbed his palm against the small of her back, she shivered. "Oh, that feels good."

"It's been too long." He brushed his lips against her temple. "Didn't I say I needed to warm you up?"

She chuckled. "You might need to get me naked first. After all, body heat transfers better that way, or so I've heard."

She felt Ned grin against her skin. "One thing first," he commented. "I'll meet you in the living room, all right?"

She nodded, and when he released her with a gentle kiss, she tilted her head. She missed the feel of him against her, but with any luck that absence would be brief.

Nancy was unsurprised when Ned returned to her, carefully carrying a box wrapped in shiny red paper. She was surprised by the size of the box, though. Ned usually gave her jewelry for presents. The box was the size a sweater would be in.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Nan."

She smiled at him as he sat down beside her and gently placed the present in her lap. "You really didn't have to," she told him. "The flowers, dinner tonight, going to the dance with you..."

"I know." He smiled too. "And I told you, I like to spoil my girl."

She melted a little, and a glow lit her cheeks as she tore the paper away from the box beneath. She couldn't say she was disappointed—Ned's presents had never disappointed her—but she hadn't realized how much she enjoyed receiving jewelry from him until now. She had always protested that he had given her so much and she didn't need anything else, and it was true, since her jewelry box was already overflowing. But she still loved the sentiment.

Inside the box she found a slightly smaller flat rectangle wrapped in brown butcher paper, and a small bag made of burgundy velvet, tied with a golden cord. She opened the small jewelry bag first with a smile, and found a silver ring inside. She glanced from the uniquely patterned band up to Ned's face with a delighted gasp of surprise, her eyes alight.

He nodded. "It's my thumbprint and your thumbprint," he confirmed. "I thought you might like it."

"Oh, it's so sweet." She slid it onto her finger, then reached for him to draw him to her for a kiss. "Thanks, honey."

"You're welcome, Nan."

Under the butcher paper she found a framed artwork. The scene depicted a chapel surrounded by vibrant green foliage, and two figures stood facing the church door, hand in hand, one in a gray suit, the other in a long white gown printed with roses. Below the scene, written in flowing script, she saw their wedding date, and the words "the day our life began".

"Oh... oh, Ned, it's lovely."

She recognized it from a wedding photo, one that she hadn't thought was particularly interesting when she had been going through the set. Seeing it in watercolors, though, it was beautiful, down to the hint of reddish-gold beneath the veil and the detail of their joined hands.

"I was really happy with the way it turned out. I wanted it to be perfect for you."

Nancy lifted the framed piece and glanced around the apartment. "I want to display it somewhere," she told him. "And maybe we don't have the space for it here, but definitely at the next place. I love it, Ned."

She ended up putting it near the front door, in a place it wouldn't be faded by exposure to sunlight. She faced it with her hands on her hips, pursing her lips as she considered it, and Ned wrapped his arms around her from behind. She shivered when she felt his breath ruffle the hair near her ear.

"Definitely one of the best days of my life."

Within six months, she and Ned had married and become parents. Sometimes Nancy still felt afraid when she looked into Adam's small, trusting face and considered all that might go wrong, even now. But Ned... he took care of Adam and played with him and was so patient with him. This life really was the one he had always been meant to have. Maybe not this way, and this was never the way they had planned, but they were together and happy, and safe.

She rested her hands over his. "Definitely one of the best days of my life too," she murmured, and closed her eyes when he kissed her neck. "I love you so much. And I've missed you..."

He nuzzled against the join of her neck and shoulder, their hands sliding up so he could cup her breasts, and then he chuckled and nipped at her. "You smell like baby powder," he murmured.

She couldn't help chuckling too. "That's probably the least offensive thing I smell like, honestly," she said. "I would say maybe we should start with a nice romantic bubble bath, but I'd hate Adam to wake up and start screaming..."

"I can't think of anything on the agenda that I want him to interrupt," Ned murmured, kissing the other side of her neck, "but I definitely don't want to leave a trail of bubbles all over the apartment. Maybe next year."

"Mmm-hmm." A frisson of delight slid down her spine when his thumbs brushed against her nipples. She felt nervous at the thought of being with him again, but she knew that if she felt uncomfortable with anything, he would stop. She felt nervous about how he would look at her now. He had massaged cocoa butter into her stretch marks, and he had seen how her breasts had grown over the course of her pregnancy, but that wasn't the same as seeing her now.

Ned moved his hands under the hem of her sweatshirt, and Nancy's head lolled as she shivered. Her skin wasn't taut and firm like it had been, but Ned didn't pull away or stop kissing her as he caressed her. "Bed," she murmured.

"Of course," he murmured, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

They had made love in their apartment many times, and tonight, snug and warm while the snow fell outside, he led her to their bedroom. The bedside lamp cast the room and the dark-green comforter in a soft glow, and her heart skipped a beat when she turned to Ned and he reached for the hem of her sweatshirt. She let him draw it up and over her head, and then glanced down. Her plain beige bra was utilitarian, made to allow her to nurse more easily, and was the least flattering garment she owned.

"I think we're going to need lube," she whispered. "And... no penetrating."

"Not while you're still healing." He crooked his finger and brought her chin up, then smiled at her. "So we can just pretend it's a year ago."

A year ago. Oh, if only she had known... but there was nothing she could do about it now. "Yeah," she whispered, and gave him a small smile before he leaned down and kissed her, slow and sweet.

She wasn't tense, but she relaxed more and more with every kiss, swaying with him as he stroked and caressed her. She was wearing only her panties when he guided her down to the bed, then joined her, such love and desire in his eyes.

She reached up and cupped his cheek, gazing up into his face. "I love you," she whispered. "So much. I always have, and I always will."

He smiled. "My beautiful wife," he murmured. "I love you with my whole heart, Nan, and all my strength."

She kissed his forehead, then his temple, his cheek. She released her breath in a sigh when he cupped her breast and began to gently stroke it. They tangled together as she nuzzled against his neck, kissing his adam's apple and his collarbone, and a shiver of anticipation passed over her belly as she felt him harden.

"Here," she murmured, and he rolled onto his back so she could stroke and caress and nuzzle against him, kissing his nipples, his abs, his belly button. Ned groaned quietly as she rubbed the heel of her hand against his erection.

"Mmm. Baby, that is so good," he murmured. When he reached for the band of his underwear, she took the hint and helped him slide them down, then stroked his bare skin. Ned threaded his fingers through her hair, and she settled next to him, gazing into his eyes as she wrapped her fingers around his erection.

They had done this a few times, but since Adam's birth, she had been too tired to even consider fooling around, and they hadn't done anything more intense than make out. She watched his eyes, the way his jaw or his shoulders tightened when he enjoyed what she was doing as she touched him the way she had learned during their engagement, during the first months of their marriage. He had already pulled the lube out of their drawer, and she slicked her hand with some and kept stroking him, and his lips parted.

"God, sweetheart," he groaned, and she felt the sound vibrate against her lips as she kissed his neck. "God, I wish I could be inside you..."

"Me too," she whispered. His fingertips trailed up her spine and she gazed at him through her lashes. She liked pleasing him like this; she liked that he focused on that, rather than her. "Shouldn't be too much longer, though."

Ned shook his head, groaning again as she began to stroke him a little more roughly. "I watched you give birth," he said. "I'm shocked that it's only six weeks..."

"Yeah..." She leaned down and began to kiss her way down his chest, his sides, his hips. She kissed the skin near the base of his erection and Ned shuddered, reaching down. She knew he was close, and she moved back to look into his eyes as he reached his climax, gasping her name, his hand with hers.

She couldn't help it; her lips curved up in satisfaction as she moved beside him again, still wearing her panties. She propped her head up and watched him relax, his lashes dark against his cheeks. He had shaved for their night out together, and his cheeks were still gleaming-smooth.

Then he opened his eyes and moved, reaching for a tissue. She took the one he offered her, and her stomach flipped as he moved toward her again. "How are you feeling?" he murmured.

She smiled. "Like I'm the most loved, spoiled woman in the world," she told him, as he moved beside her and gazed down into her face. "You've given me so much. I'm glad I finally have the energy to return the favor, a little."

He smiled. "It's so easy to love you," he murmured. "You feel like another part of me, Nan. I was so afraid that this... that what I can give you wouldn't be enough."

She stroked his cheek and drew him down to her for a kiss. "You give me yourself," she whispered. "And you're more than enough. My life doesn't begin and end in this room, but you're a part of my life that I never doubt, where I always feel safe. Knowing you're here for me, that you _want_ to be here for me, that you walked into this knowing everything... and, honey, I never want to be your everything. I'm not enough. But what we can have together, the life we can share..."

"That's everything," he murmured, and kissed her again. "I love you so much."

The baby monitor was at their bedside, and she listened to it until she couldn't focus on anything other than what Ned was doing to her. She prayed that Adam would sleep through it, but oh, her husband's fingers were slick with lube and gently probing her, caressing and teasing the sensitive lips of her sex and the firm button of her clit, his thumb slowly moving back and forth over her nipple as he kissed her. She mewled against his lips, her hips twisting in response to his strokes. She knew that because she was nursing and she hadn't fully healed, it was natural that arousal would feel different for her for a while, but it was still disconcerting to experience it. She longed for him, but her body wasn't ready for his yet.

Still, when he slipped his knee between her legs she wrapped one around him, drawing him closer. They were both naked, and since he couldn't work his fingers inside her, he focused on just stimulating her clit—and she shuddered as she reached the cusp of her orgasm, just for him to draw it out until she almost screamed. "Ned," she sobbed.

"Yeah," he agreed softly. "Yeah, I know you like it, honey. I know you do."

She did. She felt her inner flesh begin to tighten and pulse in arousal, especially when he trailed kisses down to her shoulders, over her breasts and belly. She threaded her fingers through his dark hair and gave herself over to him, her lips parting as the pleasure built until it was almost unbearable—and then she passed beyond, her shoulders tensing, her head tipping back as she released a breathless, almost silent scream. Her heart was beating so hard and so fast, her legs spread wide, and then he nuzzled against the join of her thighs and drew her clit between his lips, to tease it with his tongue and teeth.

Her hips jerked as she muffled her moan against her forearm, her every breath a panted gasp. "Fuck," she sobbed. "Oh _fuck_..."

He pulled back slightly, stopping just long enough to murmur one word, and at the feel of his breath against her sensitive inner flesh, she shuddered again. "Soon."

Then he descended and she tightened her grip on his dark hair, rubbing the flat palm of her other hand over her nipple. He licked and stroked her clit until she shuddered with another orgasm, her throat aching from her gasps and silent screams, her eyes damp. She was chanting his name, sobbing "Oh my _God_ " over and over, boneless and tingling all the way down to her toes.

Then Ned kissed his way back up, pinning her beneath him, grasping her hips, guiding her legs to wrap around him. He was hard again, and she tasted herself on his tongue as he slipped it into her mouth, and she wrapped her arms around him. When his erection came into contact with her lube-slicked flesh, she whimpered, her hips shifting beneath his.

"Okay?" he gasped.

"Yeah," she moaned, nipping at him, urging him down to her for another kiss. "Just like that..."

She was afraid he would lose control and she would have to beg him to stop, but he just rubbed against her the way they had before they had ever had sex. She felt so sensitive, and she was glad; the head of his cock rubbed against her clit and she shuddered, digging her nails against his shoulder blade.

It didn't take him long to reach his own climax. She clung to him, kissing his neck and his chest when she couldn't meet his lips. She shivered when he released a muffled groan, when she felt the hot spurt of his seed against her belly. Then he kissed her cheek and the corner of her mouth, pushed himself up and reached for a tissue. She shivered again as he wiped her belly, then cleaned himself up too.

After, both of them still damp with sweat and panting a little, they moved beneath the sheet and comforter and tangled together. He stroked her hair and she nestled against him, breathing in the familiar scent of him, and closed her eyes.

"As great as that was," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," she agreed, and smiled. "I can't wait either, handsome."

He kissed the crown of her head. "Happy Valentine's Day, Nancy Nickerson."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Ned."

\--

The day dawned bright and beautiful, and once Ned had left their bed, Nancy couldn't sleep for long. She stretched, kicking the thin blankets down, and Ned cracked open the bathroom door and poked his head around the doorframe when he heard her yawn.

"Mmm. Best view to wake up to, by far," he said approvingly, and Nancy almost tossed a pillow in his direction. The previous night had been their last night in the apartment, and they had taken advantage of it—several times. She was still naked, and she could feel the sunlight against her skin as she rolled onto her belly. She would definitely need a long, hot shower to wash their sweat and saliva and the last traces of lube and semen from her skin. She didn't want to smell like sex, especially not while spending most of the day around her father and Ned's parents.

But she felt more like her old self again, and she was glad to _look_ more like her old self again, too.

Then Adam, doubtless responding to the sound of his father's voice, released a wordless pleading cry for attention, and Nancy sighed. "Be right there," she called, hastily dressing as she heard Ned finish brushing his teeth.

Adam was on his belly in his crib, his arms and legs flailing as Nancy approached, tucking a loose lock of reddish-gold hair behind her ear. "Hey handsome," she told him, leaning over to gently pull him to a sitting position. He had figured out how to roll onto his back or his front a few days earlier, but he hadn't yet figured out how to pull himself up to sitting. He blinked big blue eyes up at her, and she smiled. "We have a big day, honey."

She swiftly changed his diaper, smiling at him when he stared up at her, then switched off with Ned so she could visit the restroom and brush her teeth. He was in a hurry, and she understood; before their parents arrived, Ned ate breakfast and watched Adam while Nancy showered, and then she nursed their son. The apartment was almost all packed up, and Nancy had been shocked by the number of boxes, crates, and containers they had stacked near the front door.

Her year at Emerson was over, and she had passed all her classes; she had even managed to take one short-session class at the end of the spring semester. Ned's degree was finished, and their son was nearly four months old. They had already filled an album with photos of Adam, in the bath, asleep, napping in their arms, playing with toys, grinning.

They were moving in with Ned's parents for a little while. Ned already had his résumé out at a few places in Chicago, and he wanted to save up some money so they could find a great first place there. Having Edith's help with Adam would mean that going to class would be easier, but that didn't mean Nancy wouldn't miss this place. To her, Emerson was _them_. She would always remember it fondly. But she was carrying the best part of it with her.

She dressed Adam in a miniature Emerson t-shirt and a pair of miniature khakis, with small shoes he immediately wanted to take off. "I know you're going to be excited today," she told him, "and that's okay, but just wait to be excited until after the big ceremony. Then Daddy and I are going to take you to see Nana and Pops for a while, and you'll like that. I know you will."

Adam bounced a little and gave her an excited squeal, the corners of his blue eyes crinkling. She smoothed his fine, dark hair and smiled at him.

Since it was her husband's graduation day, Nancy dressed in that blue dress he had always loved, sliding the fingerprint ring onto her right hand. Then Ned's parents arrived, and they started loading up the van they had rented to handle the furniture.

The ceremony was scheduled to begin at eleven o'clock. Nancy was seated between her father and Ned's mother at ten forty-five, with Hannah and Ned's father at their sides. Adam was on Nancy's lap, steadily pulling on his pacifier as he surveyed the crowd around them with wide eyes.

"I can't quite believe it," Edith admitted to Nancy. "I know you and Ned have both enjoyed being here, but I'll be honest—I definitely won't miss the drive. And it will be so nice to have the three of you at home with us."

Nancy's father wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze, too. "It really will be nice to have you close again," he agreed. "Even once you're in Chicago with Adam, at least we'll be able to see each other."

Nancy nodded in agreement. As hard as it had been sometimes, though, she was glad that she and Ned had started their marriage at Emerson, by themselves. They had learned to depend on each other, to put Adam on a schedule, to deal with small scares. The worst had been the day she had returned from a shopping trip and found Ned cuddling a howling Adam. They had taken him to the doctor and discovered that he was in pain from an ear infection.

Today, though, Adam was happy and curious about everything going on around them. Edith and James held him for a few minutes, and then Carson and Hannah, but when the program started, Adam was on Nancy's lap again.

Ned stood with the other graduating seniors, tall and handsome in his cap and gown and honor sash. Nancy's heart skipped a beat when she recognized him. "Look," she whispered into Adam's ear, and pointed. "Look up there, honey-bear. See all those people?"

His pacifier dropped out of his mouth, and he waved his arms a little. Edith chuckled and patted one.

Then Ned turned a little, and he managed to catch sight of them in the crowd. His dark eyes found Nancy's, and she melted a little inside.

"See your daddy up there?" she murmured to Adam, giving him a little squeeze. "Look at how handsome he is. We're so proud of him, aren't we."

Adam giggled, reaching out a hand, opening and closing his fist in what was almost a pantomime of a wave. Nancy kissed her son's cheek and gave Ned a little wave, too.

Their life together had begun, and maybe this chapter was closing, but another one was going to start soon.

And she couldn't wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
